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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Long thread was too long
So tell me all your problems. Pull up a chair, or a small child, sit down and tell me all about it. There, there.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:19, 205 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I'm not sure if chickens can understand cows
but I'm too fucking tired to do any exercise and I need to do some. HEYELP!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:21, Reply)
Lay off the booze.
Simple.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:22, Reply)
I actually don't drink very much at all

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:33, Reply)
*splutters*
Do what?!
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:41, Reply)
I really don't, honest!
I'd say my units per week was about 10 at most
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:42, Reply)
Three words, cow. Three words.
1. Chinny
2. Reck
3. On
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:45, Reply)
This week I have had 1 cider and 1 Stella

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)
...and I fucking spilled the Stella last night!
BASTARD!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)
Did you spill your pint?
You'll have to take yourself outside and have a word. You can't put up with that sort of disrespect from a little scrote like you.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)
This^
What a fucking cunt I am. I did proper spazz hands and dropped it. Due to my ninja like reflexes around beer I actually managed to catch it before it spilled properly
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)
Have you tried the Stella cider?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)
Yeah
It's OK. Much better ciders available I think
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:54, Reply)
Did you wail to yourself 'leave it cow'
before dropping your knickers and peeing in an alleyway?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:53, Reply)

yes
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:54, Reply)
You need some hard house, earphones and a treadmill
Ignore how tired you feel and do just 30 minutes.
I recommend the App 'Couch to 5k' - for the first week you only do 8 minutes running out of 30.
And have some full fat coke - the caffeine will wake you up and the sugar will give you a buzz.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:24, Reply)
Hard house FTW!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:31, Reply)
I fucking hate hard house music but I'll look for the app
Ta!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:34, Reply)
Why would anyone want to listen to a load of still-plugged-in medical equipment being repeatedly thrown down a metal laundry chute?
Couch to 5K is good for the ubercouched, though. This post is therefore partially endorsed by TMB
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:38, Reply)
Will that help shave off 4 inches of belly by the end of August?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:40, Reply)
eat less. exercise more. it's a basic energy balance.
Any fucker who bangs on about "low metabolic rate" and "I just can't seem to lose weight" is getting fed to the fucking pigs, TL.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:41, Reply)
Metabolic rates can be changed with the correct diet.
I just want to know if I can reduce from 36 to 32 inch trousers in two months.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:43, Reply)
You can
but you won't fit into them
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:44, Reply)
Ok, re-phrase
Will I be able to reduce my waist size by four inches in two months.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:44, Reply)
No
Actually, you can do. I lost over 3 st in about a year by doing the following:

a. Eating less
b. Drinking less
c. Running more

Simple really
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:45, Reply)
^This
It is a simple equation* - burn more calories than you consume.

*not necessarily an equation
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)
Or in layman's terms
STOP EATING CAKE
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)
4 inches is quite a lot.
a pound of fat equates to about 1/4 an inch on your waist so you need to lose just over a stone.

36" waist is hardly fat unless you're a slightly-built dwarf, though..
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)
I must admit to GLESSing when I got to 32" waist

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:50, Reply)
like fuck they can.
Or, rather, they can, but a variation in basal metabolic rate between "dead" and "Iggy pop" is probably going to account for a hundred or so calories a day. The rest is just not shovelling cake into you trap every chance you get and actually doing some exercise.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:47, Reply)
Reading the app stuff
I think I'm OK for more than couch to 5K as I walk the dog for 1/2 an hour twice a day. I also did two miles from the garage to the metro this morning
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:41, Reply)
Still, it's a good place to start unless you already run...
I used to run but over the past few months I haven't done anything except sit on my ever expanding arse. The first day of Couch to 5k my legs killed but I didn't get too out of breath. I'm now on the second week and my legs still kill but it's getting easier.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:47, Reply)
Right, I'm going for a run tonight
FACT
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)
Hooray!
I'm going running tonight too.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:54, Reply)
How far will you be going?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:57, Reply)
2.5k
No more as I'm lazy. I'm working up to the 5K.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:23, Reply)
i've got this bump on the side of my tongue and it hurts everytime i touch it to something

