lunch?
I have a chicken, chorizo and chipotle mayo sandwich. Somewhere a Tesco's product developer is congratulating himself on listing potential sandwich ingredients alphabetically.

What have you got?

Alt: enough killing, you have the power to resurrect one person from history. Who and why?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:20, 113 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Jesus or Muhammad
See how long it is before their followers don't like what they're saying and kill them.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:22, Reply)

I suspect Jesus would just turn out to be a Jewish militant who happened to have a good PR department

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)

I bet they were both two quite smart guys
who just kept saying things like, "you know what I reckon??"
(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:34, Reply)

"why can't we all just get along?"
"apart from the gays, obviously."
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:33, Reply)

I never thought I'd say this to you Chompy
but I like this very much.
(berk, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Why are people so suprised to agree with me?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:38, Reply)

Because you're a relatively intelligent adult
and almost everybody else here is a desperate fucking idiot-child shut-in.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:40, Reply)

Well your parties must be a barrel of laughs.

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:48, Reply)

You wouldn't understand dear. They're too grown up and intelligent for you.
Have some jelly and ice cream, and go play in the sand pit.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Oh ok!
*pees in sand*
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:58, Reply)

oh, you would!
*gets out of sand pit*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

They don't feature pasty cellar-dwellers glued to mock-leather sofas dribbling pizza grease onto toy guitars.
If that's what you're asking.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

So you've seen her bash photos?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:30, Reply)

I've got my web filters set up to block all bash photos.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:35, Reply)

Okay, I'll bite
If we're all so childish and stupid why do you both carry on posting here? Are you masochists? Surely the feelings of superiority must wear off after a while.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Pity.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:40, Reply)

Is this part of your community service order then?

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:41, Reply)

I don't have a community service order.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:43, Reply)

So you're just really big on pity.
Goodness, how kind of you. Honestly, it's really good of you to spend your time with us here.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:46, Reply)

It really is.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:03, Reply)

I never said anyone was childish,
I only said it's weird how about three times a week someone says "I never thought I'd agree with you" to me.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:41, Reply)

I was referring to the remarks made by Dr. S

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:42, Reply)

So why didn't you reply to me?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:43, Reply)

Because I was replying to both of you but the childish remark was in reference to your comments.

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:45, Reply)

Don't you befuddle me with your internet witchcraft.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:46, Reply)

She's old and gets easily confused.

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:45, Reply)

No Chickenlady, don't bite. Never bite.
I can see him wetting himself with glee as he starts to concoct his scathing and witty reply as we speak.
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:43, Reply)

Good fucking grief.
Grow some balls. Really. See that address bar at the top of your browser? See the bit where it reads "b3ta"? Found it? Highlight that bit and replace it with "mumsnet".
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:46, Reply)

Yawn!

( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:53, Reply)

But sometimes I like to troll the trolls.

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:47, Reply)

But now I'm off outside
:)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Except neither of us is trolling.
What you actually mean is "sometimes I like to type replies to other people on a messageboard". Which really doesn't need stating explicitly since we can all see you doing it.

Except me. I have you on ignore for being a horrible troll.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:49, Reply)

Brilliant.
I turn up and join a thread, and it instantly dies. *takes it personally*

I have no lunch at the moment, mainly because I had breakfast at 11. Lie-ins FTW.

Alt: Nostradamus, so he can explain what the fuck he was talking about.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)

that thread was pretty much over an hour ago
this place is sparse today
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)

I just replied to you as well.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:26, Reply)

I saw that.
What is the Conan film, and should I be aware of it?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:28, Reply)

"does nothing hurt you?"
"ONLY PAIN"
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:29, Reply)

New take on Conan the Barbarian. Possibly NSFW:
www.sfx.co.uk/2011/07/20/conan-the-barbarian-three-minute-age-restricted-clip/
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:32, Reply)

Can't wait.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:43, Reply)

It was on its last legs when you jumped on board
/mrb3thlols
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:28, Reply)

aha ha ha. Aha. Ha.
*dies laughing*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:36, Reply)

food is for the weak. I'm off to pretend to be fit
alt: Van gogh, then I'd learn dutch and then I'd get him to teach me to paint good
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)

I think Van Gogh was a bit shit
his picture of a chair is fucking dreadful
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:41, Reply)

A chair, some flowers and a sky.
The guy had no imagination.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Rye bread, cheese and quorn ham. Walkers french fries.
Karen Carpenter. I'd give her a slap and a large pie.
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:37, Reply)

rupertmurdochlols

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:38, Reply)

I'm having the body of christ to keep me in eternal life.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:40, Reply)

leftover sausage, sweet potato, spinach and red onion frittata
alt: john bonham.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:41, Reply)

The entire history of human achievement and you'd resurrect somebody who could tap his foot quickly?
Jesus Wept.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:42, Reply)

I suspect a lot of the people others have suggested would struggle to adapt to modern life
alternatively: I don't give enough of a shit to have thought about the question and said the first name that popped into my head. Possibly because I've been listening to Led Zeppelin.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:45, Reply)

Stig of the Dump managed.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:46, Reply)

yes dear

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Catweazle didn't do so well.
*supportive*
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Catweazle scared the absolute fuckeroo out of me.
I was still traumatized when the cunt turned up on Worzel Gummidge.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:31, Reply)

I loved Catweazle. You big nancy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:40, Reply)

You're clearly filthy and wrong.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:42, Reply)

Lunch will probably be cereal of some sort.
Alt: Nikola Tesla. Just think what he could accomplish with the resources he would have today.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:46, Reply)

Also da Vinci.

