In special honour of Gonz, lets all have a fucking massive rant!
What is boiling your piss today?

Alt:
What is making you happy?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:47, 128 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Being phoned on out of hours support this morning when I wasn't told I was on it started my day off well
As did forgetting all the fruit I was going to bring to work and my fucking cheque book.

Having to write two new documents from scratch as no-one else can be arsed is also great, just fucking great.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:48, Reply)

Why are you using cheques granddad?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:52, Reply)

These are fucking cheques
That entitle the bearer to sexy times with sporto
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:54, Reply)

I bearer promise 10 cow licks to whomever should have this cheque
xxx
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:55, Reply)

Stunned has cashed his in

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:58, Reply)

They take 4 days to complete too!
Cheque is to pay bin cleaning company
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:59, Reply)

Alt: The guy sitting next to me used to work at 02 customer services in around 2005.
Whilst there, one of his colleagues was unsuccessful rapper and Peter Andre collaborator Bubbler Ranx.
( Kroney, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:50, Reply)

Mysterious

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:05, Reply)

Nothing, it is a beautiful day, the sun is shining, the days are getting longer and spring is afoot
*skips amongst daffodils*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:53, Reply)

Welsh cunt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:00, Reply)

be fair
Welsh
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:08, Reply)

*nods*
Afternoon Apey. How are those "tricks"?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:09, Reply)

meh, on site at a client's, only got boring work to do
and it's sunny outside...but not bad. How's "The North" today?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:11, Reply)

Grim

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:11, Reply)

Quite nice today
Just got lots of documentation and such like to sort today, then scripting
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:12, Reply)

Is that like writing like wot shakespere did?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:13, Reply)

Yes, exactly that
Forsoothe
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:28, Reply)

I am the only person working on my team today
2 off sick, 1 on holiday, the rest on a course. Just spent all morning fixing a live problem that was causing a major problem for most users, and I've missed Thursday lunchtime footie waiting for the job to run and be tested. Gutted.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:56, Reply)

I'm having a pretty good day actually
I've stayed off work to look after the baby, as the mrs is ill. The sun is shining and I'm going to nip out for a sneaky pint later on. Plus the view from this balcony is great and these croissants are delicious.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:57, Reply)

Seriously...
...fuck you
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 12:59, Reply)

You need a cheque for that

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:00, Reply)

*brandishes sportscheque*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:02, Reply)

Step right this way sir

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:04, Reply)

*quaffs glass of wine*
I say, can you move that car please? It appears to be stuck turning right
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:05, Reply)

STOP THE INTERNET
www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=87612

'playin, Playing with the Boys'
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:06, Reply)

Oh FFS, why?!
The first one was fucking bad enough!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:08, Reply)

I've never seen the first one

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:08, Reply)

Don't bother, it's one of the worst films ever made.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:10, Reply)

worst best and most homo-erotic
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:11, Reply)

It's fucking awful.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:12, Reply)

ful esome
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:13, Reply)

Its not that bad!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:11, Reply)

I refer the honourable gentleman to my response to Bent Ape above.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:13, Reply)

My mate is getting married in three weeks
On the invite it asked what song you would like to be played at the disco part of the evening, between us my friends have suggested the entire Top Gun Soundtrack
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:14, Reply)

have suggested the entire Top Gun Soundtrack are all completely gay for each other and enjoy watching a supremely bent film before hitting the communal showers and flicking each other with wet towels in a way that is no way homoerotic.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:17, Reply)

I am comfortable with my sexuality

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:18, Reply)

Sing if you're glad to be gay
Sing if you're happy that way.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:20, Reply)

*sings*
wait this is a trick question...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:21, Reply)

Don't waste your time

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:12, Reply)

It's brilliant
Best OST ever
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:12, Reply)

It's bloody enjoyable and has awesome planes.

