72 fluffy virgins...

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:35, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

yeah but still,
you'd be doing your thing and thinking "Man this doesn't feel right."
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:37, Reply)

In line with my attempt to be less creepy
I must agree with you, in public anyway.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:38, Reply)

But inside you disagree, don't you?

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:39, Reply)

*Sweats and looks shifty*
No, not at all I'm normal, quite normal and not creepy at all.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:41, Reply)

The thing is, why the desire for virgins. They can't be much cop in bed.
Surely the promise of 72 dirty sluts would be more of an incentive to blow something up.
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I dunno, cos Heaven can only have pure unsullied beings?
so the dirty sluts would never get in?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:39, Reply)

And therefore who the fuck wants to go there other than dullards and benders?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Exactly this.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:54, Reply)

For you or me, yes.
for the average fundamentalist not so much it would seem, but then if you can believe in an all powerful sky pixie who for some reason needs you to blow shit up for him, well you can believe some pretty nonsensical shit quite frankly.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Virgins can be alright, their enthusiasm is good fun
But having to be oh-so-gentle can ruin it.

Also the whole complaining "Who are you? Where's Mummy?", etc etc
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:43, Reply)

What if you're a female suicide bomber?
Does that mean you get 72 male virgins? God, that would be an exciting night...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:45, Reply)

well, they'd all be terribly happy and excited...

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:46, Reply)

well, it'd be a fun two minutes

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

72 X 2 minutes = nearly 2 and a half hours
so by the time you'd done all 72 the first one would probably have recovered, so if you arranged then all in a giant circle.....
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:50, Reply)

it's like the human centipede but for sex.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)

a "gravy" train if you will

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:55, Reply)

ooh god.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:56, Reply)

You have some very strange thoughts young lady.
Are you the one who's dating the lovely Noel?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:56, Reply)

yeah I am...the poor bugger...
for clarification - he's the poor bugger. Not me.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Good for you.
He seems genuinely lovely and I'm sure you do him nothing but good.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:59, Reply)

oh thank you :)
He is very lovely yes.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:01, Reply)

We're mostly in agreement that Noel is the most awesome guy on here.
And I've heard nothing but fantastic things about Poppet, just disappointed I didn't get to meet her in person! Stupid snow.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:01, Reply)

OK, so what happens if Noel and Gonz have a fight?
Who do we love most, or does the world end?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I think the universe would implode.

( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Gonz is an unutterable cunt.
If he dies then the world improves almost immeasurably.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Wouldn't happen.
Couldn't.

If that level of awesome collided, who knows what could happen?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Gonz would babble in the manner of an excitable tweenager
but with that unpleasantly drooly fat-lipped-old-jewish-grandmother thing distracting you from anything he was actually saying. Noel would be glancing around awkwardly for an excuse to leave and then notice that Gonz has womanly hips. Incredibly womanly hips. Enough to cause people to genuinely wonder whether he is a woman and whether this would make him/her more or less sexually revolting.

Then chinese food and hollyoaks and horrific sex.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:11, Reply)

why did you have to post this?
Now I'm picturing it and I need mindbleach to ever look at my boyfriend without it going RAAAAAAARGH at the front of my mind.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Is your relationship really that precarious?
Just because all intimate contact will now be accompanied by images of gonz's bulging watery eyes glaring down at you. The fatsweat beading on his reddened, chicken-grease forehead. Waiting waiting for it to drip onto your cheeks and dilute the tears of disgust and self-hatred.

Still ... at least you won't need to resort to dance classes as a sex replacement.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:21, Reply)

I like you.
You make me laugh and retch at the same time.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Success!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)

And the award for Trying To Hard goes too..... that's right, it's a landslide victory.... SHAMBLES !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)

*touches nerve*

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Autistics also have trouble interpreting people's attitude and feelings.
/ac
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Nonsense. He's an insufferable swine.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

*adds data to map of monty's likes versus reality*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Sounds like Crunchy's standard weekend.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:46, Reply)

I think the female bombers get shopping vouchers.

( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I could live with that...

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:48, Reply)

^this.
*orders fertiliser*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Catface?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:49, Reply)

are you saying you'd use your voucher on the fertiliser?

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Fertiliser is used to make bombs.

( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:51, Reply)

I know but I couldn't work out if she'd be using the fertiliser for the bomb or for the redemption of her voucher.
I'm a bit slow sometimes..
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)