I'm invoking the 171 replies = new thread rule
Biggest fuck up you or others have done at work?

Alt:
Lunch innit?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 12:49, 107 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

but what if some clown deletes a number of threads?
thereby taking the number below 171? what then, sporty, what then?

i'm a litigator. i shovel up other people's fuck-ups.

aparagus soup for lunch today.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 12:58, Reply)

Point in time thread creation
No exceptions.

Come one then, best ones?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:00, Reply)

the thing is, i'm a property litigator
there are loads, but they are all quite technical and very boring!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:04, Reply)

hahahahahahahahahahahA!
hahah!
haha!
hah
ha
ha
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:06, Reply)

dude your sig is a bit...... creepy!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:09, Reply)

Barry from Eastenders described me as such

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:14, Reply)

Fucking 3 vehicles in a week.
One forward crash, one reversed into a wall and one burnt out clutch.

Lunch has been Pork Scratchings, Orange Aero and tea. Fucking lovely.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 15 Feb 2012, 12:59, Reply)

An excellent, if not entirely nourishing lunch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:00, Reply)

I've found some plums though.
Fruit innit.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:08, Reply)

Bear Pookie, earlier:
NSFW or indeed anywhere on earth
ngiley.com/2010/06/06/man-admits-to-having-sex-with-cars/
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:10, Reply)

That is funny.
I remember a guy who went to court for public wanking. apparently he got turned on by concrete.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:23, Reply)

My unpleasant brother has a huge archive of 'man gets caught shagging donkey' etc newspaper clippings.
He keeps them next to his Victorian midget postcard collection.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:37, Reply)

I think they would be an excellent read!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:38, Reply)

Your brother sounds class.
I've seen Victorian midget porn, that was interesting.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:47, Reply)

I've had 100000 catalogues printed containing several errors I should have spotted and corrected.
In my defence whilst battling toward the print deadline I was heroically ignoring tonsilitis to get the job done, and as a result ended up in hospital with a peritonsillar abscess.

My reward for this act of professional selflessness: a massive fucking bollocking. I love my employer so much. He's just GREAT.

Alt: macaroni cheese. I is well povvo innit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:04, Reply)

Were they lolsome errors?
Heinz Tomato soup today. I forgot bread. Cock
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:05, Reply)

cock soup

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:06, Reply)

All 57 varieties

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:07, Reply)

Oh man I've just remembered a classic.
On a photoshoot once, the stylist was pissing about and wrote on the spines of some folders being used as a prop. Things such as ‘child porn’, ‘lawsuits’ etc. The picture was going to be v small so no-one would see, it would look just like generic writing.

EXCEPT that a visually-impaired old cunt of a customer must have been looking at the thing with a magnifying glass and saw the lollish headings. She was far from amused.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:19, Reply)

Have you heard about the kids magazine with the naked bloke in it?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:21, Reply)

How does it smell?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:22, Reply)

www.stylist.co.uk/home/french-fashion-chain-in-naked-blunder
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Ahahaha oh dear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Hahaha!
We ended up with live code out on site that popped up "LEEDS IS SHIT"

The main issue was it was Leeds that reported it. Oops
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:23, Reply)

Best of all the abscesses

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:10, Reply)

You love the anal abcess the best
Abcess makes the fart grow stronger
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:16, Reply)

Please leave the internet immediately for a minimum of 3 months.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:17, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:24, Reply)

We'd been given approval from one customer to go ahead and print 75,000 letters
It was only when I was setting up the merge I noticed something unusual on there, spoke to my manager, he thought it was nothing, but checked anyway. Turns out it had been a mistake, and whilst we'd have got off scot-free, it made us look great to the customer.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:21, Reply)

AMAZING

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:22, Reply)

'Cool', but also 'story' and 'bro'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:24, Reply)

b3ta.turb0t.net/questions/offtopic/post1532123
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:27, Reply)

Cool link bro.


