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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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What's the celebrity you'd most like to see naked?
Alt: smoked or unsmoked bacon?

AltAlt: recommend something new you've experienced recently.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:14, 177 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Mayim Bialik
Alt: everything is better smoked.

AltALt: sleeping pills, it's amazing how much difference a good nights sleep can make.;
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:16, Reply)
wtf is going on with that chin?!

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:19, Reply)
what chin?
I have a perfectly normal chin, maybe a little on the weak side but the beard covers it.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:21, Reply)
She could open fucking tins with that!

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:04, Reply)
Nonce.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:20, Reply)
???
she's 37
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:21, Reply)
As I have little awareness of most television programmes of the last 10+ years or so
I can only assume that you are referring to the hit show Blossom.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:28, Reply)
Nope.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:32, Reply)
She's a minger. Official.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:23, Reply)
<img src="http://nakersisabentspastic.org/thatsthejoke.jpg">

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:33, Reply)
I am going to have to disagree with you CQ,
her face is all long and weird. Like some sort of stretched out witch from an old cartoon.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:23, Reply)
Seriously?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:23, Reply)
100% munter.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:25, Reply)
She's in Big Bang at the moment.
Even allowing for purposeful frumping, she's not attractive.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:26, Reply)
She's no Cavy that's for sure.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:26, Reply)
yeah, because I spend sooo much time being serious.
jesus you're a bunch of tards today.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:33, Reply)
Ooh you wicked troll, you.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:35, Reply)
I can't keep up with his edgy sense of humour, sometimes.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:37, Reply)
never claim it was great, but at least I have one
the most interesting things about you are all made up.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:43, Reply)
Are we really due for another Quixote/Kroney fight?
Doesn't seem that long since the last one.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:44, Reply)
there was a fight?
I remember a bit of bitching but not any actual fight. once in a while he makes a dig for some reason, once in a while I dig back, can't see either of us caring enough for it to be more serious, although I'm only speaking for myself here.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:49, Reply)
yeah, the longer I spend on here the worse it gets
I had to call ringoffire a cunt yesterday, it's on;t so long before me and AB become besties.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:37, Reply)
Altalt: One for Monty (although he probably already has this page bookmarked):
en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Red_Dwarf
SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:20, Reply)
Ronnie Ancona
Alt: SMoked

Altalt: It's not really a recent discovery, as I've had the dogs a year now, but i can no stop singing the praises of a nice long stroll in the morning. Get up, go for a wander, have a bit of breakfast, then off to work. Always sets me up for the day, and the days i don't take the dogs out if i have an early start or a meeting aren't half as good.

Morning everyone.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:20, Reply)
See what you mean about her. Prefer Daisy Donnovan though.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:24, Reply)
you know,
this is all a bit misogynistic really.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Yep. Great isn't it.
Nothing to stop the females commenting on celebrity blokes though.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:26, Reply)
Other than the complete absence of any females on here at this juncture.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:27, Reply)
And the fact they're all butch lezzers.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:49, Reply)
true

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:33, Reply)
It's just a bit annoying as I'll have to google image search most of them.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:29, Reply)
you could just use your imagination, and think of the sort of girl that each of the posters would find attractive,.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
Eeuw.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
Despite being a massive fan of smoked food in general, I'm not particularly bothered whether bacon is or not.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:24, Reply)
Many thanks for your fascinating contribution to this thread.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:24, Reply)
If you insist on asking perhaps the most utterly dull question ever asked in b3ta history
it's a bit fucking ripe to get all sarky when someone answers it, wouldn't you say?
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:28, Reply)
Whereas the question in your last thread was so fucking brilliant eh?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:29, Reply)
It wasn't my best,
but at least I didn't start frothing at the bumhole when people replied to it.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:31, Reply)
My bumhole is perfectly dry.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:33, Reply)
A bit of lube'll sort that out for you

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
*bookmarks*

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:35, Reply)
Certainly
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1421483
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:38, Reply)
Hey Boyce.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Yo yo yo what's up hombre?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:27, Reply)
not much,
chillin.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
Like a villain, I hope?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:36, Reply)
i've got some day nurse.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:44, Reply)

d

I'm sure you have, dearie
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:47, Reply)
i am leaking snot like some sort of ace snail.
it's properly grim.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:49, Reply)
Stacey dash or Sarah Blackwood
Smoked.

Alt, the walking dead video game/interactive movie.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Sarah Richard
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:28, Reply)
For a grand hell show up at your birthday

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:29, Reply)
*starts saving up*

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:29, Reply)
If we all chipped in it would be an awesome b3ta bash.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
Live PA by Richard Blackwood = AWESOME

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:48, Reply)
Sort it out for Bristol, will you, Boyce?
You've got connections.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:51, Reply)
I doubt much s(h)aving will be required.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:36, Reply)
Really? Even I'd need two to turn up at some random prick's birthday
and pretend I liked them.

