Evening Benders.
I'm accidentally drunk.

How are you all doing?

Alt:- What part of your body do you most like and why?
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:32, 129 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My vagina.
It's warm and moist and things can go in it.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:40, Reply)

filthy minx

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:45, Reply)

Sometimes I scare myself by how filthy I am b3th.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:46, Reply)

I daren't answer the question myself, in case it's self absorbed.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:48, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:49, Reply)

Although...
I will add this: I added someone on fb today, and I'm not sure who it is. I wonder if it's a b3tan.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:51, Reply)

*waves*

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:52, Reply)

I know I added *you*
*waves back*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:53, Reply)

Have you laughed at my shit photos yet?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:55, Reply)

I haven't.
Am I supposed to?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:55, Reply)

It's what everyone seems to do
but I never remember
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:57, Reply)

I've just had a quick look
and you appear to have a couple of pictures of DJTP.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:02, Reply)

One from a bash
and the other I think from a gig in London
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:02, Reply)

Daft woman.
Don't add people willy nilly. They might steal your FB soul or something.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:53, Reply)

I don't have a soul.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:56, Reply)

I'm good thanks
I'm not drunk but that's because there is only Carlsberg and vodka in the house.

Alt: I like my hands.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:42, Reply)

I only have wine which normally would be fine but I've had chinese food and I don't like wine after chinese food : (
And I can't be arsed to go out for beer.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:43, Reply)

Of course now I really really want beer.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:50, Reply)

How close is the shop?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:51, Reply)

20 min walk there and back.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:53, Reply)

That's not so bad
Go on. I'll have a rubbish Carlsberg in celebration
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:54, Reply)

No, I'm going to be good and have wine tomorrow night.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:55, Reply)

Selfcontrol at it's finest

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:57, Reply)

*prouds*

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:05, Reply)

My eyes are by far my best feature
I'm alright. I'm trying to persuade myself that I want to go for a run, but I'm failing badly.
(berk, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:52, Reply)

Have sex/a wank instead.
It's better excercise anyway.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:53, Reply)

If I go for a run it'll burn 700-odd calories
even the most athletic sex won't burn that, and seeing as tennis boy is not here this evening, it'd be a hand shandy and that really won't burn 700 calories.
(berk, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:55, Reply)

It would if you did it for long enough.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:56, Reply)

Wriggle around a lot.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:57, Reply)

700 calories is an awful lot of masturbatory flailing
an awful lot.
(berk, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:59, Reply)

I was supposed to go to the gym after shopping but thankfully I had a headache.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:54, Reply)

You have ace eyes

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:54, Reply)

Aw, thankyou very much
I was in Oxford yesterday, and thought of you. I think that's the first time I've been without coming and saying hello!
(berk, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:56, Reply)

Just as well since I'm in Bristol!
What were you there for?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:56, Reply)

I had another interview for a job I don't want and which I suspect I will be offered
but I also have an interview next Friday in Oxford for a job I do want, and which I suspect, as I want it, will not be offered.
(berk, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 20:58, Reply)

Pretend you don't want it.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:02, Reply)

Best of luck with the one you want
I'm not even getting interviews
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:03, Reply)

It took a while for me to get interviews as well
even now, when I've got experience. Fresh out of uni was even harder. Be patient, you'll get something. What kinds of stuff are you applying for?
(berk, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:04, Reply)

To be fair not much
I haven't quite come round to the idea that compromise is necessary yet
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:11, Reply)

A 2ii is not a barrier to a successful career
my advice is to apply for anything and everything that takes your fancy. It;s hardly a major hassle to write an application, after all, and you never know...
(berk, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:17, Reply)

I'm not even getting 'fuck off and die' letters.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:05, Reply)

My mum broke my tele, my PS3 doesn't work and I can't go out tonight for my mate's birthday because I don't have ID (I'm twenty).
But I did buy a nice pair of trousers in town earlier.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:00, Reply)

My left moob.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:24, Reply)

Daniel Day Lewis's least successful film...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:25, Reply)

Don't you mean Daniel Day Lewis?
Cheeky ninja!
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:26, Reply)

*whistles*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:28, Reply)

Everning all
chatting to a girl about her cat who's scared of strangers, I reckoned he wouldn't like me then. She replied that she'd wait till I passed out drunk and rub crevette (it's a prawn thing) in my beard - then he'd groom me and think we were mates.

I objected, pointing out that when I woke up I'd say, "Oi, why is my face all sticky and fishy-smelling?"

