Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink*
*apart from the bits you can.

Are you under water this morning? Are the floods affecting you? Do you even care?

Alt:
Best thing about this week/Worst thing about this week
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:41, 131 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I preffered the last thread where no one was replying.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:44, Reply)

"people moved to flood risk area; get flooded" shocker

( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:44, Reply)

What about the people that were there before it became a flood risk area?
What then?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

What about them?

( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Do you hate them as well?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:47, Reply)

I wasn't commenting on them, Chompy.
I commented on the people that moved to flood risk areas and have now been flooded out, much to nobody's surprise. It was right there in my post.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:49, Reply)

I'm pretty fucking sure anywhere that is flooded
has always been a flood risk area.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Well, he's technically correct in that rainfall and subsequent flooding
has become more of an issue and areas that historically haven't been flood risks are now more likely to be so, but it's nothing to do with what I actually said.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:50, Reply)

I dunno, maybe so.
I tend to regard it as one of the things that it's really an idea to check. Not as in, "is this historically a flood risk" but more "is there a source of water within a mile that offers the tiniest chance of rendering my house a bit moist? This I can easily check by a) fucking looking and b) more pertinently, asking the vendors of paranoia and doom that are household insurers"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:52, Reply)

Really, you shoudln't be entirely surprised
if you move to an area because of the pretty river and mountains that it may flood occasionally. Caveat emptor and all that.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:55, Reply)

I don't really get this one
the ABI were banging on about working with the government to ensure that everyone can get flood insurance. Why? if you're daft enough to buy a house on a flood plain, or not check that you can insure it before you do buy it, why should the rest of us stump up so you can replace your sofa every 6 months? Isn't it a bit like saying "it's every 17 year old boy's right to be able to cheaply insure a Porsche" ?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:47, Reply)

^ this
cf living under the flight path of an airport and then crying about the noise, having paid fuck all for your house for that very reason, as if it was some kind of fucking surprise to you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:49, Reply)

yeah, I don't understand that either
but I have to keep quiet about it in case I start to become a tiny bit Tory.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:50, Reply)

EMBRACE YOUR LATENT NAZISM
It's so liberating.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Or buying a house next to a cricket pitch that has been there since 1853
and complaining when cricket balls rain into your garden all summer*

*Not while I'm batting, obviously.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:36, Reply)

I think it's to do with the fact that if that was the case, tens of thousands of people would have to move house
and a number of villages and towns would have to be moved up a hill.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

I don't believe anyone's refusing to insure homes that have been flooded this time
or occasionally, or even a couple of times in the last couple of years

It's the "everyone should have it including idiots that bought on bogland that's underwater 3 months out of 12" that annoys me.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:54, Reply)

The real problem here is that developers are allowed to build houses
on said bogland.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Well,
Yes, but you still bought it didn't you, and should have done the research. I bought a house in a flood risk area, (admittedly my house hasn't flooded in 30 odd years, but we are very close to the river) and so got specialist insurance. It's not a whole lot more if you shop around a bit. People need to take responsibility for what they choose to do/buy or where they live.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:00, Reply)

I do agree
I just think a lot of this, including the insurance business, would be unnecessary if developers were only allowed to build on sites that weren't liable to require a boat.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:02, Reply)

true.
There was much hilarity a few years ago when a new hotel was built on the flood plane near me, and they had made great promises about storm drains, and run off and redirecting the water. That winter, about 150 houses got fucked when the water went round the hotel and flooded all the local streets. Oh the fun they had.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:07, Reply)

They built a shopping centre in Winchester in the late 80s, which fucked up the water table so much
the 900 year old cathedral nearly fell down.

It's so ugly half the units in it are vacant.

GOOD ONE GUYS!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:38, Reply)

Like the Dutch?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:58, Reply)

Your man is entirely made of straw.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:59, Reply)

he's a bit wet, though. Probably won't light.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:00, Reply)

The Dutch seem to be remarkable adept at not redecorating the ground floors of their houses using sewage
So it's not really a reasonable comparison.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:00, Reply)

The only water issue I have is the rusty type gushing out of my arse.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

It's a bit cloudy here. That's about it.
Struggling to give a shit I'm afraid.