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:19, Reply)

ashully, the planes are pretty shit
the F14 was more of a fighter/bomber than fighter so the migs they go up against would have torn them to shreds
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:20, Reply)

For some reason I thought they were F-15 or F-16s

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:26, Reply)

f14 tomcats
you can tell from the size of them, the double tail fins and the moveable wings
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:27, Reply)

"moveable wings" = variable geometry
No, fuck you.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:29, Reply)

I knew there was a proper term for this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Pish
The F-14 was never intended as a bomber. It was a long-range interceptor, designed to defend carrier battle groups from Soviet bombers equipped with long-range anti-ship missiles.

True, that wouldn't have made it ideal for dogfighting, but with it's excellent radar and Phoenix missiles it could engage multiple MiG targets from well outside their range.

/CompleteFuckingAnorak

tl;dr would still have beaten the MiGs, but in a more direct and less exciting way.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:26, Reply)

WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS UNDERMINING ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:28, Reply)

I'm not. You don't have any friends.
Sorry to be the bearer...etc.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:29, Reply)

And while my anorak is still on...
from my sketchy recollection of the film, they weren't even MiGs, they were actually Northrop F-5 Freedom Fighters with red stars on.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:28, Reply)

Wikipedia says yes and they were pretending to be Mig-28s

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Which of course don't exist IRL.
MiGs never had even numbers - 15, 17, 19, 21, 23, 25, 27, 29, 31 etc.

/definitelygoingtogiveitafuckingrestnow
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Now tell us what was wrong with the Star Wars prequels.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:32, Reply)

JarJar

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Did you write this?
Pretty sure that one of you did.

nomachetejuggling.com.s3-website-us-east-1.amazonaws.com/2011/11/11/the-star-wars-saga-suggested-viewing-order/
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:38, Reply)

Have you seen the Mike Plinkett reviews? fucking hilarious and very insightful.

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:39, Reply)

hahaha
the internet will fill up and burst, like a B3tan at an all you can eat Mexican
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:35, Reply)

They are referred to as migs
'The aircraft used for the fictional MiG-29s are Northrop F-5E'
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:30, Reply)

I know, I'm just being a helmet.
Soz.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:31, Reply)

*polishes*
that's ok
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:32, Reply)

SPAKKERS IT'S A FUCKING MOVIE YOU INTERNET TWAT

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:27, Reply)

Thanks for all the advice, but I've no intention of ever seeing it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:21, Reply)

Good man.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:21, Reply)

your missing out on a cultural PHENOMENOM

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:24, Reply)

The more detail you and Fisto post up there
The less I want to see it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:30, Reply)

a cultural PHENOMENOM nothing.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

Brilliant! I loved the first one, I know it's cool to hate it but planes are cool, the airforce is cool,
planes shooting in the sky is cool, volleyball is cool, val kilmer is cool, tom cruise is a prick, motorbikes are cool.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:16, Reply)

I'm having a shit day, both my lectures were shit today
nothing planned just "what do you want go over?" sessions. So I've come home to a house of cunts and am going to sit in the garden and have a spliff.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:13, Reply)

Why doi you live with cunts?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:15, Reply)

One of them is sound, the other three are bone idle and don't do any housework at all. Honestly I came back from the States to a slum. They think putting a bin bag in the garden is taking the rubbish out, happy to live in mess, it's vile.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:17, Reply)

lolz

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:17, Reply)

more quality insight from malaysia

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:21, Reply)

soz reading a menu will b betta xxx

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:23, Reply)

what are the staples like out there?
I bet their all like satay flavoured and muslamic
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:23, Reply)

lots of noodles lots of rice with dried sardines
they also fucking love eggs, half the meals have an egg on top. i had a steak sandwich and it had a poached in it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:46, Reply)

Love eggs.
Hahaha.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:57, Reply)

are you having a nice time?

