Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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How would YOU decorate a Christmas cake in half an hour?alt: What's the Christmassiest animal?
alt alt: What toppings would you put on a Christmas pizza?
alt alt alt: Best homemade pyrotechnics?
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:41, 257 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
thanks for the explanationmuch appreciated
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:16,
Reply)
frosting and mother fucking sprinklesalt donkeh
alt alt pine needles
alt alt alt your grans explosive clunge
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:43,
Reply)
I wouldn't, I really wouldn'talt: Donkey innit
alt alt: turkey (obvs), onion, cranberry, bumhole
alt alt alt: Take the top off your cig lighter. Remove the flint and the spring. Insert flint into top of spring. Then (carefully) hold the flame of another lighter on the flint until it goes white hot. Then flick it as hard as you can with your finger nail. BIG SPARKY GOODNESS FUN TIMES!
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:44, Reply)
1. Snow2. A cat with antlers on
3. Reindeer
4. Calling the wife by the exes name
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:44,
Reply)
4 and a half wanksAlt: Horses with personality
Altalt: Mincemeat from mince pies
Altaltalt: Burning xmas trees.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:45,
Reply)
Turn it upside down and push it hard into the tin containing the decorations. Not sure what I'd do with the other 29 minutes and 45 seconds.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:48,
Reply)
I wouldn'tAlt: Polar bear, they're the colour of snow (well, their fur is)
Alt Alt: The same ones I'd put on a standard homemade pizza - Ham, pepperoni, pastrami, marinated chicken, salami, maybe some chorizo. To make it christmassy, might have some turkey on there.
Alt Alt Alt: Currently, our hob. The clicker thing isn't working, so we're using one of the hand held lighters, it takes a few seconds to catch, which is a little dangerous.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:48,
Reply)
QI Answer alertIsn't their fur black or something mental like that?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:51,
Reply)
Bugger, thought I was being clever thereIn all honesty, I've no idea.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:52,
Reply)
That particular polar bear is called Steve and bleaches his hair to be different(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:53,
Reply)
Gay polar bearHanging around in the arctic public toilets.
Gay polar bear
Sucking on a polo while making a glory hole.
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:10, Reply)
I've heard that it's sort of translucentthat may or may not be true. If only we had some sort of virtually limitless resource tool at our finger tips to find out for sure.
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:53, Reply)
Polar bear fur is transparent, it has no colour. Polar bears look white because of the way their fur reflects visible light. Of course, looking white helps a polar bear blend right into the ice and snow.
A polar bear’s fur also keeps it warm. The hairs trap heat, sending it to the skin (which is black). Just how good is a polar bear’s coat at trapping heat? In the past, scientists tried to keep an eye on polar bears using infrared cameras (cameras that photograph “heat”). But polar bears lose so little heat, the infrared cameras could not detect them. Now those are truly solar polar bears!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:54,
Reply)
This is correctWell done Quenders. You have just confirmed the infinite number of monkeys/typewriters theory.
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:57, Reply)
always pestering for sexual contact, stay away from me fister you perve(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:07, Reply)
I'd shit on it and call it yulethe reindeer!
mince pies and turkey!
alalalt: when i accidentally set fire to the curtains when i lit the gass tove
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 14:59, Reply)
I thought he was just pretending to be a twat for the lolsWhat do you mean you aren't lolling? Don't you get it or something?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:01,
Reply)
Think about Zoe Ball in a sexy santa outfitAlt: a hedgehog that's been rolled through cheese cubes and pineapple chunks
Alt alt: smoked reindeer sausage and sprouts
Alt alt alt: Mr Spliffy the Christmas Doob
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:03,
Reply)
Zoe Ball?A bit left field that one? There is "something" about her though
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:04,
Reply)
The alternative was the non-Toksvig woman from No. 73(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:09,
Reply)
I was thinking of the roller-skating oneYou appear to have veered into Rentaghost
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:23,
Reply)
My childhood memories are blurred(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:26,
Reply)
Do stop waving your arse in my face like a horny Giant PandaIt's most off-putting.
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:09, Reply)
You're too easy to chaseIf you weren't so massively fat you could at least start to run. Make it a bit interesting at least.
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:11, Reply)
maybe you should convey this via the medium of repeating the same insult over nad over?thats sure to work
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:17, Reply)
I'd throw up on it after swallowing a bag full of millions and thousands.Alt: A caterpillar
Alt alt: Cheese and jellypenos
Alt alt alt: A christmas tree full of fairly lights and faulty wiring.
