I swear man, what really does my tits in, is these fucking eCard things that everyone is posting, it fills my facebook every hour, that fucking pathetic people with no fucking lives think is all about them.
*Victorian sketch* I START EVERY DAY WITH A LIE - I SAY GOOD MORNING
*Victorian sketch* BEST FRIENDS ARE PEOPLE WHO DISLIKE THE SAME PEOPLE AS YOU
*Picture of a kitten* SOMETIMES I NEED TO SAY A SWEAR WORD.

I might make one saying "My life can't be defined by a fucking e-card" and see them all copy it.

Does my fucking tits in all these things, it's the modern equivolent of writing lyrics.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 16:53, 6 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Ok, I'm gonna be controversial here
I get none of these things, you know why? Because i am only "friends" with my friends and not random fuckwits and internet wierdos.

try it you might kike it
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 16:56, Reply)

dangerous theory.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 16:56, Reply)

we don't mention Gonz's jewish heritage.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 16:57, Reply)

awkard typo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 16:58, Reply)

I'm pretty sure he kikes everything.
Being, you know.

I'm just saying, it wasn't an *inaccurate* typo.

Where does that slang term come from, anyway?
( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:03, Reply)

I made it up



Not really
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:05, Reply)

I get so much shit from my friends on Facebook
And they're actual, real life friends too. I actually got one of those chain letter posts the other day that promised to make my wishes come true if I reposted within 15 minutes. Fucking what?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 16:59, Reply)

just out of interest are they fuckwits in real as well?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:01, Reply)

Well.....I'm afraid I'll have to say yes
That's the problem when you make friends as a kid. All you need to have in common is that you're both kids.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:02, Reply)

Fair enough

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:05, Reply)

Oh god
And those awful 'motivational' things that people post. "A real man is someone who blah blah blah". Also, put every word in a different font and put a completely unrelated picture in the background.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:08, Reply)

the yanks seem to like those alot, i see many in Instawank
Hey, hey windy!!

Keep Calm

and

Buy stilettos!
Drink tea!
Listen to Savage Garden!
Kill yourself!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:09, Reply)

It is a problem
everyone needs to have some slightly stupid friends, or the conversations just become one-dimensional
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:01, Reply)

Double stamp the cunts, Gonz.
You won't unfriend them because there is the prospect that you might be interested in some of their future drivel.

Hobson's choice.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 16:56, Reply)

Gonz, I'm entirely with you.
However, just remember, there are probably people who think exactly the same about all the pug shit and food pictures you post. Just sayin', mate.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 16:57, Reply)

yes.
there are
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 16:59, Reply)

There are probably people who hate my tendecy to re-post Daily Mash articles
Probably they sit around going "for fuck's sake badger, if I wanted to see that I'd just go to the daily mash, you fucker"

They're humourless cunts, of course, but I'm sure they are still there.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:00, Reply)

well I think the think is peeps is all different
so you have to put up with people postying stuff you don't like.

or unfriend them

and then watch a dull stream of people posting the same shit as you.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:08, Reply)

To be fair, it's people posting pug shit on my wall, not me posting pug shit. Maybe once every other month i'd do it myself.
But yeah', fair play 'bout the food.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:01, Reply)

The defence would be it's stuff you did yourself (the food)
rather than reposting any old shit (the Victorian pictures)

But everyone will have something that winds them up. Like Kroney says, what can you, delete everyone?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:02, Reply)

I swear to God I'm going to start deleting all the breeders I know.
Fucking hell. OK, a picture to introduce the kid, but when every other post is about "my little princess" it makes me want to rage murder their entire family with hammers.

So yeah, I have anger issues.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:05, Reply)

We don't really do that, mainly as it's weird having Mark Zuckerberg wanking over your kids pictures
but also it's annoying
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:07, Reply)

Get your own issue. Anger's MY gig.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:07, Reply)

he has issues of Quel Voiture? magazine

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:08, Reply)

People who refer to their daughters as 'princesses' are common as muck
And as such should be tossed around a farmyard with a big fucking rake.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:08, Reply)

This one certainly is.
She named her kid after, I assume, Ava Gardner. Which I used to think was a nice name until I heard her say it. Ay-VAR. In a horrible, nasal West London.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:10, Reply)

I recommend you cease all contant immediately in case it's catching.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:11, Reply)

I will always pronounce it EH-ver, as I'm not a horrible prole.

( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:15, Reply)

There are kids at one of the classes my daughter goes to called Atticus and Arlo.
Queens Park wankers.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:19, Reply)

The most honestly-named football team ever.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:21, Reply)

That beats both Rupert AND Jessica into a cocked hat.

( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:21, Reply)

A fantastic mental image

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:23, Reply)

Those are so 2004.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:24, Reply)

Oh, good.
As I actually quite like the name Jessica.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:26, Reply)

says the man that bought a castle for his daughter

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:10, Reply)

I also bought her 'Wind in the Willows' and I don't call her Mr fucking Toad either.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:12, Reply)

Pub lol.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:13, Reply)

if i had a daughter I'd call her a toad
Just to keep her in check
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:13, Reply)

That's sexist
He could have got the castle so she could practice being a crusader-era knight.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:14, Reply)

it's a fair point

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:15, Reply)

or a plague riddled corpse
like her father
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:15, Reply)

This is exactly why.
She once asked me if we could play 'knights and kills' and loves my (real) swords as well as her toy ones.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:17, Reply)

"He's a little angel"
*small boys in background is setting fire to the dog*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:11, Reply)

"He's a cute angle"
*small boy standing at 30°*
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:15, Reply)

Two of my close friends, who are (were) genuinely sound, fun people
started a facebook account for their rugrat the second it was born.

