Really, off topic?
This is the best we can come up with today?
I am disappoint.

So, apparently there's some kind of 'bash' happening soon. I imagine there will be a lot of losers 'bashing' themselves silly at the though of meeting other losers from the internet for a curry and a pint. So tell us your tales (again) of when you met weirdos off the internet in real life. Doesn't have to be b3tans, it could be actual functioning human beings.

I myself went to a bash once and picked myself up a husband. Then later I went to America for a week to hang out with a bunch of women I met on the internet. They were actually nice. Which was nice.

Alt: is it possible to form actual friendships with internet types? If you have any b3tan's numbers in your phone, would you class them as an honest to goodness friend, the type you'd introduce to your parents?

AltAlt: What's for lunch?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:20, 99 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Sympathy reply.
RIP /off topic 4EVA in ar hartz
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:27, Reply)

Perhaps if you remind everyone precisely which b4sh you met Mr b3th at you might get even more sympathy.
Or derision.

Bit of a gamble. Might pay off.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:29, Reply)

*puts house on NOT*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:29, Reply)

*wins house*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:36, Reply)

It was a TOGs bash.
September '99, St Andrews. Terry Wogan laughed at my 'comedy user name' badge.

They made us wear badges with our comedy user names on so we'd recognise each other. Real names were a little bit too intimidating, obviously.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:32, Reply)

Wait... what?
I just googled that.
What is going on?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Did you google TOGS?
Cause that takes you to the organisation of gay sports. Which it wasn't.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:35, Reply)

It was something to do with Terry Wogan.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)

Yeah, then that's be the one.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)

What was/is your username from there?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Good morning b3th
Fear not*, I am here.

* fear
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:29, Reply)

I know a load of people who I originally "met" on a Sunderland footy email group
To the point where I was an usher at two of the people's wedding. I've known these people for almost 20 years now, so yes I'd class them as friends.

Having met a few b3tans now, I'd class them as friends

AltAlt:
Chicken and chorizo sarnie from Greggs. I had no imagination/motivation this morning
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:28, Reply)

It used to be a real conversation opener when I told people I met mr b3th on the internet.
Nowadays something like one in four couples meet that way, so we're not special any more.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:30, Reply)

You'll ALWAYS be special to me
THPETHAL
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:31, Reply)

My best pal in all the world is off of the internet.
As is my missus.

Shit, I am 'internet'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Your favourite indiepop band:
internetforever.co.uk/
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:32, Reply)

Is Stunned your best pal in the world?
Who's going to break it to battered?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:33, Reply)

No, my best pal is Vag.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:35, Reply)

+ina

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:36, Reply)

I only meet enemies on the internet.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:32, Reply)

And yet you left Norwich without killing him : (

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:33, Reply)

It would have been like kicking a glittery puppy.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:34, Reply)

a FABULOUS glittery puppy!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:36, Reply)

I think most people I know use the internet in some way or other.
Does that count?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:36, Reply)

No.
On account of how that wasn't the question.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)

Oh ok.
I've met one b3tan once.
We stood and chatted and drank beer for abour 10-15 minutes, then went our separate ways.
It was alright, he seemed fairly normal and didn't try to nonce me up or owt.
I have his number in my phone because we all appear to have lost the ability to meet someone in a public place without using a phone.
I don't think this brief encounter makes us best friends for life, but I would happily meet him again and maybe have a second beer, although I can't really see any need for him to meet my parents.
Is that better?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:43, Reply)

THANK YOU
Was that so hard?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:45, Reply)

Typing it made me hard.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:46, Reply)

Stop pressing the keys with your helmet then.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:51, Reply)

fuck off! I'm only friends with normal people.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:36, Reply)

There are quite a few b3tans whom I would consider to be proper friends
does it really matter how you met someone, as long as you get along?

Alt - ham, emmental and salad wrap which I've already eaten half of. Curse you, empty belly.
(berk, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:39, Reply)

I suppose it doesn't
It still seems a bit unusual though. I'm just behind the times.

