Someone just tried to punch Rupert Murdoch
who tries to punch an 80 year old?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 16:55, 6 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

cunt

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 16:55, Reply)

Rupert Murdoch is not an 80 year old.
He's a vampire who needs to work on his skin-care regime. The oleaginous cunt that he is.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 16:58, Reply)

The guy who did it got smacked in the face by Murdochs wife lol

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 16:59, Reply)

haha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:00, Reply)

Rupert Murdoch.
A man so tough, he has to hide behind his wife.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:00, Reply)

His wife won't get hit back
by a guy half her age who means it.
( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:01, Reply)

I'd hit that.
She is quite nice looking. Then again, Murdoch's sloppy seconds.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:03, Reply)

That's some stodgy porridge to be stirring, right there.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:06, Reply)

Urgh.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:06, Reply)

Oh, as if he's shagged her!
I doubt he could get the job done without the help of a scaffold. Or the pool boy.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:07, Reply)

I bet you'd go for a bit of the Murdcock.
Just think, Rupert Murdoch, breathing stolen voicemails heavily into your ear, as his hand slides down your bra and gently begins to caress a nipple, as you fold into him slowly breathing "Don't stop Rupert, don't ever stop..."
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:11, Reply)

actual cringing here

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:12, Reply)

Oh, so fantasising about me and Quixote dressed as characters from an excellent but tragically short-lived sci-fi western series is fine?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:14, Reply)

yes

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:17, Reply)

Alrighty then
If fanfics appear on your FB page I shall be unimpressed, however
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:18, Reply)

ooh, there's an idea...
And I'm a dab hand with photoshop, too
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Fuck
Anyone know a good lawyer?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:22, Reply)

no

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:27, Reply)

I'll take "crap but busty"

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:32, Reply)

And then you turn around to kiss him, and unzip his trousers, exposing his grey, withered member to the world.
And you take him slowly into your mouth, attempting to coax a bit of life into his winter-stricken limb...
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:12, Reply)

*boaks*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:13, Reply)

He whispers 'Oh that's good. You're one in a millie-on'

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:15, Reply)

topicalols

( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:15, Reply)

And as you suck on his ash-grey journalist's pen, he shudders, shouting "Freedom of the Press!"
As he uses his withered hands to finger you to orgasm.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:15, Reply)

And slowly, as you both undress, he picks you up, and puts you on the bed.
As you look up, you notice for the first time, the mirrored ceiling, allowing you to see every wrinkle of his sagging, fat backside. And then he enters you, moving slowly at first, but increasing in rhythm, finishing about two minutes later, collapsing on top of you, whispering in your ear your earlier promise of not selling your story to the Daily Mirror.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:18, Reply)

You have put WAY too much thought into this.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:19, Reply)

I could go on, if you like?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:21, Reply)

I'd *really* appreciate it if you didn't.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:22, Reply)

I could throw in Rebekah Brooks if you like, for a bit of three-way fanfic action.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:22, Reply)

*grabs popcorn*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:23, Reply)

I think this needs a new thread.
Actually, I'll do that now and leave you lot to it, as I'm off home in five minutes.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:24, Reply)

I'll stretch to shagging a pensioner
but a ginger is just WRONG.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Y'see?
I was bloody right! You WOULD shag Murdoch!
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Not Murdoch.
Just my husband.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:32, Reply)

It's official
You've spent too much time on here
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:19, Reply)

Perhaps.
It passes the time though. I was giggling my arse off typing that out, if I'm honest.

Old people sex- it's fucking gross.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:20, Reply)

except when you're old

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:21, Reply)

True, I suppose all the added wrinkles gives you a lot more choice, come to think of it.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:23, Reply)

Somebody who is strong and tough and definitely not a coward.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 16:59, Reply)

What's this got to do with the Milky Bar Kid?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:01, Reply)

Only the best phone messages are good enough.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:03, Reply)

Someone too thick and too anti-capitalist to realize that without businessmen like RM and companies like NC the western world would be destitute.
(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:01, Reply)

You should be his chubby bodyguard

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:03, Reply)

By the looks of it Wendi Deng is good enough.

