Come on, internet. Stop being so rubbish.
Last night our Italian mate told Stunned Poster and me about some frankly disturbing (and not a little bent) bullying he and his pals got up to in Naples when they were kids. This involved holding their victim face down over a bench, pulling the poor sod’s trousers and underpants down and then whacking his bollocks with stinging nettles. They did this to the same boy once a week for around a year. I could not believe what I was hearing, and laughed until I cried.

'Eets'a OK' he said 'we deedn't do it a'hard'.

Well that's OK then.

Can you top this tale of pervy bullying?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:18, 86 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

We've got a new guy in our department. One of his opening stories was
"You know when you were 15 or 16 and you'd play that game where you and your mates would get your nobs out and show each other?"

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Strictly speaking this isn't a tale of childhood bullying, but he's sure as fuck now getting workplace bullying for something that happened during his childhood.
( Kroney, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Maybe it's a public school thing.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:23, Reply)

I doubt it applies, he's from Acton.

( Kroney, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:27, Reply)

Sounds more like he's from Benidorm.
AHAHAHAHAHHA
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:35, Reply)

Or Bumbang
(which is in Victoria, Australia).
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:37, Reply)

Or Lickey End
(which is in Worcestershire)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Or Gay Boylove
(which doesn't exist)
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:46, Reply)

(but if it did you'd be the fucking mayor)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Happy the man who is paid for his hobbies

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Jarvis-lols

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:08, Reply)

Hahahah
£10 says he doesn't last his trial period.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:23, Reply)

It was, I think, his increasingly strident assertions that "everybody" plays this game at that age
that made it funny. As each person said a variation of "WTF no", he'd ask another guy. Who'd also say "WTF no". Which included our boss.

Oh, and then he slipped in the anecdote about how he nearly got a noncing at a bus stop.
( Kroney, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:29, Reply)

"that's how they do pants"
"yes. yes it is. IN PRISON."
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:33, Reply)

It bothers me that I recognise this quote.

( Kroney, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:47, Reply)

From your prison days?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:51, Reply)

Worse. From Friends.

( Kroney, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:52, Reply)

You disgust me.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:53, Reply)

You are dead to me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:54, Reply)

I've let you down, I've let B3ta down
and worse still, I've let myself down.
( Kroney, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:57, Reply)

worse than al

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:55, Reply)

worse than bella

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:59, Reply)

hahahaha
i liked it when joey says how you doin and the ladies go all coy
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:08, Reply)

and ross says dinosaurs! and everyone goes 'oh, ross'

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:17, Reply)

and courtney cox cleans a table with like an ear bud and chadler goes 'could you BE any more OCD?'
and she goes yeah and then cleans the toilet with his toothbrush
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:18, Reply)

it's like I don't even need to watch it.
Go on, do Rachel
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:18, Reply)

sigh
we've been through this. you two get to do each other, remember?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:19, Reply)

rqachel right has no experience of anything but being a shit waitress who can't even make coffee
5 years later shes running ralph lauren HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:20, Reply)

and chandler and joey can't have a baby cos phoebe put a voodoo curse on courtney cox's womb irl

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:32, Reply)

i liked the way it made them all millionaires
i would have liked that job. except that i was only about 13 when it came out. and so not really a possible candidate for any of the roles.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:18, Reply)

you could have been gunther

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:20, Reply)

i'm surprised you didn't do this
h
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:32, Reply)

g + m

?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:33, Reply)

better

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:35, Reply)

i would never do that to you, rachelswipe
i think that you are beautiful
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:37, Reply)

you have no idea what i look like
but you are, for once, bang on the money.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:40, Reply)

i may not know what you look like on the outside
but i can see your soul
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:49, Reply)

my ex (the bedshitting one, NOT the not-gay one) and all his grubby little mates used to go round to the house of whomever's parents were out
to watch porn as it was the only chance any of them got. they would all sit and wank over it, and leave the room when done.

apparently it wasn't gay because they covered their cocks with a sock. riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

when he told me this, i sent him pairs of socks in the internal mail at work for weeks. hours of entertainment.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:32, Reply)