Your lunch sounds lovely. Emmental is teh best of all the cheeses.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:44, Reply)

I will admit that I found going to my first bash quite intimidating
it's a very strange thing to walk in to a bar (or in my case, Blousie's house) full of people you sort of know, but equally don't actually know at all. But for the most part I don't think you could find a nicer bunch of people if you tried - almost everyone I've met from here I genuinely like and respect.
(berk, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:47, Reply)

"Almost"

( Kroney, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:52, Reply)

She probably wanted to spare your feelings...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:52, Reply)

well he is a massive spacker.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:40, Reply)

It *is* weird seeing faces you don't recognise being attached to usernames you see everyday.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:52, Reply)

Chris Brown is a smart cookie
www.guardian.co.uk/music/2012/sep/13/chris-brown-tattoo-rihanna
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:47, Reply)

I class several people off her as "acquaintances"*
A couple of people as genuine friends although some, and here I'm looking at Swipe, walk two or three paces in front of me in case people think we know each other.

The b3tans I have in my phone I would have no hesitation in introducing to my mum, even though some would tr to fuck her. It'd probably do the dessicated old bitch some good.

*meaning I'd consider pissing on them if on fire.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:50, Reply)

I wuv ooo too kwoney!
xxxxxx
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:54, Reply)

You're my favourite of all the online Weegies that I know.
This is to be reviewed whenever I run into a second one.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:57, Reply)

get fucked.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Some of my best friends are Weegies.
They have jobs, and degrees, and can use cutlery, and everything.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:04, Reply)

Lies.

( Kroney, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:06, Reply)

Hypodermic needles don't count as cutlery.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:07, Reply)

scottish chopsticks

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:41, Reply)

get fucked, slag.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:55, Reply)

Thank you quentin.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:57, Reply)

It's not Q - he wouldn't be able to get an icon that old.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Just regular bert then.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:59, Reply)

regular?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:00, Reply)

how did you know?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:02, Reply)

OK everyone, I hope you are all sitting down
I have some bad news

www.bbc.co.uk/food/0/19558714

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:56, Reply)

This is extremely worrying.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:57, Reply)

Right that's it, I'm getting a pet pig.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:58, Reply)

bored of the missus already?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 11:59, Reply)

He needs someone to pork

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:00, Reply)

No way
You'll have to take my bacon sarnie from my cold dead hand.

(the article gets less hysterical as you read on, though.)
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:00, Reply)

*breaks out into musical number*
I like to dine on the swine, it's all mine, taste so devine.
Crackling on the pig, I must admit, I must have it.
Don't you glower when I order sweet'n'sour, I'm a jew, what can I do?

I forgot the rest of it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:08, Reply)

I dunno mate, haven't been around much today.
I think meeting Monty at the train station was the most surreal situation I've ever experienced. I've staggered into the bar and realised I have no, fucking, clue what he looks like. And So I get on my phone and text him. I see this guy with a big cheeky grin on his face look at his phone, wink at me, then continue with his pint. And I was like "Erm...you wouldn't be Monty would you?" And he just was like "Yup! Nice to meet you".

I'm pretty sure the bastard recognised me the second I walked into the place, he was just wanting to fuck with my head!!

Alt: Yes.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:01, Reply)

I had Monty meeting troubles too
The senile old cunt
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:04, Reply)

I think Jeff meeting Lighty is the biggest headtrip.
Quite funny though.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:05, Reply)

Is this something to do with dreadlocks?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:06, Reply)

I just wish I'd seen that guy's face when Lighty asked if he was a dogfucker.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:07, Reply)

hahahahaha!
I was not aware of this
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:08, Reply)

it was indeed.
First time I met him I sent him a text saying that I was at the station and that 'I'm the black dude with natty dreads'. Turns out that was a lie and I was standing next to a black dude with natty dreads.

How we both laughed.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:17, Reply)

..as the black dude beat him to death

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:21, Reply)

Please tell me he walked up to the black guy
and straight out asked him if he fucked dogs
( Kroney, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:35, Reply)

I'm not that stupid
I said "Jeff?" and stuck my hand out to shake. He just looked at me like I was mental and then the real JTDF cracked up.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:53, Reply)

What a prick.
I hate that guy.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:05, Reply)

So do I.
he's a massive cunt of the highest order.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:06, Reply)

Alt: not from this site, as everyone on here is a cunt.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:03, Reply)

Still fancy a pint tomorrow 'mate'
Likewise, any other London based types who fancy a quick drink, I should have a couple of hours tomorrow evening in that there London.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:06, Reply)

Yes. Mrs Battered can't make it though. :))))))

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:06, Reply)

are you locking her in your dungeon?