There was a long pause, as it slowly dawned on me that what I'd said could be taken MORE THAN ONE WAY.

Fortunately she pissed herself laughing rather than getting the hump.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:32, Reply)

HURR HURR HURR
'taken more than one way'
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:34, Reply)

eggsaccccchly

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:35, Reply)

wachoo up to tonight then?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:37, Reply)

catching up on Sirens
with a bottle of non-vintage merlot/pinot grigio.

Then probably The Adjustment Bureau.

I spent most of today shredding - well, half shredding and half unblocking the crap shredder - as I discover that I really never throw anything away.

I probably don't need wage slips and phonebills from 2002.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:41, Reply)

Our shredder is like that too.
It needs a rest every half an hour or it gets overheated.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:42, Reply)

mine seems to chew more paper than it cuts
and pack it nice and tightly deep inside the mechanism until it grinds to a halt and I have to fish/cut a load out with a kitchen knife,
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:45, Reply)

How the fuck can you be accidentally drunk?
and also who are you?

Are we still doing "fuck off Bert"?

Who am I? Where am I what's going on and is there any chance of stopping it?

Beaker: I totally made pizza, it may not have been awesome but nobody died and this is a good thing.

Alt: My cock, for obvious reasons, although my hand are pretty special and my brain is nice when it's being Compliant.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:44, Reply)

Catomaigi's been here before and not Bert in the slightest.
I think.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:46, Reply)

No, didn't thinks so, more a comment on being friendly to people these days.
anyway am easily confused and my have found some of my favourite cherry beer on Borough Market. *happy face*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:54, Reply)

Beadle hand.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:47, Reply)

This too
It makes my cock look massive. which is nice.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:55, Reply)

Hell yeah!

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 21:58, Reply)

except occasionally it looks like I'm being wanked off by a child
which is frankly disturbing.

Did I miss anything interesting today?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:00, Reply)

Apart from Amy Winehouse dying.....no.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:03, Reply)

seriously?
Ah well, I suppose she was due. Wish it had been that other tit though, whatsisface docherty, Musically she was al-right. *awaits appearance of Monty to tell me how wrong I am*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:06, Reply)

Yeah! she was found dead in her flat.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:06, Reply)

Only a matter of time I suppose.
still a bit of a shame, I suppose I haven't seen or hears =d any news today. I feel like cold pizza, nom nom nom. I put too many anchovies on but I don't care it's my baby.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:11, Reply)

Oh and the Norway bomber was a right wing Christian Norwegian.
Whodathunkit!
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:16, Reply)

Yay!
about time that lot did something for a change. You know what I mean and it'll shut the rightwing christian nut nuts up for a bit.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:18, Reply)

I went out after work on Friday and I've just got home.
Why does this sort of thing happen?

Alt: eyes.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:00, Reply)

Because you're a fucking party animal Jeff.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:04, Reply)

Yes! :-)

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:07, Reply)

Don't knacker yourself out before you take us up the pier.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:17, Reply)

Don't worry Blousie.
I won't do a Winehouse.

How are you honey? What have you done this weekend.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:21, Reply)

I totally got my hair cut how I wanted it.
You'll hate it though.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:23, Reply)

Wooh there!
Why would I hate it?

It is universally agreed that my haircut makes me look like a twat.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:24, Reply)

It's quite severe.
Nah! you don't look like a twat : )
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:26, Reply)

Flirty away babes.
I'll be asleep in 10 minutes! :(

How short is your new barnet?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:30, Reply)

Just the sides very short and the top and back really long.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:32, Reply)

You make it sound like a mullet.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:33, Reply)

I know hahahah!
When I mean very short, I mean shaved which takes it out of mullet territory.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:41, Reply)

Sounds fun.
What prompted the change?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:34, Reply)

Her Love for Billy Ray Cirus

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:38, Reply)

Don't break my heart.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:39, Reply)

My achey breaky heart.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:41, Reply)

Luckily
I cannot remember any more of the lyrics to this song.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:43, Reply)

I just don't think you'd understand.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:43, Reply)

Cause if you break my heart.
My achey breaky heart
Something something something something
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:47, Reply)

*Sobs*
That was beautiful.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:50, Reply)

I'm having another mid life crisis.
I'm overdue.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:42, Reply)

But you rock.
Can't you buy a motorcycle instead?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:44, Reply)

Getting a hair cut wont kill me Jeff.

