Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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RacesNot running ones but in fact Monty's faves. I'm currently having to deal with a Swedish chap who is the archetypal stereotype of a Scandinavian. He is 100% logical and also refuses to admit when he is wrong
Tell me of your stereotypes oh please, denizens of offtopic
Alt:
Or your lunch
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:18,
138 replies,
latest was 14 years ago)
You are a immovable housewhale, with questionable personal hygene, stubbornly intact virginity and a porn collection that would make Ben Dover blushi hope this helps
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:20,
Reply)
Its like you can see into my soul(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:24,
Reply)
I've only met two Swedish girls and they were both absurdly well-endowed and generally drop-dead gorgeousHowever, they both refused my generous offer of shafting their dirtpipe so maybe stereotypes are bollocks
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:24, Reply)
You should have been less romantic about your proposal.They view it as a weakness. Try being direct.
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Kroney, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:25,
Reply)
Honestly, I put so much effort into itFake moustache, toolbox, hastily scripted entendre-heavy dialogue about their fridge needing fixing, the works
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:27, Reply)
Scandinavian trannies turning you down for sex, whatever next?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:26,
Reply)
I'm thinking maybe a musical numberJazz hands, high kicks, singalong chorus about blonde hair and brown pubes, the whole nine yards
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:27, Reply)
I'm going to a musical on monday night.Would you like me to text you updates as it goes along so you can imagine being there with me?
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:32, Reply)
Are you coming out here, Al?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:33,
Reply)
That depends entirely on which musicalI have standards, thank you
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:34, Reply)
Well, for exampleIf it's Chicago, Legally Blonde, Avenue Q or Wicked, then yes. If it's Mamma Mia or Tonight's the Night he can fuck right off.
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:36, Reply)
Yes. I would like texts, please.Second best musical I've ever seen, it's fucking brilliant. Give my friend Charlotte a wave from me.
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:01, Reply)
Obvious strikethrough is obvious(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:27,
Reply)
I suppose I should be worried that reading that has coincided with me needing a shitBack in a mo
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:28, Reply)
A loose sphincter is a common symptom of your condition, I believe.Perhaps some clenching exercises?
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Kroney, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:29,
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His pelvic floor must be shot now(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:31,
Reply)
It's trueYou won't find so many crap muscles anywhere. Except maybe the freezer section of Lidl.
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:33, Reply)
They must be what Chompy was eating, those muscles(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:34,
Reply)
EurghI can take all the gay jokes in the world but the thought of having something in common with Chompy is going too far
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:36, Reply)
just be glad you're not the poor bint who has to shag him in a travelodge(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:38,
Reply)
It's a TRAVEL TAVERNI'm not interested in what you call your sordid little grief-hole
God I love Christopher Morris
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:39, Reply)
i think she's the one who'll have a "sordid little grief-hole", dude(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:43,
Reply)
I went to school with plastic Scousers, several of which are now single parents, 2 of which are dead, and quite a few are dole scumAlt: Same as yesterday, nice pasta dish.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:26,
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That's because your school is where the drug dealers send their kids in order to feel posh(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:27,
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I was only at Merchants for 3 years, I spent more time at Ormskirk(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:09,
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Not actually from inside the boundaries of Liverpool, but have a close enough accent and behave like a stereotypical scouser(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:28,
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Pyar wools kidda.HMHB have a song 'Rock and Roll is Full of Bad Wools'
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:31,
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My housemate from last year is from Tranmere. Call him a Scouser and oh fantastic, you're stuck listening to a ten minute rant on why he's in fact not a Scouser but a proud woolly back.
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:40, Reply)
I am so confused as to why anyone would want to act or sound like a Scouser unless they had to(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Dunno, they really ham it up on holiday as well(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:43,
Reply)
Is batterd around?I said this on QOTW last week: www.b3ta.com/questions/books2012/post1488874
I was proved wrong only by our very own Battered. I am so proud of him..
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:29,
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is lennie the one with the soft hand?I don't remember reading it, but I know I did
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:31,
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Apparently Beadle had a tiny cock.On the other hand, it was massive.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:37,
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It is one of my two favourite jokes.The other is Monty's: How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:40,
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Monty is dead?Well, I guess it was only a matter of time.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:42,
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Did I make a /OT faux pas?Oh well, I don't really care.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:43,
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I really, really careForgive me, /OT. Forgive me.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:44,
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Or the toffee onesNo jam though
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:43,
Reply)
I spent a very happy year stepping out with a Danish girl when I was about 19She was around 6' tall, very long blonde hair and was dirtier than Monty's credit rating. It was a very happy stereotype!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:31,
Reply)
I work with a Danish blokeHe has some sort of Wonky Leg Syndrome (window to ask what specifically has closed as I've been working with him for 2 years). Also a bloke from Middlesbrough who has quite an accent but supports Liverpool.
So not really any stereotypes there. Soz.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:40,
Reply)
most worst day of my life everhad a lovely free curry(woop!)
sasha has jsut left 4eva :(((((((((((((((((
NOTHING MEANS ANYTHING TO ME NOW
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:35, Reply)
You can post pics of her now for us all to take the piss out of(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:36,
Reply)
loveliest blue eyes i ever saw :(bye bye sash, you gave so much and asked for so little 4eva in my hart xxxxxxx
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:46, Reply)
no she didn't, her 3 month review was up and the sales manager didn't think she was hitting targetsover christmas, when its quiet anyway.
