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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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New thread time.OT Variety night.
Select one music act, one comedy act and one variety act to appear on the bill.
Living or dead. I don't care.
Alt: The last individual item you bought that cost at least twenty quid.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:20,
141 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
Music: Jason MrazComedy: Ross Noble
Variety Act: The Ventriloquist Kevin Johnson (off the top of my head), or, now I've thought about it, Wayne Dobson.
Alt: Professionally, an OKI toner. Personally, not a fucking clue.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:24,
Reply)
Are those toners made by Algernon Winston Spencer Castlereagh Razzmatazz?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:26,
Reply)
Is he related toAlgernon Winston Spencer Churchill Disraeli Livingstone Razzamatazz?
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:35,
Reply)
The Carpenters, Morcambe and Wise and Penn and Teller.A silver loveheart necklace.
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girlinthehole, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:27,
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I want to watch the new Penn & Teller show(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:28,
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I'm not really a fan of magic acts but they can be quite funny.(
girlinthehole, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:32,
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I varySome are fantastic, and the thrill of being taken aback is something I always enjoy.
But fuck me, I hate all the dancing.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:36,
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Music: radiohead
Comedy: Robin Ince
Variety: Piers Morgan being raped by elephant seals
ALT: A beautful dove grey linen jacket with white buttons.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:28,
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I'm loving your variety act Apey(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:29,
Reply)
Jimi HendrixCheech and Chong (did you know Tommy Chong played lead guitar in a band in Seattle, the rhythm player being...Jimi Hendrix?)
Variety - no thanks. I hate that shit.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:28,
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Alt: I am embarrassed to admit it was some MDs.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:29,
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I cannot remember that last thing I bought myself that cost over £20*thinks*
Nope
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:32,
Reply)
OK, I hope it is a Royal Variety PerformanceMusic: Slayer
Comedy: Bernard Manning
Variety: That bloke who juggles chainsaws and bangs nails through his face.
All just to upset her Maj
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:31,
Reply)
Amanda Palmer, Sean Locke, Penn and TellerHard to think of a variety act these days
Alt: a laptop for £399. Pisses on my several-year-old desktop PC too.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:34,
Reply)
What laptop did you get? I'm still looking in a half arsed fashionthe battery on my old old is so fucked it cuts out as soon as the power is removed
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:35,
Reply)
Acer Aspire 5742Zso far so good, I'm just using it to watch tv shows downloaded elsewhere and text-surf.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:42,
Reply)
Music: Cake
Comedy: Reginald D HUnter
Variety: Them Shaolin monks
Alt: A painting for my old mans birthday.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:34,
Reply)
+raping Piers Morgan(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:41,
Reply)
I took my brother to see the Shaolin Monks at Wembley Arena once.It was a mixture of amazing and the most awful, embarrassing Saturday night televsion style gayness I've ever experienced.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:36,
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yeah but pissed! it will be awesome."GO ON, HAVE A FIGHT!"
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:41,
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They don't have fights though. Just flip about all over the show. Zero deaths.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:48,
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Yes but we can goad them into fighting.(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:51,
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Well I just compiled the guest list and you didn't make the cut. Stay in and eat hotpot instead.(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:41,
Reply)
*whoosh*And there's the joke going over your head.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:41,
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Brass Eye drugs special. B Manning, 'cake - it's a made oop droog' etc(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:48,
Reply)
God I haven't watched that in years.Genius.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:50,
Reply)
No, I bought it in tesco the other day purely because it was Morris. I am watching tomorrow with a girl from uni. It's meant to be grea.t
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:55,
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await my review.go on await!
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:01,
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Don't have a go at Bob, otherwise he'll cry all the water out of his body.(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:17,
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Chas and Dave (Reunited)Bill Hicks (alive)
Tommy Cooper (the death scene)
ALT: Tickets to see Puressence in October.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:36,
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Someone told me C&D were going to do some shows together again.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:37,
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When?I saw them in April and thought this was their last tour. Thieving liars. Chas still tours with his band and does C&D tunes.
EDIT Just checked, Christmas jamboree on 23rd December. Not practical for me.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:40,
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You'll be busy out of the rob then won't ya lar.Is it true that in Liverpool you buy christmas gifts, but you put them under a neighbours tree and in the run up to Christmas eve, everyone has an obligation to burgle their own gifts back?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:44,
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Please don't be sorry.I got some great gifts out of it this year.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:24,
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^This wins so far, I think(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:37,
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No prizes for which venue, eh?Or the seat quality....
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:42,
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Would you see it from great seats at the Phil?(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:43,
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Favourite ever Cooper gag:"I will now turn this stick of rock into some furniture". Takes said stick of rock and snaps it twice.
"There you go, three-piece sweet".
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:42,
Reply)
I'd like to be able to pick a favourite one of hisBut everytime I go onto any of the sites to remind myself, I end up chuckling away, making it very clear I'm not doing any work.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:46,
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Oh babes, we have so much in common.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:41,
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Haha!I took far too long to work that out there. At Paul's house?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:39,
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I actually did.But I got to the bog and it turned out I just needed a really big fart.
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Kroney, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:55,
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Music: Faith No More at their peakComedy: Frankie Boyle at his peak
Variety: Fuck knows. That Mr Methane character who was on Britain's Not Got Any Fucking Talent a few years back. Anyone who upsets that cunt Cowell is alright by me.
Item more than £20: a tankfull of fucking petrol. £65 you robbing bastards.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:40, Reply)
He lives down the road from me, that Mr Methane cunt.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:41,
Reply)
Er...Music: Akron Family
Comedy: Bill Hicks (stolen from Roota)
Variety: I dunno... that tit who used to pretend his microphone was broken.
