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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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We should all say our best jokes, that'll fill it up because we're all hilarious.
Here's mine, what do you call a Aligator in a vest?
An investigator.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 9:55, 171 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
We should all say our best jokes, that'll fill it up because we're all hilarious.
Here's mine, what do you call a Aligator in a vest?
An investigator.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 9:55, 171 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
I love a bit of moule frites with nice crusty bread and a good bottle of wine.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Clearly you've been with the wrong people.
I went with Crow and had a fantastic time.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
I went with Crow and had a fantastic time.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
One of the few places in europe I've never been.
I quite want to go to Bruge with a dwarf.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
I quite want to go to Bruge with a dwarf.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
Brussels is spectacular.
to me anyway. I loved the city and how it was all full of twisty side streets and stuff. PEOPLE ARE HERE! BYE EVERYONE!
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
to me anyway. I loved the city and how it was all full of twisty side streets and stuff. PEOPLE ARE HERE! BYE EVERYONE!
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
What about beer you cretin?
PS pizza is next Tuesday, don't be a gay.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)
PS pizza is next Tuesday, don't be a gay.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Yes dear.
Hence the punctuation - I think it was Kitty RIP who dun that one.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Hence the punctuation - I think it was Kitty RIP who dun that one.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:45, Reply)
"very few"
Soz can't do tues, however I have friday and monday off and am around all weekend with the babba and no plans
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
Soz can't do tues, however I have friday and monday off and am around all weekend with the babba and no plans
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:08, Reply)
The mug i have my coffee in is covered in crazy little jokes, this thread was made for me!
An invisible man and an invisible woman had a child, it wasn't much to look at
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
An invisible man and an invisible woman had a child, it wasn't much to look at
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Did you hear about the black Jew?
He had to get to the back of the gas chamber.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:04, Reply)
He had to get to the back of the gas chamber.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Naked ape is typing a email to all staff and copy and pasting that in right now.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:13, Reply)
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:13, Reply)
Our new development offices upstairs have whiteboard paint on the walls
People are now writing motivational quotes on them. I need to come in at the weekend and CDC it up
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
People are now writing motivational quotes on them. I need to come in at the weekend and CDC it up
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
I downloaded a painting app for my new ipad
and the first thing i drew was a CDC.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:18, Reply)
and the first thing i drew was a CDC.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:18, Reply)
What do you call a three legged donkey with a squint?
a winky wonkey.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)
a winky wonkey.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:14, Reply)
What do you call a small three legged donkey with a squint?
A winky dinky wonky donkey
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:19, Reply)
A winky dinky wonky donkey
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:19, Reply)
whilst playing the piano?
A plinky plonky winky dinky wonky donkey.
Monty is going to fucking KILL us.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:20, Reply)
A plinky plonky winky dinky wonky donkey.
Monty is going to fucking KILL us.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:20, Reply)
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you call a small three legged donkey with a squint, a whale, a white American, playing the piano in a James Brown style?
A plinky plonky winky minkie honky dinky wonky fonky donkey.
For fuck's sake my morning stool could write these.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:43, Reply)
What do you call a small three legged donkey with a squint, a whale, a white American, playing the piano in a James Brown style?
A plinky plonky winky minkie honky dinky wonky fonky donkey.
For fuck's sake my morning stool could write these.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:43, Reply)
did you mean little richard?
i don't think james brown played piano
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)
i don't think james brown played piano
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)
James Brown was fonky, not Little Richard.
The JB's had pianists and organists but I don't know their names and if I don't, no one else will, thus undermining this otherwise MASSIVELY FUNNY JOKE.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:48, Reply)
The JB's had pianists and organists but I don't know their names and if I don't, no one else will, thus undermining this otherwise MASSIVELY FUNNY JOKE.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:48, Reply)
on wikipedia there is a picture of him on keyboard
he must have played at least a bit
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:55, Reply)
he must have played at least a bit
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:55, Reply)
What do you call a Chinese small three legged donkey with a squint?
A Chinky winky dinky wonky donkey
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:20, Reply)
A Chinky winky dinky wonky donkey
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:20, Reply)
*wheels another old one out*
What do you call a fat girl with a yeast infection?
A whopper with cheese
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
What do you call a fat girl with a yeast infection?
