Lusty and I were watching the tee-vee last night,
and saw a trailer for some 'Ask Attenborough' thing where you can ask David Attenborough questions. This sparked a 'what indeed would you ask him?' debate.

The best I could come up with was 'what was it like making Jurassic Park?'

Can you best this LOLarious witticism? I should fucking hope so.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:27, 128 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I would like to know if he has indeed done it like they do on the Discovery channel.

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:30, Reply)

*clicks*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:32, Reply)

'when your brother was murdered by the IRA, did you seek comfort from your Record Breakers co-presenters?'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:31, Reply)

I don't get it.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:32, Reply)

I'm pretending I think he's Norris McWhirter - one of the other 'famous pairs of brothers on the tee-vee'
For the lolz, you understand.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:33, Reply)

I thought the most famous brothers were les frères Chuckle.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:37, Reply)

Good call.
'When you decided to do away with the dog costumes, were you and your brother confident your fans would stick with you or did you have doubts that perhaps you'd made a mistake?'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:39, Reply)

Did you spill my pint?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:31, Reply)

"When you're watching anumals having a quick shag, have you ever knocked one out in competition?"
Do you think I'd get an answer to that one?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:33, Reply)

"Fuck off you spastic"

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:34, Reply)

Or better yet
does it give him a boner watching animals get it on? You can never tell by his commentary but I bet he's got a right wrinkly stonk-on.
(berk, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:35, Reply)

I bet he has.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:35, Reply)

'How much for a hand-job?'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:34, Reply)

'why are you so fucking crap?'
Jeff alone is likely to get this.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:35, Reply)

Scritti Politti lols

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Five Star lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Oh, right. Scritti Politti were the ones that got called wankers.
Or was that Matt Bianco?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:43, Reply)

That was Matt Bianco.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:43, Reply)

To be fair
they probably were all massive wankers. And hugely untalented.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:44, Reply)

Out of the mouths of babes...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:44, Reply)

I loved Scritti Politti.

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:45, Reply)

Bizarrely, Green Gartside made a credible hip hop record about ten years ago.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Any idea what it's called?

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Off the top of ma heid, no.
I'll try to rememeber.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Anomie & Bonhomie
I think.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:13, Reply)

Well done that man.

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:15, Reply)

Hello old boy

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)

HERE YOU GO
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIZWYzdjmXw
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:14, Reply)

No sound at work so I'll wait till I get home.
Thanks.
( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:16, Reply)

That's it, make fun of Jeff because he's alone.
He will always have me as his internet wifey.
( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:36, Reply)

I read that as 'internet willy'.
I really did.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:39, Reply)

*Hugs*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I'm here for you Jeff.

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:57, Reply)

It's appreciated.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:58, Reply)

The 5Star abuse was ever better than the Matt Bianco call.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:49, Reply)

That child should have got an OBE for services to entertainment.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Or at least got the chance to set up some explosives near Anthea Turner.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:53, Reply)

'if you could make one animal extinct, which would you choose - and don't say 'the darkies' please.
That sort of talk may well have been acceptable in 'the good old days' but not any more, you hate-preacher CUNT'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:37, Reply)

Do you recommend Thailand for a Christmas sunshine break?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:42, Reply)

What's the rarest animal you've punched in the face.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:44, Reply)

'who is gayer - you or Tony fucking Hart?'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:44, Reply)

Who's got the biggest willy out of you and your brother.
I'm betting it's David.
( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:46, Reply)

Well only one of them is nicknamed 'Dickie'...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Why don't they make micropigs for eating? Throughout the centuries we've bread animals to be big for more meat.
I propose we change that, make them small, and you can have a whole one each.... what do you think of that?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:48, Reply)

In the same vein
why don't they make chickens the size of pigs?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:49, Reply)

It's easier to make something small, you just keep them in a cardboard box for a few generations.
Making them big though is harder, involves lots of stretching and all that.

Hello B3th, how are you today? I saw on your facebook pictures that you're very pretty, I hope you don't mind me saying so.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Good afternoon Gonz.
I am majorly grumpy today, as people and circumstances are conspiring to piss me right the fuck off.
However, people saying nice things about me is always welcome.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Plus the weather, I'd imagine, makes people grumpy if they're indoors.
I got a good trick, if you wet a tea-towel and ring it out and then lay on that (or even get two and put one above your forehead, you lose/gain about 80% of your body heat through your head), it makes you nice and cool without getting your bedding wet.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:07, Reply)

The weather definitely isn't helping
but it was mostly Computers for the Terrified this morning that pissed me off.

