Good morning Deacons.
Every school had at least one 'special' pupil; not quite enough of a spacker to be sent to a school for mongs, but certainly a bit of a window licker*. Who were they at your school and what strange things did they do?**

Alt: Who was better? Idi Amin or Saparmurat Niyazov?


*If you can't remember a school spacker it was probably you.

** other than my mother of course.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:15, 231 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

OH thank god, A different post.
There was a boy called Robbie Hare. He was thick, with dirty grey skin and he stank of piss ALL the time. And he was dumber than dogshit.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 15 May 2012, 8:16, Reply)

the ones that were supposed to be the mensa ones were fucking idiots.
one of them shat himself in second year biology, the dirty smelly cunt.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:20, Reply)

My school had spackers galore.
One was known as "Rat Face". His non identical, though still spacker, twin was known as "Rat face's Brother"
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:22, Reply)

We had a 'mole man' who, err, looked like a mole.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:29, Reply)

OMG! so did we.
I thought that physical and mental defectives only came from council estates.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:31, Reply)

Goodness me no.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:33, Reply)

*is enlightened*

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:34, Reply)

I used to work with a woman who looked exactly like a hedgehog.
She got run over one morning.

Actually, she didn't, but it would've been more hedgehoggy if she had.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)

She must have been known as Spiny Norma.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:41, Reply)

She will be now.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:41, Reply)

Spiny Bifada.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Did she have hegemony over her students?
You see what I did there?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:54, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:56, Reply)

No, she came across as too prickly.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:02, Reply)

We had a girl called Julie in our year
who had a Tim Henman haircut, terrible dandruff and was, I believe, a genuine undiagnosed autist. She was about 4'11, pissed herself with alarming regularity and snot came out of her nose when she laughed. She's got three kids now and lives in Blackburn with a 40 year old chav who has about seven teeth, as far as I can tell.
(berk, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:27, Reply)

she broke your heart, didn't she.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:29, Reply)

She really wasn't my type.

(berk, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:30, Reply)

yeah, keep bottling up the pain, that's healthy.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:31, Reply)

Healthier than touching her, yeah
I confess a lot of us used to run away from her shrieking 'urgh! julie germs!' if she tried to touch you. Ah, playground wit.
(berk, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:39, Reply)

she's probably dead now.
sadtimes :'(
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)

I think the fact that you were in 6th form at this point made it even worse.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Hey, what can I say, she's great in the sack.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:30, Reply)

Are you sure she wasn't just a toddler that had a terrible growth spurt?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Oh man we had some fucking classics at my school.
There were the two boys who were ('apparently') found in the lavatories with their snorkel jackets zipped right up to the top, pissing on each other.

There was science genius Graham Jones who had a massive ginger afro, smoked about 40 a day and was expelled, first from primary school for manufacturing a crossbow which fired sharpened bicycle spokes, and using it on someone, and then later from secondary school for trying to burn down the catering block.

There was Michael Green who could have been Danny Kendall's twin brother. He kicked a teacher in the nuts and ran off across the rugby field to wild applause.

There was Andrew Richardson who crapped on the stage in the main hall...

I've posted about most of these nutjobs at least once before so I shall leave it at that.

Save to pass on my disgust at reading in today's newpapers about the potential Greek exit from the Euro - 'some people are calling it a 'GREXIT'' apparently. 'Some people' are complete fucking cunts, then.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:28, Reply)

your posts contain a lot of random accord violence.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:30, Reply)

That school was a practically a Honda factory.
Needless to day they had the last laugh.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:30, Reply)

cheers

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:31, Reply)

Sadly the supermodel count was pitifully low.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:32, Reply)

you never went to school, did you?
you just congealed in the gutter one day from tramp's piss and vom.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:33, Reply)

THAT'S NOT TRUE, ALRIGHT?
Who told you that? It's NOT TRUE. Don't listen to them.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:35, Reply)

imma gonna follow my nose on this one.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:36, Reply)

Look, my washing machine's broken, OK?
It's not my fault I smell.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:37, Reply)

smelly smelly monty
doesn't wash his botty
tried to kiss all the boys
but they don't want to touch his toys
cause he's smelly smelly monty
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:41, Reply)

I'm gazzing the mods. This is cyber-bullying.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)

he's going to tell teacher!
GRASS GRASS GRASS GRASS GRASS!!!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)

I suspect it will be difficult to beat this post today.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)

I've blocked out all my memories of school because it was boring and shit.
Now I teach a bunch of undergraduates, many of whom shouldn't be at university, but hey, we need the fees.

