then I offered to cut a burger in half and serve it on 2 small plates if she wanted and she called me "unhelpfil" and "sarcastic"

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:02, 7 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

See this is the problem if you try to engage with these people rather than going straight for punching them in the tits.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:03, Reply)

it's just so fucking clear that we are not the sort of pub that is really for children.
I even make a point of buying eye height to battered pointy edged tables, and have uneven floors as standard.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:06, Reply)

People are cunts.
People with kids are super-cunts.

People with kids in Oxford are so cunty as to tear holes in the space/time CUNTinuum.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:08, Reply)

Also the fact that it is half term and I didn't even know, is making me want to break down in tears.
:o((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:09, Reply)

oh mate, I'm a terrible forum chum. I'm going to punch myself on the throat.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:11, Reply)

I don't dislike children, but people who insist they can still do all the same stuff, and go to all the same old places with a double buggy the size of a small hippo in tow are silly faces.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:10, Reply)

As a parent who likes a drink.
I would never take my kids to a child-friendly pub as they are shit and full of cunts.
But I don't expect the pubs I go to to cater for my kids.
It's helpful if they stock crisps as this contributes to my efforts to stop the kids annoying other people.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:10, Reply)

^ this ^
Apart from the crisps bit, we don't give our child those.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:12, Reply)

why not?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:14, Reply)

Cos he's a ponce

(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:14, Reply)

He's a pretentious cunt, much like Dozer.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:15, Reply)

My wife's decision, not mine.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:18, Reply)

Nobody else could be that pretentious

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:18, Reply)

The only thing Battered's kid is allowed to choke on is his cheesy, stubby little cock.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Too young to have salt. Only 17 months old.
Most crisps have salt, regardless of the flavour.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:15, Reply)

too young for salt?
Really?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:17, Reply)

Apparently kids shouldn't have much salt
1 to 3 years: 2g salt a day (0.8g sodium)

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Goodfood/Pages/salt.aspx
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:19, Reply)

Tell that to Ian and Angela Gay.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:28, Reply)

Are they the ones that gave their kid ready brek?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:31, Reply)

You will with the second one.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:16, Reply)

In an effort to kill them so you can get your life back?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:18, Reply)

Haha that is never coming back, my friend.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:19, Reply)

:(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:38, Reply)

this is how it should be.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:13, Reply)

When I was working at Whitbread last year
Brewers Fayre was one of my responsibilites. They have all that kid friendly shit, including climbing frames etc. Fucking lethal, I am amazed they haven't been sued.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:15, Reply)

I had a rat run across my foot at a Brewers fayre once.
Then just sat under the table, like a dog begging for scraps.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:18, Reply)

Did you cut a burger in half for it?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:19, Reply)

Ah yes but it was a child friendly rat.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:20, Reply)

Called Ben.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:25, Reply)

I only worked at Whitbread on an interim contract, I would have made a lot more changes if I had been there longer.
Like burning them all down and starting again.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:20, Reply)

YOU SAID RIM!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:21, Reply)

I'm glad you didn't, whilst I hate them all, they're a well paying client.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:41, Reply)

That's a bit of an over reaction.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:24, Reply)

I hope you replied with
'Speak properly you mong. Unhelpfil? What sort of word is that.'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:04, Reply)

Speaking as a mother, I'm sick of you peoples arrogance.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:04, Reply)

She'll be slagging you off on Mumsnet right now.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:05, Reply)

she is on her ipad.
I might check am I being unreasonable section.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:07, Reply)

You should've gone quiet for a few seconds and then asked 'I can cut up a sausage instead...?'

( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:12, Reply)

lol

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:13, Reply)

People with kids are utter cunts
bar NONE
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:17, Reply)

This man only speaks the truth.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:18, Reply)

Also, I just don't take my kids into pubs
'Family Friendly' doesn't stop other adults getting drunk, using bad language (such as 'Fuck' and 'Tits') and even becoming violent.
I'm sure that your establishment is nothing like this, but I'd rather not take the chance.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:19, Reply)

lol, you said tits.
It gets pretty rowdy in the evenings sometimes, so we have a no under 18s after 730 policy.
I worry more about things like broken glass and dirt, kids like to crawl around on floors, and pub floors are filthy. I often find glass in the soles of my shoes after a busy shift, you never seem to get it all up the first try
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:27, Reply)

Absolutely
Best just to not take them in there at all. Or if they have a garden, sit out there with them. As I say, people with kids are cunts.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:29, Reply)

every pub should have kid kennels outside.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:42, Reply)

erectile dysfunction lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:33, Reply)

Paul Simon's unsucsseful follow on single.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:38, Reply)

You should have replied:
"Madam, this is a pub. It is not a creche. We don't have high chairs, we don't have children's menus (unless you count the non-alcoholic drinks behind my glowingly polished bar), we don't have a ball pit. We have a pool table, a darts board and enough regulars that I am not terribly bothered about your custom. I suggest going elsewhere."
( Kroney, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:19, Reply)

+ and then punched her in the tits.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:20, Reply)

'Also, I have just done a poo in your handbag'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:21, Reply)

I bet she's a fucking lesbian.

( Kroney, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:23, Reply)

she decided her kids could share a fish and chips, then asked if we could do a special batter without beer.
I might punch her in the tits.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:24, Reply)

Batter without beer? Hahahah
What a prick
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:26, Reply)

I read that as Battered
And did a little lol
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:32, Reply)

Ask her how she would advise you to go about extracting the beer
from a frozen ready meal. Would she suggest trying before or after it goes in the microwave?
( Kroney, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:27, Reply)

:(

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:43, Reply)

Does she...no wait

( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:29, Reply)

Do you think she thinks...no she can't

( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:29, Reply)

Does she think if you eat battered fish you'll get drunk?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:29, Reply)

God she sounds nearly as thick as Tango's tard missus.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:34, Reply)

I have years of offtopic gossip to catch up with
INFO ME UP MOBO
( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:38, Reply)

Tango's wife is such a monumental dunce that she can't tell when he's been smoking
plus he's convinced her that regular and aggressive anal prevents breast cancer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:47, Reply)

Does he just tell her that the smell is the side effect of a vegan diet?

( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:48, Reply)

He tells her that it's her own tits that she can smell.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:52, Reply)

I do love the way these things snowball.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:54, Reply)

Her tits snowball?
What on earth are you doing to them?
( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:55, Reply)

Shit in her cunt.
Beer free. FFS.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:29, Reply)

+ 'GERRAHDA MY PUB! GO ON....GERRAHDOVIT!'

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:25, Reply)

He'll never get to shag her up the shitter in the men's bogs, the cubicle with the broken door and the phone number of 'Fat Angie' on the wall, for preference
With that attitude
( Theoban What of it, Fri 15 Feb 2013, 13:26, Reply)