Mein Gott.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:34, Reply)

funny you should say that, as the tool in question was half german
his daddy was in the SS in WW2. he was about 60 when my bedshitting ex came along. what a nice treat for his twilight years.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:36, Reply)

good to see you've kept your standards high

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:39, Reply)

too high for you, dude

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:48, Reply)

pfffffft
(this is the sound of you queefing after a night of passiion with a hairy german bed pooer)
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:49, Reply)

i've never queefed in my life
but it's telling that you would think that, given that the cause is a cock that is too small.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:52, Reply)

I heard his cock was so big that last night it caused a vacuum lock in Mrs Quentin
and when he pulled out, it resulted in her dislocating her ovaries.
( Kroney, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:54, Reply)

that is because "mrs quentin" is his sister's barbie doll

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:55, Reply)

hey! i drilled that hole specially and she said she would never tell!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:00, Reply)

queef don't lie

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:10, Reply)

And to think I have to pay good money for that kind of thing
/obvious.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Yes. Pencil sharpenings. Year 3.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:23, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:24, Reply)

The horror!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:28, Reply)

oh dear, soz thingys friend
my cousins called this palle mal
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Ok right, this is hilarious
what we would do, yeah, was get a first year, yeah, get them drunk then when they passed out we would pull down their trousers and totally bugger them, it...was...HILARIOUS
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:27, Reply)

NOW i see why monty calls you a colossal bender
i did wonder
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:33, Reply)

Public schoolboys are allowed to sodomise first years
Nakers was only carrying on the tradition as as the older boys did to him during his first year.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:40, Reply)

And he is a colossal bender.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:40, Reply)

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA
www.chutters.com/candy/about.asp

'Locals drop by regularly to pick up a pound of Chutters famous fudge'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:48, Reply)

"Mr. Chutter is a warm-hearted, cordial, and enthusiastic man"

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:48, Reply)

I am alone in being amused by this, it seems. Ah well.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:52, Reply)

What were you googling to find that?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:52, Reply)

'chutters'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:53, Reply)

Naturlich

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:53, Reply)

I don't want any of Mr Chutter's cordial.

( Kroney, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:52, Reply)

His warm cordial.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:53, Reply)

They cant pack fudge during warm months
must be the flies
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:57, Reply)

or his "favors for parties"

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:58, Reply)

Apparently he's a favourite for visitors
all of whom are excited to fill their bags.
( Kroney, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Must be his mother:
Place I spotted in Boscastle
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:12, Reply)

one of my colleagues has brought back 2 packets of hersheys almond and caramel kisses
it's safe to say they are the only chocolates that haven't disappeared INSTANTLY in this place of gannets. personally i love them, but do most people hate hersheys chocolate then? where's kristine when you need her?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:54, Reply)

There's something badly wrong with American chocolate.
cf Riesen 'the chocolate chew'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:55, Reply)

By 'something' do you in fact mean
'everything'? It is not appealing in any way - taste, texture, the lot. I'd rather eat toothpaste.
(berk, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:34, Reply)

because it's not really chocolate
it's just sugar and fat and artficial flavours, isn't it?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:55, Reply)

you say that like it's a bad thing

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 10:56, Reply)

I dunno
I don't really "do" chocolate or sweets.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:00, Reply)

gaylord

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:09, Reply)

surely going "OMFG hotel chocolat is to DIE for!!!"
is considerably more bent than not eating it?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:25, Reply)

it's a fine line
but you are not usually horrifically camp (well, outside the bedroom) so i'll let you off.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:27, Reply)

well, you are what you eat
OMGLOL
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:01, Reply)

there there pastadoughboy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:09, Reply)

I have some willy wonker chocolate and it's ok I guess, I love willy wonka sweets.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:48, Reply)

Exhibit A.
Fuck you guys
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:05, Reply)

It'll be OK Bobby-Dick
it'll be OK. *man-hugs*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:12, Reply)

Currently In dullest lecture ever. I'm haPpier being. Bullied online

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Will you please stop signing into The Batcave on 4Square?

(Emvee's Mum, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:22, Reply)

I don't Answer to you anymore you old pervert

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:24, Reply)

And that's how John Nettles
Got his stage name.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Feb 2012, 11:23, Reply)