Now I have had food, and I am watching the tennis. Andy Murray appears not to be Scottish today, in that he is actually winning.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Is this the reason for your earlier post
about still believing in the essential goodness of humanity despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary?
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)

No
that was just the fact that everyone seems to end up being a right cunt to me, while I keep on and on believing that they won't be.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:20, Reply)

I hate it when people are like that.
I act like a cunt straight off. That way nobody gets hurt.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:23, Reply)

I'm not really capable of that
on account of being completely pathetic, and nice.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Ahh, that's quite cool, I was going to start a buisness doing that, called "Local Geek For Hire".
Where I'd help people learn to use their computers/technology, things like help advise them on how to get a new telly system or whatever, and then set it up and use it. I'm actually really good at it, can speak in non-geek and similaries and all that.... Helped Ma' and a few of her friends on how to email/skype/online banking/cinema times/facebook/photo stuff...etc.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)

In my experience it's not jargon that confuses people.
It's the fact that they're dribbling imbeciles.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:19, Reply)

It really isn't at all.
A computer has far more combinations of buttons and things to do than any other device, by a factor of millions. A car has two configerations generally (automatic/manual), in each one of these, it's the sameish no matter what the make/model. Clutch/Accelerator/Break/Wheel/Indicators is always the same.

A windows computer differs, to someone who doesn't know them, so much more. A Windows PC from Toshiba or IBM has different software installed, with different icons, and different things. OK, sure, there are similarties, such as 'file/edit/view' is always the same, except even that these days is hidden by default.

That's why I would recomend Apple for someone not used to computers, except for budget.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Feet in a bucket of cold water.
Works a treat. Also run the cold tap on the pulse points of your wrists. This cools you down too.
( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:13, Reply)

Oh yes.
When we move into the new place in a few months, I'm hoping it's still nice and hot and we'll be sipping cocktails in my little garden-space with a kid's paddling pool and OH GOOD ITS SO EXCITING.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:20, Reply)

: )))))))

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:40, Reply)

They could call them....oh, I don't know....'piglets' or something.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Or "pigmies"

( Kroney, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:51, Reply)

or Bacon Bites.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:53, Reply)

I thought micropigs grew to be the size of a dog?
that's not very "micro" to me
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Depends on the dog
Natalie Cassidy is fucking massive
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:24, Reply)

On telly? [a very very long speech about the jews taking over the world].... and so, I ask you, ermmm...errr.... do you preffer Mars or Snickers?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:49, Reply)

Dear Mr Attenborough
Seeing as many of the great naturalists have been members of a gourmet club, which is the tasiest rare animal.
yours
C. Darwin
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:52, Reply)

proper snack with coffee?

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:10, Reply)

cake?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Pier?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:14, Reply)

I have no cake :(((((((((((((((((

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Cake's overrated.
At my mother's 60th my brother-in-law had made some little kebabs on skewers - my daughter exclaimed 'meat lollies' in delight and scoffed about four of them.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Some good psychological preparation
for the future.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:24, Reply)

I don't like you now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Does that mean I'm not invited to the bash?
I was really looking forward to the giant fuck-off robots piloted by children, you know.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:28, Reply)

Oh OK you can still come.
I can't cancel the robots anyway, I've paid a deposit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:29, Reply)

Paying a deposit
got me kicked out of the last party I was invited to.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Hahahaha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)

I guess someone in the family ought to eat meat lollies...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:26, Reply)

you could have a meat cake
probably
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:30, Reply)

This is Bad.
There should always be Cake.


( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:23, Reply)

I have some of
these at home
I'm going to cut them up and stuff them through my rubber banded jaw later
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:28, Reply)

Ha ha that looks like a darkie!
are they nice? (the cakes, not darkies)
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:30, Reply)

yeah, pretty good for manufactured stuffs

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:30, Reply)

How did your cake baking work out K, what cake did you make?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:31, Reply)

just a chocolate one
and it was awesome [sampled some that was cut off for shaping purposes]
but nobody actually ate any of it
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Bastards!
You're friends are weird.
( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:39, Reply)

it was a long day
we went to a birthday party for my roommate's nephew, played outside all day, went to my other friends for her birthday, we didn't eat until around nine and after that we were all a bit zonked