I mean, for actual fucks sake. What is wrong with people?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:09, Reply)

I can only diagnose that they are fuck wits, I'm sorry but there is no other answer
they'll look back and realise what pricks they are
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:11, Reply)

Hammers, Badge. The answer is hammers.

( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:11, Reply)

The answer is hammers WAY too often these days, mate.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:13, Reply)

Nothing a fucking scalpel to the windpipe won't cure.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:12, Reply)

yeah.
I know. They are really great people otherwise. But I think you might be right, for the good of humanity.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:15, Reply)

Because people are blissfully unaware that no one gives two shits about their kids except them
I fucking hate people with children, no offence to anyone here. I don't bang on about my kids for this exact reason...NO ONE CARES!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:18, Reply)

You'd never catch me banging on about mine.


Hang on....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:20, Reply)

Different
It's all the "Little Jimmy said something SOOOOOO funny the other day, wait a minute, I've got a 10 minute video on my phone of him spouting some utter bollocks that won't mean anything to you"
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:22, Reply)

it is hard not to, as they take up so much of your time/consciousness

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:24, Reply)

Mine sure does
It'll be two months a week Friday, not counting the 15 mins in which I got strangled.

:o((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:26, Reply)

yeah sorry about that, didn't mean to rub it in.
you know I'm rooting for ya!*

obvious strikethrough alert!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:28, Reply)

I know, I know.
Sorry to bang on about it so much.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:31, Reply)

don't be silly, I'd be devastated if i was you; i totes understand

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:34, Reply)

i do care about me close friends kids as i tend to know them

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:25, Reply)

I care about them to a degree, but I don't need to hear about every tiny little thing
And it is EVERYTHING.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:26, Reply)

Yeah' man, exactly.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:06, Reply)

Yes you can.
And your own account.

People are cunts and they should all fuck off, and, preferably, die.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:07, Reply)

Course you can, or simple block all updates from the fuckwits

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:07, Reply)

yeah, I dop this with people I want to stay in touch with and not actually offend
but who post utter drivel 99% of the time.

usually about football.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:11, Reply)

I have some good friends who occasionally post stupid things.
I find a far better solution is not to get irrationally annoyed about words and pictures on a computer screen, like a well-adjusted grown up.

Except when people start facebook accounts for their babies. That shit justifies maiming.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:11, Reply)

*guilty face*

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:00, Reply)

I get fed up with food posts.
What can you do? Delete everybody?
( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:00, Reply)

Facebook is shit, apart from keeping in touch with people overseas. HTH.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:04, Reply)

and looking at pictures of people who know pwople you know in their bikinis

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:08, Reply)

Most of my Facebook friends are female.
This is entirely unrelated.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:08, Reply)

is that why you won't add me?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:12, Reply)

Do you look good in a bikini?

( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:13, Reply)

Imagine Joey Deacon in a bikini.
Does that answer your question?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:14, Reply)

haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:15, Reply)

*moves to Bikini state bongle*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:16, Reply)

No, but I know that I could cut glass right now.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:16, Reply)

shoe or sans shoe?

( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:18, Reply)

I do have good legs
There are also somewhere, although thank god not in the internet, pictures of me in a mankini and some brown brogues
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:14, Reply)

A couple of days ago, an ex put up a picture of me from when we lived together
about 16 or 17 years ago. I'm topless, with a russian hamster on my shoulder.

Clearly she hasn't fucking forgiven me for leaving her.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:18, Reply)

Was it drunk?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:19, Reply)

haha, no
russian hamsters are just smaller and slightly more aggressive than other hamsters. Kind of the Battered of the hamster world.

And you have to keep them in a fish tank.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:20, Reply)

I like this analogy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:21, Reply)

ogy

LOLOLOLOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:22, Reply)

your powers are weak old man
STRWARZLOLZZZ
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:22, Reply)

See how many FB adds you get from B3tans now you've told them that.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:20, Reply)

gaz me his name so i can have a look yeah?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:22, Reply)

haha.
Most of the /OT ladies have already stalked me, obviously.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:22, Reply)

I imagine that is similar to when humpback whales corral fish with trails of bubbles

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:23, Reply)

I've got a mental image of swipe swimming around a tank gushing bubbles out of her faff
as Badge desperately swims closer to the surface.

You know I was wrong about Winder's parentage. THIS is the weirdest boner ever.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:25, Reply)

officelol
queef fishing
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:25, Reply)

I feel dirty.

( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:28, Reply)

That's because you are French

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:30, Reply)

You can add me if you want, chief.
That sounds dead hot.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:18, Reply)

I can't really it'd break dozer's heart, i rejected him

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:20, Reply)

Well, yeah, but dozer's a prick.

( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:20, Reply)

Why is it so late in the day before we start getting accurate posts like this?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:21, Reply)

I'm in a bad mood.

( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:22, Reply)

Le Blues were awful at the weekend

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:23, Reply)

Les Bleux
Prick.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:25, Reply)

you'd never think i got an A at GCSE French

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:27, Reply)

I expect you got an A in Computer Studies, too.

( Kroney, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:28, Reply)

Didn't do it, in fact I'm even sure it was offered

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:30, Reply)

nah, he's alright, just misunderstood

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:21, Reply)

He really isn't.
He had quite a substantial Bert episode the other night.

Questionable mental stability IMHO*

* yes Rory, I know, stones, glass houses etc. Snore.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 17:54, Reply)