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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Is Facebook shit? Are other social networks shit?
Alt what's the best piece of junk mail or spam you've received? Hotslut26 has sent me a an email asking me to chat. I'm tempted.

Altalt: what's a better question than either of these?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:23, 180 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
People who live their entire lives on there make it shit
At its best, it can be a useful tool for keeping in touch with people...and pictures of kittens
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:26, Reply)
I don't bother with any of them anymore.
I find it quite sad that people need to tweet all fucking night, just to comment on a football match or how pissed they're getting.
Alt, I still get the moneylaundering thing, and also dodgy Indian Viagra. "Do you want to well stallion your woman with cock" etc.
Altalt, the meaning of life.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:29, Reply)
Facebook has got pretty shit recently.
I use it as a drinking diary now.

Altalt: We should talk about BANKERS
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:31, Reply)
I like Facebook for staying touch with people and taking the piss out of friends' statuses
It's a bit like here but less cunty. And, admittedly, often not as amusing.

AltAlt: Keith Richards, what's his secret?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:31, Reply)
Re Keef,
pharmecutical quality gear.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:33, Reply)
It's completely shit
I once took a call from an Indian call centre which began 'hello my name is Steve Davis'. Fucking pissed myself.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:33, Reply)
"I'd like pot, black"

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Snooker wasn't as lucrative a sport in his day Monty
We've all got to make ends meet.

Well, except you, obviously.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Easy there, Nick Griffin
Indians are people too, you know. This board is getting more racist by the day.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:36, Reply)
He typed that in a "comedy" Indian accent and all
I heard it.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:37, Reply)
Ugh, I'm outraged
And so are all of my best friends, who're all Indian.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
Female muslims, I hope?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)
No lazy friends

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:11, Reply)
I bet he said it a comedy "It Ain't Half Hot Mum" accent whilst wobbling his head from side to side, too.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:37, Reply)
hellos to you there mr montie boyces
I am calling you todays to be offering free internetting upgradings
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)
Fucking call centres. Stealing our Indians.
Hang on, that's not right is it?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:46, Reply)
I've just been speaking to a call centre woman with the most outrageous American/Canadian accent I've ever heard.
I could hardly understand a word she said.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)
This one?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=BliAPzEsao0
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:50, Reply)
No, this one:
www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=DLdobzj_9_I#t=6s
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:53, Reply)
*accidental seriousness*
you know they do that because fucktard British marketing think-tanks have told them that it makes them sound more approachable, right? It's not their fault UK businesses employ fuckwit strategists who try and pander to the lowest common denominator of EDL knuckledragger.

*ends seriousness*

It is quite funny though.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:52, Reply)
Yeah it is, yet I still can't delete the fecking thing.
Alt: Ultrasabers.com spam email led to me buying a toy lightsaber.

AltAlt: How should Barry make up for his criminal activities? or how could we make B3ta nicer for CQ and other kind hearted souls?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:37, Reply)
Fuck CQ. He turned into a twat and this place is better without him.
Barry should kill himself on an overdose of other people' s drugs. The thieving wanker.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)
ironylolz

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)
So have you run Baz out of the country then?
He hasn't posted since Barrygate.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Not me. Monty or Stunned may have.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Oh well, he always said he wanted to live abroad...

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)
He was heading to Spain for a few days.
I imagine he's back now and maybe lying low.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:59, Reply)
I expect he's avoiding the site because he knows he'll get torn a new one if he comes back.
Hi Baz, if you're lurking.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:01, Reply)
Cut his nose off.
He won't be able to cheeky line any more. Barrygatelols.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:01, Reply)
I like the telephone calls from the "microsoft helpdesk" somewhere in india.
I tell them I don't use microsoft, I have a bawsak operating system.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
Facebook is good for keeping in touch with people you don't see very often..
if you're tweeting your neighbours, or your other half, you need to get out more.
alt: no interesting ones, still want to get a call from "windows" so I can wind them up.
altalt: what can't you wait to be able to get away with when you're old?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
Alt: That was me, I got bored.
Soz.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
It's only technically related to the alt question
but I do enjoy it when cold callers get shitty with me because I won't put them through to the "IT Service Delivery Manager" or whatever. I don't owe you a living, dickhead.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:40, Reply)
losely cover phone and call out
"janice, JANICE! get yer top on, there's a call for you.... JANICE!"

