Poor old Plummers.
His melancholy plea for Youtube links to 'sadcore' tunes has managed to engender much scornful amusement - but, simultaneously, almost heart-rending pity - in me.

I was going to offer him a DJ slot at MECHA-BA$H but now I'm having doubts. MECHA-BA$H is quite obviously THE social event of the autumn, but how can/could it be bettered? The easy answer is 'it quite clearly can't', but try, why doncha?

Alt: You have the power to install the B3tan of your choice as UK Prime Minister for a month. Whom do you choose, and why?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:27, 120 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Morning Monty.
How are you this week?
( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:28, Reply)

I'm as meh as meh could be, if I'm honest.
I miss my little girl, my money shit is dragging on and on (thanks to Sainsbury's bank, the cunts), and I'm feeling tired and bloated with little to look forward to.

You?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:31, Reply)

Worse.
Shit start to the week but at least I'll be retired before you.
( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:32, Reply)

I don't suppose you have any Youtube links to Sadcore tunes, do you?
I think they might help at this difficult time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:35, Reply)

Sadly not but time is a great healer Monty.

( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:37, Reply)

Time is a fucking slow, and apparently really shit, healer.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:41, Reply)

Innit.

( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:43, Reply)

You and monty must be really really healed, then.
OH YEAH, I WENT THERE.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:45, Reply)

I mean, 'cus you're all old and shit.... gotta remember, can't be subtal with the stupid.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:45, Reply)

Haha SPEAK UP, SONNY, MY HEARING AID'S BROKEN

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:46, Reply)

I heard this new bird you might like, musicly I mean, Nerina Pallot, or something like that.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:52, Reply)

She's no 'Katie Melua' but I can see why you'd think I'd be 'into her sound'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Oh monty, I think I agree with you when that is the most dullest music possible, that the only people who like it are pathetic teenagers who have come to the conclusion that the girl they want to spluff up will only let _all_ his friends do it but not him
That he's the kind of guy who'll lead a girl off from her group at Glastonberry and point at the sunset in one of the more secluded fields and start crying "It's so beutiful... god really exists", in the hope that she'd nosh him off when really she's thinking "Fucking hell, christ, I gotta get outta here, this guy is going to axe-murder me".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:30, Reply)

There's something not right about the boy.
You know when some nutter gets caught having killed a load of prossies or eaten some kids or something, and they interview the neighbours and they always say 'he kept himself to himself, we thought he was a bit weird but never imagined he could be capable of this'? It's a bit like that, I reckon.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:33, Reply)

"Enjoyed his late-night gardening."
"He was out there all hours." Yeah, I know the type.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:36, Reply)

The 'Bills' of this world.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:36, Reply)

Yeah', I bet he'll turn up to Stone Henge in a druid outfit on Summer Sollice for the 'enlightening experiane' when really the closest he's come to pagen values was nipping into a Games Workshop and getting a Tree People figureine.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:36, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:40, Reply)

stop telling everyone my glastonbury moves.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:12, Reply)

pray tell, what the deuce is MECHA BA$H?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:32, Reply)

If you don't know about MECHA-BA$H already, maybe you're not meant to.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:34, Reply)

Maybe it isn't to be.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:36, Reply)

Jesting aside,
Set Your Faces and I were born on the same day of the same year, and a considering having a party this year to celebrate. Turns out there are a few others with birthdays around the same time so the idea of a super-bash is taking shape. I said I'd DJ, and to give me a bit of break so I can go out into the adoring crowd and sign breasts etc I was going to suggest you played some records.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:40, Reply)

you want me to play your 50th birthday party?
I'll dig out some Duran Duran, Bowie and Combichrist.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:42, Reply)

I'll (we'll) be 38, you fucking wankstain.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:46, Reply)

near enough.
I'll play some Liquid Liquid.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Are you in, then?
Proposed date is Saturday October 1st.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:51, Reply)

provisionally.
I will need crash space.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Fine.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:52, Reply)

gaz me the deets.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Maybe you're cursed to sit at home all day
Wanking to this picture.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:41, Reply)

*deflates*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Would you come down for an autumn bash?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:21, Reply)

It certainly sounds entertaining!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Monty
MECHA-BA$H is a shit name.