It's not a bad job though - yesterday I got to track down a fantasist of Eds Meds proportions - lying, medical degree shenanigans, bigamy, the works with added immigration LIES.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:38, Reply)

Excellent. Do tell.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:39, Reply)

It's long - will tell you all about it next week in person if you can still feign interest.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:41, Reply)

Oh the interest will be real.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)

There was Tracy, the angriest girl I've ever met. A car ran over her foot, she cried, someone mocked her, she headbutted them. Still one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Then Ben, the guy who never, ever showered. Samantha, who used to wet herself every assembly up until year 8. Natalie, same as Ben, only add to that the fact that she was also batshit insane.

Fact is though, they were genuine, which was a lot more than you could say for quite a number of the people I went to school with, who'd have no problems slagging you off behind your back.

All false names, btw
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Steven G
Kid with serious impulse control problems, should've been in a special school. He'd try to walk out of a class because he'd seen something interesting out of the window, or he'd eat something (like pencil lead, a bit of a book etc) because he'd never tried it before.
When he hit puberty that was it - out of mainstream education after being caught wanking in assembly.

Odd boy, wonder what happened to him.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)

He's now the Liverpool captain.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)

There was one lad that was hyper sensitive
and if anyone ever said anything to him that could be even remotely considered as bullying he would attempt to physically drag them to the Head of Year's office.
I witnessed several of his 'freak outs'. He would fly into an hysterical rage over pretty much nothing. Wonder what happened to that kid.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)

You went to school with Quinten?
Unlucky.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)

He lost his temper at a teacher on a couple of occasions
One time the teacher tried to restrain him and he shoved the teacher really hard with a "DON'T TOUCH ME!!!", it was all very dramatic.
School being school, by the time this story made it to the rest of the pupils the details of the story had changed quite a bit. The best one I heard was that he (Scott? Scott I think) had SUPLEXED the teacher into a table. Some kids believed that too. Awesome.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)

Hahaha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:53, Reply)

so then scott got on the ropes and totally did a massove SLAM on the teacher
then he hit him with a chair and done a stone cold stunner on him!!!!

it's true cause destiny heard it from craig who's brother knows nathan who's mates with ryan who's going out with michele and she knows justin who was in the class!!!!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)

Yeah, that's pretty much how it went on
It was so funny. Even then I thought to myself 'you fucking dopes...as if he suplexed a teacher'.
But y'know. Funnier innit.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)

I remember a lad tried to set off a firework in class but ended up setting fire to his bag.
the teacher went kind of mental and made us all stay in our seats then threatened to punch one of the girls cause she started sobbing.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)

The teacher threatened to hit one of the girls??
It's funny how times change. Some of the stuff my teachers did and said would never be allowed these days. And I only left school 20 years ago.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)

Same here.
The head of history used to lash people with a fishing rod at ours.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:09, Reply)

Gazza & Moaty lols.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)

I think he just panicked cause the classroom was on fire.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:13, Reply)

We had a tiny French teacher
who used to sit on the front of his desk swinging his legs. one day he over-swung and fell into the bin. He got stuck and couldn't get out.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Oh man
Things like that happen once every 20 lifetimes.
One of our teachers was on a daytime TV quiz show and he got one question wrong and got eliminated. He did not return to school a hero.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:24, Reply)

we locked a teacher in the supply cupboard.
her name? mrs staples.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:25, Reply)

We had a french teacher that walked into a stock cupboard mid sentence, then started crying because she thought we'd lock her in there
She was a rather odd woman.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Did he go on to a career in telecommunications?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)

RIP Martin

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:33, Reply)

I only finished 6th form six years ago.
So all they could threaten us with was detentions.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Kids are cunts
I don't think I'd like to be a teacher.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:24, Reply)

Me either
Sadly, it doesn't just stop at the kids either, many of the higher ups are also cunts. The head at my Dad's old college was someone with zero teaching experience, simply brought in to run it as a business. Made things very difficult for my Dad, who had zero interest in playing this guy's pathetic little games.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)

What, tiddlywinks?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)

The guy told my Dad he'd 'accept his resignation', after my Dad pointed out there was zero need for him to wear a tie at a parents evening.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:44, Reply)

UNLESS IT'S A SIMPSONS ONE, RIGHT???

