It's friday morning, and I'm on a mothercunting train!
I have twelve hours in which to give London the spanking of its life. What do you have to do today? I bet it's not as fun as what I have planned.

Alt: who killed OT?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 10 Sep 2011, 8:11, 48 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

it's too damn early
Higgs is about to start his oddessy. I hope he gets to eat somethinng better than the swill-'e-'ad*
will work on better puns another day.

OMG! the future! you're talking to us FROM A TRAIN!

*only funny when you know higgs is meeting a pig called homer - doh!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 8:28, Reply)

Pig update! (in case anyone cares)
Higgs got on with other pig, picking Homer up to take him home on wednesday. Homer may need a new name.

suggestions welcome.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Jeff.
A great name for someone cute and fluffy.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Out of bed for the rugby.
Couldn't bring myself to watch the French at 5am!!

Alt: the sparrow. With his bow and arrow.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Pretty sure it's not Friday morning
my plans for the day are drugs and booze and seeing what happens
( broadsword, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 9:11, Reply)

Snap!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 9:13, Reply)

I've got the power!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 10:47, Reply)

ve m
got up
w oop
( broadsword, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 11:11, Reply)

it's not friday morning. It's saturday.
You've got your days mixed up B3th dear.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 10 Sep 2011, 9:41, Reply)

alright poppet
how's ting down under?
( broadsword, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Cold and wet and miserable.
I did lots of study today. How's things in upside down land?
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 10 Sep 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Best time of year here, still hot but not unbearably so, and most of the tourists have fucked off
One of my oldest friends has just moved over to your country, I'll have to facebook introduce you when I'm a bit more with it
( broadsword, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 9:54, Reply)

I am
going to watch rugby while drafting an email to Sandy Tosvig asking how far in advance they record QI, if she reads B3ta, and is it just coincidence that she basically told this story on QI last night: b3ta.com/questions/church/post1342100
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Lesbian!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 10:04, Reply)

I think the one I saw taped in ... June I think
will be shown in November
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:48, Reply)

I think I've left it too late to go to Portobello Market.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

I'm going to a wedding today.
Annoyingly, I left it a bit late to buy a wedding gift which means the only thing on the list that's left to buy is a cow (it's an ethical wedding list).

For some reason, the website can't/won't process my payment, even though I've tried 3 different cards. So I don't know what to do.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Go to Iceland, buy eighty packs of hamburgers and turn up with them telling the bride and groom it was the best you could do.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

When I used to work in retardshire my office was next to a field with cows & that
I liked the way, on a Monday morning, they'd all be gathered together having a chat about what they'd been up to over the weekend, whilst having a shit. I reckon it's pretty liberating being a cow.

So yeah, feel free to use that anecdote as a wedding present.
( broadsword, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Apparently this is what happens when you start taking days off to sightsee.
I appear to be completely unaware what day of the week it is.

London, contrary to my expectations, seems quite nice. I am surprised.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 10 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

How many people are you showing around?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

OH what a beutiful morning, oh what a beutiful day. I've got a funny feeeeeling, something's coming my way.
GOOD MORNING EVERYONE.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 11:38, Reply)

I'm making cheese and mustard quazonts.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Oh no - are you going to start be unbearably happy?

( thealternativefact, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 12:56, Reply)

Probably, gutted for you.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Have you been possessed by oneof the happy ghosts?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:05, Reply)

Maybe possibly hopefully maybe I donno.
*doesn't make eye contact and tries to change the subject*
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:07, Reply)

In other news you don't have to spend sundays watching motor racing anymore

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Oh no, I can still do that, I just won't have anyone to ask really retarded questions too in regards to how the paint effects the speed of the car.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:23, Reply)

ha
should I expect retarded questions via text?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:31, Reply)

MY PEARLS ARE READY
I've been having very special cultured pearls re-threaded and after much rubbish customer service they're finally ready.
I have felt so lost without them.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 11:48, Reply)

You like your pearl necklace do you?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Sat 10 Sep 2011, 11:51, Reply)

I never imagined DJ had it in him.

( thealternativefact, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 12:56, Reply)

You sound like a cross between Marge Simpson and Elkie Brooks.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:01, Reply)

Still packing, so far today I have done quite a like and have just sat down for a break
and football focus and it's not fucking on! I hate the Grand Prix, I hate rugby and just wanted a little football but nevermind, I have lemonade and super high grade.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 12:12, Reply)

I'm working today.
There is nothing going on. I've already planned and sorted stock for the events this week and am on my second espresso martini.

This is a joke, I hate having an empty restaurant and am struggling to care about it here.

I had a meeting with someone who headhunted me yesterday and am seriously considering taking her up on her offer.
( wanderlust, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:18, Reply)

you should you should you should
Working Saturdays sucks doesn't it :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:20, Reply)

I'd still have to work Saturdays.
It would be a slightly sideways move and the place I have now has so much going for it.
I would love to be able to stick it out for longer and really make it mine but I feel like I am slighty wasted on this place.

If only my boss wasn't such a good friend of mine and really fighting my corner this would be so much easier.
( wanderlust, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:26, Reply)

:(
have you spoken to him about being unhappy there?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:31, Reply)

A few times.
He's trying to make things easier for me but as he's the owner and not here on a day to day basis it makes things tricky.

Apparently him and the events manager got pissed on Thursday and he told her 'Lusty is the future of this business.' Which is very sweet, but not massivly helpful when the restaurant manager is trying to keep me out of the loop as much as possible to ensure I don't have any say in anything.
( wanderlust, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:37, Reply)

women are such bitches in work situations

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:42, Reply)

Agreed.
She has cheered up a bit since getting laid, but oh man I'd be miserable if I had to sleep with her boyfriend.

And before you say anything, all Monty and I do is hold hands.
( wanderlust, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:49, Reply)

ahahaha
I hope you wear gloves whilst holding hands or you can totally get pregnant
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:53, Reply)

I am very careful.
He's been know to do that to some unfortunate woman before.

(Hi Monts if you're reading this. Be a love and go get lunch ready yeah.)
( wanderlust, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:56, Reply)

I hear Catface impregnanted CHCB
through a hazmat suit
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 13:57, Reply)

I heard he did it from the next village

( Kroney, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 14:23, Reply)

I heard Gonz can impregnate women from Birmingham without moving from his flat in London
because he has a big willy
( broadsword, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 14:53, Reply)

Today I have created a Twitter account.
As Darren Lamb, the agent from Extras played by Stephen Merchant. I've spent the rest of the afternoon abusing celebrities in a witty manner. Can you tell I'm bored? I can't wait til I go out later.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 10 Sep 2011, 17:20, Reply)