A whopper with cheese
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:11, Reply)
stole from sickipedia
Old Macdonald spelled 'redirection' without any consonants.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:12, Reply)
Old Macdonald spelled 'redirection' without any consonants.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:12, Reply)
you have to search ariound for the good ones
My mate set me up on a blind date. He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right fucking idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.
CALENDAR FACT: All the seasons are named after coils of metal.
Except Winter and Summer.
And Autumn.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)
My mate set me up on a blind date. He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right fucking idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.
CALENDAR FACT: All the seasons are named after coils of metal.
Except Winter and Summer.
And Autumn.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)
I have a look on there occasionally but much of it isn't very funny eh?
Some angry racists, some old jokes and then some knobbers attempting new ones and dying on their arses. It's the same as here.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)
Some angry racists, some old jokes and then some knobbers attempting new ones and dying on their arses. It's the same as here.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)
it's not, but you can find the odd good one here and there
i don't think anything could be as bad as this place, i've ruined it completely
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:24, Reply)
i don't think anything could be as bad as this place, i've ruined it completely
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:24, Reply)
Some bird with a massive gap in her teeth advertises Rimmel or something
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)
Google says it's Georgia May Jagger
But I think Kate Moss still models for them too. In between, according to an article i read yesterday, drunk dialling Pete Doherty.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:22, Reply)
But I think Kate Moss still models for them too. In between, according to an article i read yesterday, drunk dialling Pete Doherty.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:22, Reply)
There's two people who I could happily see decapitated in a horrific car/lorry accident
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:25, Reply)
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:25, Reply)
I'd prefer to see them take some really badly laced smack
and die in a pool of their own fetid excrement, myself.
sorry, did I just say that out loud? Yeah, lorry accident.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)
and die in a pool of their own fetid excrement, myself.
sorry, did I just say that out loud? Yeah, lorry accident.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)
I prefer not to take what people I've never met or seen
say on the internet seriously, though.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:47, Reply)
say on the internet seriously, though.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:47, Reply)
i prefer not to read what other people reply to me and jsut assume their pricks
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:56, Reply)
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:56, Reply)
Kate Moss is harmless, just incredibly thick.
Doherty is a foul specimen, though.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:39, Reply)
Doherty is a foul specimen, though.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:39, Reply)
He seems to think he is some kind of amalgamation of
Oscar Wilde
Bob Dylan
Oscar the Grouch
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:47, Reply)
Oscar Wilde
Bob Dylan
Oscar the Grouch
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:47, Reply)
Whereas in reality he is an amalgamation of
1. a poo
2. a gay and
3. your mum
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:59, Reply)
1. a poo
2. a gay and
3. your mum
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:59, Reply)
The barman says "I'm sorry, we don't serve time travellers"
Marty McFly walks into a bar
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)
Marty McFly walks into a bar
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)
That's simply the pussy version of
A barman says "I'm sorry, we don't serve faster-than-light particles in here"
A neutrino walks into a bar.
Embrace the geek, DF.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
A barman says "I'm sorry, we don't serve faster-than-light particles in here"
A neutrino walks into a bar.
Embrace the geek, DF.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)
Except neutrinos have recently been proven to not travel faster than light so this doesn't work
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:26, Reply)
because, of course, Marty McFly has been scientifically demonstrated to travel in time.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:27, Reply)
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:27, Reply)
the fictional character works in the fictional joke
an incorrect scientific theory does not work in the fictional joke
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)
an incorrect scientific theory does not work in the fictional joke
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)
since the joke is fictional
it doesn't make a jot of difference either way, Quents. All that matters is that, since the whole thing was in the news, the joke is understood whether the theory behind it is correct or not.
Or are you suggesting that all calendar seasons really ARE named after coiled bits of metal?
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:50, Reply)
it doesn't make a jot of difference either way, Quents. All that matters is that, since the whole thing was in the news, the joke is understood whether the theory behind it is correct or not.
Or are you suggesting that all calendar seasons really ARE named after coiled bits of metal?
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:50, Reply)
all the months of the year are types of stylised, usually formal walking
except january, february, april, amy, june, july, august, september, october, november and december
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:01, Reply)
except january, february, april, amy, june, july, august, september, october, november and december
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:01, Reply)
That's a whole other level of geek mate
Sci-fi, comics, LOTR - me. Anything remotely to do with actual science that you can study - you.
Morning
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
Sci-fi, comics, LOTR - me. Anything remotely to do with actual science that you can study - you.