the fucken nob
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:52, Reply)
She is a pretty ladyLooks like one of the girls from here, worryingly
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:54,
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Probably better to smash the back doors in thenDownstairs will look like a windsock
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:55,
Reply)
Along with many others by the sound of it(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:59,
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no it turns out Tricky lied, he never kissed herhe jsut turned up at her place in the middle of the night expecting some sex for no reason
and her 5 kids are by her now ex-husband GOD I MISS HER SO MUCH
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:00, Reply)
She only left 20 mins ago for fucks sake(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:06,
Reply)
you don't know what its like, you don't understand, she was so lovely and elegant and ladylikenot like the other old hags that work here, she actually had some intelligence
I WISH I WAS WITH SASHA RIGHT NOW
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:10, Reply)
Enough intelligence to fuck off anyway!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:17,
Reply)
a fair point, she was in a different league to the other telesales girlsif we'd had a vacancy in another department i'd have moved her up
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:19, Reply)
why do you have a photo of her in her bedroom?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:11,
Reply)
cos it was the best one i could find of her eyesapart from the one in her glitter cowboy hat, oh god it hurts i miss her so much
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:13, Reply)
I'm not sure that strictly addresses my questionbut I suppose it is an answer of sorts.
I suggest a 24h grief wankathon.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:22,
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you won't mind me calling you a massive barrell of spastic monkey spunk then, will you(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:38,
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i went to see my friend in germanynobody laughed (except me when i was introduced to her chinese flatmate, whose name in english sounded exactly like "you ming". in my defence, i was v drunk) and they all headbanged to really shit rock music.
i have just booked an appointment to have my teeth whitened in harley street. has anyone had this done? does it hurt as much as some people say??
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:37,
Reply)
My mate on the telly had hers done years agoUnless you gargle with bleach it shouldn't hurt
You getting your PIPs done at the same time?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:38,
Reply)
if the paste tastes salty, ask for your money back(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:38,
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Haha!"I'm just using my special tool to apply it now. Keep your eyes closed"
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:39,
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"open wide, I just need to get right to the back teeth..."(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:40,
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I waiting for you and Cancerjoy to kick offmention his cat, go on, I dare you
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:49,
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the thing iswe already know he's a selfish twat who thinks cats mix well with living in a house on a busy main road.
just wait til his son tries to cross it to escape the stifling atmosphere of "what i could have been if only i hadn't been so stupid as to get someone up the duff whilst i was still just a student". THAT'LL be worth mentioning.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:06,
Reply)
ChristWas there ANY need to mention 'Harley Street'?
Nope, none whatsoever other than being a braindead harridan.
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:41, Reply)
don't let it intimidate youand your rotting mouthful of blackened deep fried marsbar covered teeth.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:45,
Reply)
I have nothing to add to the matter. But can I just let it be known that according to my dentist I have perfect teeth.
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:47, Reply)
I heard you get good deals onabortions and liposuction on HARLEY STREET. You should see if they will do you a package. I'm sure you could afford it.
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:52, Reply)
i'll think about itthen i'll tell you what it feels like to be able to afford things that i didn't have to sign on to get.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:02,
Reply)
My mate's missus is called YingI thought he said Ming
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:43,
Reply)
Have you all heard the joke about the german baby adopted by english parents?(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:41, Reply)
Well a lovely english couple adopt a baby from germanythey take him into their home and treat him well, he's a happy child very well behaved and they have no problems with him.
All goes well until at the age of three they realise he's still not talking at all, they take him to the doctors, he gets checked over and there's nothing physically wrong with him.
He they gets taken to a psychiatrist and months of tests are performed on him, he's not abnormal in any way, he's just mute.
The couple eventually give up hope, realising they'll have to look after a mute child for the rest of their lives, still that's the only thing wrong so they count their blessings.
Then at the age of five he's sat at the table eating his dessert.
"Diz stroodle iz ah bit tepid" he says calmly.
"oh my god, you can talk, it's a miracle, why haven't you said anything before now?!?" ask his parents ecstatically.
"Up until now everythig haz been satisfactory"
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:48, Reply)
i have seen him live and i fucking love him.His neck is the least of his worries, he looks like he's survived a hatchet attack.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:55,
Reply)
I don;t know.But if you look at his eyes he looks a bit Simpsons-like, and 'cut in half' and his hands look a bit bisected too.
He's a lovely fella though and I'm not making fun of him. I'm curious as to how he got that way.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:12,
Reply)
me too, i think he's very funnyfunnier than most of the cunts here anyways, they're not funny at all the unfunny cunts
god i wish sasha was here
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:15, Reply)
Is she the truth fairy or some other woman you work(ed) with?(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:16,
Reply)
oh god no, louise is mingingimagine ghengis khan in a spice girls wig
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:17, Reply)
And then post a pic up of it(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:19,
Reply)
i think you may be right, i'm gonna print that photo and just sob my heart out(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:21, Reply)
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:23,
Reply)
I just ate a toasted cheese and marmite sandwichwin!
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:52,
Reply)
I had a goat's cheese, rocket and tomato pasta saladIt was most pleasant
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:53,
Reply)
Not enough swan in it for you?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:54,
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hahaha, there is never enough swan or dorrmouse(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:55,
Reply)
Sainsburys was running low on both(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:56,
Reply)
I could murder that right now.Unfortunately I don't feel very well, think I'd throw up anything I eat. Even had to throw my Special K this morning (I never throw Special K away).
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:04, Reply)
He is Brazilian, not Welsh(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:01,
Reply)
All the Dutch girls I've met have been tall with big boobsSadly the same rule as with the Swedes applies to their dirtboxes
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:21, Reply)
that doesn't even make sense.You have no idea about female anatomy do you?
(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:22, Reply)
99% of the Dutch girls I've seen wear next to nothing and stand behind big glass windows. (, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:26, Reply)
I hope you heckled and harangued the other 1% until they followed suit(, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:28, Reply)
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