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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Best present you ever gave/got ?
It's Ma's birthday in a couple of months and I'm trying to think up some ideas.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:00, 168 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Get her a caravan in periwinkle blue

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:03, Reply)
I GET THIS!!!

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:26, Reply)
\o/

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:52, Reply)
Got the girlfriend a nice blanket for christmas, I think that's the only reason she's still with me.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:03, Reply)
owl's?

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:04, Reply)
Nah, just a red super soft one from John Lewis.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:05, Reply)
blankets are fucking expensive the mrs insisted on spending £80 on one of the fuckers

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)
The one I got was half price, but it was still £45
Like mattresses, you can spend as much as you want on them.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)
What about how witty and charming you are?
Or has that worn off for her now?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:04, Reply)
I use that all up on here, none left when I get home.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:05, Reply)

how witty and charming you are the rohypnol
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)
Get her a bunch of flowers and a box of Rocher's at the garage on the way to her house

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)
and a rustlers burger

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)
Fuck that, it's only his Mum
Small bunch of Daf's and some Ferrero's. Lindt balls at an absolute push.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)
Morning twosie, how's your tuesday look?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)
Got my year end review today
It'll be fine, just want to know whether or not I'm getting a pay rise this year. You?
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:09, Reply)
I'm supposed to be writing my year end review, fucking hate that bollox though
I've been pretty effcient so far, even though i ma more snot than man
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)
Ugh, I know
I tend to panic and think that I've acheived much less than I actually have.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)
hiya happy pancake day iv had three

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:08, Reply)
The pancake thread was yesterday
the best topping was decided to be Charles and Eddie
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:09, Reply)
I thought we settled on Charles and Di

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)
tasty corpse and walnut flavour

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:13, Reply)
Aye up, you good?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:12, Reply)
yeh im at work, you?

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:26, Reply)
OWIM'ing, workin' from home today.
Got treatment next week though, that'll sort me out a treat.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:33, Reply)
My father turns 70 this year
I've no idea what to get him and no money with which to get him something anyway.

#pissychips
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:09, Reply)
i got my dad a giant clock in the end
it's impossible when they've got everything. luckily his giant clock had stopped working the week before (quite common when people turn 70, i hear).
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)
That's nice of you, get him something to watch his slow slide into the grave on

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)
haha hardly
he's one of those irritants who still thinks he's 30. works all the time, gym and golf 5 days a week...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:15, Reply)
+ shagging some young dolly bird who's going to make off with my inheritance

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:30, Reply)

l
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)
textbook

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:12, Reply)
That must've looked ridiculous next to the banjolele you got him previously.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:12, Reply)
oh there is news on that
there was a problem with the tuner, so it had to go back. now he just has a plain boring old wooden uke. shame, the vintage banjolele was much cooler.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:15, Reply)
Do they not have luthiers in Manchester?
I'm sure a tuning peg can be easily fixed.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:22, Reply)
we sent it back 3 times but it kept going wrong
and my dad found the cheap one easier to play, something to do with stubby 70 year old fingers and the strings on the banjolele being closer together?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:44, Reply)
When you say no money, do you mean only a little money or actually no money?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)
I feel I should mark this milestone birthday with something special.
Ain't happenin'. I can stretch to something shit but that's about it.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:19, Reply)
Cheap don't mean shit.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:22, Reply)
For his 60th we gave him a bottle of 60 year old wine.
This time he'll be lucky to get a can of Ice White.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:24, Reply)
Go round his place and say 'Happy birthday Dad'
That'll be enough. Parents appreciate that sort of thing more than pointless gifts.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)
He lives in the states if I stalked... ummm... remember correctly.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)
Oh
Well he can phone him then. He'll just be happy that his son remembered.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:12, Reply)
Good old reverse charge calls.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:21, Reply)
Has he got a computer machine?
You could Skype him on his Yahoo.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:26, Reply)
He's a techno-oldie
Hi son how are you?

*SENT FROM MY IPAD*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:27, Reply)
Cool
I think it's great when older people give it a go. None of it's difficult, let's face it. Some of them just fear new things I suppose. My Nan's had a mobile for ages now, and she's nearly 80.
Hope this didn't sound too patronising. I know there are some VERY old B3tans out there.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:32, Reply)
B3th teaches them how to find porn on the internet

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:33, Reply)
I didn't even know what porn was until I came here
Then I came there.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:37, Reply)
Not at all, thank you

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:35, Reply)
My brother has found some antique lithograph of our old family seat
and various other thoughtful and nice things. I feel like such a cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)
You'll feel like less of a cunt if you just add your name to your brothers present.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)
It might have to be this way.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:23, Reply)
Hello Al

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)
Fucking show off prick
ask if you can go twos with him, then never pay him back, win win
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)
Hello Chompy

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:19, Reply)
You could make him a card with dried pasta on it

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:19, Reply)
Fucking Tony Hart never sent it back.
Gone forever, one of the world's great art treasures. I reckon that wanker Mr Bennett nicked it.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:20, Reply)
morpher-fucker

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:21, Reply)
Yeah, what was Mr Bennet's problem?
My missus reckons they were a gay couple. Tony and Mr B, that is.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:24, Reply)
'working late again, Mr Hart?'
It was like the preamble to some hideous gay porn. Morph was the fluffer.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:27, Reply)
Haha, nice
I don't want to know what Chas' job was.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:28, Reply)
You should get your dad Mr Bennet's book:
www.actingontv.com/homepage.asp
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:29, Reply)
Great idea!!! Thanks Tango!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:33, Reply)
No probs m8!!!

