*tumble weeds and cricket sounds, sitting on the front porch on a cold night drinking a glass of sasperella listening to those new beach boy boys on the wireless... in a stained vest with shotgun by my side*
Well now pilgrims, lovely night we have ourselves here. It's nights like these that I'm happy to be here in the great state of southern carolina. I has me sasperella, I has old Monster *maingy mutt by my feet looks up and back down again* and I has me music. I reckons on a night like this, all a man needs is the company of a good women, I miss mrs gonz to tell you the truth, I miss her something bad, gawd rest here soul. Still though, I have the cool calming night air, I has my sasperella, and I has me memories. God's not been to kind to me, delt me a fair few blows, but heck, I don't mind, and I'll tell him so when I meet him myself.

Tonights for my troubles of a long day, I gone done made myself a pasta with a slightly mustardy creamy sauce with fried onions and liver with a nice crust. I even, gosh dang it, I even flombayed the whole thing and thought for a moment that I'd set fire to the kitchen...*cackle and thigh slaps*... I used a whole mini-bottle without thinking about it, WOOSH, I never did see such a flame in all my days. Only trouble though, during the whole cooking process, the crones kicked in out of the blue and I lost my apptite. Tasting good, really really good, just can't stomach anything solid.

Anyway, partner, I'll scootch over on this here swinging chair, open up another bottle of a cold one, and you can tell me what troubles you.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 19:57, 110 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

*idles up and courtsies lightly*
Evenin' Gonz, I was just passin' by on my way outta town. Seems to be there ain't money around to be made so I reckon I'ma head east. I've got family back there, ain't seen mah momma in years, and daddy ain't doin' too good last I heard.
They's openin' a new facktry. And I reckon I oughta just see if I cain't get me a job there. Ole Arthur's eatin' up momma purty bad and she cain't pull many more shifts at the diner. And I ain't got me a fella to help with the wolves.
Times they are-ah changin'.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:03, Reply)

Indeed they are pre''y lil' lady, indeed they are.
I's reckons that be a fine idea, a mighty fine one. But how 'bout this for ya' consideration, something to mull over at yar convinance. In 'em ol' country, just east of the alantic, yar' got plenty o' friends on that side of the pond and I dare say ya'culd make quite a life for ya'self. But if thems be trouble with ma' and pa', if it be, gawd forbid, their times comin' up, that that's where ya' gotta be pointin' 'em 'ere wagons. Heck, the queen was here before ya' and she'll be there after, sure, might 'ave turned into a king by then, but ma sentaments still stand, and ya'll be more than welcome when the times right.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:14, Reply)

You reckon I should just jump ship and head over the pond?
I'm not sure they'd have me, I don't have any special skills or nothin'.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:34, Reply)

Study Visa, innit, until you get on your feet. Plenty of people would be happy to sponsor you, if they even do that over here.
I think I'd love for you to move to my area, I really would, you're ace on so many levels. We could be really offline good friends, I think.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:38, Reply)

Oh Gonz, you're so swell.
You make me want to sell my car to buy a dinghy and sail over.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:17, Reply)

I think you'll find you row a dinghy and you sail a yact.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:18, Reply)

I think you'll find a yact has a motor
I can attach a sail to a dinghy
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:29, Reply)

Fuck off Howard's Way!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:31, Reply)

You're the one talking about yachting, and so should call yourself Howard's Way
and then tell yourself to fuck off
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:33, Reply)

Shouldn't you be working?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:34, Reply)

Probably.

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:37, Reply)

Or at least thinking about your next move!
*Focus K, FOCUS!*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:40, Reply)

But Gonz has me dreaming of running away to a "foreign" country

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:41, Reply)

Well dream away.
Who am I to get in the way of the american(s) dream.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:42, Reply)

:(

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:44, Reply)

Spastic.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:44, Reply)

Go on then.

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:45, Reply)

No joke, consider all the facts, all the pluses and downs, keep in mind that you can always go home if it doesn't work out....
... and although I said it light heartedly, if you ain't happy where you are, it might not be a bad idea. Naturally they'd be loads of downsides, but think about it. I can hook you up with work, it's shit work, really really shit, but it's still work, and you can always sofa-hop for a few months 'till it's alright.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:34, Reply)

I sounds wonderful, yet incredibly unrealistic

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:44, Reply)

Shame =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:50, Reply)

:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
ah man, I so want to, must wait for passport
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:53, Reply)

Don't dismiss, think about it, passports can be gotten =)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:34, Reply)

seems like you got yourself a might fine feast there
and gosh darn it this ole town is truly God's own country.

