I'm wearing two jumpers, how many jumpers are you wearing?
alt: I have no meetings today. What meetinsg do you have and what are they about?

altalt: Pissflaps
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:01, 129 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Morning Nakers,
I've got the day off, so no meetings at all either. I will be wearing one jumper shortly, but at the moment, 0 jumpers.
I have to have another look at my brakes today, thought it was fixed, but last night it started pulling to the left again under heavy braking. I hope it's not a cylinder problem. If I bring it down to you, will you fix it for me?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:07, Reply)

morning wee pee, luicky you
I am working from home waiting for the heating to kick in, hence the double jumper.

I'll have a look at your brakes if you like I am about as qualified as most Kwik Fit "mechanics" after all
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Cool,
gaz me your address will you?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:14, Reply)

31 Porters way
West Drayton
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:14, Reply)

they fixed that wall on the corner of Percy Bush Road yet?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:18, Reply)

nah, lazy fuckers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:19, Reply)

I might write to the council.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:21, Reply)

do it in green ink

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:24, Reply)

Cor
that's only like
[---------------]
that far from my place in the UK
interesting eh?
( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:15, Reply)

I am wearing no jumpers.
I am wearing a T-shirt that says 'Don't need no credit card to ride this train' and I don't care how much Monty abuse that is going to cause me.

And I do have a meeting, since you asked. Apparently it's going to take two hours for them to tell me that I mustn't leave people's personally identifiable data laying around, keep it longer than is necessary for business purposes or send to external people who have not signed a confidentiality agreement.

Guess what? I already know that.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:09, Reply)

They know you know that,
and in fact, probably don't want to bother with it either, but you know, covering their asses legally, and making sure if you do something stupid it's your fault not theirs. I always wonder about the people who do the talks are genuinely in to their subject like they come across, or whether they are constantly depressed that their area of expertise is pointless bullshit.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:11, Reply)

I had one done by an ex-copper
and his talk had some "interesting" anecdotes. I'd do that one again.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:29, Reply)

I had a talk from a cop on Heroin,
couldn't understand a word he said.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:42, Reply)

I get this

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:49, Reply)

But you've just told everyone about it
THIS is why you are off to the meeting
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:11, Reply)

THIS is why I should be running the meeting.
It would be the same message, just in 2 minutes not two hours.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:13, Reply)

I have to do all that sort of shit as well, once a year...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:12, Reply)

I don't even own a jumper so none
Amazingly I also have no meetings today
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Typical geordie

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Atypical Geordie

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Jumpers? FFS #wtn
I am not wearing a jumper.
This fact is sure to stimulate some lively debate.
Alt: I have just been to our morning production meeting, do you really want the details of it?
Altalt: Passflips
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:16, Reply)

I do.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:18, Reply)

I don't blame you, it is exciting stuff.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:24, Reply)

No jumpers, arvo meeting cancelled...

However, after checking my calendar I have found that at 10am we have one of those pointless efforts where one of the directors does a 'Kirsty Young' and tries to point out that they're 'one of us' by sitting at the end of the desk and reading out productivity numbers as everybody gathers round indifferently.

They're calling it a 'huddle' *shudders*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:18, Reply)

I do hope you all "do lunch" after

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)

This post is approximately 1000 words top short and contains no wanking/shitting disasters
I can therefore only conclude that you are a sock puppet.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)

You forgot preposterously drawn out similies...

Of the type that would make Clarkson himself split his man-girdle in disgust.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:22, Reply)

good point
I've misold your pondorous QOTW legacy, my apologies.

So what's up? What are you doing over here? Ready for some abuse?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Abuse away!...

I'm here because I'm bored.

So bored in fact that I'd rather have you all 'out' me for being the outrageous shitcunt that I am, instead of doing my crappy job at the moment.

Is it pub time yet?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Alright Pooflake,
What is it you do?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:43, Reply)

You must be reeling from all the abuse doled out to you by Nakers here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:59, Reply)

I am currently wearing a jumper and an 'Old guys rule' T shirt
I have no meetings today. I may have an interview on Friday, possibly next Tuesday, just awaiting confirmation.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Desert Island Discs?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:21, Reply)

I'm not even remotely famous enough
And my choices of music probably wouldn't fit in with the R4 crowd. Also, I don't think they'd let me tell them to shove the compulsory bible sideways up their collective shitter.
Other than those points, I'm available!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Oh Cap'n, you sell yourself short.
Word of twang club is spreading around this place, thanks to the promotional activity of anotherwanker.
Kirsty Young will surely be calling soon.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Ah but I'm not a founder member*
I think the guy/s that started TC should be the ones honoured. Mind you, Kirsty Young - would!