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:21, Reply)
Oil of cloves or a standard mouth ulcer treatment
Rub it on.
Possibly also see your dentist just in case you've got a rough bit on your teeth that's causing it or the bump is something more sinister like Belgium.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:26, Reply)
why thank you, miss chick

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:38, Reply)
I have trouble doing that pre cum thing.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Try lying in front of a small gas fire while naked
It works for most.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:26, Reply)
.... how?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:57, Reply)
In the foetal position

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:24, Reply)
My old car has just died :(
Farewell Vixen, 8 years of loyal service wil not be forgotten...
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:25, Reply)
Can you afford to buy a new one?
If so, do it. Get a nice shiny red one.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:28, Reply)
I have a new one already actually
But I was going to sell vixen as I couldn't bear to scrap her
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:38, Reply)
I am very tired, impoverished, unemployable and a crap lay.

(berk, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:26, Reply)
But you make fabulous cake!
All is not lost if you have cake.
Consider taking up cake making as a new income stream.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:27, Reply)
Everyone and their left nutsack has an internet cupcakery now
I wouldn't know where to start running my own business, and even if I did, it's not exactly niche and would like as not fail.
(berk, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:29, Reply)
:(
Nothing going on jobs.ac.uk?
I'm applying for one right now that only went up on Saturday.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:34, Reply)
I've just picked up the applications for the three I had up there until last week.
less than 40 applications for 3 jobs. I thought there was a bloody recession on?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:44, Reply)
Maybe the recession is just for uneducated types

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)
I think it's more that HR made some "modifications" to my adverts
without telling me. Consequently at least one of the jobs would have sounded about as appealing as repeatedly slamming a car door shut on your balls.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:54, Reply)
I check that site daily
I have applied for 10+ jobs on there in the last 6 weeks and not heard a peep off any of them.
(berk, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:41, Reply)
If you did want to run a business
there will be a place that can give advice. In swansea it's Swansea Business Eye. They'll help you and tell you what grants and awards you can go for

although perhaps saving the world via science is probably better
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:13, Reply)
No such thing as being a crap lay.
Just lack of experience and bad partners.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:28, Reply)
^^ This

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:34, Reply)
We've shouted this at her before, though.
she didn't listen then.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:42, Reply)
*washes hands of her then*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:45, Reply)
I can hardly blame my lack of confidence
and lack of skills on someone else.
(berk, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:40, Reply)
any hole's a goal

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:30, Reply)
I'm empty and aching and I don't know why
And to make matters worse, I keep expressing myself through song lyrics.
Am I an emo?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:29, Reply)
No, you're a pillock.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:30, Reply)
Oh yeah
That
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:37, Reply)
Alright Cave Duck?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:30, Reply)
something something earthy lyrics something something

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:35, Reply)
The precedes one of my favourite lines in a song EVER

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:36, Reply)
I burned my Cottage Pie last night
I can't actually begin to explain how irritating that is.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:30, Reply)
Yes we all know.
Get over it and move on.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:31, Reply)
And that advice was brought to you by
Auntie Blousie's counselling - MTFU!
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:35, Reply)
It was only a pie chickenlady.
ONLY A BLOODY PIE.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:36, Reply)
......but....
.......pie..........
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:37, Reply)
I thought it was two pies

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:37, Reply)
It was

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:42, Reply)
Mainly pissed off due to the fact I was really pleased with it, it was very tasty.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:42, Reply)
Someone made a Thai green curry pie in work last week
It was tremendous!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:43, Reply)
That sounds fantastic!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:43, Reply)
It was brilliant
Really zingy taste too - lots of ginger. Proper shortcrust pastry too
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:48, Reply)
It's not even a real fucking pie.
Shepherds pie lacks PASTRY the basic prerequisite of pie. It's a charlatan and a pretender and it is NO LOSS AT ALL.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:43, Reply)
If it had been cake this would have been an entirely different problem