There ain't no badness marrin' mah world right now, Ah truly am blessed.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:13, Reply)

That you are, ma'am, that you are.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:28, Reply)

YO YO YO wagwan bredren?
Mi bludclart art attack wi' Neil Buchanan innit.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:16, Reply)

they be some strange words
yer be utterin' there young one. Care to make a little more clarification for us regular folks?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:18, Reply)

REEEAH blud', whi'boi' be chattin' all rear-tair-tair all in frontda telly thinkin' 'e be 'eavy.
What ever happened to ya' dreams and asperations blud? Now the highlight of ya' day is masturbation, blud.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:30, Reply)

I've just had my hair restyled even shorter
and I'm worried that I'm too unbelievably hot looking for society.

What should I do Gonz ol' buddy, ol' pal?
( djtrialprice, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:18, Reply)

Fool of a Took!
Everyone knows long hair is where it's at.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:23, Reply)

We both know that
but unfortunately society disagrees. More proof people are idiots.
( djtrialprice, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:26, Reply)

Poofters.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:47, Reply)

It'll be a right shame to waste all that hotness on just one girl, esspesh one that's loved up and all that so would get back with you if you play around anyway.
Might as well come out on the pull, we'll drop a few Es, fight the bouncers, churps up the birds, snort some lines, get ourselves chucked out so make our way down to a club, then at 3 in the morning have a kabab and ask the cab driver if he knows anyone who'll give him a commision, if you know what I mean. Could go for twins, I'll have a look on www.punternet.com in advance, see if I can find a place that takes credit cards with arabic names, if you know what I mean.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:34, Reply)

I defrosted some mushroom duxelles
escaloped a chicken breast and then rolled up the duxelles and some camembert in it, wrapped that in pancetta, drizzled on some olive oil and baked for 30 minutes.

Mushroom Duxelles makes everything awesome.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:21, Reply)

i don't know what you said but it sounds amazing
shambles was half right
i wouldn't say we have bland food, but boring food
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:33, Reply)

Mushroom paste.
It only sounds amazing if you use them there fancy frenchie words.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:45, Reply)

yeah
not so exciting now
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:30, Reply)

What's a duxelles? When you say escaloped, do you mean you butterflied, hammered and then breadcrumb'd it?
I'm afraid the old stuffed chicken with cheese and bacon thing isn't for me, I can't say I've had it, but I just can't imagine enjoying it. I know lots of people who do that as 'their dish', Sexface did for example, but I think it needs something more crunchy and something more saucy.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:36, Reply)

Yeah. But you can't tell the difference between smoked and unsmoked bacon.
So you might as well just dip some salt'n'vinegar crisps in munch bunch yoghurts.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:46, Reply)

Not unless they're side-by-side.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:49, Reply)

yum!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:49, Reply)

As soon as I typed it I thought "I wonder ... "
I can now confirm that it doesn't work.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:50, Reply)

depends on the flavour yoghurt, I guess

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:51, Reply)

Mebbe.
But I'm off to the pub. A full suite of experiments will have to wait until tomorrow.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:53, Reply)

escaloped - just hammered it flat
butterflying is for girls.

Mushroom Duxelles, you take mushrooms and shallots 2:1, mince and cook them intensely in butter until all the moisture is sweated out and it's pastelike, then you add brandy and worcester sauce and it just slurps up the flavours.

Then use it or freeze it in pencils wrapped in tinfoil and defrost as much as you need. Good for stuffing things or dropping in casseroles for a mushroom flavour.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:50, Reply)

Ahhhh, like on a beef wellington ! Learn something new every day.
I've got some amazing dried mushrooms, or at least, I hope they are. there are 4 different types that I got from a chinese supermarket in Brighton
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:02, Reply)

yes it's that stuff
also what's in a Shooter's Sandwich, which is the recipe I used to make it.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:34, Reply)

How did that turn out? Have you considered food-blogging on coll3ctive ?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:39, Reply)

delicious
I only do a few things really, not sure I'd have enough to write about.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:49, Reply)

aight nillas?
I have an innerview tomorrow.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:50, Reply)

woo!
what for?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:50, Reply)

another catalogue modelling job.
Knitwear.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:53, Reply)

seriously?
good luck, then
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:53, Reply)

Fiona Bruce's PA?

( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 20:53, Reply)

if only.
Antiques Roadshow was in town today, but due to the ongoing legal troubles I had to stay 50 metres away. How's she meant to see my cock from that distance? A fucking joke.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:00, Reply)

should have mailed her a telescope before hand
you need to get better at planning
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:03, Reply)

I am banned from 'writing' to her.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:13, Reply)

Panty Attendant?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:00, Reply)

as above, so below.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:02, Reply)

Good work PD
I hope you get it so you can unleash HELL on your current fuckers.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:11, Reply)

Evening hon!
How's your day been?
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:12, Reply)

Hectic!
I called a 7.30am meeeting this morning. Just to prove a point.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:12, Reply)

Wow! you have power to call meetings?
I'm impressed.
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:13, Reply)

I call all manners of things Blousie.
Doesn't mean people will listen to me.

