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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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alright alright
do you have any limits/boundaries? what are they? (so that we can in no way cross them)

alt: it's supposed to be a psychologically tested fact that 4 x your annual salary is enough to bribe anyone to do anything. would this work for you?

altalt: i am buying chocolates for my valentines date berk tonight. what should i get her?

altaltalt: what question you would ask if battered forced you to start a new thread at gunpoint (so threat of kneecapping) but you had no questions to ask?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:16, 187 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Alt: No.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:18, Reply)
Heres one who breaks ALL THE RULES.
b3ta.com/questions/badmanagement/post752028
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)
is that the best poor qotw you can find to be mean to?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:06, Reply)
Cockolates

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:18, Reply)
no no..no no no no....no no no no..
Alt:I could be temped but there are even somethings I wouldn't do

Alt:alt: A lob on
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:19, Reply)
Thanks "Meatloaf"

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:19, Reply)
I thought that as I typed it

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:19, Reply)
Then you thought "I won't do that"?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:20, Reply)
But I did do that

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:27, Reply)
You didn't?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:29, Reply)
Now Orvill…….
Wait sorry wrong song
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:30, Reply)
Yes, of course
Alt: No. "Anything" is a bit too broad for me.
Altalt: Not bothered
Altaltalt: What's the capital of China?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:19, Reply)
You need to be more specific about the limits/boundaries or is this just buttsex?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:19, Reply)
ok
it was inspired by the instant oscar jokes and someone saying that there is no such thing as too soon on b3ta. dead babies, dead parents, bankruptcy, fingering dogs, fucking dogs.... it's all up for grabs.

so where is YOUR boundary, you raddled old pervert?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:21, Reply)
I have no boundaries

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:22, Reply)
well make one up
then we can test it.

how about your mum seducing your mrs?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:22, Reply)
hahaha!
OK then - no fucking my Mum or my Mrs. They are both mine (by the hour)
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:24, Reply)
alt: not enough
altalt: doesn't matter long as it's chocolate, and she doesn't have allergies.

altaltalt: Do prostitutes find height an issue?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:20, Reply)
Oooooh, questions
The borders of Derbyshire.

Alt: No. Four times your salary maybe.

AltAlt: Depends which base you want to get to.

AltAltAlt: "Pele or Maradona, who's bestest?"
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:25, Reply)
four times my salary would make me do a lot
but not anything

i read that as madonna. which would be a better question.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:26, Reply)
Madonna would batter Pele in a fight
He's a right tough old ex-bird.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:28, Reply)
battered wouldn't even get out of bed for 4x your salary

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:29, Reply)
i think he'd get out of bed for 30p

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:30, Reply)
He walked across Middle Earth just for a fucking ring

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:33, Reply)
Best of all the rings

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:34, Reply)
Not really, I don't really care about stuff, I wonder most of the time if I'm emotionally dead inside, but then I realise I don't care and just have another pie
alt: Depends on what they're asking, I'd do most things for 4x my salary, or 3x, or 2x, or €50

altalt: CHOC COCK

altaltalt: I'd ask who's your favourite Spice Girl
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:27, Reply)
Scarey

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:30, Reply)
ugly spice
i lol'd at that
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:30, Reply)
Woah man I didn't mean owt by it
Please don't hurt me Mr. Dukaz
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:30, Reply)
Oh I see
Yes of course you can have Scary Spice she's all yours Mr. Dukaz.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:31, Reply)
quick give me your bank account details
i'll look after them
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:31, Reply)
Maybe you could check the balance and tell me what's in there?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:32, Reply)
-£1.37
and some very very dodgy debit card receipts.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:37, Reply)
Ta, I ain't checked it for three years

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:37, Reply)
it looks as if you spend your life
eating tesco egg sandwiches and wanking to granny porn
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:38, Reply)
Jesus I wish
What a life that'd be
Fucking hell, might do that tonight
Ta love
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:40, Reply)
as it's a special occasion, treat yourself to a pot noodle too!

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:42, Reply)
I might y'know
I've not had a Pot Noodle for years
Haute cuisine at its finest
You foreigners don't know what you're missing out on
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:43, Reply)
foreigners?
i'm from halifax!
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:45, Reply)
Oh ugh, the West Riding?
I need a bath now
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)
shit my home town is in the west riiding too
WELL THERE GOES THAT ATTEMPT AT BEING SNOBBISH
THANKS INTERNET
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)
:)

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:49, Reply)
Fucking Canadians.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)
nobody fucks canadians
they're far too dull
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:49, Reply)
Halifax...
oh...

dear...

lord
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)
well, i was born there
but i live in kensington now. in your face, barnesy-boy
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:49, Reply)
I was born in Hammersmith in the building that is now Sony HQ
I knew you were from up there, but Halifax, isn't that like one of the most deprived places on earth?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:51, Reply)
firstly no, it has posh bits
secondly, we didn't LIVE there. but i had to be born there, so that i could play cricket for yorkshire. a rule that they've now changed.

anyway you weren't born. you hatched.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:53, Reply)
I heard Badmons Dukaz was sewn together from bits of dead SAS soldiers