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:50, Reply)
of course.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:55, Reply)
I spilt some milk and I'm very upset about it.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:37, Reply)
There there.
Feeling better?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:38, Reply)
Nope, still crying.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:38, Reply)
*snuggles*
What about now?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:44, Reply)
I'm feeling a *bit* brighter.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)
A BIT!!
You should be running round with a grin like a mong.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)
But the milk Blousie. The milk.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:50, Reply)
I've split some milk and now I'm cheesed off

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:47, Reply)
Ok, so I just got myself a Facebook.
Apparently this is good for keeping in touch with family. Whatever happened to email or picking up the phone.

For some reason, the office bimbos have decided to add me, and I can't for the life of me think why.

They seemed terribly offended when I rejected their friend request.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:41, Reply)
I'm friends with half my colleagues on there
But I hide all my activity from them, so they can't see my drunken rants, etc.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:43, Reply)
That makes sense.
I will do that.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)
It's a must
Lots of 'friends' but only a select few who know what a lush you really are.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)
I've had a look at other people's Facebook feeds
It looks like an RSS feed full of pointless white noise. What am I letting myself in for?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:53, Reply)
Nah, Twitter for that.

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:26, Reply)
Make two groups "friends" and "hangers on"
by default only allow "friends" to see your posts. For innocuous posts add "hangers on".
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:59, Reply)
I might just knock this Facebook thing on the head really.
Sounds like far too much trouble.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:05, Reply)
I find it to be helpful in keeping me up to date with what's going on with friends
Those who spam it with shit, badly spelled posts simply get hidden on mine.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:06, Reply)
The applications look annoying too.
I've already had three invites for something called Farmville. I'm deleting this shit, it isn't worth my time or effort.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:10, Reply)
There is a way of blocking apps, then you can also block the person from sending you invites again.
It's very helpful.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:11, Reply)
I do that
I don't get to see who's playing Farmville or collecting the potion from Gandalf. Good luck to them, but not for me, ta.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:27, Reply)
Nah, Facebook can get to fuck.
I'll stick to email.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:29, Reply)
That's because facebook friends aren't necessarily friends
They're just 'people you know'. Granted, some of them are your friends too, but I think most of us have a large proportion of 'acquaintances' on our fb feeds.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:44, Reply)
Oh.
I made a point of finding the privacy settings before setting up the account. For some reason this bothers people, and I'm kind of confused as to why.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)
I used to have about 15 b3tans on mine, including several I'd never met
Now I think there's about 5, because the rest met me, and realised that I am a terrible penis.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)
I added quite a few b3tans recently, and have no problems with any of them
I have yet to complete the set, however.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:47, Reply)
Gotta catch them all.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:48, Reply)
Isn't that STDs?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)
Thanks
Nice to be compared to knobrot
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:53, Reply)
No, no.
You're bad AIDS.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:54, Reply)
Ahhh
That's OK then
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:56, Reply)
Like Happy Families

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)
I don't tend to add them anymore, as I just can't deal with the crushing rejection
Plus, I don't really know them that well.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:53, Reply)
Well, screw you then.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:56, Reply)
Be careful what you wish for.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:59, Reply)
Also, I have no idea what your name is, nor what you look like, and I have no idea if we share mutual friends
So finding you might be difficult!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:02, Reply)
yet

