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This is a question Off Topic

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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So.....sausages, eh? I mean, do wot, turn it up, eh?
According to some flid on the internet, the health risks of loneliness are comparable to that of smoking and worse than those of obesity. Surely that's bollocks. How many people do you know who've had heart attacks or lungs removed because they haven't got any friends?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-18737560

If it's true, you losers are all gon' dahhh real soon. Are you scared?

Alt: Cock-ends
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:21, 214 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
There's a link between becoming a schitzo and being alone all the time.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:23, Reply)
NO THERE ISN'T!

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:25, Reply)
YES THERE IS!

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:25, Reply)
:(

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:26, Reply)
I like this.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:26, Reply)
This question needs more sheds. Sort it out please.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:27, Reply)
I thought that
There needs to be more opportunity to share shed-related anecdotes.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:28, Reply)
I googled sheds and bottoms.And got this.
eazysheds.co.uk/sheds/suffolk/creeting-bottoms.htm

Creeting bottoms? Sounds a tad dodgy.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:31, Reply)
They look forward to assisting with our shed enquiries.
I may call them.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:34, Reply)
There is some serious shed action going on there. Cool.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:36, Reply)
I don't know why their office is on the first floor.
Won't it make shed transport awkward?
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Ewww comic sans :(

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:51, Reply)
I've submitted it as a suggestion for qotw
www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1665868
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:33, Reply)
It's an improvement on some of the recent ones.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:35, Reply)
Hahaha, I once shagged a supermodel in a shed when high on massive drugs
BOOM!
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:36, Reply)
save it for the QOTW
you prat
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:37, Reply)
That was a winning story as well :(

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:39, Reply)
A ladies bottom would make it less shitter.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:29, Reply)

www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150889484206750&set=vxywtia.1341749805.1341750174.10150889482781750&type=1&theater
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:29, Reply)
Stpo! Thieves!
Bring my shed back!
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:32, Reply)
it's alright, they're only moving house

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:33, Reply)
How can I be lonely with all my great internet chums?
Alt: they all have to end somewhere.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:27, Reply)
I wonder if there is a link between loneliness and takeaways
That might explain the health risks. In advance, no, I don't eat many takeaways.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:32, Reply)
My kid told me that Barney the Dinosaur 'stinks like an imbecile' this weekend,.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:37, Reply)
What has that got to do with sheds?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:38, Reply)
Shut up 'Rick Witter'

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:39, Reply)
He has SEVEN sheds. Lucky chap.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:40, Reply)
and seven tiny people living in all of them

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Each carrying seven sacks containing seven cats?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:43, Reply)
and the seven cats have seven ki....(lls self)

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Fair comment I'd say

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:39, Reply)
That's what I thought.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:41, Reply)
is it alright if i go home now?
i've had enough, i think i've done my bit for the day?

laters
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:38, Reply)
Can I have a lift please?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:39, Reply)
(lifts)

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:42, Reply)
You're a top bloke with lots of friends !
Everything will work out okay!
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:57, Reply)
Get back to your desk, Oftiweak!

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:39, Reply)
no

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Ok

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:43, Reply)

desk shed
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Shove a cock end up your cock end and shit out a sausage why don't you?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:38, Reply)

sausage shed.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:39, Reply)
I have lots of friends
I am *very* popular. We all get together in a special room and talk to each other for ages. They're all called stuff like "jazz1987" and so on. Sometimes we'll go to the pub. Well, we call it a pub. It's an "inn". Somebody pretends to pour out beers and stuff and we pretend to drink them. Then we pretend to play pool or darts or whatever. It's well lol.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Oh man that sounds ace!

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:51, Reply)
alright pricks?
The answer to the Alt is of course 'all of you'.

Pricks.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Oh do shut up 'Tinie Tempah'

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:47, Reply)
Oh do prick off 'Clive Dunn'.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:48, Reply)
clive owen was in that film that was on last night
i don't like clive owen, not really sure why, i don't think he's very good at acting and seems a bit big-headed
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:50, Reply)
he'd be good as Bond. As would Christian Bale in a few years.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:52, Reply)
He'll never be as good as the other Welsh Bond.
Although he is now far better at playing antagonists.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)
no he wouldn't

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:02, Reply)
yes he would

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:04, Reply)
no, he wouldn't

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:05, Reply)
no, he wouldn't

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:07, Reply)
yes he, ...hey waiddaminute!

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:13, Reply)
No he wouldn't.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:07, Reply)
Children of Men or summat.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:55, Reply)
I really liked that film.
The PD James novel it's based on is pretty shit though.

Sad times.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:56, Reply)
they're both not very good

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:02, Reply)
your all gay

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:08, Reply)
that may be as well, but clive owen is a very poor actor

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:13, Reply)
Solitary brother is there still a part of you that wants to live?
Alt: I just read a story about a Polish man who went into Zizzis on The Strand and lopped his own knob off. Blue plaque pending, presumably.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:48, Reply)
Link please.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:48, Reply)

www.shadyoldlady.com/location.php?loc=856
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:50, Reply)
Ha ha.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:51, Reply)

www.metro.co.uk/news/46391-man-cut-off-penis-in-pizza-restaurant
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Are you going to use this as a branding exercise?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:52, Reply)
No, but might make some cutting remarks though.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:53, Reply)
i preferred that story about teh guy who pulled a gun on live TV

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:54, Reply)
Zizzi, we'll do anything to get you extra sausage

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)
he did a who in the what now?
why'd he wanna go and do a thing like dat?
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:49, Reply)
the funniest thing about that is that in some European languages
(Possibly including Polish), 'zizi' is a slang word for penis.