(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:05, Reply)

Fuck me, how naive *are* you?
Or are you really a fiendishly intelligent troll out to wind us all up?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:03, Reply)

He's Monty's bastard offspring
Therefore he can blame all his flaws on his absentee father
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:08, Reply)

That bastard Monty, never seeing his kids.
It's fookin' disgustin'!
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:09, Reply)

It's a motherfucking disgrace
Oh wait, that's drugs. Monty would never protest against drugs.

Maybe speed.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:13, Reply)

Judging by all the custard on the bizzies and the perpetrator, I think he got shaving foamed rather than 'punched'

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:04, Reply)

That's whipped spunk.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:06, Reply)

Excellent!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:09, Reply)

mmm, tasty.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:11, Reply)

Apparently so
How the hell did they get shaving foam and a paper plate through? Should have taken a blade in and done a proper job while shouting "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:10, Reply)

A shoe is the only appropriate missile in these cases.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:12, Reply)

Mmmmnnn.
Louise Bagshawe
(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:08, Reply)

I dunno
on paper she's kind of good looking, but there is something missing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:11, Reply)

I think she's torybot's ideal woman though.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:12, Reply)

I thought that was Anne Widdicombe?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:15, Reply)

I think it's you love.
You're both Tories, I think it'd work out. The pillow-talk alone would be worth it.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:19, Reply)

I don't think It could work.

(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Come now, you're selling yourself short, dear boy.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:23, Reply)

And Widdecombe is too Traditionalist although this would hardly top my list of objections.

(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:23, Reply)

I mean this in the nicest possible way, mate
You'd be incredibly lucky to pull a girl like Amberl.

This is meant more as a compliment to her than an insult to you.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:25, Reply)

he's too fucking dim for a start

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Also, Amberl is pretty fucking picky
According to my incredibly sparse criteria
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:30, Reply)

does "having an orifice" count as criteria?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:31, Reply)

I meant she doesn't fancy me
and therefore is picky.

As is almost everyone who ever lived. Weird that.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:32, Reply)

once again something else we have in common

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:33, Reply)

This might be my least favourite one to date

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:36, Reply)

On the counterpoint it means
you and Vipros have a nice similarity in both having healthy longterm relationships
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:42, Reply)

Do you fancy his missus as well?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:44, Reply)

Right now there is only one person I fancy

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:44, Reply)

It's tortybot, isn't it?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:50, Reply)

Remember my rules
1) No-one under 21
2) No idiots
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Oh right yeah.
Fucked on both counts I think then.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:27, Reply)

or rather not-fucked

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:29, Reply)

There are a veritable feast to choose from.
sexymp.co.uk/
Look at the top 23.
(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:20, Reply)

none of them are doing it for me
#5 in particular has the look of someone hit by a shovel.

I find it odd that you look to MPs for women to fancy.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:24, Reply)

The site was mentioned in some papers and is run by one of the cast of "Made in Chelsea"

(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:25, Reply)

they should be burned alive

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Funny you should specify the top 23
as number 24 is the only halfway length-worthy woman on there.
( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:40, Reply)

I deliberately avoided her....

(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:43, Reply)

I am entirely unsurprised.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:44, Reply)

She's banging number 22.
They're both insufferable.
(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:45, Reply)

Interestingly
out of the 23 you have specified, only 9 are actually women.
( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:47, Reply)

Well I'm not talking about the men am I. Some of the others ain't bad too.

(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:49, Reply)

You deliberately said to look at the top 23.
which are either men, or women that look like men.
( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:50, Reply)

She's got a face like a breeze block.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:13, Reply)

she had the room underneath my ex at oxford
he told me 2 memorable things about her. on the first day, she was apparently wandering around saying "i feel like i'm drowning in honey" (i know it's 'brideshead'. she's still a twat).

and secondly, he said she was the noisiest screamer when shagging EVER.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Well she is a chick flick /romance author.

(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:28, Reply)

And therefore, surely dim as a burnt-out lightbulb?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:30, Reply)

Smart enough to have called her own novels
"Junk with no redeeming literary merit"
(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:33, Reply)

You say that as though quoting Brideshead Revisited
is some sort of defence against being a twat.

I'd say it compounds the original crime of being a vapid nob. I bet she dreams of Heathcliffe. And gossamer. I bet she fucking loves that word.
( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Just for Balance
Glenda Jackson. Women In Love is pseudo-intellectual tripe.
(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:38, Reply)