no, sorry, she's still playing bounce-titty slap fights with the typing pool. can you call back later?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)
If I didn't work in a quiet, open plan office
I would so do this.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:52, Reply)
Please, somebody do this.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)
it is shit, yeah
my friends list is dwindling because i keep deleting people for being stupid or dull
all social media is shit, it hypes shit things so shit people believe the hype and buy shit products from cunts. I keep trying to filter out 'Trending Articles, videos etc' but they still keep coming. Fuck off facebook.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:43, Reply)
I don't mind it too much, but it does take a bit of work to get rid of all the stupid fucking apps.
After that, it's fine. I now only get 1 or two app invites a week, at most. LinkedIn pisses me off though.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)
At least LinkedIn is useful for job hunting.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:47, Reply)
I've never used it.
Perhaps I should dabble.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)
No harm in trying it, it's free.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:50, Reply)
Huh, is it actually useful?
It's always looked crap, to me.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:53, Reply)
I've found it very useful; not just for finding headhunters & jobs, but also for checking people out who may be interviewing me.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Maybe I'll give it a shot, then
I am going to be looking once my next project's over.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)
Expect hundreds of emails.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:54, Reply)
Depending on your settings.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:55, Reply)
It's just a website, if you find it useful and/or enjoyable then hoo-fucking-ra
Is this not a social network?

Altalt: Look at the person working closest to you, would you rather kill, fuck or lobotomise them?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 13:58, Reply)
The one nearest me appears to have already been lobotomised

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:02, Reply)
You work with Nakers?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:02, Reply)
"work"

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:13, Reply)
You are The Queen AICMFP

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:03, Reply)
I think you'll find it is MY five pounds, actually
It has my face on it and everything
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
Well, shit. I walked into that one.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:40, Reply)
i'd fuck malc
actually sue might be closer, i'd fuck her too
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:02, Reply)
i'd lobotomise louise though
right now i'd shag everyone in the office except her
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:03, Reply)
I'd shag about 70% of my office
They're a bit quirky-cute round here
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:13, Reply)
I can't see who is nearest to me. This makes it difficult.
Probably none of the above. Depending if the PhD office 3 doors down from mine is first one currently occupied, though. There's one of the students in there I'd fuck and two I'd happily kill.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:06, Reply)
I just want to snuggle :'(

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:06, Reply)
Snuggles are fucking ace
*snuggles*
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:07, Reply)
I am surrounded by blokes, so no.
Upstairs is where all the decent women are.

Oh, I managed to mentally blank out "kill" and "lobotomise". The guys I work with are sound, so no there, too.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:16, Reply)
Customer Services in our place
Some proper beauties in there

*rubs thighs*
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:17, Reply)
Marketing always seem to have a good turnover of good looking girls.
Requires a measure of intelligence too, so they're not often the gutter trolls hired locally.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:32, Reply)
1 or 2 in Sales would get the sportshorn

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:34, Reply)
where''s Amberl? i need to know what it means if i like mat kearny?
But also, ndubz
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:08, Reply)
I think it means that you touch yourself at night
but that you are guilty that God wouldn't like it.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:11, Reply)
Foreignerszzzzzzz

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:11, Reply)
what the fuck is a mat kearny and why is amberl the judge of it?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:13, Reply)
Smokieszzzzzz

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:14, Reply)
what, kippers?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:15, Reply)
Kippers? who the fuck...etc

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:56, Reply)
It's a "Christian Rock" singer I believe.
I don't know why Amberl would be the judge of it, is she the arbitrator of all that is good in music?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:21, Reply)
She's a Christian I think...