Alt: The new Devon Sproule album, on lovely thick 180g vinyl
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:40,
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What's not to love?Apart from creaking shelves, bowing in the centre.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:45,
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Who's the audiance? I'm thinking....Comedy: Monty recounting his life story.
Music: Gabriella*
Veriaty: Tommy Cooper
* God, I love a bit of Gabriella, "Dreams can come true, look at me babe I'm with you, you know you gotta have 'em, you know you gotta be strong".
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:40,
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'look at me babebut don't get offended if I don't look back because I'm missing a fucking eye, petal'
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:44,
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Music: SparksComedy: Tim Vine
Variety: Bell Ringers from the WI
£20: on moisturiser *shame*
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:44, Reply)
An OT Variety night would be a bit too amateur hour for SparksI read that as 'Bell Ringers for the Wii' and thought that sounded like the shittest game ever.
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Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:53,
Reply)
Bronski BeatDuncan Norvelle
That mincy dancer with the lithp, Louise something.
/Obligatory Darth answer.
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:45,
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That's him, yes.He really is fucking hideous.
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:48,
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250 on the Foxtrot scaleFucking mincing cunt
Have you sorted whatever the fuck went on a few threads ago out?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:50,
Reply)
250 Darths?Or are you quoting from one of the higher scales?
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Kroney, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:56,
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Not yet.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:57,
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It was only a thread about the zoo, what fucking happened?(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:01,
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It was like a million voices cried outOr DG upset his missus
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:06,
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things were discussed that some folks would prefer remained private(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:17,
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Well yeah, but if you and your partner/wife/husband are on here you potentially walk a tightrope(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:27,
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Well I don't think you'd tell 'my missus' jokes, no...(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:36,
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If people deleted threads every time I made somebody hate mewe wouldn't have any threads left amirite?
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Kroney, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:27,
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I find it a bit weird deleting threads, I mean, I get why, that people sometimes want to take back what they say, but you can't really do that in real life, it's much better to say "Sorry, I was a prick, please ignore what I said" and let the conversationcontinue and don't delete other people's stuff.
But saying that, when you talk in the pub, you don't have someone chronacooling everything you say.
If anyone has upset DG or Tourettes though, I'll do time, I'll do time and walk it.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:54,
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On the two occasions where I have genuinely regretted saying somethingI've gazzed to say so. Deleting threads doesn't really serve any purpose other than stirring up the board rubberneckers.
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Kroney, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 17:00,
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i think public is better than gazGaz is like saying "I've just slaughtered you in public, but me and you know it's ok, eh, eh? Mate?"
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 17:05,
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I was misjudged in trying to deflect Monty onto a different subject.I shall say no more about it.
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:34,
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He is a right bastard, you should kick him in the nuts(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:42,
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Oh man, he makes me think thoughts that I don't want to write on here at work, about homosexuality vs [neggative word for homosexuals], in the same vaine as Chris Rock's view in Black People Vs [neggative word for black people].(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:56,
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That is the single best thing Chris Rock ever did."What do you want, A FUCKING COOKIE?!"
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:57,
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Not it's not.His cameo in Blaxploitation spoof and utter classic 'I'm Gonna Git You Sucka' is.
'How much for one rib. Ah sho am hungreh'
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:03,
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I love that filmBlack Dy-no-mite.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:13,
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You're the first person outside my immediate pals who's ever fucking seen it.I love it so, so much.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:17,
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It's a work of geniusI gave it a mate for his birthday and was finally forgiven for taping over his VHS copy of "Fear of a Black Hat" by accident.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:22,
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They shootin' they shootin'(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:19,
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Haha, I'm gonna download a shitload of his stuff this week now.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:08,
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Haha!We are taking on apprentices in work and I've just had the pleasure of reading their CVs.
"I LIKE COMPYUTAS"
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 15:59,
Reply)
Marillion's dyslexia-themed classic(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:04,
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ceilidhI just wanna say I'm sorry
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:07,
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You should remain Incommunicado(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:13,
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I was para-phrasingThere appears to be the occasional bit of quality in there. I just get the feeling the interviews will be short.
Maybe we should get the X button thingies from Cowell
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:05,
Reply)
I'd like to change my variety act to Riverdancewith me in the stalls with a Minigun
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:00,
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Invent a new gameGrenade Flatley or something
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:01,
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Or barefoot riverdancing on red-hot AIDS knives(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:02,
Reply)
Today, I am loving your work, yesh/Schteve
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:03,
Reply)
I read Minigun as 'Magnum' and thought you'd just enjoy the dancing with an ice-cream.(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:03,
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that's for the intervalFor some reason those little pots of theatre ice-cream remind me of spastics
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:04,
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I'm trying to imagine the mental gymnastics requiredto get from little pots of ice cream to window lickers.
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Kroney, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:10,
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i always imagine them being eaten by large faced, gurning Down's kids wearing those little hats with propellors on(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:12,
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Do you know, I hardly ever see those little hats with propellors on?They should be made uniform for dribblies.
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Kroney, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:15,
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Ursula Martinezvideosift.com/video/A-Most-Wonderful-Magic-Trick-the-Hanky-Panky
[NSFW...]
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:15, Reply)
Economical bookings in these troubled timesMusic/comedy The Rubber Bishops
Comedy/ Variety Jerry Sadowitz
A bottle of 15 yr Oban
(, Tue 28 Jun 2011, 16:15, Reply)
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