Ever seen a dead body?
alt: I have Moroccan tagine for lunch, what do you have you fat fucks?

altalt: What are you getting me for my birthday?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:49, 176 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

t v
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:51, Reply)

Mmmm
vagine - best of all the cooking pots
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:53, Reply)

And self-saucing, too

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:55, Reply)

Only if you use the right rubs

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:56, Reply)

fingerfoodlols

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:58, Reply)

Yes.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:51, Reply)

elaborate

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:57, Reply)

and listen

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:59, Reply)

shut up.

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:59, Reply)

Both times; dead grandparents in the chapel of rest before the burn up.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:02, Reply)

open casket, that's unusual in this country isn't it?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:02, Reply)

Not in the chapel of rest at the funeral home. Fairly standard I think. The coffins were closed for the cremation.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:04, Reply)

I've never seen an open casket, it's a bit morbid I think

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:05, Reply)

I even gave my grandmother a kiss goodbye.
So, 'I kissed a corpse and I liked it*'

*I didn't really like it.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:07, Reply)

what do you do if a bit of her sticks to your lips and as you pull away you take a chunk out of her cheek?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:08, Reply)

Go back for more

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:09, Reply)

no double dipping
swipey hates that shit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:11, Reply)

Shame Greggs Hat didn't

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:15, Reply)

this did not make me laugh
you two go kiss each other to make it up to me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:17, Reply)

I kissed a spaz and I liked it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:18, Reply)

poor apey

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:19, Reply)

Hey
He got a kiss, didn't he?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:19, Reply)

he said you slipped him the tongue and he didn't sign up for that

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:21, Reply)

He fackin' larved it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:21, Reply)

notice he's gone very very quiet
he is rocking in a corner somewhere, moaning "why?" to himself
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:25, Reply)

I do hope so

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:26, Reply)

i down there innit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:29, Reply)

this made me laugh
you stinkbag
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:17, Reply)

No.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:52, Reply)

Yes, seven
Three weeks after starting work as an IT trainee at Newcastle Uni we had to install a network card into a PC in the Pathology department at the RVI. Guy opens the security door looking like an extra from a horror film, green plastic apron on, covered in blood and gore, then asks us in, straight past the cadavers laid out ready for the med students.

GRIM

Alt:
Cornish pastie and hunger :o(
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:52, Reply)

No
But this one time, I told a donkey to fuck off.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:52, Reply)

Ignoring my advice I see.
Yes.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:54, Reply)

I know I know,
FIRST chloroform, THEN ropes
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:56, Reply)

Yeah, loads.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:57, Reply)

beheaded drug dealers yeah?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:58, Reply)

well I have a swedish tagine so there

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:58, Reply)

fishy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:58, Reply)

I haven't seen any dead human bodies, no.
Seen a dead cat before, if that counts.

I know the woman on teh end of the phone is having crisps with her lunch as she's eating down the phone at me.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:00, Reply)

she's just picking the scabs off her head and eating them

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:01, Reply)

What flavour?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:01, Reply)

It was a torteshell.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:02, Reply)

Excellent

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:09, Reply)

She sounded like the sort of fat Northern skank that'd eat smoky bacon.

( Kroney, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:03, Reply)

i bet her fingers stink

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:03, Reply)

I feel sick.

( Kroney, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:04, Reply)

yes, both my grandparents on one side had open caskets for some catholic reason i think
it's not fun because you really don't want to go in and see it, but it feels disrespectful not to, given that it's right there. also when i went in, my uncle was standing there with this woman who said accusingly, "oh so YOU'RE rachelswipe. you played with my daughter at your uncle's wedding when you were 7, and now you're a city lawyer and she's a heroin addict in liverpool women's prison."

riiiight. that's hard enough to answer as it is, but with your grandma's corpse lying between the 2 of you? surreal as you like.

alt: i have a brown rice itsu veg pot. which is tasty and healthy-ish for a fast food option, but i'm always hungry a couple of hours after one. annoying.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:02, Reply)

See, it was your fault she became a smack head.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:04, Reply)

this was the problem with the situation
all smart-alec comments are inappropriate in the presence of a corpse, it seems
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:05, Reply)

It's like the prince and the pourpure.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:10, Reply)

But smells nicer?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:15, Reply)

the woman my dad is seeing bought me a lovely bag of winter pot pourri from the white company for christmas
now the flat smells all spicy and orangey. but the problem is, i hate her. so actually the flat smells of hate.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:20, Reply)

s+ e
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:20, Reply)

hats?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:23, Reply)

shat

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:24, Reply)

She clearly hates you if she gave you pot pourri
or she thinks you are a pleb
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:21, Reply)

are a pleb fucking stink to high heaven
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:23, Reply)

hey, i googled it
that shit was about £20
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:24, Reply)

pot pourri is one step above doilies for fucks sake

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:26, Reply)

it smells nice though
i don't care if it makes me OLD
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:29, Reply)

it makes you a bungalow living cat spinster, with a purple shawl the same colour as the veins on your thighs

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)

i remember when we used to be friends :(

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:38, Reply)

shall we kiss and make up?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:45, Reply)

and in
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:47, Reply)

And to think the situations could've been reversed if only her daughter hadn't played with you.

( Kroney, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:04, Reply)

fuking lezza's

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:06, Reply)

Were it not for a quirk of fate
swipey could even now be getting violently dildo-raped by a scouser whilst in the middle of a vicious smack withdrawal.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:09, Reply)

that's some people's idea of foreplay

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:12, Reply)

*makes notes*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:15, Reply)

someone said I was looking thin over the weekend , specifically she said "thin in the face"
i'm not sure this was a compliment and also I'm now worried that i have bowel cancer
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:04, Reply)

She just meant that you're so fucking fat elsewhere
your face looks small.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:05, Reply)

thanks for clarifying

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:06, Reply)

ukefaceli

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:08, Reply)

thin in the face
thick in the head
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:08, Reply)

yes.
My mum's, I was 11.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:04, Reply)

Oh, hi AA!