Morning
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
Quite good ta
A two hour power cut last night involving screaming daughter scared of the dark apart
You still heading for Manchester soon?
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:37, Reply)
A two hour power cut last night involving screaming daughter scared of the dark apart
You still heading for Manchester soon?
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:37, Reply)
Afraid not
Well, I'm quite pleased about it because Manchester is a shithole, but it makes me sad that I won't be around to meet you for beers
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:39, Reply)
Well, I'm quite pleased about it because Manchester is a shithole, but it makes me sad that I won't be around to meet you for beers
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:39, Reply)
Yeah I know
Come see CombiChrist with me in London next month instead!
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Come see CombiChrist with me in London next month instead!
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Fuck That Shit
Actually, it is Mrs Cow's 40th soon and I'm off on holiday so therefore fucking skint
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Actually, it is Mrs Cow's 40th soon and I'm off on holiday so therefore fucking skint
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Menorca for a week
\o/
I need a holiday so badly.....
Also trying to arrange a day/night in York for just me and her
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:49, Reply)
\o/
I need a holiday so badly.....
Also trying to arrange a day/night in York for just me and her
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:49, Reply)
Morning darling
Not really back, super busy at work which is why I haven't been posting and also why I shouldn't be doing so now.
Designing biscuits now are we?
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)
Not really back, super busy at work which is why I haven't been posting and also why I shouldn't be doing so now.
Designing biscuits now are we?
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)
Yes, and you should totally follow it.
Also, because you're never around to talk to any more, I hop next weekend goes reaaly well for you.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
Also, because you're never around to talk to any more, I hop next weekend goes reaaly well for you.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)
That's really kind of you, thank you :-)
I am slightly confused by this link of yours
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:37, Reply)
I am slightly confused by this link of yours
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:37, Reply)
Yeah I thought that was awesome
The question is, do we have to wait for James Cameron to die to bury him at sea?
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:34, Reply)
The question is, do we have to wait for James Cameron to die to bury him at sea?
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:34, Reply)
Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a beer?"
Descartes replies "I think not" and vanishes.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:28, Reply)
Descartes replies "I think not" and vanishes.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:28, Reply)
At the end of the day it was only the potatoes that were affected
You will pay the price if you're a fussy eater. If you can afford to emigrate you can afford to eat in a decent restaurant.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:01, Reply)
You will pay the price if you're a fussy eater. If you can afford to emigrate you can afford to eat in a decent restaurant.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:01, Reply)
OUTPARTRIDGED
I must now show penance by watching all the James Bond films over a bank holiday weekend. Figuring in a twenty-minute dump break after Thunderball, obviously.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:08, Reply)
I must now show penance by watching all the James Bond films over a bank holiday weekend. Figuring in a twenty-minute dump break after Thunderball, obviously.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:08, Reply)
YES
And a movie in the works. Just hope Coogan's not returning to the character because he's run out of ideas.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)
And a movie in the works. Just hope Coogan's not returning to the character because he's run out of ideas.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)
hamlet 2 was on the other night
i didn't watch more than 5 seconds, it looked really bad
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:21, Reply)
i didn't watch more than 5 seconds, it looked really bad
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:21, Reply)
i read the summary on the 'i' button
he does an american accent for some reason, and plays a failing english teacher who writes a sequeal to hamlet (2008)
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:31, Reply)
he does an american accent for some reason, and plays a failing english teacher who writes a sequeal to hamlet (2008)
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:31, Reply)
I went to a club last night, and threw shapes on the dancefloor.
Yoghurt everywhere.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:58, Reply)
Yoghurt everywhere.
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 10:58, Reply)
I had that Sean Connery round mine the other day helping out with a bit of DIY
I left him putting up some shelving while I grouted the bathroom. Come back half an hour later and he's made a complete arse of the job - the shelf was wonky and badly supported. I had a go and told him to take it down and try again.
He got all teary bless him. Looked at me and said "I am ashamed of my shelf".
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:04, Reply)
I left him putting up some shelving while I grouted the bathroom. Come back half an hour later and he's made a complete arse of the job - the shelf was wonky and badly supported. I had a go and told him to take it down and try again.
He got all teary bless him. Looked at me and said "I am ashamed of my shelf".
( , Wed 23 May 2012, 11:04, Reply)
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