*I said member - fnaaarrr
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:31, Reply)

It's going to be a vocal treat this week...

What with everyone having teh bad AIDS man-flu.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:33, Reply)

I'll be limiting myself to songs by....
... Lou 'voice of an angel' Reed and Leonard 'Chuckles' Cohen.
That should be doable.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:35, Reply)

Twang Club always reminds me of this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=35zNIqwtBUY

Clever, clever jazz, man Sorry that doesn't sound like it's planned
Clever, clever jazz, man Can't you see, we're doing the best that we can?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)

Interesting stuff!
I thought they sounded a bit like Carter USM (shows advancing years).


On another note, I firmly believe there are two distinct types of jazz - and they're both crap.*


*My thanks to Alexei Sayle for the original quote.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:47, Reply)

No jumper, our office has two temperatures
hot or cold, depending on whether the heating kicks in or not.
alt: No meetings today, so will have to seek other opportunities for sleep.
altalt: Flange.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:23, Reply)

Jumpers are for the weak
I am wearing -1 jumpers.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:25, Reply)

I was going to have a team meeting at 10am
where I was going to have to try and come up with some way of sounding like I've been very busy despite being in exactly the same position as last week's meeting.

But the boss is working from home today so it's been pushed till tomorrow and it looks like the idle feckers who've been holding me up are finally ready to move. \o/
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:28, Reply)

-1 = all body hair shaved off?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:29, Reply)

It's how my dominatrix prefers me

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:32, Reply)

You are just trying to impress anotherwanker by making yourself look like a pre-pubescent boy.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:33, Reply)

he/she is my transexual dominatrix

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:37, Reply)

I've got to meet the lassie from hr who'd be a bit hot if she wasn't a fatty.
then the docs for them to take my precious blood. the fucking vampires.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:33, Reply)

is she so fat you would even go for a ride smashed at the christmas party?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:35, Reply)

I wouldn't even fondle her after 12 pints and a half bottle of rum.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:39, Reply)

After 12 pints and half a bottle of rum I'd fondle you

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)

But would she fondle him after 12 pints and a half bottle of rum?

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)

He does have breasts, so yes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:46, Reply)

stop wanking and thinking about my tits!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:49, Reply)

No

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:52, Reply)

fat chicks are always grateful for any attention.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:49, Reply)

Jumpers?
JUMPERS?
( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:35, Reply)

I know they cover breasts I'm sorry

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:37, Reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:38, Reply)

My back is fucked again

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)

I am wearing a suit. This morning I have a meeting with a private equity company.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Sounds intruiging
Are you looking at setting up your own business?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:46, Reply)

No, they want to talk to me about a problem they have with one of the brands they own. Purel exploratory at this stage.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:49, Reply)

Ahhh, ok

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:49, Reply)

The nad sanitiser?
I meant to type hand sanitiser but my fingers have minds of their own this morning.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:51, Reply)

Speak to tangles

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 9:51, Reply)

Jumpers? you bunch of flailing marys
I'm wearing a Tshirt. It's not cold, man the fuck up.

I have a lecture to give in about 45 mins and then that's it, schedule-wise. Sadly, not work-wise. Cuntflaps.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Lecture? On what?
What can you possibly teach anyone?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:28, Reply)

How to be a cunt on the internet.
Also, Chemical engineering, bioprocessing, stem cell therapies, biological therapeutic drug production, and sustainability.

Since you asked.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:30, Reply)

but this one is specifically process design and material balances.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:31, Reply)

Fair enough. That's me telt.
I know all about that shit, brah.

Mitochondria.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:32, Reply)

them's the puppies.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:33, Reply)

So do you take advantage of impressionable 18 year olds?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:34, Reply)

They start at 17 here
so, best not to. It risks it all going a bit Megan Stammers.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:38, Reply)

I wouldn't be able to resist.
We have an 18 y/o assistant here and I am drawn to her. It's like cider to a pisshead.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:42, Reply)

I am not wearing a jumper.
I am, however, having email arguments with some guy in the US over some mandatory web courses all our staff have to take, which don't bloody work. Apparently, despite the same courses working for some people and not others all of whom are running identical software, it might be a software issue and to try running the course in Firefox.

Unfortunately, we have 1600 people trying to take this course, it's not working for a small number of people and I'm fucked if I'm letting them tell me it's because we're using the wrong web browser.
( Kroney, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:29, Reply)

Great story, bro.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:31, Reply)

Just fix it IT boy etc

( Kroney, Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:36, Reply)

I'm not wearing a jumper.
I did have a band hoodie on because I am young and cool and street, but I took it of because it's warm here.

No meetings, I rarely have them as I work for a living.

alt: quim
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 17 Oct 2012, 10:37, Reply)