i'm doing a masters in creative writing "for fun"
not quite sure how i thought i could fit oxford in at the same time as a full-time job, but there you are.

unbelievably at our public reading, about 4 agents and 1 publisher insisted on giving me their cards and keep haranguing me to send the novel to them. which was surprising because you would describe that piece as a cross between bridget jones and jilly cooper. anyway, they can't have it, for the simple reason it's 800 words long. soooooo, only another 99,200 to write then...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:44, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

How on earth do you fit that in your busy life?

( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:46, Reply)

i don't
this is why the deadline is early september and i have 28,000 words left to write :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:47, Reply)

I signed up with the Writers' Bureau about five years ago
I am currently still working on the first assignment.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Amphetamine sulphate.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:49, Reply)

That stuff just makes me want to clean a lot.

( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:51, Reply)

Makes me sniff alot.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)

*takes notes*
and where can I get some of this stuff?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)

that's some kerrrazy
drug experience right there
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)

That sounds fucking shit.

( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Well when I'm in a club I just dance a lot.
When I'm at home I clean a lot with some dancing inbetween.

This is all past tense btw.
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:57, Reply)

My father had lunch with Jilly Cooper once.
MORE INCREDIBLE FACTS TO FOLLOW!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Your Dad Bruce Lee?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)

The same.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:51, Reply)

Did he wrub her wrongtime?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)

He showed her awww de hevvenwee gworwee.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:54, Reply)

*Oscar*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I was stood next to Lawrence Dallaglio on the Waterloo and City line this morning.
THIS SUBTHREAD IS OFFICIALLY THE RICHEST IN FACTS TODAY.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)

I once pissed in the same toilet
that Prince Harry had just vacated.

I can confirm that cuffs match collar.
( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)

I played on the same stage as The Manics
just not at the same time. And I was in an orchestra.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Did you entirely ignore the Manics as they left stage
to their slight confusion and raising a slight smile from their bodyguard?

No? Not the same thing, then.

/ultimateapathy
( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:54, Reply)

it wasn't even on the same day

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)

what's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
i don't know and i don't care.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:59, Reply)

ignorance is about not knowing
not ignoring
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Yeah thanks for that Dr Johnson.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:05, Reply)

i can see his house from my window
/trivia
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Have you ever visited Leighton House?
That's near your home, I believe, and is beautiful.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:17, Reply)

no......
...... but i should do, i think!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)

*kicks monty*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:07, Reply)

Are you making a joke or suggesting that I'm not using apathy correctly?
Because I can assure you that I am.
( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:02, Reply)

just because i don't care
doesn't mean i don't understand
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:03, Reply)

In your case, my lovely
I doubt it's true.
( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:04, Reply)

you should see my new corset bra
it's-

hello? kroney? come back, i only said the word "corset" ...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Having read your "drooling from both lips" comment below
I don't think I'll ever get horny ever again. Especially over you!

Edit: No, it's a subthread. The worst has got worse.
( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:07, Reply)

haha
i am v happy with myself right now.

although i did just txt ye.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)

You should be
it takes a lot to make my blood run cold.
( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:11, Reply)

no it doesn't
mr shallow. anyone who isn't a perfect size 10 blue eyed blonde comes in for criticism!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:13, Reply)

I'm not actually a fan of blondes.
Black hair, blue eyes and I mostly prefer a 12.
( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:13, Reply)

They are more grateful
than the nice looking slim birds.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:14, Reply)

Grateful and willing.

( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:18, Reply)

I prefer girls with a figure.
10s tend a little towards boyishness, I find.
( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Boys are like that too.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Which would be why I'm straight.

( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:21, Reply)

I concur
dark hair also ftw
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)

woo

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)

as far as I can remember
I've never even kissed a blonde
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

i have

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

well done

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:31, Reply)

12 is not slim?! :(
/bloats
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

12 is fine. It's more to do with proportions than size.

( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:21, Reply)

maybe but if 12 is considered just about
ok, I might as well give up
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Don't listen to Kroney.
If I was a size 12 I'd be anorexic.
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Precisely, it's all about proportions
A 12 is just a rough guide. Who's that plus size model? She's in all the Evans shop windows. She is very fit.
( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)

you don't need the filler here
just "don't listen to Kroney" is pretty good advice.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Plus I suspect there is a strong vein
of hopefulness in their answers
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:31, Reply)

what about a 32?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)

As long as she wasn't sweaty.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)

if she's a size 32
there's going to be a lot of sweat oozing around those crevices even if she's sitting still in a refrigerator
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

OK, as long as there aren't pools of sweat
collecting on her.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:38, Reply)

and is 18 feet tall

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

+ year old

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:15, Reply)

I went clubbing with their singer James once.
We went to Metalheadz in Hoxton Square.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I ignored the band James once.

( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:56, Reply)

you do a good line in snubbing

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:57, Reply)

I once snubbed Ann McCaffrey
and not even on purpose.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:59, Reply)

good work
her books are 2 dimensional and dull, yet I still want a dragon to ride. Damn her
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:03, Reply)

some of them are actually very good
the one where the people arrive on the planet from space for example
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Did they get up to play, only for you demand that they sit down?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:57, Reply)

They were at Guilfest a few years back.
They were in the backstage area and, like twats, had kicked their football over the fence. One of the faceless ones asked me to get it for them.

I ignored them.
( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:03, Reply)

Should have picked up their football and then said
"What fucking football, you little cunt?"
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:05, Reply)

I thought that if I'd acknowledged them
I'd be reinforcing their belief that they're worthy of notice.
( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)

I'd have punctured their ball.
Twatted the biggest one until he bled from his wee-wee.
And told the rest to "Get to fuck".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)

I saw
Jordan in the airport once, she's tiny... Well, most of her is if ya know what I mean. Her Vag is HUGE.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:57, Reply)

I saw the Cheeky Girls in Malaga airport once.
AND I saw PAUL YOUNG at Heathrow!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:59, Reply)

I saw Nigel Benn at Tenerife airport.
And that bloke off 4 Weddings and the Thin Blue Line lives near me and I saw him in the pub not two weeks ago. (Monty, 4 Weddings is "film")
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:01, Reply)

My best spot OF ALL TIME by a country mile
was, in London Fields - BARRY 'GEORGE' BULSARA!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:04, Reply)

Arnie Schwarzenegger
airport again, very short man.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:07, Reply)

I imagine he was trying to get his asss to Marsss.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:08, Reply)

GET TO DA CHOPPA!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)

I banged Sam Fox ages ago.
Before she was a lesbian like.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Hence why she became a lesbian?

( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:13, Reply)

Hey, whatever they want once I'm done!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:15, Reply)

*inarticulate yelling*

( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:12, Reply)

^ 'FILM' REFERENCE ^

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:10, Reply)

What are the chances of that happening!???!! I mean!!!
Did you ask him if he had any E's?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Did you offer to go double dating with his sister?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:54, Reply)

i am sure one of my clients lives in the manor house she based rupert campbell-black's family house on
if i have to go on a site visit, i just stand on the terrace and drool from both sets of lips whilst picturing the haughty arrogant blue eyed love god stalking up from the ha-ha.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 12:57, Reply)

"drool from both sets of lips"
*shudders*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:04, Reply)

could have been worse
at least my arse was nice and warm and dry
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:05, Reply)

Hahaha!
Small mercies, eh?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)

given the proximity of arse to minge
this is not always the case
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:07, Reply)

Only "The Road To Grimsby" inbetween
Smells of fish and leads to a shithole
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:10, Reply)

i like this
firstly because it's gross. secondly because my friend's dreadfully obnoxious husband is from grimsby and makes out like he is v v posh.

ha.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Oh dear that must take some effort on his part. It's a fucking hole*


*and spasticated 'goths' go there, making it even worse
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:14, Reply)

mummy and daddy's house has a tennis court and a swimming pool
apparently this makes him posh. despite the fact that said house/pool/court is located in a town which would be equivalent to a cardboard box in london...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:25, Reply)

With land at 50p a square mile the wankers could have a golf course in their garden and it would not impress.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:31, Reply)

Isn't it Whitby they go to?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Oh I don't know. I was just being rude about 'goths' and the north.
I think you're right actually.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

Can I please have this? ^

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:12, Reply)

But of course

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:13, Reply)

You repulsive little man.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:14, Reply)

Please
Repulsive tall man
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 13:14, Reply)