As you were.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:35, Reply)

Of course it fucking is. It was the most stupid name I could come up with.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:36, Reply)

It is a bit japanese robot porn.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:37, Reply)

It could be bettered by bringing me over for the event. Obviously.
I would choose either TGB or BGB, partly for their tenacious booby power and sharp tongued wit.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:41, Reply)

We'll helicopter you in during the fireworks and laser show at the end,
to the futuristic and not-at-all-bent sounds of 'Jean-Michel Jarre'.

It's going to be spectacular.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:43, Reply)

fucking sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:44, Reply)

I will want drugs.
Lots and lots of drugs. If I'm not having a fit and frothing at the mouth by 10pm then it will be a dull night.
( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:46, Reply)

Quite so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:47, Reply)

I knew you'd understand.

( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:49, Reply)

We're going to hand out eppy helmets at the door for the safety of our revellers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Monty, I saw a flat yesterday, it's alright I think, lots of potential.
- Smaller living room, but I might knock down the partition wall to make the living room and kitchen HUGE and put in concintena doors so that I _can_ seporate it out.
- Two bedrooms, just smaller than the biggest one in my current place
- TWO BATHROOMS, one with a bath.
- Kitchen/WC/Bathroom has just been done up
- Budget in there to put in new waldrobes/carpets/sneek-in-a-3D-telly-possibly-and-sound-system.
- It's off a family friend so no estate agents.
- Outdoorsy area about the same as I currently got so I could get a dog or something (I said 'could' not 'would')
- Quiet area, family neighbours, ex council
- About 5 minutes walk to ASDA and 10 minutes walk to N14 tube.
- Loads of park land with playground and shit.
- It has a huge box room or medium sized office, depending on what I do with it.
- New boiler
- Gas'n'Eletricity is A FITH OF WHAT I CURRENTLY PAY
- It has maintance charges, but it's not stupid money.
- TWO BATHROOMS
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:41, Reply)

what is a WC? I kept seeing it around britain and I could never figure it out.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:43, Reply)

Water Closet, a lavatory that is made just for doing number 1 and number 2 and sometimes number 3.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:43, Reply)

Otherwise known as a thunder closet, bog or more commonly, shithouse.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Sounds like what a wanker might term a 'no-brainer'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:45, Reply)

That's what I reckon, I'd like to see a few more props though before I'm like "FUCK YEAH, LIFE TIME COMMITMENT, MORTGAGE AND SHIT".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:55, Reply)

It's not, though.
If you don't like it after a year or two, you just have to flog it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:06, Reply)

It's much easier to flog an old telly than an entire building.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:11, Reply)

I was only in my first flat for a year, or 13 months.
I made 20 grand in that time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:13, Reply)

2 years and £51K on mine!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:27, Reply)

The good old days.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Indeed!
Mrs Cow made a similar amount on her house too! Woop
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Go for it.
The chance to have a piss in one and a shit in the other isn't something to pass up.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:55, Reply)

No dogs

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 13:23, Reply)

The only way that even can possibly be improved is if I'm there
So, let's hope that happens!

EDIT: Also, fly Poppet and Kristine across.

Alt: BGB, for she is wise and benevolent.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:42, Reply)

You forgot chaste.

( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:44, Reply)

The difference is that my two are true.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:46, Reply)

Apart from the wisdom bit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:49, Reply)

Oh well! I can live with benevolent.

( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Plumdozer
Because he seems to have a political clue- far more so than me. We could put FreeFair in opposition.

Main question- for a good party, LASERS.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 8:51, Reply)

Darth, friends with benefits.
Or freefair to watch him fail.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Yes, but this is the country we're on about.
He wouldn't fail, he'd drag everyone down with him in barely thought out arguments with Randomly capItalised lettErs.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I say give him a go. What harm could he do?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:07, Reply)

That's what they said about Hitler.