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:12, Reply)

No. In my shed.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:13, Reply)

HE SAID SHED! MOD! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODS!!

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:16, Reply)

Yeah', 'course you can get proper mates through the 'net, same as you can through collage or palaties classes.
If anything the 'net is better 'cus its a bit of a prick-filter, like a siv, but only with a few holes bigger than the rest 'cus some pricks get through but in general its better than having no prick filter where it just makes a big whole mess of the entire ordeal of choosing you who hang around with. Plus you can specify what breed of mate you want, like if you want one who doesn't know anything about you or if you want one who you can be all OH WOE IS ME too.

I got some of Ma's chicken soup in the kitchen, which I'll have for dinner tonight with kanadlach (little motza balls) and lockshan (vermicli noodles). It's pretty much guarnteed to fix me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:05, Reply)

If you can get your prick through the holes in a seive, you might have some serious problems.
Weren't you going to the hospital to be fixed or something? Did it work?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:06, Reply)

It didn't seem to work very well this time, i'm what they call "flairing", which totally, sucks, they put me on steriods yesterday and I've had to work from home for over a week.
It seriously sucks the big one, the steriods are going to make me like a fat manapausale hulk and yesterday I had a whole packet of kinda-bars and was kindda upset afterwards that there wasn't any more of them, it didn't even touch the sides.

I think in this dire state of circamstances, I'm going to have to have a Uncelebraty Banoffee Pie. I'm not even going to put it on a plate, but I do have some standards, I'll wait for it to defrost.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:12, Reply)

Did you at least meet your deadline?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:17, Reply)

Kindda, a day out, which isn't too bad, was right up to the last minuite.
The worst bit is that I worked my toochas off, 3 weekends I worked for that, and all they saw was that I was a day late =(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:34, Reply)

I met Baldmonkey
I don't think I need to finish this story
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:23, Reply)

I went all the to portsmouth, and you were on holiday somewhere shit with your shit family,
Manolith was off seeing his shit friends, and Balders was just plain shit.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:39, Reply)

Hey, your beef there is with BM
Just come back to Portsmouth and tell me in advance. That way I can ensure that my shit family go on a shit holiday without me.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:40, Reply)

it was all too shit.
i can't risk it being that shit again.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:42, Reply)

Never mind that
Look at this
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:45, Reply)

i hate you,
and i'm going out for lunch now.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:45, Reply)

Now you know that's just not true
Enjoy your lunch. Don't choke on it or anything. I couldn't stand it if I lost you x
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:47, Reply)

I ended up being the 'organiser' for my first bash (by that, I mean I was the one to direct anyone who needed it, gave out my phone number to those that required it, etc), as the original b3tan organising had dropped out
I walked into the Salisbury, realising I didn't really have a clue what anyone looked like. Fortunately, I spotted Blousie, and remembered a picture she had on her profile, introduced myself, and went from there. Bashes are great fun, I've never been to a bad one. Even when it turned out to only be 4 of us sat in a pub, I still had enjoyed that.

Alt: Yes, I'd say I'm friends with a few b3tans IRL, although I am aware that most of you think I'm a cunt. Ah well.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:27, Reply)

Cunt.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:29, Reply)

You certainly are a cunt.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:30, Reply)

You're a cunt. Soz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 13:30, Reply)

My first b3ta bash I was catching the last train back to Birmingham
and Scarpe asked me to get him when I was leaving and make him leave too.

Strangely after many beers he wouldn't leave, and since I'm not his mother I left him to it. I believe he later woke up covered in what he assumes to this day was his own vomit and urine.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:36, Reply)

BASH BASH
BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH BASH
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Sep 2012, 12:38, Reply)

Bash?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 13:00, Reply)

B4SH!!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 13:02, Reply)

I've met all my wives on the internet

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 13:14, Reply)

It's true, we met on /talk.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 13 Sep 2012, 13:18, Reply)