I totally came second in a potato sack race, and I was all up in the bouncy castle, LIKE A BOSS.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:43, Reply)

YEAH!
I hope you bounced so hard you felt a bit sick.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:44, Reply)

Oi, Al
d'you know anyone that could use my spare Pulp ticket?
(berk, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:47, Reply)

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Don't think so, sorry. Have you put out a b3ta announcement?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:54, Reply)

No, not yet
I will wait and see whether Swipe wants it first.
(berk, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Oh boy, oh gosh, oh man, does this mean there is a possibility that
despite the fact I'm not attending her bash the night before, I may still get to meet B3tans resident legal genius?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Why aren't you bashing it up?

(berk, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:00, Reply)

Totally going to watch the boxing with other people innit.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:01, Reply)

I can see Haye losing.
I too, will be watching the boxing.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:02, Reply)

I reckon you're right
I didn't know that Klitchko actually has a PhD.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:03, Reply)

I never knew that either.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:05, Reply)

Lame.
Yes, if she wants to come then you might get to meet her after all. But only if you promise to play nicely.
(berk, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Only if she promises not to flounce off part way through the day.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Well, that's why I'm asking you to play nicely
because I'm staying at hers and if you upset her I'll be sleeping in Hyde Park on Sunday evening...
(berk, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:05, Reply)

I'd like to think that a) she's old enough to be able to put up with an afternoon in the company of people she doesn't know
and b) I'm not actually a cunt in real life, so I can't see a problem here.

Are we arranging to meet anywhere? I know quite a few people going so there will be over half a dozen of us.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:08, Reply)

I have assured her that you are in fact fluffy and lovely
and consist of at least 70% kittens. It starts at midday-ish I believe; where did you have in mind? I don't really know London well enough to suggest anywhere...
(berk, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Well, I have this crazy idea
We could exchange telephone numbers, and then, at some point during the afternoon, we could call each other and say "Where are you?" and the other one would say "I'm at the bar, near the stall selling Tacos" and the first person would say "Okay, I'm going to come over and see you".

And then we would see each other.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:16, Reply)

What pure genius!
I'd never have thought of that. I thought you meant meeting somewhere beforehand, but at the gig works equally well.

Gaz ahoy.
(berk, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Stick it on Gumtree berk
You'll find someone on there I'm sure.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:55, Reply)

This is all your fault *huffs*
if you weren't so insistent on having an actual social life with your real friends, I could have foisted it off on you.
(berk, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:57, Reply)

Sorry.
I know some REAL LIFE people.

Why can't TC join you?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Actually, this is a very good question.
Well done Jeff.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:59, Reply)

It's not his type of music
I did ask, and he said thanks for thinking of him, but he'd probably have a fairly crap time and he'd rather watch the wimbledon final. Honest, at least.
(berk, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:01, Reply)

If it was a different weekend, I'd have loved to have joined you.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Rude, is what it is
Jeff, you've let me down.
(berk, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:07, Reply)

I'm ever so sorry berk
And there you were, offering to 'help the aged'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Yep
I was going to take you to a disco2000.
(berk, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:15, Reply)

But it would mean spending time with you and Al.
Or 'the common people' as you're known.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:16, Reply)

I did. I also fell a lot. And got spaghetti legs.

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:49, Reply)

This isn't about Glastonbury.
I'm going for a bath.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:34, Reply)

You're back already?
You never appreciate a good thing until it's taken away from you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:35, Reply)

Burnt to a crisp?

( Kroney, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:38, Reply)

I'm just disappointed he didn't get smugged to death during U2's set
Or eaten by tripping middle-class students with dreadlocks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:40, Reply)

How was the guy you raped in the toilets?
It's in all the news you know.
( girlinthehole, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:39, Reply)

I've had Dr Tugnut's review - I'm waiting for Chompers' and then I'll compare the two for lolz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:40, Reply)

What did Tugnut say?
i found it hilarious that a once free festival with "hippy" roots and a history of protest clamped down ona balloon telling that twat Bono to pay some taxes.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Did they?
What did they do to the baloon?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:46, Reply)

They burst it and forced the protesters up to the fence, them let them go

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:47, Reply)

They're a business now
it's bad practice to piss off your product.
( Kroney, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Should have just thrown piss at him

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:51, Reply)

He said Wu Tang were excellent and most other acts were terrible.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:32, Reply)