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girlinthehole, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:08,
Reply)
Afternoon blousie!Please save us from offtopic tedium!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:11,
Reply)
i'm being bullied here ph, whats your advice for dealing with bullies?(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:13, Reply)
you'd like that wouldn't you sex pest, that way you co uld wank on my corpse(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:15, Reply)
here you gowww.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=counselling%20uk&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CG0QFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bacp.co.uk%2F&ei=GL7oTpfOFoanhAem6YW6Cg&usg=AFQjCNFAbugUnUbOug8hmoiUbA6ix-Rn-g
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:17, Reply)
is there a mod i can report this guy too? saying the same thing over and over like a stuck record, must be some sort of right prick(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:22, Reply)
not in the slightest, i'm enjoying your feeble attempts at insultssaying twat lol is the best you can do! hahaahahaha
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:25, Reply)
Hurry up and die Quenders, this stiffy won't keep - there's a good lad.(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:28, Reply)
I think I've done more work today than I do in most weeks.What were you thinking of getting me for Crimbo cow?
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girlinthehole, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:13,
Reply)
LOBSTER IN BOWLER HATLOBSTER IN BOWLER HAT
LOBSTER IN BOWLER HATLOBSTER IN BOWLER HAT
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:14, Reply)
i think it would be better ending on alobster, lobster, lobster
loobbbsttteeeer in a bowlllllleeeeer hattttttt.....!
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:16, Reply)
did, last night ooooh! yeah thats right, i been with a LADY everyone a real genuine bonafide WOMAN!
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:26, Reply)
no tis true! for serious! i know its hard to believe but outside there are these women things that aren't all fat and mental like rachelswipe and sometimes they'll let you see thier foofooFOR REAL
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:28, Reply)
sorry but following someone around and saying the word twat repeatedly is completely uncalled for and absolutely awful bullyingi've never said or done anything to you,a nd only defended myself against monty boyce and rachelswipe
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:35, Reply)
you have nearly cracked bertpoor sad little bert
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:37,
Reply)
rachelswipe why are you always bullying me?at first i thought you fancied me but then you rejected me so i don't know
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:39, Reply)
don'#t know who that is, sorryi'm off for a ride in my DB7 tonight and then maybe take the helicopter for a spin around docklands
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:38, Reply)
sorry its got skis not floats so i'd sinkmight be best if theres a flat roof nearby or summat?
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:44, Reply)
Personality HorseYou really should have done a Christmas single this year.
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:20, Reply)
how would you be fixed for a london trip on 8 jan??amberl and i are plotting...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:15,
Reply)
That's the weekend after I get back from Oop north for new Year.Can you not make it the weekend after? If not it's doable but will be hard work.
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girlinthehole, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:16,
Reply)
the one after that i am actually in halifaxliaise with amberl, as she is the one travelling up to london - think she is sending a group fb message!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:18,
Reply)
I WANT AN ICING LOBSTER*wah wah wah*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:20,
Reply)
discoverypackaging.com/images/Lobster%20on%20Ice.htm
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girlinthehole, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:26,
Reply)
www.hatsinbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Lady-Gagas-Lobster-Hat.jpg
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girlinthehole, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:28,
Reply)
That is an ICY lobster*wah wah wah*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:28,
Reply)
it was arranged about 95 seconds agoyou paranoid toolrash!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:24,
Reply)
I used to have such a crush on the lead singer of Del Amitri.Trufact!
Seen them live and everything : )
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girlinthehole, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:31,
Reply)
I wonder if Bella's favourite Del Amitri song is 'Roll To Me'...(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:32,
Reply)
you're still not invited, mindlondoners only innit
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:29,
Reply)
move to kensington or chelseathen you may attend
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:43,
Reply)
I've asked Noel to courier up the 15" beast for your personal use(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:20,
Reply)
This does not shock me....(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:30,
Reply)
Spray it with fake snow and ballbearingsalt: reindeer
alt alt: meats, cheeses and chutneys
alt alt alt: a tin of paint on a bonfire
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:45,
Reply)
have you seen what stunned's been doing toady?its quite unsettling
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:46, Reply)
your lucky, i'm been strung up and crucified something unmerciful:'(((
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:52, Reply)
it's cos they think you're BertActually it's not. they just get a scapegoat and run with it. Al says stuff just as bad all the time but he's not on the shit list so he gets away with it.
If in real life you're that mental who did his sister you're probably better off away from here.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:00,
Reply)
we have gotten boredbecause you are boring.
either post something interesting that isn't just being rude to people or have your bertdown and get the mods to delete you. either way, do it SOON.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:12,
Reply)
swipe, i've never been rude to anyone til they were rude to meif your knickers are in a twist on the internet thats not my problem. I'll admit i posted overzelaously in my first 2 weeks but you and a few others behaved like aspbergers children who were being forced to share their toys, it was really sad.
if your bored, entertain yourself thats not down to me, and you can click ignore.
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:14, Reply)
it's quite simple - no knickers are twisted anywhereyou are just a dullard and the sooner you dull off, the happier everyone (bar roota) will be!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:20,
Reply)
Knickers are twisted. Do not deny it.Monty's frothing again. he'll be gazzing the mods soon "Oh someone referred to something I once told the WHOLE internet about my life. Tell him to stop it."