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:15, Reply)
You'll have to excuse my ignorance of these matters
but I thought the point of Facebook was to keep in touch with everyone except your family (and presumably your employers as well, if they're the sort to disapprove of pictures of your inebriated self last Friday night with only your tweed Speedos to cover your modesty, a bucket to cover your face and "friends'" comments implying that you might previously have been violated with a cucumber).
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)
Does this happen to you a lot?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:47, Reply)
There's a reason I'm not on Facebook.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)
Because of cucumbers?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:50, Reply)
I just put up embarrassing pictures of him instead.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)
You seem to take a perverse delight in doing so...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:55, Reply)
I'm looking at the "Straighten" image again.
Hehehehehehehe!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:55, Reply)
Are you kidding?
Facebook is the only way I can find out what DJ is up to, and often, what country he's in!
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:48, Reply)
Much as we'd like to hope so,
Liverpool is not a separate country.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)
That's a use for it, I guess.
But why people get offended when I've rejected their request is beyond me. It's only a sodding website FFS.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)
They are idiots.
Don't bother worrying about it.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:50, Reply)
Fair enough.
Mind you, they're a right pair of venemous little snakes though. Apparently I should be scared because they won't talk to me now, EVER AGAIN I MEAN IT DAMNIT.

They hardly ever spoke to me before.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)
I sometimes find myself becoming mildly aggravated when I discover I've been deleted off peoples friends lists
I then remember I'm not actually a child, and forget about it.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:54, Reply)
^^this
I doubt it's because they hate me or anything, it's just that I'm filling up their page with stuff they don't care about.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:06, Reply)
I only tend to notice when I want to show them something, and find they've disappeared.
And I'm certain that one is because they hate me. Don't blame them really!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:09, Reply)
I was deleted by a relative
she's mad.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:55, Reply)
Mental, or angry mad?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:57, Reply)
My problems are not solvable at this time.
Well, not without a supreme amount of effort, and the odd miracle or two.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)
OK then, another one
Once I've been sitting down for a while my achilles fucking knack when I start to move around again. Once I'm going they are OK. Have I gone rusty?
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:47, Reply)
Yes.
Drink some Castrol GTX.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:52, Reply)
*obliges*
A SUMPtuous idea
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:53, Reply)
It's age, mate.
If I sit down for more than an hour my hamstrings are ruined when I stand up again. Consequently I'll be running like a Deacon tonight, I expect.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:56, Reply)
It is really odd
This just seems to have started over the last two months or so.
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:59, Reply)
Oh god
I'm so riddled with arthritis now that once I've been sat down for more than five minutes it takes me ten to get back up again. My ankles are going faster than Usain Bolt on amphetamines.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:00, Reply)
I've just got a sense of horror and fear I can't shake.
I've no idea why, it just feels like something terrible is going to happen.

Also, I want something sweet and there's nothing sweet in the house.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:48, Reply)
Is Crow not there?
He could solve both problems.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:49, Reply)
I'm up in Manchester.
I've already asked him to join me :(

IKEA will calm me down and I will go to the baker's when I take my mum's DVD back.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)
Ironically, my last visit to Ikea put the fear of god into me...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:54, Reply)
Did he bend you over the kitchen counters?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:55, Reply)
It's funny because nobody else will understand this long and convoluted in-joke.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:23, Reply)
my problem is that neither Susannah Reid or Rachel Riley are currently in my bedroom.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:51, Reply)
THIS^

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:52, Reply)
I feel your pain, share it with me.
name the quote

yes I got it wrong, ahem - your pain runs deep, share it with me.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:57, Reply)
Sorry
Too busy thinking about Susanna Reid. By thinking, I mean wanking like a chimp on speed
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:58, Reply)
Tupac?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:58, Reply)
haha
i hope this is true
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:59, Reply)
it is.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:01, Reply)
and Star Trek V

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:03, Reply)
Sounds like something Sephiroth would say.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:04, Reply)
there was something similar in one of them but I heard it first on Star Trek.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:05, Reply)
"On your knees, I want you to beg for mercy"?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:08, Reply)
darth give aa his account back please.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:17, Reply)
It's a quote!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:27, Reply)
although I don't think that's the one Bobby intended.
I assume he meant the Trekkie quote.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:03, Reply)
he would, the massive uber geek

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:04, Reply)
I think the bigger problem would be that, even if they were in your room, they wouldn't touch you voluntarily

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:59, Reply)
It touches the Bobby or it gets the hose again