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:50, Reply)

No.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:52, Reply)

is it baldmonkey?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)

BM went to a much better school than I did

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)

what a prick!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:58, Reply)

I know
He's a prick that went to a prick school for pricks.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)

Graduated with flying colours I expect.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:02, Reply)

you can shut it an all smelly

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)

I'm warning you, son.
I have Scarynonce on speed-dial.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:08, Reply)

SMELLY GRASS!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)

*cries*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)

He majored in being a fat ballbag

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)

I'm doing fine, thanks.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Come on, Two Hats can't be THAT old!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)

I thought you were dead.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:55, Reply)

When I say 'thought', I mean 'wish'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:55, Reply)

Haha, fuck you.
Morning Monty, how are we?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)

Not bad, you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:59, Reply)

Pretty damn good, thanks
There's a new lady on the scene for me, whom I'm seeing again tonight. That's making me rather cheerful!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)

Good work, young man.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:08, Reply)

There was this one lad,
a complete fantasist, who would ramble on at great length about imaginary ex-girlfriends of his - one was a racist, one cheated on him, one was bipolar, etc.
His stories were very long and often dull and usually everyone would simply move away from him and start again.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:55, Reply)

Hahahah this reminds me:
When we were about 16, walking down the street in a group of five or six chaps, Yeti suddenly said ‘what do you think of my new girlfriend then?’ – to which we all said ‘EH? What girlfriend?’ (he was and still is fat and ginger). ‘Oh sorry, I was just wondering what it would be like to be able to say that and accidentally said it out loud’.

Poor, lonely Yeti with his four foot high pile of wank mags.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:59, Reply)

Ha ha ha ha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:00, Reply)

There was also the time
when we were on the train and he left his (mercifully underpant-clad) knob hanging out the front of his jeans following a visit to the lavatory.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)

Well played.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 8:59, Reply)

Spanky Hanky was only just developing.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)

We had a kid called Micheal who was in the cadet force.
He used to go on marches and camping trips to Belgium and Holland. He told some people he had sex with this girl in Belgium and some others that the girl was in Holland.

When we "sussed" him, he said he had sex with her on the border.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Hahahahahahhaahhahaahha
'sussed'....I'd forgotten that legal term.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)

Ha! That's you well sussed.
*licks finger tip and mimes touching your face, with accompanying fizzing noise*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Hahaha brilliant

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)

There are a few people not contributing to this thread, which leads me to believe they were the spacker at their school.
Good morning Bobby, Al, Chompy, Naked Ape, Sporter and of course Quentin.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)

I've just woken up.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:55, Reply)

haha

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)

We didn't really have too many special pupils, what with being a posh grammar school and everything
There were a couple of odd ones, but no proper window lickers.
When I was teaching, I had a pupil who came from a family of about seven kids. They were all tiny, dirty, undernourished, and poorly dressed. Not quite all there, you might say. The one I taught was a second year. I once caught him pissing up against the gym on the way out of school.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 May 2012, 9:09, Reply)

You used to teach Monty?
I didn't realise you're that old.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)

No, she said 'tiny'.
She used to teach YOU.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)

It MUST have been you. She said 'dirty, undernourished, and poorly dressed'.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Oh, get a room, you two

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Well it can't have been you then, soz.
I think the polite term for you is probably 'overnourished'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Yes. I as I can afford to buy lots of lovely high calorie food.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Whereas Monty is "overrefreshed" or "The Landlord's Friend".

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Morning matey.
Landlord dealer
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Not these days.
Now I am 'the mine sweeper'.