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:23,
Reply)
is this seriously for real?I've seen posts from other people about him being a bankrupt drug addict on the popular page for cryiong out loud, thats where i picked up on it from
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:24, Reply)
Well, some people are allowed to make jokes about it. Some people are allowed to downright insult him about it. But you're not. Especially if you fucked your sister. It's not cos of that but anyway. yeah.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:26,
Reply)
some people might draw the distinctionthat people who have been around for a few years bantering together can make jokes whilst strangers can't swan in and expect to be able to get away with it.
personally i only draw one distinction: are you funny and/or interesting?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:29,
Reply)
sorry but the most tedious place about this thing is how much complaining and arguing you've been doing over something that could easily be fixed with the ignore buttonyou sad, lonely fat mess
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:31, Reply)
ah bertalways with the personal insults. there's a great way to make your point.
you tedious spastic.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:37,
Reply)
It's the internet. it's not the cozy front room of the Mong Priory.Anyone can swan in and make accurate observations about the intricate details of our fucked up lives if they wish.
And the only people we have thwe right to be angry with is ourselves for providing the ammunition.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:32,
Reply)
its at this point that usually a man hits a really big gold gong with a hammer(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:33, Reply)
i don't dispute thisprovided they do it well.
this prick just blurts out pointless insults. he really is an oddball.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:37,
Reply)
he is a bit odd, ayeSo are you. So am I.
Maybe he likes baiting internet weirdos because he's one himself and it makes him feel better.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:40,
Reply)
i think you are righti'm going to the theatre to see some of your ancestors tonight - "backbeat". looks really good, if a little dark!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:42,
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That's because someone nicked the lights(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:47,
Reply)
he's a parasite of tediumnot monty. i love monty.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:26,
Reply)
I HAVE CARPETS AND A FEATURE WALL !!!!!(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:46,
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People will have to take their choose off to come into my flat, I've decided on that one. It's not because I don't want my carpet to get dirty, it's just that its going to feel so nice and soft and I wanna show off.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:48,
Reply)
Sheepskin rugs FTWBut don't get cheap ones from Ikea, you need a local market really for the proper thick ones
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:49,
Reply)
Pop a "Christmas log" on topalt: Marmot
altalt: Eggnog
Altaltalt: Can of Kerosene + Quentin
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:47,
Reply)
what is it with the quentin hate today what have i ever actually done to any of you?(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:47, Reply)
nothing personal Bertrumit's just your turn
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:48,
Reply)
oh ok, its like a hazing thing? i was expecting some but this was waaay ott(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:50, Reply)
nah, not really, everyone hates youapart from Roota
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 15:52,
Reply)
They love a bit of it.They want you to have a breakdown. Or they say they do. Really they are genuinely upset and outraged by your insults and observations even though (sorry to mention Al again) Al does similar and you can both be quite accurate (but mean). Be careful. Monty will end up gazzing the mods. he takes drugs and all that but he will gaz the mods, so I dunno. Fuck off or summat.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:03,
Reply)
this is really, actually patheticfor srs.
I seen other people say things toh im that i said, if he gazzes the mods on me he's a total girl.
an rachelswipes always poking then getting all bent when i reply, silly tart
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:05, Reply)
even tho mods have confirmed i'm not? and the only time i've ever heard of this weird incest bullshit your all obsessed with is from you?(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:07, Reply)
if it is bert fair dooz giving him stick about the incestBut doesn't stop the fact that some people are all "OHMYGOD you're trying to HURT our lovely friends on the internet" and that makes them titty bedwetters who don't understand that this is the internet and not a safe house for dysfunctional mongs. (Although if it is we should all be being nicer to bert.)
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:12,
Reply)
there IS a difference between being rude and funny and just being rude and weird, though. this chump just gets off on following people around saying nothing more than LOL DEAD MUM, LOL FAT, LOL BANKRUPT etc. hundreds of times a day.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:16,
Reply)
sorry, but in each of those instances someone will start a threadyou, monty boyce or someone else will insult me and i'll bite back, as its only banter on the internet, the only people getting upset here is you lot tho
i did have a serious point when i started with agnostci, but in the end i was jsut tryin to think of films where the mum dies, as there are LOADs of them
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:18, Reply)
Al does that to you all day latelybut he didn't fuck his sister so maybe it's ok
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:20,
Reply)
i don't like al either!well, sometimes i do. i like his drawings.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:30,
Reply)
It's not bert.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:16,
Reply)
worse than bert?blimey, there's an accolade.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:17,
Reply)
but I the virgin mary, so swings and roundabouts really(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:08,
Reply)
I suspect Stunned is trying to make all subthreads started by Quentin so tedious and content-freeThat we'll all put Quentin on ignore. Deprived of an audience for his acting out he'll either change tack or fuck off.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:00,
Reply)
It was a much better thread with Quentin on ignoreBut I had to put him back so I could see responses to my post.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:08,
Reply)
see, sensible young man right here, prolly dead handsome and sophisticated tooyou could all learn things form this man
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:11, Reply)
thanks, hopefully the silly sods will do us all a favourcan you think of any other films with dead mums? i'm stumped and googles run out
(, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:20, Reply)
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