My missus would rather go to the Olympic opening ceremony than go and see Simon Munnery
Grounds for divorce?
(brush_em, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:17, 78 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

What happened to battered?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:18, Reply)

He was "well jell*" about Stunned and Monty trip away together and stormed off.
*Actual quote
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:20, Reply)

Couldn't he just buy their friendship like he did his wife?
He'd get his money back when Monty'n'Stunned's parents pay off the mortgage.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:26, Reply)

We need a b4sh gossip board, that'd be brilliant
real life tears and tantrums
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:28, Reply)

I think you should delete your wife and kill yourself

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:19, Reply)

well, Simon Munery is an unfunny prick,
and is probably responsible for things like "The Mighty Boosh" so i'm n your wife's side.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:20, Reply)

i wish you were dead

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:23, Reply)

hey Rory,
for once, i agree with you.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:25, Reply)

I don't, I think that was a very mean thing to say.
On olympic day of all days :(
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:26, Reply)

is there some sort of countdown,
i don't want to miss the show?!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:27, Reply)

I'm very agreeable

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:26, Reply)

also,
have you considered that your wife has nicknamed her bum hole "the olympics" and this is all a way to get you out of the house for a few hours so Big Mike can come and split her in twain?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:26, Reply)

Sorry, are we supposed to care about this?
Only I charge extra for agony aunting.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:30, Reply)

You don't have to care in order to Agony Aunt
Observe:

There there Stuj
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:35, Reply)

I know I don't HAVE to care.
In fact, I DON'T care.
But I CAN charge extra on top for putting on a slightly concerned expression and being insincerely sympathetic to the mug's self-inflicted woes.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:44, Reply)

Wait...
There's money to be had in false empathy?

Fucks sakes, I've been giving it away for free
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:47, Reply)

HAH! You FOOL!

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:51, Reply)

I mean,
HAH! You FOOL *False empathic expression* There, there, poor Darth. It'll be ok.
Invoice is in the post.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:53, Reply)

You've taught me the error of my ways Stuj
The missus is in for a nasty shock next time she's on the blob
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:57, Reply)

Never mind all that.
You've got 7 days to get that invoice paid or I'll be hiring Amberl to 'collect payment with extreme prejudice'.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:00, Reply)

*goes to def con bongle*

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:07, Reply)

sssssssssssssstttttttuuuuuuuuuuuuu7uujjjjjjjjjjjjjj
*manders*
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:55, Reply)

:D
KkkKKkkkkkkKKKkKkrrRRrrRrrRRiIiIiIIiiiIIIIssSsssssSSssSStTtttTiIiiiInNNNeEEEeE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*PANDERS!*
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:55, Reply)

I don't know who Simon Munnery is but I bet his shows come round more often than once every 60 years
Nonetheless I have a cunning plan

1. Knock wife out, bundle her into boot of car
2. Drive to Simon Munnery show
3. Fire up BBC iPlayer on handy smartphone during show
4. ?????????
5. PROFIT/BLOWJOB
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:34, Reply)

I don't know who Simon munery is or who you are

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:35, Reply)

Bert
To both
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:36, Reply)

That was the most disappointing plum I've had in my mouth all day

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:36, Reply)

I'd rather drink a litre of Domestos than see Simon Munnery.
Unless you mean 'see Simon Munnery have his fingernails pulled out with pliers', in which case pick me up at 8, and don't be late.

/BigBopper
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:43, Reply)

He looks a cunt
I don't blame her at all.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:44, Reply)

Just had to google him.
He looks a prick.
Prick.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:45, Reply)

I wish brush em was still here :((((

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:46, Reply)

not one reply,
not one.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:48, Reply)

Who's brush 'em

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:52, Reply)

If you don't know, you weren't there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:54, Reply)

There's a clip from the dress rehearsal of the ceremony.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/10329678

It looks awful.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:48, Reply)

Ha ha,
all opening ceremonys are pretty shitty. I'm just watching for the fireworks.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:50, Reply)

It could be worse.
Manchester wanted them. They cocked up the Commonwealth Games.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:52, Reply)

Fireworks are great on tv

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:55, Reply)

i think he means he's watching for the secret Illuminati messages in the firework display.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:02, Reply)

Grounds for divorce on her part yes

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:50, Reply)

Alright?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:55, Reply)

not bad thanks
apart from being stuck in bristol centre until 10pm :( yourself?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:59, Reply)

Not bad I s'pose.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:04, Reply)

glad to hear it

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:10, Reply)

'Noon The LOVELY and NOT AT ALL BULLYING Amberl.
*Panders*
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:57, Reply)

Hello there the fantastic stuj
have rumours of my bullying ways spread to talk then?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:03, Reply)

NOT THE FACE!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:04, Reply)

always the face
that way the damage is less noticeable
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:07, Reply)

Nooooo.
pleasedonthurtmeagain
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:08, Reply)

this hurts me more than it hurts you :(

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:19, Reply)

I think it would be harsh to divorce someone for liking shit comedians.

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:52, Reply)

Harsh but fair.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:53, Reply)

Far be it from me to complain
but it seems like this is a 'feel free to beaker' thread.
In which vein, I shall just add: fuck me, I'm hot. Anyone would think it was summer or something.

I wonder how many peasants Boris had to sacrifice to get good weather for tonight's shindig.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:54, Reply)

Iots hopefully

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:56, Reply)

OK !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:56, Reply)

Sorry, stopped reading and booked my train tickets before I got to the end of that post.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:56, Reply)

Hahaha!
I thought you were getting some hot doctor lovin'
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:57, Reply)

I've been watching Jeremy Kyle this week, we're at the stage where I can get away with "aside the one person when you first started dating that she already knows about".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:24, Reply)

I can smell my own balls it's so hot.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:59, Reply)

me too
you should probably dip them in the water fountain
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:09, Reply)

Was it him that did Either/Or?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:55, Reply)

Yes/No

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:55, Reply)

Possibly/nofuckingclue

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:56, Reply)

Keep up/DYAAKY

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 16:57, Reply)

how's poverty treating you Monts?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:03, Reply)

STOP PICKING ON MONTY
YOU FUCKEN JUMPED UP ARSEHOLE PRICK
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:07, Reply)

i'll bully you next if you're not careful.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:09, Reply)

you ain't got the gumption

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:10, Reply)

STOP THREATENING ME!!!!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:11, Reply)

like i thought, all mouth and no trousers
like billie piper in that Secret Diary
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:12, Reply)

It's too hot for trousers, I'm wearing my velvet hotpants

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:13, Reply)

i don't care what you wear as long as you aren't throwing your weight around
just cause battered's on another temporary strop doesn't mean there's a hardman position open
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:15, Reply)

the weight will be here later.
It's not worth the wait though.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:19, Reply)

What's kitchen cleaner got to do with anything?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:16, Reply)

sorry b3th, but it's also a word in the dictionary
i'd explain it to you, but you hate me :(
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:18, Reply)

Who/knows

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:02, Reply)

it was
And he also did Grey Clouds with The Orb. Just checked. Imagine if I'd been wrong on the internet!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:08, Reply)

I'm going to throw this out here:
shut up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 17:40, Reply)