If I'm not careful I'll get deployed in Helmand Province.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)

* crosses fingers *

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Ian Sizer
Massively overweight gun nut, i'm sure if we'd been at school in america he'd have columbined us all
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)

Ours had a few
Stephen, the camp one, who was murdered by a serial killer in Sunderland

Antony, who knocked out the IT teacher and is now in jail for murder

My personal favourite "special" was Wayne Morse, blessed of MASSIVE teeth and thus renamed Wayne Horse

Alt:
Idi Amin - won me £20 on Trivial Pursuit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Saparmurat Niyazov wins versus Amin.
Anyone who renames the month of January after themselves must be brilliant.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)

i bet you're ian sizer, soz
hope i haven't offended you
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)

I'm not a fan of guns.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)

not
n of
uns
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Was that really worth the effort?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)

i'm all about the effort

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)

It wasn't worth the effort taken to decipher.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Fuck YOU , me
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Isn't he the one who put his face on every pot of yoghurt too?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)

No that was that guy 'Munch Bunch'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:18, Reply)

Please

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Yes.
He also had gold plated statue of himself made which rotated to always be in sunlight:


( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:18, Reply)

It doesn't appear to be working in that pic.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Kill yourself please.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)

I can't afford the gas or pills.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Fucking half-hearted workmen

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Is that Michael Jackson?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Idi Amin went to my school, actually.
I 'clothes-lined' him in assembly once.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)

I love that he awarded himself the Victoria Cross and referred to himself as 'King of Scotland'.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:33, Reply)

He was 'way cool'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:34, Reply)

Severed-heads-in-the-fridge lols

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)

that film was shit
blacks and scottish people, i couldn't understand a piggin word
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)

A meeting of the world's least-loved peoples.

(I can say this because I am a Scotch innit)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)

Scotch black.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)

Shakespear and Captain kirk were in my creative writing classes. I fucked both their wives.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:53, Reply)

my school was quite a posh private one, so a disappointing lack of windowlickers
couple of super-bright socially retarded ones though. one of the gimps used to wander around with a full on climbing-hook attached to his school trousers. complete with photograph of his ladylove, gimpess.

as there were about 5 gimps but only one gimpess, it went horribly wrong for climbing-boy in about 5th form, when she cheated on him with gimp 2, the intensely religious vicar's son. she dumped him when he said he'd "rather die than have sex before marriage" (not that it stopped him trying to finger me with his toes under the table in latin, fucking vile monstrosity of a hypocrite) and moved onto gimp 3.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)

Damion
He actaully got some kind of first degree honnors thinggy in being a lawyer, but he couldn't handle the arguements so he did the knowledge and became a taxi driver. Whatever you do, do NOT call him gay. I remember he knew everyone in the year's class schedual, even at GCSE when we all split up from our tutor groups. This was about 150 kids, all having 5 lessons a day, on a two week rotation.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)

David h. Ginger beavis-alike
Not allowed sweets at home so would eat them off the floor at school. In the end we would put them in puddles, mud, crap, whatever gross shit we could find.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:52, Reply)

A boy at ours ate a handful of muddy worms for £5.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)

We made a boy do forward rolls around the perimeter of the field every lunchtime for a week
Before he could join our gang. Kids are cunts.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:58, Reply)

you'd have a distinct advantage at that
since you roll everywhere
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:58, Reply)

That's how he rolls lol

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)

through forty shades of shit, only enlivened by the occasional giant bloodclot?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:03, Reply)

glass
houses
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:04, Reply)

sssh
i'm bored of you, now.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:06, Reply)

we've got a good thing goin
a real good thing goin, noooowwwwww...

so it's ok to mock bob's weight but not yours?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)

silly quentin
it was a bella reference. the rolling refers to bella and the forty shades of shit refers to bella's blog and the bloodclots refer to her horrific habit of coming on here and telling us that she was having the last 3 months' periods in one go.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)

oh FFS, when are we only going to include in-jokes on this board that I get???

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:09, Reply)

you'd have loved trolling her
you missed a treat there
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)

i don't do trolling, i'm really nice see
but if she was fit at least it would have brighted up the place a bit
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:12, Reply)

she might have been your type
short, curvy/fat (depending on your tastes), dyed bright red hair, big glasses, strident leftie and feminist.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)

by off topic standards, she sounds like a fox

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)

arhhh speaking of which there's this baby fox and its mum that keeps coming into my gf's back yard
its SUPER cute, but disappears before we get the camera ready
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)

my dad had one curled up on his doorstep the other day
presume the mother came back for it. they are v cute.