Alt: Payday Friday/gays

Bonus ball: I am currently in an email exchange with Bond Girl Rosamund Pike. She's fucking begging for it, I can tell you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

When I say 'it' what I mean is 'her goods to be delivered undamaged and in a timely manner'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:47, Reply)

I bet you'd deliver her goods in a timely manner.
eh? eh?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:48, Reply)

YOU KNOW IT!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:49, Reply)

Sorry Monty, but you'll have to take that round the back.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:39, Reply)

Can you get her to autograph an e-mail and then fax you a copy?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:49, Reply)

Give me a couple of days and I'll be able to post her signature from her delivery

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:49, Reply)

You might get something for that on eBay.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

Is that something 'the sack'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

Yes!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

I bet it's her who you want to give the sack, the BALL SACK, ammirite?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:57, Reply)

^THIS GUY GETS IT!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:58, Reply)

I BET HE WANTS TO PUT HIS WINKY IN HER FOOFOO AND WIGGLE IT AROUND LOL

( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Sweet, can you get me a pair of her knickers (clean) and a pair of her shoes (broken in properly thpugh, no new ones)
Thanks. It's for a project.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

No probz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:52, Reply)

WOULD.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Not since the Great Suprendo/shoe rack incident of 2004 has such lofty celebrity filled my life.
Even the Adam Woodyatt/shelving system event of 2008 doesn't come near.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

Monty Boyce: providing storage solutions to the stars.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:52, Reply)

That's my shit, yo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:53, Reply)

This

( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

She looks like a cross between Holly From ITV, Cat Dealie From ITV and Bridget Jones.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:58, Reply)

Alright Sporty old fruit.
I live by the river, and its pretty high, and pretty fast, but the environment agency have been round to say the defences, and sluices and storm drains are all working as planned. There is an advantage to living close to important university faculty buildings, the upkeep round here is excellent thanks to the Oxford University Money Mill.

Alt, best is going to be the wedding I'm going to Friday. Free hotel room, free bar, free food. I might die.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:48, Reply)

I really hate weddings
No amount of drink and grub will ever change my mind about this. They are on an absolute even keel with funerals to me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:00, Reply)

Funerals are better, you don't have to tolerate unfunny speeches afterwards.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:02, Reply)

I gave a great unfunny speech at the last funeral I went to

( Peej, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:03, Reply)

Although it is bad form to laugh at the speeches at a funeral.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:03, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4ljDZpyojs
( Peej, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:05, Reply)

AND FINALLY...

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Really?
I quite like funerals. Especially when people get drunk afterwards and old auntie mabel starts saying stuff like "I never liked her anyway, you know she got with a darkie during the war"
( Peej, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:02, Reply)

Haha
Alright Phil?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Not particularly
Work are trying to outsource us whilst giving us the usual "It's not outsourcing because we don't call it outsourcing" bollocks
( Peej, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:08, Reply)

So they're trying to get rid of you, you mean?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:12, Reply)

Nope, transfer us to a different company and then use that company to provide academic support

( Peej, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 12:08, Reply)

I am not flooding because my house is a good house
If people want to buy houses that flood then that fine because I can laugh like I did when my mothers house flooded a few years back and she had to spend a fortune repairing everything that rotted out.

alt. Best thing about this week is this thread. the worst thing is everything else
( Peej, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Christ you are in for a shit week if this thread is the highlight.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:04, Reply)

FUCK YOU!
Its a good* thread

* +not
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:04, Reply)

A goodnot thread?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Yes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:06, Reply)

How can you say that
it has everything!
( Peej, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Damn right!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:06, Reply)

The main effect on most people won't be house floods
it'll be the price of food going through the roof due to flooded fields being unharvestable.
Already some tosser MP on the news this morning banging on about how it's due to global warming, as if that helps anyone.
alt: it's another week closer to some time off work .
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:01, Reply)

I only eat imported foods so I will be ok
British food gives you mad cow disease. I read it in the papers.
( Peej, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:04, Reply)