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:23, Reply)
fucking hell.
or not!!!!
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)
is he?
Still, smashing music
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)
Or Cock for short

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:27, Reply)
i told her i like death cab and she said that made me a retro hipster

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:27, Reply)
death cab?
you're so hip I'm amazed breathing isn't too mainstream for you, krizzle.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:30, Reply)
At the risk of being shot down here
Haven't they been around for years?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
yes.
how long they've been around for is nothing to do with hipster status though.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:34, Reply)
does one just morph into a hipster?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
Do you own a fixed-wheel bike and tight jeans?
and "ironically" uncool thick-framed glasses?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:50, Reply)
I suppose 2nd Life counts as a social network.
I used to use that a lot, but realised it was infringing into my real life a bit too much.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:21, Reply)
What is 2nd life?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)
Some kind of computer game I think
How fucking slow is it on here this afternoon? It was fair racing along this morning

Everyone go and have a coffee now and get posting
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:27, Reply)
You should have gone to the pub at lunchtime
That usually yields results.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:30, Reply)
I had to go into town for non-alcoholic purchases, sorry
*opens hip flask*
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
A virtual world,
where you create an avatar. Pointless waste of time really.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:28, Reply)
JUST LIKE YOUR REAL LIFE THEN !!!!!!

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:29, Reply)
Hello Rory.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:30, Reply)
Hello Bear Pookie, our latest doley board scribbler
those feckless asian shopowners are paying for you to be sat watching coronation street, or whatever it is that you do
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:34, Reply)
It's Jeremy Kyle actually.
Get it right.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
i can well believe it

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:42, Reply)
fucking terrifying.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
and nothing at all like this place

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
I'm pretty sure it's not
in so far as no-one is pretending this place is real life. Are they?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
I'm ceratinly not
and I certainly don't have 3 other accounts
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
I am back from the gym, there was no bumming and no noncing
but there was a lot of sweating
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:28, Reply)
I was looking at Gyms locally yesterday.
I've decided that if they don't want to tell me a fucking actual price and actual terms and conditions they can fuck right off, I don't want to have a "discussion" with an "advisor"
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
I bought some free weights and go running
This doesn't cost me £45 a month
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
I use the free gym at work, this only costs me 40hrs of my life everyweek

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
running is stratospherically bent, though
sorry to be the bearer, etc.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:35, Reply)
meh
It is an hour where I can fuck off and listen to music
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
True I suppose

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:48, Reply)
needs MOAR arguing for the sake of it

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:50, Reply)
NO IT DOESN@T

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)
My flat needs some serious reorganising before I could have a place for free weights.
It's possible though, I was kinda hoping for access to a pool as well. Unfortunatly the only pay as you go pools near me are full of kids all the friggin time.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:38, Reply)
Could you go on a lunchtime?
I used to do this at the City Baths. It was full of hot women too
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:41, Reply)
I only get 30mins lunch, not worth it.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:42, Reply)
Ahh, OK
After work?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:43, Reply)
Full of kids

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:46, Reply)
Before?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:55, Reply)
Swim in a lake?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)
fair point
I would say though that if you do decide to join, haggle your arse off they are desperate for new members generally. joining fee? You're having a fucking laugh
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
Tesco told me they had £11.50 worth of vouchers that I haven't used and I can claim
that's a bottle of Gordon's right there!

altalt: What is the best sausage?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
Loser, I've got £160 on the vouchers
dunno what to get man
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
16 bottles of Gordon's?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:34, Reply)
WINNA!

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:35, Reply)
ent it 18 quid for a bottle of gordons?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:35, Reply)
I think the 75ml are usually £10 or £11

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
70cl is £14, you'll never afford that with your vouchers
if only you were as loved by tesco as me
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:39, Reply)
That's gone up

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:41, Reply)
Mine went down
/scarpe
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:42, Reply)
Only if you don't know the difference between ml and cl

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Maybe cheaper if you buy in bulk?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:37, Reply)
:(
literally
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:38, Reply)
Your shopping for free?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:35, Reply)
I get that anyway

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
Stop stealing whilst you're stacking!