we agree on something!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)

one tried to come in her cat flap

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:18, Reply)

I hope she got paid first!
LOL!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:19, Reply)

no she just shoo'ed it away

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)

Too many euphamisms.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:16, Reply)

seems like a fair deal, i'd probably go for that
i reckon some of those celebs do worse for less
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:58, Reply)

Were you that desperate for cash at such a young age?
FFS. Sort your act out.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:58, Reply)

My mate Steve ate a preserved jellyfish in college for a pint

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)

My friend Billy had a ten foot willy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:02, Reply)

my brother's mate once bought a rose for a girl when they were smashed on holiday
at the time it was the most romantic gesture he could conceive. he was properly fucked off when another mate promptly leaned over and ate it.

why? would you eat a rose??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:03, Reply)

they are edible and rather nice with the right cream and wine

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:05, Reply)

yeah
ten 18 year olds on their post-a-level trip to malaga.... i don't think gourmet cooking was an option.....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:09, Reply)

try some, birds love all that hippie shit

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:09, Reply)

Northern Rock are harrassing me into making a 'mis-sold PPI' claim, the weird cunts.
I got a letter a week or two back asking if I felt I’d been misled etc etc. As I didn’t really, I did not reply. Yesterday I got a followup letter going on about how I hadn’t responded so I thought fuck ‘em, ticked a few boxes and sent it off, just to shut them up. I wonder if I’ll get some money?

More thoughts straight from my brain, as I have them. WATCH THIS SPACE!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:09, Reply)

If you do then your creditors will be entitled to it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)

If it's only a couple of hundred quid I might be able to keep it actually.
You can have minor one off windfalls under an IVA which you can keep, I think.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)

Not the case I'm afraid
'Your IVA proposal will contain a specific provision to confirm the pursuit of PPI claims.

If, at the date of approval of my Arrangement, any potential legal claims exist for the recovery of financial compensation as a result of the mis-selling of any financial products by any of my creditors (whether or not bound by my Arrangement) that would otherwise vest in a Trustee in Bankruptcy, I shall sign a Power of Attorney in favour of my Supervisor in respect of those claims only in order that those claims may be pursued by him for the benefit of my creditors.

Impact for the individual
A successful PPI claim will not automatically result in your IVA contributions being reduced or the term of the IVA being reduced, the award will mean you will pay off a bigger proportion of your debt'

www.harringtonbrooks.co.uk/support/iva/mis-sold-ppi
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)

Oh poo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Still it's money banks have to pay to other banks,
which is nice.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)

It's the circle of life.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Alright Elton John

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:33, Reply)

you would use the broke bank that only chavs got mortgages from.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)

I broke them, dog.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)

I doubt your 10k mortgage to buy your council house broke them, smelly.
smelly + monty = smonty
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:18, Reply)

First Poppet, now me. Why????????

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)

BECAUSE YOU SMELL

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)

Oh right. Fair do's.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)

woah, calm it there mmps
we'll have none of this bullying

this is why psychochomp should be mod, he wouldn't put up with this
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)

he gazed me to confirm that monty smells and I should point it out.
this is all chompy's fault, as usual.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:25, Reply)

I did no such thing, I would have you flogged.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Thanks friend.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:27, Reply)

he just gazed me to say how much he'd like to flush your head down the toilet
only he didn't want to have the toilet condemned because that's how much you smell.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:28, Reply)

that pc is such a two-faced shit innit?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:30, Reply)

I know, it's fucking shocking.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:32, Reply)

I wish I'd never married him now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:33, Reply)

COR!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:29, Reply)

I KNEW IT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Me and peteloaf had David
he was hit by a car when he was younger. I guess he must have been smart enough to not need to go to a special school but he fully milked his disability and claimed he couldn't do anything. I could do a perfect impression of his voice though which got my in trouble more than once.
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)

Oh yeh and I forgot about John Uren who got caught having a wank in class
She wasn't even a hot teacher.
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:30, Reply)

hahaha
that reminds me of the time I was teaching a year 8 french class, and was leaning over the desk to look at something. I heard a loud stage whisper go "That's a teacher you perv!" and when I looked up, I realised that the front row could see right down my cleavage.