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:55, Reply)
I was forged between a volcano and Fatima Whitbread's thighs

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:57, Reply)
I heard Badmons Dukaz formed himself out of the aether, using nothing but pure will and a jammie dodger

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:57, Reply)
That so reminds me of this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2huJqFsFDE
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:01, Reply)
But that must forever be on your record, you know for when you wanna get visas and stuff?
Do you still have a Halifax accent?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:58, Reply)
yes it means they fast track me
for being from god's own country.

how could i have, i've never lived there! i sound pretty accentless really, combination of cheshire and buckinghamshire.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:00, Reply)
Jeremy clarkson is from Yorkshire

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:01, Reply)
Old

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:36, Reply)
i think he's younger than you

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:38, Reply)
Everyones younger than me
Cries
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:39, Reply)
I'M EIGHTY FOUR YOU KNOW
WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE WE HAD GUINEAS
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:41, Reply)
Time were hard when I was a kid
Had to walk to school uphill both ways
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:43, Reply)
I did my schooling down a mine shaft
First light I saw it was my eighteenth birthday, my parents had saved up eighteen years of ear wax to make me a candle on my coal cake.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:46, Reply)
Mine shaft you lucky bleeder
We was so poor we didn't even have floors
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)
Neither did we
We just had to hang on cords
The cords were made from rats tails knotted together
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:52, Reply)
AT LEAST YOU HAD MEAT

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:53, Reply)
IT TURNED OUT IT WAS ME DEAD SISTER WE WERE EATING

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:58, Reply)
check to see if you are completely dead inside or not by imagining that pie crossing the road to be with you but then being crushed by a lorry
chicken and peas amongst broken pastry all over the road, gravy splashed in your face
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:12, Reply)
Boundaries in what?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:28, Reply)
Cricket

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:30, Reply)
Yeah, I don't like cricket. I don't even love it.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:34, Reply)
strange nickname for your wife

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:34, Reply)
You are a cad
and a bounder(y)
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:35, Reply)
So people tell me, but I feel my reputation in this area is somewhat inflated by rumour.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:36, Reply)
You often get told
that you're a huge length of rope, trawled around the outskirts of a vast expanse of grass in order to denote the edge of the field of play in a game of cricket, spelt badly?

How bizarre.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:41, Reply)
I know, I don't really understand it either.
But there we go.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:43, Reply)

it women
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:46, Reply)
There's a difference between "don't" and "don't care to"

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)
mmmhhhhmmmmm

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:50, Reply)
The Thames barrier of Swipe's pants
is fucked.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:50, Reply)

R a T
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:41, Reply)
Do you respect the boundary between East and West Timor?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:30, Reply)
Generally speaking, yes.
Although I think the line has been drawn somewhat arbitrarily.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:34, Reply)
social moral and economic behaviour

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:30, Reply)
No.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:34, Reply)
the Ruhr valley

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:34, Reply)
That's kind of a touchy subject, Nakers, old boy.
Caused a spot of bother a while back, that boundary. Ergo, I shall respect it.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:35, Reply)
You can touch my subject any day of the week

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:36, Reply)
how very,,,,
..... homoerotic
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:38, Reply)
I bet you've got a wide on like the Blackwell Tunnel

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:39, Reply)
you would lose that bet

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:40, Reply)

bet arm
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:45, Reply)
*sharpens fangs*

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:46, Reply)
Fire up the Pandatron!

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:38, Reply)
Manlovedatron more like

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:39, Reply)
Is that the third-stage Pokemon-style upgrade of Megatron and Galvatron?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:40, Reply)
Either way it's "eats shoots and leaves"

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:40, Reply)
eats shit and leaves more like

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:40, Reply)
I need a shit

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:35, Reply)
reporting for duty

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:36, Reply)
I don't think you're really a shit
A bit shit, but not a shit.

In fact you're not as shit as people say. The popular acronym ought to be WTD in my opinion.

OOH MYSTERY
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:39, Reply)
A shit, A shit
not shit

ta though, i know I'm the best one here, shall i send you the fan pack?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:40, Reply)
I'll have to unsubscribe from my JMG newsletter and activity pack
but yeah
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:44, Reply)
Mine includes a 1/8th scale model of me punching a horse that you build up over the weeks

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)
We all love you Badmons Dukaz
Even them that are too scared to admit they don’t
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)
Not that big a mystery.
Though I'd replace "Worse Than" with "More Tedious Than".
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)
is this a compliment?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:52, Reply)
Hahahahaha
Yeah, that could happen

Oh wait, Frisbee
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:52, Reply)
What have you got in mind?
I'll give most things a try.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:59, Reply)
ok
1- eating meat
2 - snogging al
3 - punching an old lady in the face
4 - amputating a finger
5 - emailing a joke about april jones to her parents
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:01, Reply)
She's been gone too long

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:03, Reply)
Why have you got snogging Al in mind?
I knew a hate-fuck couldn't be too far away for you two.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:04, Reply)
urgh not for me
for him!
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:26, Reply)
1. Probably not, although I have eaten meat before.
2. Yeah sure.
3. Depends on the old lady, but I doubt I've got much of a punch anyway.
4. This is a definite no - I use all of them.
5. Wouldn't take too much persuading.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:04, Reply)
Disappointed that Al hasn't posted to say we're on for this snog.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:26, Reply)
Fisting a gull

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:01, Reply)
Sexy gulls

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:03, Reply)
just been having a look about on TripAdvisor for somewhere for lunch on Sunday,
And came across a new coffee shop up the road from my pub. One of the reviews

" I live in London and study part time in Oxford.
I have been to so many great places in London (Kaffeine, Tapped&Packed, Prufrock, Ozone, Flat White, Ginger and Croft....and many more) and was so happy to find the same quality in my last visit to Oxfordshire rd :-).