Well, it would probably help anyone
if we stopped producing quite as much CO2 worldwide, old chap. It's not like you haven't been warned and it's not like there's not a really obvious solution.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Thanks tangles

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:06, Reply)

Yeah, those Dutch *tut*.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:06, Reply)

I fail to see how gassing the Jews will help, but fuck it, it's got to be worth a try.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Rubbish
Its all a myth, Fox news knows way more than you do.
( Peej, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:08, Reply)

It's made up by racist hippies who want us to stop sending money to russia and the middle east.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:10, Reply)

I like that cartoon that goes "Well what if we made the world a better place and it turns out it was all for nothing ?!?!?!?"

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:10, Reply)

Then the world's still a better place.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:15, Reply)

Well, yeah'.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:19, Reply)

Sydney Youngbloods rejected first draft

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Are you suggesting that this is all Loco's fault?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:11, Reply)

Yes. Yes, it is.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:34, Reply)

I get the feeling that today's travel home will be eventful
based on the last time. It is pissing down and has been since Saturday

Alt:
Best thing is payday on Friday/Worst thing is waiting until Friday for payday and waking up at 3am today
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:04, Reply)

Not only do I have that fucking Uri Geller colleague who always bends the teaspoons here,
but some nutjob (possibly the same person) insists on putting his lunchtime crisps in the fridge.

If ever there was a justification for a Seinfeld 'what's that all about?' pic then this is surely it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:19, Reply)

Maybe he just likes chilled crisps?
I'm going to start doing that, in fact.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:22, Reply)

Your compulsion to refridgerate inappropriate items continues apace, then?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Don't see what's wrong with a icy-cool flavoured potato snack.
I put it to you that you are being judgemental. I know, we're all shocked to our very cores. It's all so uncharacteristic.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:25, Reply)

see also people who keep bread in the fridge
why?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:24, Reply)

I do actually keep my bread in the fridge.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:25, Reply)

WHY?
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOUR BRAIN?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:25, Reply)

This is possibly the worst admission a person could have made on here.
He'll never live this down.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:26, Reply)

well, the thing is that a lot of what gets said on here is joking
but deliberately making your bread go all hard and cold? why? that's just the hallmark of a sick brainwrong.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:28, Reply)

Oh, I'm not joking. I keep all of my bread-related products in the fridge.
I'm totally going to start keeping crisps in there, too.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:29, Reply)

But moths love cold, dark places
LIKE YOUR EAR
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:32, Reply)

Worse than Nakers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Keeps the moths off it I suppose.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:26, Reply)

hahaha

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:28, Reply)

Oh, textbook.
If anyone knows where Kroney lives, I suggest filling his fridge with moths.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:31, Reply)

Kroney Monty
o e
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:32, Reply)

That would be lovely, thanks guys!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:36, Reply)

Doesn't bread go off faster in the fridge than at room temperature?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:35, Reply)

Does anyone have any information pertaining to the effect on flavour
caused by nocturnal storage of chewing gum on domestic furniture, specifically bedposts?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:40, Reply)

Mr Donnegan may

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:41, Reply)

I was advised against chewing it by a female relative.
I chose to ignore them and swallowed it, with minor consequences on my tonsils.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:43, Reply)

depends what you mean by "off"
mould will grow more slowly in a fridge, but then it's probably moister.

I think, though, that you're probably missing the elephant in the room here, that keeping bread in the fridge is worse than paedophilia.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:44, Reply)

oh bravo

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:35, Reply)

I don't like the direction this thread has gone in.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:39, Reply)

Don't get in a flap about it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:40, Reply)

Towards the light?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:42, Reply)

Me neither.
Cold crisps? Ugh.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:44, Reply)

Not an answer but just made me lol
beta.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/nov/25/2012-christmas-adverts-snowmen-slave-labour
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:48, Reply)

He can be v amusing sometimes
I reckon I could do his job though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:52, Reply)

I really hope he's right about the girl-on-the-piano cover of "sheriff fatman"
as that would, quite possibly, be a musical zenith that the world would never recover from.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 11:59, Reply)

I really hope there's a new thread

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 12:02, Reply)