I'm off work today, you so jelly. wobble for me sexy!
hahaha oh man, this is well LOL! they're so mental!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkTt9k4Y-a8&feature=related

when was the last time you went to a mental house party?

Alt: I don't have breakie, if I did what the fuck should I have? what the fuck do you usually have?

AltAlt: you a prick or wanker?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:09, 161 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I DJd at a house party once where I took loldrugs
I was playing breaks, and the dudes each side of me were playing hard house. Just fucking weird. Some people liked my style.

Vestax decks though, really offputting.

As you well know, I am both wanker and prick.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:25, Reply)

sounds pretty mental alright.
must have been a pretty big house mind.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:27, Reply)

when I said each side
I meant chronologically not physically.

You lolcunt
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:28, Reply)

not my fault you can't even tell a shit story properly.
was there any hot chicks there?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:31, Reply)

loads.
Chicks dig DJs, true story.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:33, Reply)

oh yeah
It was at that party that I got a can of beer stuck on the ring through my septum.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:35, Reply)

what is this I don't even.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:38, Reply)

Serves you right you Metal Mickey look-at-me Brittas wanker.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:41, Reply)

I took the septum ring out years ago.
I still have piercings in my eyebrow, both ears, one nipple and my belly button.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Bit old for all that, aren't you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:52, Reply)

I don't get chicks these days monty, why the fuck does she want a nipple pierced?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:53, Reply)

I know man!
I mean, really!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:56, Reply)

nah.
I can still pass for 28.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:55, Reply)

you're over 30?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:07, Reply)

32

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)

I've never heard of a man with a belly button piercing before :S

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:17, Reply)

it's a misplaced vajazzle

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)

You have ALL the anecdotes, Mistah Bri'ass.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:28, Reply)

one time I was DJing
And I was hammering out a bleepy house track at plus six, loads of smoke on the go, and a bouncer got my attention. We'd triggered the smoke alarms and nobody had noticed, so enraptured were they by my tech breaks sound.

I get fucking nervous when I DJ and it's going well, never enjoy it until about two thirds of the way through.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:32, Reply)

Same here.
In all my years of playing out I've never enjoyed the first half of my set. BECAUSE I HAVE SHIT RECORDS LOL.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:34, Reply)

what's your loo break record?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:35, Reply)

I have a few
Big Apple Productions 'Genius at Work III'
Major Force 'Re-Return of the Original Artform'
Urban Allstars 'It Began In Africa'
Your bum-chum DJ Shadow's 'Lesson 4'
Double D and Steinski's 'Lessons'
James Brown 'Give it Up, Turn it Loose', the re-edit on Urban Records

Usually I just shit meself though.


I'm giving away the names of my secret weapon B-Boy cut-up selection here. I should fucking charge you for these.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:40, Reply)

I have the Major Force box set on Mo Wax
My loo break record is a remix of Dirty Waltzer by Soul of Man. It's pretty long and has sirens in it. Drop that, unplug headphones, dash to loo, headphones mean you get to queue jump, have a tinkle, mix in the next bomb. Job done.

Ever used Vestax decks? Great for scratching.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Probably.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:48, Reply)

I'll be dropping the Cut Chemist remix of Cavern next time I play out.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:48, Reply)

you don't enjoy playing your free form jazz records in a real ale pub?
I'll never get you monty.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:37, Reply)

I am nothing if not enigmatic.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:40, Reply)

LETS HUGGLE!!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:45, Reply)

morning mmps
I'm at work : -(

New year was the last mental house party, there were nurses present, nuff said.

alt: can't get going without breakfast, you're odd. Porridge usually but the holy bacon at weekends.

alt: wanker
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:28, Reply)

proper nurses or "nurses"

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:33, Reply)

Proper nurses
they are waaaay dirtier than "nurses".
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:42, Reply)

this is true.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:44, Reply)

I've been to some crackers and some stinkers in my time.
I once went to one in Islington, my mate told me about it and said he'd meet me there. My then gf and I cowered in a corner whilst the most horrendous shower of cunts ever assembled in one place swanned around talking shit. At one point this buck-toothed hooray Henrietta type came over and bellowed 'so are you two 'TV people'* too?' to which I replied 'I watch it occasionally'. My mate never turned up, the cunt.

Altalt: not me, no.

*she did the 'bunny ears' finger motion to indicate quotation marks at this point
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:31, Reply)

I went to a party with students recently.
yeah, they didn't like my views on many things. still /talk banter is fun as a fallback in real life.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:35, Reply)

I'll spare you the name-drop parade of the house parties I attended as a younger chap.
Lucky old you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:44, Reply)

prolly for the best, I couldn't give a fuck whose house you broke into for drugz money.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:45, Reply)

are there any people in that list that anyone but you would care about?
and possibly me, as for some strange reason that i'm not entirely comfortable with, we seem to agree on music sometimes.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Oh for sure, household names bruv. HOUSEHOLD NAMES.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Vanessa Feltz?
Ken Bruce?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:24, Reply)

Music folks Windolinio, music folks.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Michael Buble?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)

Better even than the boob-meister.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)

Jif, Fairy Liquid
Domestos...zzzzzz
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 10:07, Reply)

Alt: I never eat breakfast. I'm too fucken NAILS for any of that shit.
Large coffee and off I go - I'm crazy like that. That's just me - that's who I am. Don't H8 on a playa, yeah?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:55, Reply)

embassy no.1 does me fine.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:58, Reply)

Ooh posh!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:06, Reply)

I ain't no chav

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:18, Reply)

I dunno,
I don't go to a lot of houseparties in the summer, all the best parties in the Summer are out on the meadow, get a big old fire going, get a generator down and get some music going. Drink piss warm lager out of a can until the early hours.