Beautiful Synesso machine, great beans, perfect Flat White and very friendly service! what can you ask for more? and yes, the Banana bread was delicious as well.

You can have great Filter coffee and tea as well..."

And loads of bollocks about a "burgeoning oxford coffee scene to rival london"

It's coffee, possibly very good coffee, but still coffee.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:01, Reply)
Burgeoning is a good word.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:05, Reply)
I'm burgeoning over a picture of your mum right now

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:05, Reply)
she's french too

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:07, Reply)
I know, at first i thought she'd kept her pants on...

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:07, Reply)
lols

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:09, Reply)
I thought this was going to be about your pub
Coffe makes me awake, tastes alright and helps with headaches.

I like it black, none of this fancy pants shit
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:05, Reply)
It's that age old problem of people being pricks again.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:11, Reply)
yeah.
It's been open a month, and has 15 reviews, 14 five star gushing "oh my god this is the beginning of a coffee revolution"
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:16, Reply)
How long do you give them then?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:18, Reply)
dunno,
The last coffee shop that opened up this way lasted 4 months ish.
Problem is, Oxford has 4 coffee shops run by the same blokes dotted in all the right places in town, do decent coffee, morning deals all that shit, and everyone loves them, so goes there.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:35, Reply)
3/5
'It was alright coffee likes'
-WP, age 36
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:43, Reply)
I haven't had a cup of coffee in nearly 3 years.
3 YEARS!
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:47, Reply)
Coffee is ace once in a while
Have a cup every so often you might surprise yourself
Love from the coffee guru
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:49, Reply)
did you once go off the rails and drink too much coffee?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:39, Reply)
I
I am only 25 :(
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:47, Reply)
Oh I thought everyone over here was well old

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:49, Reply)
Always been the problem with TripAdvisor
Most of the reviews are written by or for the establishment
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:19, Reply)
the follow ups from the manager are horrid too.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:31, Reply)
The establishment? How do you mean?

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:01, Reply)
As it's slow I'm gonna suggest that anyone who doesn't listen to the Bronx really should
the are fucking amazing
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:16, Reply)
Persuade me.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:18, Reply)
nuff said
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GKxIsCkOSQ
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:19, Reply)
One minute in - I'm not convinced so far.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:22, Reply)
He just said a swear!

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:23, Reply)
He is well norty

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:24, Reply)
i found out last weekend they were playing 1 show in London on Tues, but i had no friends so couldn't go :o(

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:24, Reply)
Go on your own.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:25, Reply)
Actually, don't bother - they're not very good.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:25, Reply)
NO YOURN NOT VERY GOOD
in other news I have three bootles of black sheep under my desk, if I decanted into a mug, do you reckon I'd get away with it?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:27, Reply)
Yes.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:28, Reply)
GET IT DONE

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:28, Reply)
Bored of this now.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:49, Reply)
Year end today, it's been FUN!

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:57, Reply)
Badmons Dukaz is what Willis was talking about.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:59, Reply)
what?
who has year end part way through the month, part way through the year?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:05, Reply)
Fuck off then.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:57, Reply)
Calm down dear.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:58, Reply)
I was channelling you.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:00, Reply)

channeling ploughing
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:01, Reply)
That's not a jolly thought on the day of amore!

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:03, Reply)
Tonight will involve some heavy drinking to numb the effetcs of today's misery

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:04, Reply)
Tru dat. Thai food and wine are required.
If Rosa Parks was in Badmons Dukaz's seat she would move to the back
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:05, Reply)
So how will you be spending the evening?
Did you get Monty a card?
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:04, Reply)
Just seen him funnily enough.
I might lend the Mrs one.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:07, Reply)
I have received a small text de-brief.

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:08, Reply)
well yeah
any text of you without your briefs would have to be...
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:09, Reply)
Fuck you lot
I'm solid gone
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:58, Reply)
laters old man

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:02, Reply)
Battered, I want some points for not posting something in the new QOTW
about drink-driving and murdering prostitutes in Poland, punctuated by an hilarious bit about the answers being suggested by you as well.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:23, Reply)
Any chance we can have this in English? ta

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:25, Reply)
I'm off now.
Bye bye Badmons, bye bye.
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:26, Reply)
bye, bye dozer, by bye

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:32, Reply)
Gays

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:35, Reply)
Stone Roses innit

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 17:41, Reply)
second knuckle

(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 19:40, Reply)

(◉‿◉)
(, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 19:40, Reply)

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