Come to the Capt Kidd though Nakky-noo. You've no excuse.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:30, Reply)

No can do I afraid I'm in Scrutland

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 14:17, Reply)

Due to a mix up with multiple circumstances, a company hadn't been invoiced in 4 months (about £12,500)
That was my job, but I hadn't been informed it was, and no-one had reminded me. The only reason I stayed on is because I'd been crucially told to ignore the piece of paper given to me, as it only contained addresses, which I'd now entered onto the system. That also contained invoice instructions, which I'd never looked at.

Realistically, it was my fault, but I couldn't be 100% blamed, as no-one else had checked before telling me.

However, this was bettered later by one employee who hadn't invoiced a company for around £35k.

Alt: Tomato pasta thing. Picked up a cooked chicken last night, going to make a chicken noodle soup thing tonight
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:18, Reply)

We forgot to charge a customer £35,000
for a whole years Managed Service
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:24, Reply)

Impressive!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:29, Reply)

My boss was particularly impressed with our Finance department

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:30, Reply)

I take it he approached the problem properly and correctly?
Or did he do what most people would do and go batshit mental?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Actually he did speak to them in a restrained manner
I think they now quadruple check EVERYTHING
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:32, Reply)

That is rather impressive.
"Quick, check that expenses receipt! Did he put £19.99 in his car, or £20.00?!"
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:32, Reply)

Cool story






bro
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:25, Reply)

one of the techs at my last place
failed to screw in a pH probe properly to a 75L stainless fermenter pre-sterilization. Consequently it held for the first 10 mins or so and then the thread sheared, dumping 50L of what amounts to sugar and marmite solution at 121 degrees C over a postdoc. He missed the chance to take out a group of undergrads by about 30 secs.

2 years of skin grafts and the guy was able to go back to work.

My worst was merely accidentally inhaling aerosoled lipase and putting myself in an intensive care bed on IV steroids and antihistamines. Still, I was out and in the pub a couple of hours later, great justice.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:24, Reply)

What would lipase do then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:26, Reply)

It destroys your lips' immune system

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:28, Reply)

I dont think it does

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:28, Reply)

it breaks down fat, so can attack cell membranes
but any biologically active compound in your lungs can cause a fairly spectacular allergic reaction. In this case it prevented me from breathing.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:29, Reply)

That seems like a good reason to go for a pint

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Alt: chunky slice off my ham joint, wholegrain mustard, mature cheddar and red onion
inna sammich. Stuffed now.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:24, Reply)

That sounds fucking nom

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:26, Reply)

varying thickness from "bit thicker than regular sliced ham" to "finger width"
as my knife skill was a bit wonky this morning.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:28, Reply)

MOAR ham is good ham

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:29, Reply)

This is both a 'fact-a-roonie' and a 'fact-a-mundo'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:32, Reply)

*makes note to make more Coca Cola ham*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:33, Reply)

Oh man I've read about this recipe (Nigella I think) but never ACKSHERLY eaten it.
Chap at the farmer's market told me that cooking chorizo* in Coke is also fucking nom.


*World's Most Overrated Sausage (c) M. Boyce
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:34, Reply)

I made it again over Christmas with a small ham
It really does taste fucking good

I love chorizo
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:39, Reply)

Errr!
SPORTSCOW HAD SEX WITH A HAM!!!! ERRRRRRR!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:41, Reply)

I've certainly done a few pigs in my time

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:44, Reply)

www.instantrimshot.com
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:45, Reply)

Fuck!
I almost clicked on that there!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:47, Reply)

www.sadtrombone.com
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:49, Reply)

As I'm a terrible povvo, I'd be quite tempted to have branston pickle on that, rather than the mustard
Either that, or maybe some horseradish, but for that, the ham would still have to be warm.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:34, Reply)

The ham and the mustard came as a gift
it would be churlish not to use them together.