( Kroney, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:05, Reply)

nah, 100% serious.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:09, Reply)

Ah, well.

( Kroney, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:10, Reply)

no offence taken.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:11, Reply)

Ah, well.

( Kroney, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:15, Reply)

I assume you mean a dead human? No.
Alt: The most exciting lunch ever - a sandwich and some fruit.
Altalt: I answered this question when you asked it a week or so ago.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:10, Reply)

i thought I'd asked it before...
ah well, not like this place to be repetitive at all
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:12, Reply)

ah well, not like this place to be repetitive at all

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:13, Reply)

ah well, not like this place to be repetitive at all

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:13, Reply)

ah well, not like this place to be repetitive at all

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:13, Reply)

etc.

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:13, Reply)

thanks for that "Ariston"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Damn you earworm

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:16, Reply)

nope
alt leftover Asian noodle broth wot I made on Sat. Not bad at all actually
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:11, Reply)

This will be tomorrow's lunch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:13, Reply)

Did you go to that restaurant from the ES deal?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:14, Reply)

yes
plateau in canary wharf. Worth what we paid but no more.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:31, Reply)

I'm thinking about buying a tandoor so I can create my own dry meat dishes.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)

I am building a BBQ and wood fired oven when I get shifted

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:05, Reply)

I do a fucking stunning asian noodle brooth.
I find the trick is sweet miso paste.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:21, Reply)

alright nakey noo,
How are you? I didn't know it was your birthday, I might send you a card if you send me all the relevant details.

I was in the room when my mum died, that was pretty traumatic.

Lunch is a hsm cheese and pickle sandwich. It's like being a kid again, with my pack lunch. Going to have to find some horrific sugary juice to wash it down with to get the full experience.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:11, Reply)

hi Windy, not bad, bit stressed. How's Oxford/the pub/ etc
you really need to swap some of your lunch with one of your customers for the full experience
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:13, Reply)

not bad, pub us ticking along ok,
Fairly quiet weekend, but not a surprise in January. Currently talking to the guys that run the "you're going to need a bigger boat" film quiz in London, about getting a monthly offering for Oxford in the upstairs bar, could be a fun little money spinner.

What are your customers up to? Flailing around like botches?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:16, Reply)

just really fucking busy, too many spreadsheet to deal with and too many deadlines
it'll pass, it always does
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:18, Reply)

home sweet ham?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:14, Reply)

made from my own piggy hocks

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:17, Reply)

nom

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:19, Reply)

and a wagon wheel

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:23, Reply)

Fruit Club FTW

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:27, Reply)

Is that like fight club but more gay?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:32, Reply)

shhh
we cant talk about it
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:34, Reply)

why? Because it's too fabulous?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:35, Reply)

It's like fight club, but with more glitter

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:35, Reply)

I will give you such a fisting young man

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:36, Reply)

*bagsies first "fight"*
*assumes position*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:45, Reply)

More gay?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:35, Reply)

Yes, my Mum.
Alt: BBQ pulled pork and bean soup.

AltAlt: Nothing.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:43, Reply)

Oh, hi dozer!

( Kroney, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:44, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:45, Reply)

oh man :'(

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:45, Reply)

lol

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:45, Reply)

A year ago everyone on here was banging on and on about chorizo.
This year none of you can shut up about 'pulled pork'.
I'm not sure what my point is here, apart from maybe 'shut up'.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:53, Reply)

The first person to post a recipe for pulled pork with chorizo will probably be crowned king or something.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:53, Reply)

*ponders*
This would be fucking great
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:54, Reply)

make pulled pork
and chorizo

eat

Fucking easiest recipe ever
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:01, Reply)

or pulled chorizo

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:57, Reply)

A "Spanish Wank" as it's known to the navy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:59, Reply)

Chris De Burghs
Tedious follow up zzzzzz
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:03, Reply)

Lady in Bread

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:09, Reply)

Tender Hams
(I just checked up on his discography for this tedious pun)
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:12, Reply)

doesn't sound great tbh
www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/simply-delicioso-with-ingrid-hoffmann/mexican-pulled-pork-tinga-pueblana-recipe/index.html
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:01, Reply)

I find it pretty tedious and I am not even a hemp-fucking tree wizard.

( Kroney, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:53, Reply)

I heard you love to pull pork

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:54, Reply)

+ into Ken Oath's wife's hair

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:58, Reply)

I know I do

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:59, Reply)

She loves it too.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:02, Reply)

Yes
Alt:Hot beef baguette with salt and lashings of colemans mustard and a packet of seabrook’s beefy flavour crisps.

Alt:alt:When is your birthday?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:55, Reply)

Feburary

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:56, Reply)

Mines this Wednesday........
WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ME
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:57, Reply)

dildo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:58, Reply)

I hate her music

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:58, Reply)

I want to thank you for this post

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:59, Reply)

Stan-d down sporters

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:00, Reply)

I'm wondering why

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:02, Reply)

Kroney likes her music

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:01, Reply)

He likes her music frozen

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:02, Reply)

You missed the "white flag" set up

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:03, Reply)

bollocks
Good one
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:04, Reply)

Yes, my mum when she was at the funeral home
alt: Chicken salad sandwich and a bag of crisps with a Mint Club for afters.

altalt: fired
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:57, Reply)

that's not very friendly is it?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:58, Reply)

+ from a cannon

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 13:59, Reply)

Dirty Catholic twats

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:08, Reply)

I have started a new thread.
You're welcome.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:09, Reply)