However, for a grand I will turn up, drink all your booze, vomit in a hedge and fuck your sister/mum depending on age and/or availability.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:32, Reply)
For two grand, he'd probably fellate you

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
So there was never any chance of you turning up to Monty & Stunned's birthday bash?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
None.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
Rihanna
Sian Williams. Kym Valentine. Fiona Bruce. Ronni Ancona. Nigella Lawson. Denise Fox off Eastenders.

I like brunettes.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:29, Reply)

la
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:30, Reply)
Hehe.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:32, Reply)
Sooty
Alt: neither. Bacon is overrated.
Alt alt: getting a full night's sleep.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:30, Reply)
Racist.
They're called 'coons' these days b3th.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:31, Reply)
Does that mean I can't call them nignogs any more?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:32, Reply)
No, that's still fine.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
I prefer the expression 'jungle bunnies' myself.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:32, Reply)
or sambo.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
I favour 'blackamoor'

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
A much underused word.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:37, Reply)
Any Female celebrity between 15 1/2 and 50, I'm not fussy.
Alt: Smoked as part of a fry up or sammich. Unsmoked when used as an ingredient with other foods.

Altalt: Spamalot. I haven't laughed so hard since I saw a cat being run over.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:32, Reply)
NONCE.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:33, Reply)
Only borderline.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
Wrong side of the line though.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:36, Reply)
As someone with a fifteen year old granddaughter
I am both appalled and disgusted by that.

No, the oher one. Aroused.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:37, Reply)
Oh really?
*touches shelf*
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:42, Reply)
Paedo

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:33, Reply)
In your own time.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
It's a totally different word!
Anyway, it just took me longer because I was calling the paedo line to report him.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:35, Reply)
Ah. That'll be why the line was engaged when I just tried to call.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:36, Reply)
By the time they arrive, she'll be legal.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:36, Reply)
Half your age plus 7 is the lowest you should go.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:41, Reply)
35, you've got to be joking.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:44, Reply)
So... *does some sums*
If you're 56 and you want to look at pictures of barely legal and, in fact, illegal, girls...
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:46, Reply)
it's a bit creepy.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:50, Reply)

a bit
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:51, Reply)
This is bound to end well

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:52, Reply)
I reckon he was in Praia da Luz, in May 2007

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:54, Reply)
I meant 34, soz.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:52, Reply)
I'm learning from this thread
that b3tans have awful taste in women.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:34, Reply)
Daisy Donnovan though. Surely everyone likes her?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:35, Reply)
Twenty years ago
I thought she was a bit bland. Time may have been kind, but it's not a fucking wizard.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:36, Reply)
Stacey dash is perfect and Blackwood is a pixie like angel.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:35, Reply)

xie like angel ccaninny
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:37, Reply)
Is that some sort of woodwind folk instrument?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:39, Reply)
Yes, if by 'woodwind folk instrument' you mean 'wog'

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:39, Reply)
Minnie Driver. Always Minnie Driver.
Alt: Unsmoked. Smoked tastes saltier.

Alt alt: Salmon fajitas.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:37, Reply)
She is fuck ugly

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:39, Reply)
You sicken me.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:39, Reply)
'Lorry driver' more like.
Her masculine jawline freaks my nut out.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:40, Reply)
The slag

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:41, Reply)
IRL or on screen, this is important.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:38, Reply)
Why is this important?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:40, Reply)
He'd look at Susan Boyle naked onscreen for the lols, for example
but would likely never want the live show.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:42, Reply)
What's funny about seeing a fat old Scottish bird naked?
I see that every day and it just makes me sad.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:49, Reply)
You'd have to consider it from the perspective of somebody
cruel, small-minded and of average attractiveness. I, for example, would find it hilarious.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:51, Reply)
Ha ha ha

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:52, Reply)
Because there are people I've already seen naked on screen that I'd like to see naked in real life.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:45, Reply)
I'd like to see Tina Fey naked.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:58, Reply)
Do you think that is likely in that Muppet film?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:00, Reply)
Maybe in the extended edition.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:01, Reply)
I would cut my own cock off for one night with Natalie Portman.
Which would lend an air of ironic tragedy to the event. Something I am well familiar with, sex-wise.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:40, Reply)
OK I've arranged it all for you.
Just cut your cock off and then tomorrow night she's all yours.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:42, Reply)
I bet you're tweeting her right now.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:46, Reply)
One of the managers from our local cineworld looks like Natalie portman.
I actually did a double take when I saw her.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:45, Reply)
You lucky, lucky bastard.
If I had a Natalie Portman look-a-like working near me, I would be stalking the fuck out of that shit.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:50, Reply)
She works on a tuesday, that's all I know.
I didn't even manage to read her name badge.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:51, Reply)
this answers many questions

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:52, Reply)
I think you and I should suggest ways Kroney can get it on with the cineworld manager.
I think he should come to watch a film, and try to get a refund on one of his two tickets and say it's because his supermodel fiance has just died in a car crash.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:03, Reply)
Can I not just offer to buy her a slush puppy and one of those suggestive hot dogs they have?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:08, Reply)
she gets staff discount kroney, she don't need your dollar
think t through, mate
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:09, Reply)
Haha sorry Quints, thank God you're around to talk me out of these stupid ideas.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:11, Reply)
Go dressed as a ballerina,