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:50, Reply)

I don't want you to die.
Have another haircut.

Or buy a sportscar.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:51, Reply)

My dad's trying to get me to have a new bimmer he's seen.
Soft top and sporty but I'm happy with what I have. It's only because then he can borrow it when he wants to.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:53, Reply)

If he is prepared to pick up the tab, then take it!
I'm sure you've already said you get free fuel!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:54, Reply)

I'm not the soft top sporty type Jeff.
I'm the old reliable classic that's a bit knackered type.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:55, Reply)

You're a modern classic Blousie.
I'd take out special insurance for a couple of thousand miles a year on you!

I'll review this after a tab, to see if this comment is as complimentary as it's meant to be.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:58, Reply)

Hahaha!
Fanku!!
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:59, Reply)

heheheh
I'll overlook your UNFAITHFUL undertones below.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:04, Reply)

What can I say Jeff?
I'm a player.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:06, Reply)

Get a motorbike.
That's all I can say.

:(
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:07, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:11, Reply)

*sobs*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:12, Reply)

every one sems to be doing that lately
well, you, me and Cavey anyway. I don't think it is, I think it something deep that's better expressed in a cartoon I remember, hang on BRB.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:45, Reply)

http://xkcd.com/150/
God I love XKCD on it's good days.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:46, Reply)

hahaha!
I wish there were grown up ball play pen pits.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:49, Reply)

Balls are very cheap....
all you need is a spare room. Wow, I wonder what it would be like to have sex in a ball pit....
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:01, Reply)

*puts up hand*
I have a spare room.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:03, Reply)

I have some balls.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:07, Reply)

*formulates a plan*
Very quickly!
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:11, Reply)

Did you get any action? Wahey

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:04, Reply)

No :(
But I have had a number of shots, we were debating in the pub what's more lethal, that bloke in norway or JD.

How many shots did it take to kill Winehouse?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 22:09, Reply)

Goodnight!
I'm off to my pit. Not ball pit unfortunately.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:12, Reply)

Or the sort of pit a motoracing team would use for a motorbike either is my guess.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:13, Reply)

Any good Winehouse jokes yet?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:27, Reply)

Yes.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:30, Reply)

hit me

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:33, Reply)

Baby one more time.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:34, Reply)

my dyslexic friend just called
apparently someone died in an Army Warehouse in London.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 24 Jul 2011, 0:31, Reply)

They tried to start me with a defib I said ... ... ...

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 24 Jul 2011, 0:34, Reply)

internet pincher!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 24 Jul 2011, 1:15, Reply)

I have ransacked facebook for your entertainment
You asked "Any good Winehouse jokes yet?", not "have you personally crafted a bon mot on The Winehouse Foofaraw?"

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 24 Jul 2011, 1:23, Reply)

a cuddle!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 24 Jul 2011, 10:54, Reply)

juicy jugs!
night all.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:36, Reply)

I'm intentionamally drunk
I need a shave. Every time I try to grow a beard it looks like tramp pubes (probably, I guess, why would I know anyway?)

Alt: My nose is a pleasing shape I guess, but I suffer from every allergy under the sun and supplement the times I'm not with colds. So my nose causes me incredible discomfort. Well, it's not the fault of the nose directly....aw fuckit, I'll go for my shoulders instead, they're nice and broad and don't get blocked.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Sat 23 Jul 2011, 23:38, Reply)

Tramp pubes
I've not seen your beard, or tramp pubes, but I bet your beard looks lovely. I do like a beard on a man.

When you try to grow a beard next, let me know, and I will pop round and rub something into it to help the hair grow thicker. (There is a small chance that this is an attempt at mollesting your underage beard.)
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Sun 24 Jul 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Sounds good to me
You can't beat a bit of beard-rubbage. What would this 'something' be?
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Sun 24 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)

I don't know exactly what.
But I would make sure that it was something nice like brown sauce or coconut oil.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Sun 24 Jul 2011, 13:04, Reply)

Just as long as it's not crevette.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 24 Jul 2011, 13:30, Reply)

there is a thought though
I could open a beard growth clinic, and rub baldy beardy men with prawns and various sorts of langoustine depending on how much they will pay me.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Sun 24 Jul 2011, 16:17, Reply)

Tuppence ha'penny
What say ye?
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Sun 24 Jul 2011, 16:56, Reply)

For two and a half pence.
I will rub used tea bags into your beard, whilst humming the tune to top cat.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Sun 24 Jul 2011, 17:21, Reply)