Breakfast today will be an apple, and i'm definitely a prick.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 8:59, Reply)

why am I never invited :(

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:00, Reply)

Because of the 'no scotch jelly-head schemies' rule?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:01, Reply)

I ain't from paisley you cunt,

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Whatever you say, Krankie-boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:03, Reply)

I'd rather be a krankie than a tramp etc....

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:04, Reply)

probably because you're in scotland, and it's about a 14 hour round trip to pick you up and drop you back in the morning.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:01, Reply)

nice to be asked :(

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:02, Reply)

there is a full moon party coming up,
it will be full of fat aging hippies and disgusting old crusties, prbably the odd wiccan, and some "new age hippy" types with wool dreads and fairy wings who take the one pill and pass out by the river for 2 hours.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:06, Reply)

Fucking hell.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:08, Reply)

you'd fit right in.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:09, Reply)

THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:11, Reply)

YES! I'LL BE THERE BRO

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:12, Reply)

COFFEE
Occasionally cereal or toast
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:03, Reply)

what kind of cereal?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:04, Reply)

How can he leave out crucial details like this?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:06, Reply)

Today was All Bran
Yesterday Cheerios.

Everyone can rest easy now. I am currently toasting bread
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:09, Reply)

But what you having on the toast???
The world needs to know.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Peanut butter - crunchy - Sunpat

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:13, Reply)

ugh, you foodwrong

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:15, Reply)

ugh, lumpy peanut butter.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:17, Reply)

...with a sprinkling of Irn Bru and Buckfast

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:17, Reply)

bru and buckie on toast together?
get out.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:18, Reply)

I like a bit of spice in the morning

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:23, Reply)

Marmite is the only spread for toast, FACT!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:21, Reply)

No dead yeast for me thank you
unless contained in a pint of the best ale.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:23, Reply)

Vippers got me making soliders for boiled eggs with Marmite on
Good idea
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:24, Reply)

I make toast soldiers, wrap them in streaky bacon, then fry

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Now this I like the sound of.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)

*thinks*
Thin pancetta would work better but an excellent idea
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Uh huh, I've done that with asparagus

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)

I've done your mum with asparagus.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:36, Reply)

Is that why her fanny batter smelt funny, I'm hoping use used a beetroot as well or else...oh dear god

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)

You fat prick.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)

One day you'll be able to afford bacon Monty, bacon AND bread

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Don't leave us hangin', Spo'-spo'!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:07, Reply)

Alright Sporto,
i've got to take the dogs out for a walk in a minute, then i'll be sitting down to do some work at the computer, so if you wanted to start a thread in say, a half hour or so, i'm totally in there man.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:08, Reply)

I have a meeting at 10
I won't be the wanker that starts a thread then fucks off.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:09, Reply)

Film 4 was ROCKING last night: ‘Ip Man’ followed by ‘Ip Man 2’. Top quality kung fu action all the way.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Kung fu interlectual property

Commercial law BOOM!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:18, Reply)

Hey guys!
Nakers is here and he's brought some GREAT JOKES with him as usual!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Woot!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Be nice Boyce I have Bobbies hatred to deal with already, it cuts me right to the quick

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:22, Reply)

to the SLOW more like!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:23, Reply)

to the CONTINENTAL DRIFT more like!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:25, Reply)

This is too much, I'm leaving forever*




* not forever
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)

It was probably my house
We always seem to end up doing the house parties as all our friends are fucking shit at it, old before their time so they are.

Alt: I had some frosties this morning, looks about time to start on the porridge though.

Altalt: World class wanker
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:09, Reply)

that's a hell of a claim, back it up with facts mofo

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Well it's starting to get a bit chilly in the mornings
and porridge is nice and warm by all accounts.
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:23, Reply)

Not in years :(
I have 4 weetabix for breakfast at work, but I'm still hungry by 11.

Alt: Pranker! *throws pie*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)

You don't eat breakfast?
What are you, Scottish or something?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:25, Reply)

We used to have some pretty mental house parties in our first flat
Ah....halcyon days
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Oh man I bet you have some stories to tell!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Yes
Waki...every one of them
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)

'Waqqqi', plz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Three Q's????
Now THAT'S Waqqqi!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Waqqqi is, as waqqqi does, that's how I understand it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)

We did have three Quentins on here at one point.
And they were indeed waqqqi times.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)

It was the capital of Waqqqistan in here at that point.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:41, Reply)

Bloody Waqqqi's, comin' over here
pissin' on our orchestras
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)

HOOTS!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:27, Reply)

HELP MA BOAB!

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Well it ain't gonna help itself!

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)

JINGS CRIVENS TAE BETSY!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)

*manly hugs*
*steals wallet*
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)

*waits for mousetrap to go off*

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)

*waits for Game of Life to go off*

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)

*waits for Operation to go off*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:32, Reply)

*waits for Monopoly to go off*
*is still waiting 12 hours later when the entire family has fallen out and won't speak to each other*
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)

It's all going off around here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)

*waits for hungry hippos to go off*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)

I wish you'd 'go off'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:36, Reply)

I "went off" in your mums face last night if that helps

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)

*sitcom applause*

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Not a great deal, but thanks for trying.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:42, Reply)

hippos Bobby
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:36, Reply)

*injects broon into collapsed foot vein*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Maggie or Daphne?

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)

Ale

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:38, Reply)

You'll what?

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 10:11, Reply)

Celeste

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:42, Reply)

HAT FACT #247
My sister met Daphne & Celeste and one them said she was "totally cute" or similar.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:45, Reply)

OHHH EMMM GEEEEEEE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)

ffs, some cunt start a new thread.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)

I think Anotherwanker should do it
He seems fun
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:46, Reply)

He seems to have an eye for a good joke!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Is that why you two are bezzies?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 9:48, Reply)