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:37, Reply)
I jimmy carr everything

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:40, Reply)
worst rhyming slang ever

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:47, Reply)
GORDONS ARRIVED!

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
i'll give an honourable mention to chorizo
although i'm not convinced it's the best
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:39, Reply)
I really do like chorizo
The Morrisons one is fucking lovely, as is the Sainsburys deli counter one
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:43, Reply)
merguez
anyone who says different is wronger than a shit-soaked vole in a negligee.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:15, Reply)
Merguez is fucking tremendous

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:17, Reply)

ǝƃɐd ɹɐlndod ǝɥʇ uo s,ǝdıʍs ¡ʇıɥs ɥo
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
of course she is, swipey is well LOL!

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:37, Reply)
but she's at the top of it, she's knocked the whole place over

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:38, Reply)
I'm not, it's a fucking outrage.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:39, Reply)
I keep reading that as orange

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:41, Reply)
I'm eating a clemantine
i hope that helps
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:44, Reply)

cle tine
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:55, Reply)
There seems to be a lot of cannibalism about at the moment

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:04, Reply)
A new offtopic low.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:48, Reply)
that's a big claim

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:51, Reply)

i TGB?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:52, Reply)
hahaha!

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)
I gazzed swipe earlier and she hasn't got bck to me, maybe she doesn't love me any more :(

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:52, Reply)
she gazzed me, she hates you

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:55, Reply)
Maybe my cock was too small
I'll photograph it with a banjole next time
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:57, Reply)
Only from far away
or something
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 14:57, Reply)
I have some very tedious and repeatative work to do this afternoon
recommend some comedy for me to listen to on youtube
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:03, Reply)
Listen to some music with a motorik beat
Some Neu or Kraftwerk, or something.
Then delete your account etc.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:09, Reply)
what's a motorik beat?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:10, Reply)
It goes on a lake, Stanley Unwin

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:11, Reply)
Is google not working for you?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motorik
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:13, Reply)
wow, sounds great....

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:15, Reply)
It's tedious and repetitive
I'm sure it will help you to motor through your work.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Richard Herrings podcasts are good
(I know this is probably too late for anyone to see as you will have moved on but hey why break the habit an all that)
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 16:55, Reply)
facebook is shit
but i whore it regardless.
twitter is shit, yet i have three accounts.
i think i MIGHT be a cunt. lolz.
alt: - best spam evar, i forget the content, but the spammer's 'name' was Abalone Snickelfritz. still makes me chuckle..

altalt: who gives a fuck?
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:06, Reply)
why would you need three accounts?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:09, Reply)
/insert tedious joke about Bob's size here

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:10, Reply)
UDP isn't bob, everyone else is

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:11, Reply)
fucksocks

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:12, Reply)
P'e't'e'l'o'a'f innit?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:13, Reply)
Y'es

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:14, Reply)
T'h'o'u'g'h't so

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:25, Reply)

Only got two now.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:12, Reply)
yes but by mass you account for more than 98% of all posts

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:17, Reply)
Ha ha.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:18, Reply)

posts
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:24, Reply)
You've found the Higgs Bobby
Now we know why the universe has mass!

Give yourself a pat on the back and a Nobel prize
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:25, Reply)
\o/

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:26, Reply)
business, pleasure,
and santacon. duh!
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:43, Reply)
worklols this aft
Two of our IFAs having an email bitchfight and copying in the central mailbox.

Lolsome.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:28, Reply)
Only if you can see it

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:29, Reply)
hold on, imma go publish it
*loses job*
(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:31, Reply)
A simple gist of the bitchfight would have helped your story, surely?

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:34, Reply)
YEAH

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:36, Reply)
it's about PP to PP transfers, own business and the comission treatment thereof.

(, Tue 3 Jul 2012, 15:39, Reply)

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