I'm guessing the bright red child being roundly mocked by his peers had made some comment about my enormous breasts.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 May 2012, 10:33, Reply)

We used to have a hot french teacher that did that, Jimmy Hefford used to sit opposite me
and we would take turns to call her over and ask for help so the other could stare at her tits as she lent forwards.

Good times.
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Oh yeh and peteloaf

( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:30, Reply)

There's a guy I went to school with who would eat mud.
He was also a haemophilliac or something and he'd bruise easily. He was WELL popular.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)

That reminds me
loads of my year at school died. One brain haemorrhage, one suicide, one "unknown" but natural related to haemophilia, on leukaemia, one other cancer, one hit by a car chasing a football. There were too many to give them each a full page in the yearbook.
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)

'yearbook'?
Did you go to school in America?
Why do we have to have yearbooks and proms and shit now? Fucking hell, it wasn't like this in my day.

*mumbles something about the war*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Yes we had a yearbook, its was in CAAARNWALL!
and that was 14 years ago
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:38, Reply)

I bet it contained carrots.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Your mums arse contained carrots after I was done with her
then we used them in the pasties
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)

I still can't get my head round all this 'year twelve' shit.
I left school after the fourth year. How long are these cunts kept back for? They must be WELL STUPID innit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Fourth year?
Did you leave to go down the the mines?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Oops fifth.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)

I've been on here too long
I read that as filth
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:55, Reply)

I left school after year 11 and went to college
for then on my education was my responsibility and if you didn't show up you failed. When I working at a school a few years ago they had years 12 and 13 and they still had parents evening and sent letters home if they didn't show up, fucking pansy fuckers. I moved out before I finished college, I can't imagine them writing to my mum to let them know I skived off the Friday afternoon computing lesson to go to the pub.
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Tinminelolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:41, Reply)

My father in law worked the tin mines and fell down a shaft and broke his back and his neck.
No fucking claims direct back then, they were proper hard, he was probably back in work the next morning.
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:48, Reply)

I just can't believe the workshy cunt took the rest of the day off.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:49, Reply)

He needs to put his back into it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:54, Reply)

SPANG

( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:00, Reply)

Apparently they teach 'lifeskills' in college now.
It covers things like opening a bank account, changing a plug, and filling in job application forms.

*despairs*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 May 2012, 10:47, Reply)

I think they should have to take a mandatory module in DYAAKY

( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:48, Reply)

I get very cross about people not being capable of basic tasks
like changing a plug and maintaining a car.

But if their parents don't teach them, how are they going to know?
( Kroney, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:53, Reply)

My parents never taught me how to build an internal wall and put socket in it
but I still managed to RTFM
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:55, Reply)

We had a boy who was run over and died.
There were some fucking EXCELLENT jokes going round about that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:37, Reply)

We had someone nicknamed Chocky Viva
His father had died in a car accident. Apparently he choked on a bar of chocolate and lost control of the car. A Vauxhall Viva.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:40, Reply)

superb

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:41, Reply)

The suicide guy shot himself in the eye with an air pistol and took three days to die
he was very popular with the sporty hard nuts so we didn't make any jokes
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:46, Reply)

we called one guy shitty sands, cause his surname was sands and he shat himself in class once.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)

We called a guy Carpet for 10 years.
Because his name was Matt.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:46, Reply)

WITTY

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:49, Reply)

doing it for a month is shit.
Keeping it up for 10 years, is hilarious.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:50, Reply)

I have a mate known only as Sleeps With Toast for this same reason of keeping up a shit joke

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:53, Reply)

I can't remember

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:38, Reply)

A fat prick called Rick Dobson burnt down one of the studies, then when he came back from suspension
stood at the end of the corridor thretening and 'trying' to kill himself by smacking a can of deoderant against a radiator in the hope it would blow him and us up.

We stood 20 yards away and laughed, waiting for him to blow his hand off.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:49, Reply)

I've just remembered Donkey Dale
he was great, he used to wear a firemans helmet to school and tell people he was a fully qualified fire fighter. He was a complete mong but his nickname actually comes from the fact that he had an unnaturally long nob.
( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:51, Reply)

Well dur
Its to put out fires with
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:52, Reply)

+and now he's a millionaire

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Supermodel girlfriend and Honda Accord

( Peej, Tue 15 May 2012, 10:56, Reply)