Following from the bit about teachers in the last thread, best & worst things about school?
Alt: Imagine you're being interviewed for a new job. Sell your skills and abilities.

AltAlt: go and gargle some bleach.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:17, 118 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

i don't think i like you enough today to validate your crap thread
but i will say that i would ram an entire packet of mikado biscuits up your japseye and then pay quentin to eat them.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:19, Reply)

Any particular rationale for your choice of biscuit to insert in to my genitals?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:21, Reply)

Thin
EDIT:

Like chocolate coated cockupuncture
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:22, Reply)

my room-mate is eating the dime coated ones
i'd never heard of them before.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:23, Reply)

go for twiglets
then you're not wasting nommy bickies on mr. cheese-knob
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:22, Reply)

i want to like twiglets
but there is something a bit Wrong about them. they are like the jonathan woss of the savoury snack world.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:24, Reply)

They leave a shitty Marmite type coating on your fingers

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:25, Reply)

Which I then rub all around my gums and teeth like coke

( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:25, Reply)

yes
nothing says HAWT like stained brown teeth

actually, slough/uxbridge - it probably doesn't.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:27, Reply)

I think the fact he has teeth makes him the alpha male in Slough

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:28, Reply)

It'll mean you're on several types of income support
and therefore one of the town's high rollers.
( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:29, Reply)

Something in life for you to aim for eh?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:40, Reply)

All you've got are the adult rides at Chessington :(

( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:41, Reply)

The worst thing about school was totally the enforced conformity man!
it properly did my head in, my GCSE results were abysmal, but I did better that A levels and better still at degree level. this is totally because they let me express myself more freely.

Alt: I'm a fast learner and adaptable. I probably don't know how to to the job, but I'll learn it quicker than anyone else and then do it better. Also mechanical things like me, it's a gift.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:21, Reply)

Except bikes.

( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:25, Reply)

i ra
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:25, Reply)

Well, that response took 4 minutes longer than I expected.
Not true AKCHEWALLY
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:26, Reply)

Youv'e got a meme, just accept it.

( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:27, Reply)

I do, it's more accurate than most of the others at least, :)

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:27, Reply)

what's your meme?
being french and sticking frozen turds up your arse and having good legs - have i forgotten anything?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:30, Reply)

I have multiple memes
this makes me very popular.
( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:31, Reply)

meh, bikes, tasche, lithum, commie
does this make me better than you?

no, genetics do that. :)
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:32, Reply)

Hahaha
good one
( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:33, Reply)

Danke mein schatz

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:35, Reply)

Your return to offtopic is good sir
I like the "taking it on the chin"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:33, Reply)

Is there another option? :)
Oh and add flouncer to the above, although that seems to have died pretty quick.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:34, Reply)

wasn't there something about being handsome?
If you like Hugh Dennis that is...
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:31, Reply)

i do not remember that one, no
maybe we should play a game. list the memes, and guess the b3tan.

fat, bald, liberal politics, drawing pictures in paint, bit of a pitbull on taking a point - who am i?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:37, Reply)

You?

( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:39, Reply)

Guess this one
Morbidly obese lawyer with a northern access and daddy's credit card.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:39, Reply)

northern access?
it's the M62
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:40, Reply)

Fucksticks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:41, Reply)

it's those chubby fingers again, innit?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:42, Reply)

Belt up fatso.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:43, Reply)

i just need to punch another hole in it first

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:44, Reply)

Try some elasticated clothes. HTH.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:46, Reply)

but then how could i belt up?
a little consistency, please.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:47, Reply)

Al.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:40, Reply)

hoorah, you are the best
how about this one:

sister-fucking psychopath with multiple personalities who clearly fiddled with his own daughter when she was sleeping
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:41, Reply)

Can you narrow it down a bit?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:42, Reply)

Nope, it's not ringing any bells.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:43, Reply)

it's ok
they all know it's you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:45, Reply)

But I don't have a daughter.
STOP SPREADING MALICIOUS GOSSIP, SWIPE!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:46, Reply)

oh alright, have another one
cheeky irish builder, surprisingly knowledgeable on random topics such as classics, rather fond of an online jape
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:49, Reply)

Wait, they let fucking Micks on this board???

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:50, Reply)

Fucking spudwogs, coming over here, stealing our boards.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:53, Reply)

Fiddled with own daughter?
I've not heard this particular gem
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:44, Reply)

Just swipey's own personal opinion.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:45, Reply)

why let the truth get in the way of a good meme?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:45, Reply)

I think this idea deserves it's own thread.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:50, Reply)

it could get very nasty and childish
what are we waiting for?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:55, Reply)

Is done.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 15:01, Reply)

poor bgb the best bike you eva had :((

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:27, Reply)

Best thing was how easy it was
I basically coasted through it all. Worst thing was not getting noshed off by Georgia

I have 20 years experience in a wide variety of ICT fields, from networking to coding, training to documentation. and a massive cock
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:21, Reply)

+erel

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:33, Reply)

BUCKAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:39, Reply)

The best thing was bullying the short boys who hadn't grown up

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:22, Reply)

LEAVE BATTERED ALONE!

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:23, Reply)

lly mm
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:23, Reply)

haha
it is rare to find a good strikethrough. this one just about scrapes into that category.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:25, Reply)

Damned by faint praise

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:25, Reply)

No, I'm not answer that one, sorry

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:23, Reply)

Go on...

(Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:24, Reply)

Do you know what I like?
Getting a text message from my kid's school at 11:30 am, reminding me to send them in with a coat in case it rains.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:37, Reply)

Ha ha!
I'm always forgetting the school stuff - usually there's some 'event' going on and I forget and my daughter's the only one not in fancy dress or whatever they're doing!
(Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:40, Reply)

Bloody namby-pamby approach of schools nowadays.
Bit of rain never did us any harm, eh Teeaitch?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:41, Reply)

Nah mate
They ain't made of sugar, for crying out loud!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 15:03, Reply)

altalt: well recommended
it's the only thing that clears the taste of your mum from the old palate.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:23, Reply)

Ironically, she does smell of ammonia though

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:24, Reply)

That explains the fizzing at the bunghole then

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:27, Reply)

Like an inner tube in the sink

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:29, Reply)

More of a Coke and Mentos moment

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:34, Reply)

Kinky

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:40, Reply)

I'd have you in a pikey fight

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:24, Reply)

I'm a lover not a fighter

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:29, Reply)

I almost always enjoyed History, so that would be one of the best things about school
Worst was things like Music, Science, the subjects I had zero interest in, but no choice to drop.

Alt: Quick learner, and a good eye for detail are the two main skills I have.

AltAlt: No, as that would ruin my awesome lunch.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:31, Reply)

Getting to run away with girls in your maths class
Oh what a giveaway.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:33, Reply)

something's going on with malc today, not sure what
he seemed pretty upset this morning and had a long lunch with allison, i'm worried he might be on his way back to prison :'(
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:36, Reply)

When do you complete your earn-out?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:40, Reply)

January, it'll be well cool and i'll be like 'whoa aston martin plz'

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:46, Reply)

Your company provide out of hours maths lessons?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:43, Reply)

eh no what?

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:50, Reply)

He's effectively calling you a nonce.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:51, Reply)

he's calling malc a nonce, not me
and he's not, he's jsut a murderer
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:52, Reply)

That's OK then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:55, Reply)

it was a nana, they're all at death's door as it is

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 15:02, Reply)

Q, is there some kind of primer somewher to get me up to speed on the dramatis personae?
I keep gettign mixed up. :(

what did malc do time for? was it a schoolgirl?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:48, Reply)

ex copper, ran over some old dear while speeding, on duty but not on a call

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:51, Reply)

this is malc
prison diet's done him a world of good
www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/oct/26/police-patrol-car-crash-jail
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:52, Reply)

well, he looks a right fucking charmer
ALison's a lucky woman.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:55, Reply)

Just make sure he posts her birthday card a week before, eh?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:55, Reply)

nobody looks good after a court appearance
the boy knows he's done wrong, he's decent enough underneath it all, just a bit dim and immature
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:56, Reply)

gotcha.
ana alison, was she the one getting the filthy mails.?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:52, Reply)

yep

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:52, Reply)

that boy can't stop shitting on his own doorstep

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:52, Reply)

do you work with anyone who's not a twat or a cunt?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:55, Reply)

I dont

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:56, Reply)

If you can't spot a twat amongst your colleagues, you're the twat.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:56, Reply)

joe and kev are alright
tracey and sue are fucken LEGENDS, allison's a dick, pete and milfy are cool, tricky's gone, louise is off, but i'll admit she has her good moments, michelle's fine by me but there are issues there, dom never comes in anymore

i think that's everyone
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:57, Reply)

what is it you do again?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:59, Reply)

i'm king of switzerland

(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 15:02, Reply)

hang on
says there he wnt down for 6 and a half years, 3 years ago. he got out mighty early for killing someone.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 15:03, Reply)

he's not out
he's on day release, he's out 15 hours a day, and regularly gets town visits/leave days
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 15:05, Reply)

And managed to set up and run a successful business with Q, Kev and Tricky, expand it and sell it all within that time.
You don't think Happy Q might be telling stories, do you?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 15:07, Reply)

well, I do wonder
but it's still my fave soap opera
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 15:08, Reply)

eh? you've misunderstood most of what i've said
me, kev and joe run a company founded in 1998, tristran worked here for 5 years. we sold that and set up a new one this year, malc is peripheral to all of that and only been here 1 year

sorry if i have been unclear up to now
(quintsy, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 15:14, Reply)

Alt: Quick thinker;
Capable of learning anything technical/mechanical; roguishly charming; expert warrior.
( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:41, Reply)

+ smells of garlic.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:41, Reply)

throw in the guinea pigs and it's cavy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:42, Reply)

Surrender is not warrior

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:42, Reply)

TACTICAL surrender

( Kroney, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:46, Reply)

Dunkirk-esque

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:47, Reply)

Alt: Attention to detail and the ability to not be easily distrac
Sorry, what was the question?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:42, Reply)

Cake

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:43, Reply)

See, cake I can live without.
Present me with a robust selection of savoury snacks, on the other hand, and I'll snap your arm off.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:44, Reply)

Blue cheese is so much better than cake.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:45, Reply)

this^
Though leaving some in the fridge at work for a month in a Tupperware box, not so much
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:46, Reply)

*firm handshakes*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 25 Sep 2012, 14:49, Reply)