Might try pickle tomorrow though.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:42, Reply)

Ahh, fair enough

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:51, Reply)

Attempted to delete a directory called home many levels down in a UNIX system
but accidentally typed rm /home.

How everyone laughed as we failed over to the disaster recovery site and laboured for hours to restore the production machine.

laughed threatened me with physical violence.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:27, Reply)

One of our customers created a script named the same as one of ours
This script deleted everything from the server. We also laughed
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:28, Reply)

Haha, fucking hell

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:29, Reply)

The signing of Wayne Rooney as a brand spokesman for Coke shortly before he was caught shagging grannies.
Was considered a fuck up by my boss. I did point out I had no way of knowing what the ugly scrote was up to when we signed him but this was ignored.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:32, Reply)

Wayne Rooney is the face of "before"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:34, Reply)

haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:35, Reply)

what was that bell-diving one
the "human toothpaste" story? that's about as big a work fuck-up as it gets, surely?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:36, Reply)

Just thinking about it has made me produce some 'human toothpaste' of my own.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:38, Reply)

This?
www.fistofblog.com/2008/03/19/the-byford-dolphin-diving-bell-accident-or-human-toothpaste/
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:44, Reply)

that's the badger
awful
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:48, Reply)

In my last job I lost ten years worth of samples
because a piece of equipment failed. It was my job to check it, and I checked it when I should have done...only to find that in between checks it had broken. Not my fault, but I was nearly sacked for it anyway. Apparently decent research technicians are supposed to have ESP, or commune with their equipment or something.
(berk, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:38, Reply)

Extremely Small Penises?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:40, Reply)

Mine's so small it's not actually visible to the human eye
or perhaps I don't in fact have one. I suspect the latter.
(berk, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:41, Reply)

PS how's the Oxford move coming along?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:41, Reply)

Flat found, signed and paid for
I shall be moving two weeks on Saturday. I have yet to start packing.
(berk, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:42, Reply)

Excellent.
More Londonlolz from you then - and a crash pad for me when Hawkwind play Oxford.

Everyone's happy. Except perhaps you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:44, Reply)

Feel free
and bring your lovely missus. And yes, I am a mere hour away from central London now so many more bashlolz hopefully.
(berk, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:46, Reply)

Good shit yo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:48, Reply)

And about an hour from MK on the X5 if you need some culture.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:48, Reply)

Ahahahahahahaha
Yeah, have you been to Oxford? I think I'm okay for culture. But thanks.
(berk, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:49, Reply)

Does Oxford have concrete cows?
I DON'T THINK IT DOES.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:50, Reply)

Yeah I go quite often.
It's alright, roads are too curvy for my liking.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:50, Reply)

Not nearly enough roundabouts, and the cycle facilities also need some enhancements.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:51, Reply)

Not enough trees either.
And full of scarf wearing cockhounds or "wormuli" for short.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:53, Reply)

How ghastly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:54, Reply)

In Oxford there's more wool per inch than the average sheep.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:55, Reply)

the average sheep a Welshman's cock
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 14:00, Reply)

Why do you put 10 years worth of samples in one machine?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:41, Reply)

Long term storage in liquid nitrogen
OBVIOUSLY.
(berk, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:42, Reply)

GOD he's SO STUPID.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:43, Reply)

Tsk. Even I knew that.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:44, Reply)

Even Joey Deacon knew that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:45, Reply)

Please stop talking in the third person

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:47, Reply)

Joey is getting angry now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:48, Reply)

Go on, throw that shoe

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:48, Reply)

wheeeeeeeee

*splash*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:49, Reply)

Joey is putting it in now.
/popbitch joke.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:50, Reply)

TomBakerlolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:50, Reply)

there's no N(eed) 2 be like that.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:46, Reply)

Please close the door of the internet on your way out.
thx
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:49, Reply)

Please close the door of the internet on your way out.
thx
LOOOOl
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:49, Reply)

tsk
To keep them safe, stupid
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:42, Reply)

To get to the other side!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 13:42, Reply)