Well, it made me lol.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:50, Reply)
dude, it was like 5 years ago
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/6586879.stm
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:50, Reply)
Yes, things that have happened tend to be not happening now...or now...or, fucks sake

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:52, Reply)
i know, but i thought when you mentioned it it was a recent newstory
if you'd said 'hey guys remember in 2007 when that guy cut off his cock' i'd have still been :O

but just now I was :O 'omg! i was only there just the other day!'
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:53, Reply)
'just read'
thought that would do, my apologies for forgetting about the autistic hurdles you have to complete before posting here
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:55, Reply)
I JUST WANTED A LITTLE CLARIFICATION
THERE IS NO NEED TO BE MEAN
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:59, Reply)
The food is THAT appalling?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:50, Reply)
Alright Stunned? What are your views on sheds?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:52, Reply)
I like 'em.
If I had a bigger garden, I'd have one. It'd have to have all the mod cons though. Sky Plus. At least one fridge. Sherry.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:54, Reply)
Mine will have a fridge and wifi.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:55, Reply)
Lots of grass.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:57, Reply)
I live on the 6th floor,
and cannot have a shed. We had a greenhouse for a while, but it blew away.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:00, Reply)
Time to move. A chap needs a shed.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:00, Reply)
Well to keep my home brew and porn in.
Shedless :(
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)
Thanks Luca

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)
The pepperoni portions are so stingy it's the only way to get a decent amount of sausage on your pizza.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:55, Reply)
What shall I have for lunch?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:53, Reply)
Arsenic sarnie.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:54, Reply)
Something about sitting on a razor blade.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:56, Reply)
And a pool of lemon juice.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:57, Reply)
Ouch.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)
Is that when you make a world class sarnie from ingredients from your own garden..
..and then sell it before you can eat it?
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)
This is very good indeed

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:59, Reply)
FOOTBALL!

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Shed

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:56, Reply)
7

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:00, Reply)
Fat cunt

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:00, Reply)
I'm not aware of this song

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)
Bully Boy, it's called

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:02, Reply)
I hear Zizzi's has an excellent polish sausage.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:57, Reply)
Monty is an excellent sausage polish-er

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)
Their pork belly in garlic butter sounds nice.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:04, Reply)
A mercury smoothie

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 10:59, Reply)
I see they are saying today that Arafat was Polonium-210-ed
They found out from his skidders
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:00, Reply)
Litvenyekololz

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)
Sounds appealing
Along with his urine stained pants, Arafat’s toothbrush, sweaty track suit and bloodied hospital cap were scrutinised with all the techniques available to modern science.
He was actually buried in a Rangers shirt, Leeds shorts and England socks. He wanted to be buried in a Gazza strip.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:14, Reply)
I'm really not feeling this shed bollocks.
Just so's you know.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Last time I had any shed dealings
I had to go round my parents' place to finish their shed roof off, due to my step-dad pulling a Rod Hull.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:09, Reply)
he emulated him?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:10, Reply)
V good

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:10, Reply)
*click*

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:10, Reply)
BOOM

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:16, Reply)
the room just shook!

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:19, Reply)

a off
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:11, Reply)
I am sure Lusty would love it of you had a shed.
She could lock you in it.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:10, Reply)

this shed my
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:10, Reply)
Would it help if Chompy posted another shed picture?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:10, Reply)

shed girls bottom
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:11, Reply)
Foundations!
www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=10150889483406750&set=vxywtia.1341749805.1341750174.10150889482781750&type=1&theater
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:13, Reply)
who's the beardy prick in the specs at teh back?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:14, Reply)
Oh man your b3ta bash photos look well lol!
I like the one of the girl crouching over a pot to piss in
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:18, Reply)
Enjoying my profile there NA?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:21, Reply)
yep, just coming up to the billy mill roundabout now

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:22, Reply)
You're not making any sense.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:24, Reply)
be thankful rory isn't here

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:28, Reply)
I am awaiting the hilarious sock account.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:24, Reply)
There will be rofling in the aisles.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:25, Reply)
There's nothing like a bit of bullying.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:26, Reply)
You can't beat a bit of Bully

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:31, Reply)
I had a shed, back in the day
I put my gardening equipment in it and then it eventually collapsed and I paid some men to take it away.

I didn't do a lot of gardening.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:10, Reply)
I could have done that.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:14, Reply)
Went to Whitechapel Art Gallery on Sunday
one of their "installations" was a plastic Wendy House with the windows blocked with plastic breeze blocks and the door nailed shut with plastic planks.

