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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Someone gave me a free book. That was nice
Alt: Crackers and onion houmous. What degree of scum does it make me if I have a beer while watching daytime tv?
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:07, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
It makes you fucking cool!

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:07, Reply)
Have a spliff as well.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:08, Reply)
Then punch a horse in the face.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:10, Reply)
*drinks*
*smokes*
*punches horse*

Right, what's next?
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Rinse and repeat ad nauseum.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)
OK boss

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)
now all I need is a string vest

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)
Until you are yourself the subject of daytime TV I think you're OK.
I personally would fucking love a cold beer.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:09, Reply)
all this talk of champagne is making me ache for it

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:10, Reply)
And some champagne?

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:11, Reply)
Mine was better - it had more capitals and needless extra exclamation marks.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Needs MOAR eleventyone

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)
Whatever
Mine was first. Yours was nowhere.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)
...AND SOME CHAMPAGNE, TOO!!!!!!

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:11, Reply)
... and a good hard fucking, too?

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:12, Reply)
WITH A KNIFE!!

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)
Actually hang on, ewww....

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)
This one I liked.
I shall click it.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)
With a novelty rolling pin.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:15, Reply)
that's not a knife, that's a spoon.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)
A kilospoon?

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)
I can see you've played knifey-spooney before.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)
*fives*

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)
^ i don't understand all this fuss ^
:(
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)
You said you were aching for it.
We all joked you meant sex.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)
I wasn't joking.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)
Watch this man.
He has a mighty stick.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)
It's 37 and 1/2 inches.
just saying.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)
so about this big then?
|__|
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
no, just over 3 feet
I've never felt the need to exaggerate.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)
sigh
feet inches
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)
it's a hockey stick
it really would be cock all use if it was 3" long, dear.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)
just like any cock
that was only 3" long, then.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)
you seem a little preoccupied with this
is the new man a little lacking?
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
=/
i dont do sex
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)
It's what you might call a deliberate misunderstanding borne from your unintentional
double entendre of "aching for it".
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)
I mean PHWOOARRR, EH?

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)
It's not bad actually
goes well with the houmous and the burning sense of shame that comes from the thought of no job interviews
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)
Yes, but onion hummous
is made from onions and chickpeas, which are good for you. And you will get interviews, I'm sure you will. It just takes time!
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)
I'm debating getting Jobseekers allowance
worth it do you reckon?
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Possibly, I don't know what hoops you have to jump through to get it though
is there literally nothing you could do? Have you been round all the temping agencies?
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)
I need to get work soon
or I'm just going to get down and not bother. Been round the temping agencies to an extent, but a lot of the stuff available requires me standing up for eight hours a day or whatever.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:24, Reply)
You may be eligible for incapacity benefit, I don't know
but there should be plenty of typing and filing jobs around, you shouldn't necessarily have to work in retail or cleaning etc where you have to stand up for hours on end.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)
£58 a week for fuck all.
I'd snatch their arm off.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)
it depends
do you plan to just have one beer?
I like to drink and watch my shows. Which is pointless, because I get drunk and don't remember what happens
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:10, Reply)
Probably just one
two might be a pretty bad sign
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)
How many have you got?

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)
Stop begging you fucking urchin.
It's undignified.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:15, Reply)
That's fucking rich.
How many cans of Grolsch have I bought?
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)
Not nearly enough to drown out the memories of your hideous visage.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Hahahaha!
You cunt!
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Nice use of "visage".
One of my favourite words. Best used in Ozymandias, for me.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)
I don't like it.
People use it when they mean "face", but think they're being clever.

They're usually not.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)
You just don't like it because they were your favourite band and you never got over them splitting up.
Basically, you're a fucking homo.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:24, Reply)
Crate of 20 courtesy of online delivery
and my brother got bored of waiting and bought a small crate of Peroni
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)
I wouldn't leave the house until
they were all gone.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)
I would
I'd go and see if I could exchange them for something drinkable.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)
You don't like Peroni?