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 15:59, Reply)
haha ewwwwwww

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:01, Reply)
I like this!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:02, Reply)
you would, you massive perv

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:04, Reply)
I dunna sik in my mouf.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:04, Reply)
On the positive side
it means you won't be up on a charge of abduction and rape, though.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:00, Reply)
this is very true

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:02, Reply)
I've left it really late
in terms of organising everything for Friday, so my hair isn't done, I don't have a suitable bag, etc
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:03, Reply)
do you need a special bag for fridays?
maybe that's where I've been going wrong..
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:05, Reply)
It probably is
it needs to be sparkly and champagne coloured
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:08, Reply)
Bizarrely
I have a bag that exactly matches that description. But I don't think I can get it to you for tomorrow...
(berk, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:39, Reply)
As I understand it, there is an obligation to make a special effort to "get down on Friday."

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:08, Reply)
+s
A balloon would suffice.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:08, Reply)
I've now got a mental image of myself
sitting alone in my office on a Friday afternoon, trying to finish whatever I need to do after everyone else has cleared off, gingerly clutching the string of a balloon in one hand. This has made me slightly sad.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:12, Reply)
Are you wearing a propellor hat?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:14, Reply)
I've just told my cousin to google blue waffle.
Was this the wrong thing to do?
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:12, Reply)
*googles*
*VOMS*

Yes it was
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:14, Reply)
There are worse things
And it depends how old they are.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:14, Reply)
No, not unless you make them google
One man one jar, the BME pain olympics, and not forgetting the old faithful, Lemon party.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:14, Reply)
I haven't. But her facebook status said "Hmmm, should I have blueberry waffles for breakfast?"
and I couldn't help myself.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:18, Reply)
Tell me what it is then
I daren't google it - kids due home any minute.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:56, Reply)
It's a dripping blue minge.
Diseased, I suspect, although I can't identify the infection.

One man one jar is a guy shoving a jam jar up his arse and then it breaks, lemonparty is a geriatric gay threesome, two girls one cup doesn't involve melted chocolate ice cream and vegetable soup, and BME pain olympics involves hammers and bollocks.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:59, Reply)
I really wish I didn't know all this.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 17:00, Reply)
The hoover bag shop didn't have the hoover bags I needed
and soon the sawdust/hay covering on my floor will reach my neck and then I will die of hay poisoning.
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:18, Reply)
Ebay can be very useful for this
I have found.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:36, Reply)
also
the new compo makes me want an orange wagon wheel and those things haven't been made in years
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:30, Reply)
I don't remember the orange Wagon Wheel
I like the jammie ones though.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:33, Reply)
they were great
but the internet doesn't believe they every existed
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:44, Reply)
I need proof of the orange wagon wheel.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:45, Reply)
I can find nothing
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:51, Reply)
Why is it I can remember ice-cream flavoured Monster Munch but I've never heard of the orange Wagon Wheel.
I reckon you've made it up.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:52, Reply)
I really haven't
ice cream flavoured monster munch rings a bell
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:54, Reply)
This looks like the sort of thing Gonz would create.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:56, Reply)
Wiki doesn't believe you either Captain
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wagon_Wheels#Flavours
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 16:59, Reply)
they did exist
the mallow was orange and the chocolate was orange flavour
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 17:01, Reply)
Yeah chin-on mate.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 17:09, Reply)
Don't tell me, your dad (Bruce Lee) used to get them for you when he went abroad on secret spy missions.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 17:09, Reply)
yeah
but only when we were good
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 17:10, Reply)
Your dad should set up a decorating company with Jackie Chan

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 17:11, Reply)
Chuck Norris wants what?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 17:12, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 17:14, Reply)
he was too busy fighting dinosaurs

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 17:13, Reply)
IT'S ALL TRUE I TELL YOU
THEY SAID I WAS MAD, BUT ONE DAY THEY WILL BELIEVE MEEEEEEEE
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 17:09, Reply)

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