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:36, Reply)

yep its awesome fairly quiet night tonight though.
friends are either being couply or suffering from the shits
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:47, Reply)

go and see that tranny you like/want
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:01, Reply)

She rove him rong time

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:03, Reply)

I hate being a,girly girly with feelings and emotions
Alt cuddling with the pup
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:21, Reply)

Have a lobotomy, it's the only way

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:22, Reply)

why do you hate me so?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:32, Reply)

First your toe, now this...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

You blamed me for breaking your foot :(
www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVgGte6vlic&feature=related
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:34, Reply)

STOP BULLYING KRISTINE!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:36, Reply)

just my toe, and now you want to drill a hole in my brain

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:36, Reply)

Actually many lobotomies were performed by inserting an ice pick intyo the eyesocket
above the eyeball, into the brain, then they simply swept it back and forth destroying the frontal lobe
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:38, Reply)

wonderful!

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:39, Reply)

The rule of thirds applied to patients
a third got better, woo, a thrid stayed the same, meh, and a third got worse boo
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:40, Reply)

Some more good music to cheer you up, cool vid as well
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXO-jKksQkM
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:40, Reply)

Pain
Alt: painkillers.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:35, Reply)

The kettle by the watercooler
Hopefully nobody will work out that it was me...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:40, Reply)

fucking crows are using kettles now
you corvidly obese bird bastard
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:42, Reply)

you folically challenged chimp cunt!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:46, Reply)

noithing, i am quite a happy, contented person really
right now i am happy cos i just had lunch and the girlfriend found me a new dishrack i've been wanting for a while cos my old one was horrible
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:43, Reply)

i like this dishrack cos its stainless stell
my old one was navy blue plastic and got dirty dead quick, not worth bothering with, my life is now 0.000000000001% easier
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:49, Reply)

This pleases me

(TheColonel, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:56, Reply)

i dunno what i'll do with the wash basin tho
you can't get a stainless stell wash basket can you? i mean it would be heavy and easy to break, i haven't thought this right through

oh fuck, life just got 0.000000000002% harder
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:04, Reply)

ditch the washbasket.
i bet your sink is stainless steel
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:20, Reply)

yeah but not the same stainless steel as the rack
i've pretty much ruined my life
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:22, Reply)

you should probably kill yourself
and everyone you work with
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:24, Reply)

woah thats a bit strong, overreaction to a dishrack isn't it?
tricky deserves it tho, every time i look around today he's got his hands down his pants

i wish i was kidding about this
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:25, Reply)

is he some sort of desk wanker?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:26, Reply)

yes he is, i sent a company email around with the wikipedia article on chronic masturbation cos of him
apparently its cos he's stressed and/or an abused child
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:27, Reply)

he probably just wants a hug

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:28, Reply)

he wants to wash his hands is what he wants

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:28, Reply)

and this is why I like you quint
You are a simple, happy soul.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:47, Reply)

I think you missed

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:48, Reply)

replied in the wrong place there CQ

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:49, Reply)

how's the injury?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:49, Reply)

painful but not life threatening.
My mum's looking after me, just waiting for her to get back from the chemists withh prper strength codine, whic I expect to make the world a brighter place.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:58, Reply)

hahahahaha
MUM
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 13:59, Reply)

What happened?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:00, Reply)

If you play with it too much, it will break.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:01, Reply)

*panics*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:02, Reply)

fell off my bike and broke my collarbone

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:15, Reply)

shit that sucks, seems b3tans are dropping like flies at the moment
flies with Osteoporosis
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:17, Reply)

badluck bro! Chin up.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:00, Reply)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Codeine, makes the world a warm and fuzzy place - if you get the right strength. Damn I miss painkillers!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:03, Reply)

Hope it works better for you than it did me
Knocked me sick, felt awful. Granted, no pain though!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:06, Reply)

how's your mangled jew cock?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:09, Reply)

Working fine, thank you

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:19, Reply)

have you had a proper test run yet?
you know on a girl, not into a sock?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:20, Reply)

Aye, a couple of times now

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:35, Reply)

POIDH

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:21, Reply)

er, what?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:21, Reply)

you heard

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Mar 2012, 14:46, Reply)