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)
Not one bit

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
OK
I had a fantastic pint of it on Sunday
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)
I fackin' love the stuff.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)
I have no objection to you drinking it
My Sunday was washed down with a Sam Smiths India Ale and a Williams Bros Seven Giraffes. Now they were fantastic.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)
I don't mind the brown beers at all, but cannot put away multiples of them.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)
Then golden ales are your friend
The aforementioned Seven Giraffes is quite drinkable.
Btw, what was the ltd ed LP you got today? I was too late replying up there ^
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:39, Reply)
Edan's 'Echo Party'
There's a DVD of it too - snippets of which are on YouTube - it's one of the most psychedelic things I've ever seen. The boy is a genius - I've caught his live show a couple of times.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:42, Reply)
Nice.
That's a new one on me, just listening to some now...
I took delivery of 4 LPs from Honest Jons this morning - 2 Jews, a Hindu and a Nazi. Diversity right there.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:47, Reply)
I like Peroni
the large crate is even worse by most standards though- Stella Artois
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:26, Reply)
I do like Stella Artois

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
Can't drink it anymore.
I get really stroppy.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)
I get stroppy when I don't have it to drink

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)
My favourite joke about Stella
is that I had a really nice pint of Stella Cidre last night. Then I went home to battre my wife
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)
Hahah that's good.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)
They don't call it wife beater for nothing.
City boys call the draft San Miguel - Senioritta Beater.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)
That's so good.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)
Kirin Ichiban is my number one choice for draught.
I don't even mind Beck's Vier even though it's a bit bent.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)
That Stella Black is a bit odd though

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)
It's foul.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:36, Reply)
I was drinking free pints of it at our work's summer do a few weeks ago
Tastes better when it costs nowt
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)
I've not tried it. It's 4.9% so how is it different from it's older brother?

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)
It is darker and flatter
It tastes like it has been mixed with bitter or something
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)
Like an Altbier?

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:39, Reply)
No idea

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)
It tastes like Lenny Henry's crapped in it.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)
I heard
it's come over here and is stealing the jobs of normal, PROPAH Stella.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)
Fackin Beljun caaaaaahnts.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:39, Reply)
I liked the bottled Kirin. Ice cold.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)
NOMMY NOM NOM.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:38, Reply)
I love the stuff
Had 2 beautiful pints of it last night.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)
drink more than one
it's fun
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)
The question you need to ask is
What sort of a lobotomised idiot can watch daytime TV without alcohol?
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:11, Reply)
It's The Professionals
so it could be worse. The beer is still helping
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)
ah, why didn't you say.
I just assumed it was all Kyle or Loose Women. I'm not sure I've ever seen TV during the day that wasn't a specific sporting event.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)
I had enough of Jeremy Kyle, the scum-wrangler
there was a time when I was quite literally forced to watch him for an hour a day for about a month and a bit.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)
Literally forced?
Really?
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:24, Reply)
Yeah
hospital. TV tuned into it automatically each morning and I had to wait for a nurse to make the rounds and come and switch it off for me
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:24, Reply)
Ouch
I bet that hurt more than whatever you were in for
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)
She was in for treatment for Kyle addiction
it's know as accidental Morrissette therapy.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
..when all she needed was a knife?

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
I wish this was my reply.
Can we swap?
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
if you like.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)
She had both legs bitten off by a deranged tramp with rabies.
So no - you're wrong.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
You haven't seen Kyle, have you?

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)
Were you private?
Nurse remote control, don't get that on the NHS. Lazy nursey bastards.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
Yup. By the Shining Path when they kidnapped her.
It was all rather horrid.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)
the bedshitter went on to marry a german
whose surname apparently translates as "shining path" (hellweg). he found this hilarious.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)
Compared with crapping the bed, he was right, it is.

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)
what about her
she has to put up with the surname and the plastic sheets.

and him calling me for sex every time she goes away. even though i haven't seen him for over 3 years.
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)
Just post him a botdog
He will be like a pig in shi... oh
(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)
Hahahahaha

(, Tue 2 Aug 2011, 14:38, Reply)

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