Oh he really is a fucking cunt.
Gaz me his number, I have had more than enough of that bent prick.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:13, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

i wish there was an "i love this" button
ironically, i have him in my phone as "fucking cunt" at the moment. to remind me not to text back.

it doesn't work :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:13, Reply)

You know what does work?
THROW YOUR PHONE IN THE FUCKING RIVER
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:15, Reply)

IT'S A NEW IPHONE 4S
FUCK THAT NASTY SHIT
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:22, Reply)

YOU ALREADY DID, THAT'S WHY HE'S STILL FUCKING TEXTING YOU!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:24, Reply)

ha, i wish
sadly i think it's the best friendship that he is so addicted to. why am i so fucking likeable?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Addicted to friendship?
He sounds like a weird fucker.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:27, Reply)

no, just with me
he isn't after keeping up shagging with no ties. he is after being best friends on the planet.

urgh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:28, Reply)

And you still think he's not gay?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:28, Reply)

i KNOW he's not gay
sadly
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:30, Reply)

Come on Swipe, the motherfucker's so far in the closet that he's currently being gang-fucked by Aslan & Mr Tumnus.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:34, Reply)

shudder
we had the cartoon version of that when i was a kid (with june whitfield and loads of other 70's celebs in it) and mr tumnus was the most frightening creepy looking kiddie-fiddler ever.

unintentionally hilarious.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:37, Reply)

So did we, I saw it a few Christmases back
It sets a new benchmark in the "has not aged well" stakes. Move over Babylon 5
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:39, Reply)

The Mask is the worst one for that, I find.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:40, Reply)

The Young Ones is still worse.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Apart from the Bambi episode.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:48, Reply)

G-G-G-G-G--A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A--Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y--L-O-O-O--R-R-R-R-R-R-R--D-D-D-D-D-D-D

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:31, Reply)

it is balm for my savaged ego that you boys say this
rather than "he just decided after 6 months that you're an unfanciable moose"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:34, Reply)

Yes?
Oh, you wanted an opinion.

Monty is right. Any man who pursues platonic friendship with an ex who is bizarrely still up for coitus despite the associated headfuck is a bender.

I HAVE SPOKEN
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:34, Reply)

I still sleep regularly with my exes, what does that make me?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:35, Reply)

a man who is trying too hard
to prove his non-quenderiness.

Welcome to the closet.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Fuck right off

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:37, Reply)

Yeah, budge up a bit would you?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Ow! You're standing on my foot!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:45, Reply)

And which one of you cunts has guffed?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:46, Reply)

I smell jizz.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:51, Reply)

*Smells as fishy as a poofter's fart*
/Macc Lads.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:51, Reply)

That's a risky one with the name in the phone like that.
I had a girl saved as "Please Die" in mine a few years back and she saw it. That was fun.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:16, Reply)

I used to have my landlord saved as "think quickly"

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:17, Reply)

"I am washing my hair tonight and so must regrettably decline your generous offer of arse rape in lieu of rent."

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:20, Reply)

Rape implies I wouldn't be up for it
Don't be silly, Stunned poster.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:24, Reply)

It's only rape if you don't push back.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Hahaha

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:27, Reply)

Hahaha I'm stealing that.
Although I wish I knew about it before a couple of days ago, they've been harassing me for ages and I've just paid four months rent.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:23, Reply)

You can get it back though
All you need is a balaclava and an easy point of entry... oh look who I'm telling
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:24, Reply)

That's fucking burglary, way beyond my remit.
Even if it wasn't I'm retired now anyroad.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:30, Reply)

I'm intrigued to know exactly what your remit was

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:32, Reply)

reminds me of bobby's story about
seeing himself in someone's phone as "turd".

i LOL'd a LOT at that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:19, Reply)

How about deleting his number and barring it from your phone?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:18, Reply)

how will that help us fall madly back in love
and move to antigua and live on the beach happily ever after??

:(((
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:21, Reply)

I think his love of the cock will be more of an issue
than communication problems.

That, and the nasty ebola epidemic in Antigua
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:23, Reply)

Well frankly it won't
But him being an enormously self-obsessed turd-burglar won't help either.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:25, Reply)

But the Reverend is on the market Swipey
Every cloud...

(sorry to hear of your shite weekend mate)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Thanks mate.
*straightens cravat, licks eyebrows*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:32, Reply)

is that an oral sex joke?
or did i read waaaay too much into it?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:34, Reply)

ATTENTION LADIES
This man is newly single and has a freakishly long tongue!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:35, Reply)

well, clearly you're as bad as i am
i wasn't sure if he meant that fingertip grooming thing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:36, Reply)

I'm sure he did
but where's the terrifying mental image in that?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:37, Reply)

I prefer to remain an enigma....

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:39, Reply)

You know this to be a colossally bad idea.
Move on, bird.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:28, Reply)

i do have a hot banker in the pipeline (so to speak)
so watch this space.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:34, Reply)

Rhyming slang?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Bankers have been doing the general public up the pipeline for far too long.
It's why we're in this mess in the first place.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Swipey's bumhole will soon be acting as a metaphor for the British economy

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:42, Reply)

That's more like it.
I am sure you have enough best friends anyway, an ex-boyfriend as a bezzie is never a good idea. What happens when you're in a relationship with a new man?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:39, Reply)

Stunned is right
It's only a matter of time before the ex drunkenly advises the new boyfriend to "get her to do that thing with the ping-pong ball"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:41, Reply)

I stayed quite close with the ex wife for a bit.
Although there were a lot of things still tying us together, like her mum being ill and then dying. It kind of fizzled when her new bloke came along, though. Probably just as well.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 16 Jan 2012, 10:45, Reply)