Some sort of commentary on Social Housing Issues, apparently.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:13, Reply)
Nah, battered just had another tantrum

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:15, Reply)
*applause*

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:21, Reply)
Sounds great.
When I say 'great', what I really mean is 'pathetic'.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:15, Reply)
The number of people thumbing their chin while wearing ironic glasses and blazers
made up about 90% of the other browsers. I suspect the rest, who appeared to be homeless people or escaped mental patients, were the artists.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:19, Reply)
I like going to galleries and stroking my chin.
It's theraputic.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:22, Reply)
I prefer going to galleries and stroking other people's chins.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:24, Reply)
Sorry?
Edit: bastard.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:25, Reply)
I like going to galleries and stroking my shin.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:26, Reply)
I like going to galleries and soaking some quim.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:27, Reply)
I go to China and stroke their galleries.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:26, Reply)
I like chinning stroke victims.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:28, Reply)
Helen Daniels lolz

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:29, Reply)
Fucking hell
I thought I left 'Helen Daniels having a stroke' jokes behind when I finished A-Levels
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:33, Reply)
Good humour will never die.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:36, Reply)
I like victimising The Strokes' chins

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:32, Reply)
When?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:34, Reply)
The previous evening

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:35, Reply)
I see
/fuckingjokespoilingcunt
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:36, Reply)
I like going to Stoke and stroking Galleries

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:35, Reply)
LIES!
No-one likes going to Stoke.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:46, Reply)
TRUE
Stoke is shit
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 12:22, Reply)

chins cocks
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:30, Reply)
Van Morrison's 'Moondance' is one of the shittest songs of all time.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:28, Reply)
Is that the one Paedo Jackson danced to?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:29, Reply)
i don't know it
could you hum it for me?
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:29, Reply)
Hmm mmmmm mmmm mmmmmm etc
You know, *that* one.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:32, Reply)
Crash Test Dummies....etc

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:33, Reply)
(shrug)

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:38, Reply)
Another Frenchie, great

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:41, Reply)
you want to kiss me with tongues?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:45, Reply)
Van Morrison = shit
See also: Joe Cocker
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:31, Reply)
That sure is an opinion right there, but not one I share

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:32, Reply)
you CAN die of a broken heart :'(

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:31, Reply)
You first.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:32, Reply)
this is what I'm talking about :(

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:33, Reply)
He's Scotch, of course his heart will give out first

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:38, Reply)
really? he does lots of massive drugz and sleeps rough.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:39, Reply)
mNTY HAS NO HEART

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:40, Reply)
monty "tin man" boyce
does that mean he's also a nonce?
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:41, Reply)
of course

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:45, Reply)
you mean arrythmea?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:33, Reply)
like in that bit of indiana jones and the temple of doom
where the priest goes "kahlima, KAHLIMA!" and rips out some dude's heart.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:34, Reply)
UM NUM SHIVAI

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:35, Reply)
GOVINDA GHIA GHIA

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:40, Reply)
i don't like that bit :(

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:38, Reply)
it's well scary!
like that bit in hellraiser where the guy's all like "the box. you opened it. we came. LOL!"
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:41, Reply)
i dunno why you like reminding me of scary films ;'(
that bit in hellraiser where he's like half a body crawling out of the mattress,a nd then he's pulled apart by hooks

:''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''(
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:42, Reply)
I don't like the puppetmaster where the evil little dolls cut some guy apart :(
or in wishmaster where it goes "like fulfill the prophecy and that."
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:45, Reply)
i just googled hellraiser body blood stained mattress
and there was an image of a real person who obviously lost a hand, seemed to be chopped at the fingers, wrist and more

i feel queasy
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:47, Reply)
step away from the google Q.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:48, Reply)
if only that i could

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:49, Reply)
AND I HAD BLOODY SAFE SEARCH MODERATE ON

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:49, Reply)
Franklin?

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:35, Reply)
and the pacemakers.

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:36, Reply)
and Bash

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:43, Reply)
Eeuw *shudders*
www.digitalspy.co.uk/showbiz/news/a392311/natalie-cassidy-fifty-shades-of-grey-has-improved-my-sex-life.html
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:49, Reply)
it's all the women in our office go on about these days....
It's like women have only just discovered porn!
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:53, Reply)
The writing is truely dire

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:54, Reply)
and repetitive. ...
every time he looks at her funny she thinks "oh my" and something about her inner goddess.
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:57, Reply)
women are thick

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 11:59, Reply)
and they can't drive
www.huntspost.co.uk/news/latest-news/update_f1_crash_driver_sustained_life_threatening_injuries_in_duxford_smash_1_1429591
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 12:04, Reply)
Then again, neither can several men
Did you see Kobayashi's fuck up yesterday?
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 12:06, Reply)
yeah, but he is hindered by "post box vision"

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 12:08, Reply)
Haha, true

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 12:09, Reply)
and they're UGLY

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 12:07, Reply)
Why do girls wear make up and perfume?


because they're UGLY and they SMELL bad!
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 12:08, Reply)
Needs sound
www.b3ta.com/links/818091
(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 12:10, Reply)
firewalled :(

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 12:14, Reply)
Lions and Tigers and Bears

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 12:05, Reply)
something about a rainbow

(, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 12:08, Reply)

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