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:11, Reply)
Wear a V for vendetta mask and offer to shave her head.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:12, Reply)
What's the one where Portman plays a lap dancer?
I could go in a skintight silver onesie and a pink wig
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:13, Reply)
tie her to a pillar and charge her while riding a rhinoceros

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:13, Reply)
Get your big-nosed friend to write her poems and love letters on your behalf.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:15, Reply)
dress as a viking with a hammer, and off to hang her pictures up

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:20, Reply)
Or since he's french,
he should turn up in a vest with a plant and ask her if she wants to avenge the death of her little brother.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:06, Reply)
Have you seen the director's cut of that film
Holy shit, it gets about ten times more creepy.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:09, Reply)
Leon?
I haven't seen that film in years, does jean thingy shag porters in the shitpipes?
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:10, Reply)
There's a strong indication that he sleeps with her, yes.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:12, Reply)
Does it cut to him wiping off on the curtains?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:12, Reply)
neither. I don't like bacon.
the Phyre^2 software that generates 3d images of proteins is pretty cool.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:49, Reply)
do b3tans count as celebrities?
Unsmoked, any smoked bacon I've tried has an artificialness to it

Looking down kayleigh's top
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:51, Reply)
aha, b3tans? oh dear. Who are you thinking of Quints?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:52, Reply)
everyone, all piled together in a sexy, writhing mass of pale sweaty flesh
All moaning and dangling over each other, tongues, bums, willes and foofs everywhere

I expect gonz would wear cavy like a party hat
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:55, Reply)
This is almost as sick as Bartleby admitting to liking underage girls.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:56, Reply)
you mean there aren't any underage female b3tans?
fuck that, i've been wasting my time here for far too long
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:00, Reply)
I became legal a couple of years ago.
Sorry Quints.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:01, Reply)
people who use uppercase Qs when addressing me make me sick anyway

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:03, Reply)
that's okay.
I can live with that.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:08, Reply)
you say that now, but it'll come back to haunt you

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:10, Reply)
not sure it will...

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:12, Reply)
you never know
you'll wake up one night in a cold sweat from a nightmare you can't remember, but deep down, you'll know why
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:14, Reply)
You never meant to break her heart though?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:53, Reply)
?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:55, Reply)
Do you remember...?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:56, Reply)
I wonder if Quintsy has ever danced in stilettos in the snow

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:58, Reply)
well i want to now

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:59, Reply)
But she broke mine

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:58, Reply)
Good news everybody, I might actually kill myself
i need an automatic weapon though as it needs to be murder suicide.

thx
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:55, Reply)
Anything I could do to expedite matters?
Seriously, you're about to find out just how helpful I can be.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:56, Reply)
The offers are going to come flooding in here.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:57, Reply)
I OFFERED FIRST!
I get dibs
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:57, Reply)
I think we could raise a fuck of a lot of money through a raffle for the pleasure of helping him die painfully.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:58, Reply)
shut it tom thumb

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:02, Reply)
what's the matter Nakkers?
did someone shit in your coffee?
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:57, Reply)
I had a shit in his mum's cunt earlier.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:58, Reply)
not surprised.
I had a go myself last night.
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:59, Reply)
as if, darth would be shagging her by now if you had

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:01, Reply)
nice

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:20, Reply)
people poppet, people

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:58, Reply)
Oh. THEM.

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:03, Reply)
shut up nakers, everyone knows that shit's not cool anymore
It's death by cop or nothing these days
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:57, Reply)
ah ok then

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:59, Reply)
Yaaaaaay
*waves arms about*
www.guardian.co.uk/film/2013/jan/31/muppets-again-ricky-gervais
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:57, Reply)
God I hate the muppets

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:58, Reply)
won't be watching that.
It has two-dimensional, comedy-by-numbers, unrealistic childish characters.
And the Muppets
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:00, Reply)
You want to see Ricky Gervais naked?

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 10:59, Reply)
ricky fucking gervaise
can sombody not just kill the man?
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:00, Reply)
the thing with him is, he clearly has ADHD or something
so as soon as he has a little bit of attention he gets a bit up himself and has acted like a dick ever since.

what i don't think he realises is that people stopped watching years ago, which is kind of sad really
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:18, Reply)
He is just SMUG on legs
I fucking hate him

I refused to watch An Idiot Abroad for about 3 months until I was assured he was only in it for 2 mins
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:20, Reply)
Gervais has only ever said one amusing thing.
When presenting some award ceremony:

'Now I like a drink as much as the next person, unless that person is Mel Gibson'
(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:22, Reply)
"Now i hate the jews as much as the next person, unless that person is Mel Gibson"

(, Thu 31 Jan 2013, 11:25, Reply)

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