( girlinthehole, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Rightly so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:13, Reply)

That's the point.
He'd make things even worse than this bunch of idiots that we voted in.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:20, Reply)

More beakering. Sorry.
I need to buy a suit for a wedding. I need to buy a cheap one - I've seen one that looks OK but it's decribed as 'super skinny fit'. I wear my jeans in that style but I am too old for a suit of this style, aren't I? I have the fucker in my shopping cart and can't decide whether to complete the transaction or not. It's plain black.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Don't buy a "fashion" suit
As next year you will look a twat in it. Slim fit suits look good though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:22, Reply)

It's utterly unremarkable in its design.
It's just close fitting.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:23, Reply)

You may get away with it then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:26, Reply)

As you know I favour the 'skinny' jean, and might feel more comfortable in a similarly cut suit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:31, Reply)

A Juit if you will

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Well I'm going to buy it.
I can send it back if it's no good, eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:41, Reply)

buy it and wear it with a nice coat

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:24, Reply)

People who wear suits cut to a fashion
rather than to a flattering silhouette look like tits. For proof, see the entire Seventies.
( Kroney, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Electric Sex Dungeon
That is all
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Best. Band. Ever.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Me of course
Because I get like Tucker when I'm pissed off and I'll sort this place out that for fucking certain.
( Peej, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Tucker from Grange Hill?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:22, Reply)

No
Tucker from In the Thick of It/In the Loop
( Peej, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I do actually know this.
I was being 'funny'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Funny how?
Like a clown? I'm in to film.
( Peej, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Clowns are evil.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I prefer them to people who are 'really into film'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I can quote every line from all the monty python films
I'm really in to film me,
( Peej, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:44, Reply)

OH ME TOO!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Morning bastards
If Monty and SYFTS's M3CH4-84$H (go the whole hog eh) is on October 1st I won't be able to come, so I think I've passively improved it already. This is a massive fucking shame, especially since I'd love to see what happens to Monty's DJing skillZ when he gets hammered.

Alt: B3th, as it would allow me to create a splinter state to oppose hers in keeping with our Internet Nemesis status. I'm thinking Wales.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:46, Reply)

I knew you couldn't be trusted with sheep.`

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:48, Reply)

The sheep will have to be removed
to make room for all the right-thinking people of Britain who want to follow my glorious leadership.

Morning sir.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Morning all.
Define "right-thinking".
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:55, Reply)

A fondness for sequins.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:56, Reply)

They tend to look better on women, I think.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:59, Reply)

What he said

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Will there be massive fucking robots piloted by children at Mecha-Bash?
I'm only interested if there are massive fucking robots piloted by children.
( Kroney, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:56, Reply)

+a frozen shit dildo

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:58, Reply)

yawn

( Kroney, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Yes, there will.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:04, Reply)

If Craig Charles is there,
smoking base and wanking over porn, I'm there.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:13, Reply)

An update
To the post I made yesterday.

So far, I've received one positive vote with the tranny pic, meaning that if it stays that way, I'll be on there!

That is all.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I enjoyed your gang-fraping last night

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Yes, my friend thinks she's so funny.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:07, Reply)

I've yet to see an inventive 'frape' (hate that term)
They're usually along the lines of 'Mmm, I luv big black cocks, tasty' or 'I've decided to be honest and come out as gay, I love teh cock'.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I was quite tickled by one a while ago that just said
...has gone for a big shit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:13, Reply)

What about, 'My dick smells like Madeleine's arse this morning'?
That's usually a crowd pleaser.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:13, Reply)

The last face-jacking I saw was a colleague of mine who apparently came out as a nonce.
Disciplinaries followed.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I use the same one everytime, because I know it's not funny, but the look of confusion on their faces is always worth it
It's simply "...likes the taste of penis."

Also, me too, can't stand it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I read that as likes the taste of pens

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Face-jacking is a better term right enough.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I hate the original term.
It's just so... vulgar.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Agreed

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I agree, most certainly.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:26, Reply)

In fact, it's beyond vulgar. It's crass, and stupid.
Much like Geordie Shore.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I tend to avoid the word frape
as one of the people on my FB had a massive rant about it devaluing the word rape. Since she has been raped she gets some credit on this one.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:21, Reply)

This is a good reason to

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I haven't even heard of mecha-bash :(
/not cool enough

Alt: well obviously me. Failing that then chickenlady. I have no idea of her political affiliation but I reckon she'd try for some sensible stuff
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:20, Reply)

It seems I'm currently free for Mecha-Ba$h
But the thought of catching a glimpse of Monty stroking his turgid cock while 'cutting up some phat beats' (this time the chorus of 'Africa' by Toto on repeat, with occasional scratching) is making me furiously plan to be out of the damn country that weekend.

"I bless the rai-the rai-the r-r-r-rains down in Africaaaaaa!". Fuck off.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 21 Jun 2011, 10:33, Reply)