How are you?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:16, Reply)

I'm good.
Monday off next week which is nice.
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:20, Reply)

Woo! A great chance for you to be a dirty stop out/in this coming weekend then!
What will you do with your day off?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:21, Reply)

Not sure yet. *shrugs*
What are you up to?
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:23, Reply)

I'm going to try and meet up with Lighty on Saturday
Aside from that, it looks sunny this weekend, so I dare say I'll be found with a pint at one of the many events here www.bristolharbourfestival.co.uk/
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:25, Reply)

It only seems like five minutes you were at another Bristol festival.

( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:43, Reply)

What can I say Blousie.
Bristol is well party innit.

At the moment, we've got people roaming the city trying to locate www.bristolzoo.org.uk/wow-gorillas all of the Gorillas. There were 60, then 59 (the one painted by Timmy Mallet got torched) but he painted a new one, so we are back up to 60 again now.

It all happens in the West Country.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:47, Reply)

It certainly does.
No wonder you're pissed all the time : )
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:51, Reply)

There is just too much going on Blousie.
No wonder I've not been on the pier yet.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:56, Reply)

I'll send a gaz, but it looks like b3th's going too
:(((( Fucks sake don't put these things on calendar otherwise allsorts turn up
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:04, Reply)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:12, Reply)

yeah, if you ever sort out a pub

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:02, Reply)

point being?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:14, Reply)

I'm sick to death of cunts who insist on 'extending' the working day with 'oh, have you got 20 minutes'
Just as you are walking out the door.

This was made clear in my opening gambit today of, 'I thought it would make a change to bring the working day forward, rather than extend it so we ALL get stuck in rush hour traffic'.

Sadly, it went rather too well. No phones rang, everyone was alert and we got lots more covered off in less time. I fear I may have created something that'll trend.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:16, Reply)

a few of us in the office do show up half an hour early for this reason
it gives you a small window where no-one annoys you so you can get shit done.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:26, Reply)

I'm sure those with kids will make some bollocks excuse why they can't make early morning meeting when the kids are back in school.
The fact I want a 5pm pint isn't as good an excuse. Apparently.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:29, Reply)

Git it ooooown, bang a goooowng, git it oooooown
mwap mwap mwap mwap mwap
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:42, Reply)

My money is on 3 litres of Buckfast.
Anyone want to guess what Roota has been drinking this evening?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:43, Reply)

Battery acid.
Them scousers are well ard.
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:44, Reply)

lambrini

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:46, Reply)

alright K-swizzle
Did you get your resume sorted?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:56, Reply)

have had help from a couple b3tans
But am now dreaming of living on gonz's couch
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:01, Reply)

if you do I'll come and visit you and take you out for a drink
I only live down the road
(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:03, Reply)

Me too!!111!!!
Imagine that
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:05, Reply)

make it 5

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:06, Reply)

deal.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:09, Reply)

lol it's incredibly frightening and what about my dog?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:11, Reply)

gonz would love to look after a dog

(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:18, Reply)

and I only live 200 miles down the road
oh..wait
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:13, Reply)

Alright Roota? I'm not going to be creepy towards you this evening.
How are you doing?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:47, Reply)

Yo yo yo,
Alright Gonz. Knackered, flat's like a tip, but meh, I'll do it in the morning.
You cool?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:52, Reply)

hey roota, how's you?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:55, Reply)

Halibut!
I'm alright like. You?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:56, Reply)

I'm properly sweet
I'm on holiday, spent the day demolishing part of an old barn, had.a pizza, drunk a bottle of red, went to see a donkey, but it got dark.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:58, Reply)

Was it the man on tour with the donkey?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:59, Reply)

no it was a donkey in a field
I can hear it, but it's quite a way off
(Bazongaloid, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:00, Reply)

Not bad at all thanks, some things suck, some things rule, you know how it goes.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:02, Reply)

In case you don't see the link I posted ^ up there Gonz
www.organicfoodfestival.co.uk/

Thought that might be your sort of thing.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:13, Reply)

Oh cool, I've been to a few Real Food Festival events, one was amazingly most awesome, and hte other was medioca... but this one looks good.
I'm not sure if I'd travel to bristol just for that though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:20, Reply)

And it was one small glass of wine hours ago :)

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 21:56, Reply)

someone posted a picture on /board
that would be good for Jeff's promenade bash
www.b3ta.com/board/10491566
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:19, Reply)

Hey I'm learning stuff tonight.
Turns out alcohol withdrawal, unlike withdrawal from other drugs, can actually kill you.

Booze, gets you coming and going.

Enjoy that glass of red, ladies!
( Kroney, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:37, Reply)

Gonz is nuts. The good kind.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 22:41, Reply)