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:38, Reply)
And then what will he eat?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:20, Reply)
As long as Monty uses non-toxic adhesive
He can eat the card. I recommend making a little paper pouch full of mixed herbs to go with it.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:24, Reply)
send hime a food parcel of British food you can't get in the states
like marmite and dairy milk
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)
Chocolate Hob Nobs were well expensive in France, last time I was there
That was pre-Euro as well. Probably even dearer now. So....yeah.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:14, Reply)
I find something quite pleasing about saying 'Ob Nobs in a French accent.
Worth paying extra for, I am sure.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)
Wern packeet erv 'Erb Nerbs, see voo pleh
Maintenant!!
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)
Look on the bright side.
Perhaps he'll die before his birthday.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:14, Reply)
death duties
will cheer everyone up
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)
Get him a video of your mum and ladydad scissoring.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:49, Reply)
probably my flat
or a holiday.

but that's not going to help you. what does she like? i picture you and her like howie's ma in "big bang theory".
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:09, Reply)
I'm getting a bonus this year and there's some talk of small pay rises.
Well, there's a recession on, innit.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:15, Reply)
I haz bonus written into my contract
you should do the same
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)
No chance with my company.
Doesn't matter too much, i'll be off this year anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)
Hooray!

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)
I know, right?
Just in time for my move, too!
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:19, Reply)
Has she finally found a suitable flat then?

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:20, Reply)
She's getting closer to my tastes, yeah.
A bit more shouting will sort it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:29, Reply)
basement? tick
damp? tick
little or no natural light? tick
fromagerie? tick
chest freezer? tick
high end gaming den? tick
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:30, Reply)
It's like you can see into my heart xx

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:40, Reply)
Wonderful news

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:22, Reply)
Slough has lost it's brightest star

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:24, Reply)
I'm eating Morrison's Savers ready salted crips
And you know what? They're alright. 27p for 6 bags, can't go wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:34, Reply)
they are horse toenails

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:34, Reply)
That would explain it
They're a bit too salty if I'm being honest.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:36, Reply)
SOMETHING ABOUT HORSEMEAT LOL!!!!!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:34, Reply)
Oh, you went there!

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:35, Reply)
yeah but late, he really is useless

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:36, Reply)
Hey, it's all about the taking part

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:39, Reply)
I totally did.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:37, Reply)
Here's another one:
SOMETHING POPE SOMETHING FATHER TED LOL!!!!!!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:37, Reply)
Arf!

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:38, Reply)
I'm listening to "Audience with the Pope" by Elbow at the moment

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:49, Reply)
One day like this a year will see you right.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:49, Reply)
unlucky

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:50, Reply)
my ipod is totally hooked into the zeitgiest
i quite like Elbow, thanks for your concern though
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:51, Reply)
Thing is, you were actually listening to Arse.

You clearly can't tell your Arse from your Elbow.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:58, Reply)
golf clap
and DAMMIT i clicked I like this on your post
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:59, Reply)
He probably can.
He just doesn't know how far apart they are.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 12:03, Reply)
ANDREW MARR!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:36, Reply)
I hummed that Take That song while eating the entire bag, Monce.

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:38, Reply)
I am so proud of you.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:40, Reply)
When mr b3th turned 65
I took all his old recordings of Wogan & co performing his sketches and reading out his poems and stuff, and transferred them to CDs.
Took me forever, but it was well received.

Also, this made me laugh this morning: http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/21425429
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:53, Reply)
LOLZZZWAGGI ZOMBIELARP!!!!!!!
so Mr.B3th used to write comedy?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:54, Reply)
Has he written for anyone famous?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:54, Reply)
No, nothing professional.
If you're aware of the 'Janet and John' things that Wogan does, it was sort of the forerunner to them.
Wogan used to rely very heavily on his listeners to provide the material for the show, and mr b3th was one of the most prolific. Some of the recordings of the 'gang' pissing themselves with laughter and not being able to get through the whole sketch are classic.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:57, Reply)
Yeah well classic.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:59, Reply)
Good skills.
Writing material that is actually funny strikes me as very difficult. I mean, look at the cunts on here.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 12:00, Reply)
oh right. THANKS.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 12:00, Reply)
Particularly this cunt^^^

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 12:01, Reply)
ditto^^

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 12:02, Reply)
And him ^^^

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 12:03, Reply)
Seeing as I met him online
before I knew he was a broken old man, it was actually his humour that got me smitten.

No danger of that sort of thing here, eh?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 12:03, Reply)
None whatosever.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 12:05, Reply)
Although there are broken old men on here.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 12:06, Reply)
Not his massive bang rod then?
Not his love missile?

Not his purple headed womb warrior?

Not his penis?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 12:08, Reply)
He didn't make reference to it on the chatroom we frequented.
Or on the Wogan show.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 12:11, Reply)

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