( Kroney, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Mindpiss

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:48, Reply)

you'd think that
but if you brought back someone like Brunel there'd be so much stuff in the way of him getting things done that nothing would be accomplished.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:47, Reply)

That's why I went for Tesla.
I reckon people and governments would fall over themselves to give him anything and everything he needed.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:49, Reply)

someone else would bring back Ben Franklin
and then he'd steal Tesla's ideas
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:51, Reply)

Nothing, he'll waste all his time on facebook.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Coffee as I had a late breakfast
Alt: Leonardo Da Vinci so he could see how some of his ideas had turned out.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:47, Reply)

mostly untested weren't they?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Yes, they were but he had such an enquiring mind
and I think he'd be fascinated with how helicopters have developed.
And he could go and sort Dan Brown out too.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:53, Reply)

I would buy a ticket
to watch da Vinci call Dan Brown a twat.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:54, Reply)

they didn't develop from his ideas though
because his idea for a helicopter wouldn't work
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)

A lot of his futuristic ideas wouldn't work any more than a kid's drawings of spaceships.
But his ideas that he could base on actual working knowledge were really very good. If he had a chance to come to grips with modern engineering knowledge, I'm sure he'd be just as good.
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:57, Reply)

yeah
I'm just being contrary
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Contrary bugger ;-)

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:18, Reply)

I know that, which is why I think he'd be fascinated to see how they work today.

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:58, Reply)

HG Wells.
I would show him the world and say "so, what do you reckon?"
He would reply "I knew it, you people failed."
( Kroney, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Just show him a fucking smart phone that'll impress him.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Genghiz Khan, Socrates, Freud, Abe Lincoln, Joan of Arc, Napolean
and Billy the Kid.

Maybe some princesses.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:56, Reply)

Excellent!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:58, Reply)

*guitars*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:59, Reply)

Had a chicken balti pie, due to being unable to eat much
Alt: Jesus. While I think the whole miracles/son of God stuff was nonsense, I think he'd be interesting to talk to.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:00, Reply)

As long as you can speak Aramaic
Or whatever language he would have spoken...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Translator, innit.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:07, Reply)

We could teach him the "What if God was one of us..." song.
It'd be epic.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Pastrami salad sandwich.
The recipe needs work I think.

And as for people to bring back from history- Abraham Lincoln. He'd go mental on all the idiots in Congress these days.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)

It would be interesting to see
what Lincoln would think about a black president. As far as I understand it, the abolitionists were all for emancipation, but not necessarily equality.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:19, Reply)

On Man vs Food the other day, he had a double cheeseburger, topped with shitloads of pastrami
Looked amazing.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Abraham Lincoln was on Man vs Food?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Haha
I mean the presenter of Man Vs Food.

Bully
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)

I thought you were still talking about Abe Lincoln
amusing mental image.

EDIT: Mindpiss.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:26, Reply)

So how come you're not being called a bully?
I suspect AA of bullying ME.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:34, Reply)

He's made you the scapegoat
for his unclear writing.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Hitler
totally for the lulz.

also - those aren't in alphabetical order, you do know that? Or did you just mean the sandwich guru was selecting from the "ch" section?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:13, Reply)

likewise
bring back Bin Laden, just to piss the Americans off
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Yes, I meant when coming up with a new sandwich he picked three things next to each other
not on the packaging.

Someone at work pointed out that chipotle chutney would have worked even better than chipotle mayo.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)

John Lennon so I could play him N dubz, watch his heart break then kill him.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:26, Reply)

This is clearly the correct answer.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:30, Reply)

Lennon was never a music snob.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:31, Reply)

Obviously
or he wouldn't have married that talentless witch.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:33, Reply)

drugs are powerful things

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:34, Reply)

Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:35, Reply)

Christ.
This place really couldn't be any more low brow if it lived in a hutch filled with shredded Daily Mail headlines and chewed its own stools.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:38, Reply)

re-processing poo is a highly efficient mechanism for small herbivores, I'll have you know.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:54, Reply)

I've eaten rabbit shit as a toddler.
Never did me any harm.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:02, Reply)

without rabbit shit
you'd never have developed such magnificent facial hair.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 14:16, Reply)

He was a fucking awful cunt, though.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:38, Reply)

he was involved in some good songs
by which I mean Helter Skelter and Come Together
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Come Together has a nice guitar riff
But a nice guitar riff does not a good song make.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:51, Reply)

I like it
it was ahead of its time
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:52, Reply)

It's all yours.
Though I must admit I don't mind Aerosmith's version.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:54, Reply)

I haven't heard that
I shall have a listen later
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:55, Reply)

I think I'd actually tape all those fawning mawkish documentaries off the telly
that either fawn over how brightly the sun shone out of his arse, or the "100 greatest [insert meaningless accolade here] even though you know number 1's going to be fucking Imagine followed by Bo-fucking-hemian Cunting Rhapsodomy" and force him to watch every single one of them, just so he'd know what effect he would have on the slavering cretins who like nothing better than to masturbate over how much they love his shit music.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:49, Reply)

a kind of musical-documentary "Clockwork Orange"
then?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Yes
I might also do the same to Jesus, if I could pluck him out of time just before he spent his 40 days in the desert, and show him just how fucktarded some of his followers would become, and would he possibly like to think very carefully about what he's about to do?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:53, Reply)

Alt: Hitler.
Why? More killing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:37, Reply)

Oops I should have read other replies first.
Soz Mighters
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Jul 2011, 13:38, Reply)