I'm not sure if chickens can understand cows
but I'm too fucking tired to do any exercise and I need to do some. HEYELP!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:21, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Lay off the booze.
Simple.
( girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:22, Reply)

I actually don't drink very much at all

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:33, Reply)

*splutters*
Do what?!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:41, Reply)

I really don't, honest!
I'd say my units per week was about 10 at most
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Three words, cow. Three words.
1. Chinny
2. Reck
3. On
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:45, Reply)

This week I have had 1 cider and 1 Stella

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)

...and I fucking spilled the Stella last night!
BASTARD!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Did you spill your pint?
You'll have to take yourself outside and have a word. You can't put up with that sort of disrespect from a little scrote like you.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)

This^
What a fucking cunt I am. I did proper spazz hands and dropped it. Due to my ninja like reflexes around beer I actually managed to catch it before it spilled properly
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Have you tried the Stella cider?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Yeah
It's OK. Much better ciders available I think
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Did you wail to yourself 'leave it cow'
before dropping your knickers and peeing in an alleyway?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:53, Reply)

yes
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:54, Reply)

You need some hard house, earphones and a treadmill
Ignore how tired you feel and do just 30 minutes.
I recommend the App 'Couch to 5k' - for the first week you only do 8 minutes running out of 30.
And have some full fat coke - the caffeine will wake you up and the sugar will give you a buzz.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Hard house FTW!

( girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:31, Reply)

I fucking hate hard house music but I'll look for the app
Ta!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:34, Reply)

Why would anyone want to listen to a load of still-plugged-in medical equipment being repeatedly thrown down a metal laundry chute?
Couch to 5K is good for the ubercouched, though. This post is therefore partially endorsed by TMB
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Will that help shave off 4 inches of belly by the end of August?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:40, Reply)

eat less. exercise more. it's a basic energy balance.
Any fucker who bangs on about "low metabolic rate" and "I just can't seem to lose weight" is getting fed to the fucking pigs, TL.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Metabolic rates can be changed with the correct diet.
I just want to know if I can reduce from 36 to 32 inch trousers in two months.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:43, Reply)

You can
but you won't fit into them
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:44, Reply)

Ok, re-phrase
Will I be able to reduce my waist size by four inches in two months.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:44, Reply)

No
Actually, you can do. I lost over 3 st in about a year by doing the following:

a. Eating less
b. Drinking less
c. Running more

Simple really
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:45, Reply)

^This
It is a simple equation* - burn more calories than you consume.

*not necessarily an equation
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)

Or in layman's terms
STOP EATING CAKE
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)

4 inches is quite a lot.
a pound of fat equates to about 1/4 an inch on your waist so you need to lose just over a stone.

36" waist is hardly fat unless you're a slightly-built dwarf, though..
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)

I must admit to GLESSing when I got to 32" waist

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:50, Reply)

like fuck they can.
Or, rather, they can, but a variation in basal metabolic rate between "dead" and "Iggy pop" is probably going to account for a hundred or so calories a day. The rest is just not shovelling cake into you trap every chance you get and actually doing some exercise.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Reading the app stuff
I think I'm OK for more than couch to 5K as I walk the dog for 1/2 an hour twice a day. I also did two miles from the garage to the metro this morning
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Still, it's a good place to start unless you already run...
I used to run but over the past few months I haven't done anything except sit on my ever expanding arse. The first day of Couch to 5k my legs killed but I didn't get too out of breath. I'm now on the second week and my legs still kill but it's getting easier.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Right, I'm going for a run tonight
FACT
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)

Hooray!
I'm going running tonight too.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:54, Reply)

How far will you be going?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:57, Reply)

2.5k
No more as I'm lazy. I'm working up to the 5K.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:23, Reply)