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( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I fucked something up at work last Friday and as a result I'm getting an Official Bollocking on Monday. Ever been disciplined for negligence or misconduct etc? Ever had to issue one to someone else? If not, why not get some practice in for the five other times today when you'll be asked on here, and outline your weekend plans?
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 7:54, 201 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

The last bollocking I gave was to my own boss for acting like a cunt.
My weekend plans do not really amount to much I’m hoping for a quite one so I can watch 'Beat Dis: a Hip Hop History'
Also It seems them Kiwis are remaking “Dad’s Army”
www.independent.co.uk/sport/general/rugby-league/simon-mannering-made-new-zealand-captain-8515950.html
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:05, Reply)

If written is it just a first warning or was the fuck bad enough for them to go final warning (if it's a sufficiently substantial fuck up they can go straight to final).
Ask how long it will stay on your employment record for.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:08, Reply)

'Capability is distinct from the disciplinary process and there is no suggestion of misconduct'
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:20, Reply)

It means that you're too shit to carry out the duties of your role, rather than doing the role fine but making a mistake.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:27, Reply)

That is made clear in the letter.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:28, Reply)

I'D HOPED HAVING HIS MOUTH FULL WOULD MAKE HIM A MORE PALATABLE COMPANION
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:38, Reply)

It wasn't LOL at all. It also wasn't my fault as I had told all the people who needed to know, that the correct cable was unobtainable in the quantities we required. They all denied knowing anything, and I got the bollocking. I left after a another year. Cunts, it was a great job.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:14, Reply)

Hanging around school playgrounds when I should have been working.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:17, Reply)

Lack of efficiency innit. They could learn a lot from us. Monty, you're a cunt. They should give me a job.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:15, Reply)

( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:17, Reply)

To his key output measures xx
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:20, Reply)

He'd be up to his nuts in guts
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:25, Reply)

Being forced to eat a shit sandwich by way of penance, or having to spend a day wearing a T-shirt with the letters "WTN" emblazoned in bright red upon it.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:24, Reply)

"I work more hours here than anyone else" - "That's because you're a povvo LOL"
"My dedication to this company is beyond doubt" - "STRIKETHROUGH this company END STRIKETHROUGH massive drugs LOL"
Anything else - "Get a haircut"
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:23, Reply)

I already have a zingtastic riposte referring to my boss's negligent failure to pay our Royal Mail invoices on time - resulting in our account being suspended all week and the subsequent backlog of paid-for customer orders that are currently in a massive pile in our warehouse. Pretty sure that will endear me to him, the wanker.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:23, Reply)

Take the bollocking. Don't turn it in to an argument, you'll lose.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:28, Reply)

I've held my hands up and grovelled all week. If I just apologise some more and give assurances that I shan't make the same mistake again (and I really fucking won't) it will be over quicker.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:30, Reply)

It was quite funny really. Wouldn't want to go through it again though.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:34, Reply)

My co-diner decided 12 cans of Becks were preferable.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:55, Reply)

Spoke to him last night, he mentioned his brandy consumption the night before.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:55, Reply)

I swear half the users on this site only frequent it for the trolling opportunities it provides.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:36, Reply)

( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:37, Reply)

5-10% decent-ish or amusing stories, undermined by bitter trolls
20% tedious braggadacio, rightly trolled to fuck in a cruel rather than funny way
70-75% mawkish sentiment or desperately unfunny punning, also underpinned by an outpouring of bile from those with nought to live for save the false sense of superiority granted them by keyboard hardmanning
100% PURE INTERNET GOLD
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:42, Reply)

Was trying to work "expunge" in there too but it didn't really fit
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:44, Reply)

( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:44, Reply)

I didn't say ruin did I, "undermined" was the word. I can see why you'd be confused, it has all the same letters, plus a few extra, interspersed with those the two words share and rearranged to form, in combination with the aforementioned extra letters, an entirely new and different word bearing its own, entirely different meaning.
Simples.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:47, Reply)

you're worse than people who say " I'm confused dot com!" in real life. I want them to die
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:50, Reply)

in which he illustrates that "Market" and "Meerkat" are different words, that are pronounced differently.
And the word you're looking for is "pwned".
Although that's not really a word.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:52, Reply)

( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:53, Reply)

how do your get from "owned", which is stupid in itself, to "pwned"?
typo?
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:56, Reply)

( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:01, Reply)

An early LTI was required though; got to try and keep some discipline in the ranks.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:15, Reply)

The letters are right next to each other on the keyboard, and people are stupid.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:57, Reply)

( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:56, Reply)

It is so genuinely cringeworthy to hear that I am compelled to agree with Nakers.
You read that right.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:55, Reply)

anyone who says "something.com" when not referring directly to the actual website "something.com" is an annoying wanker.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:00, Reply)

I got fired from a job once, suspended, full investigation and all that.
I hadn't done anything wrong, but the new manager and me didn't get on, and he fucked me over. Still, turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.
Working tonight, might go out Saturday night, see how I feel.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:49, Reply)

I am completely responsible. I just have to take the bollocking.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:51, Reply)

( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:59, Reply)

First of all, you can guess where I live. It'll be like a little game.
I'm very tired Windus...I didn't sleep well last night.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:23, Reply)

Two weeks later; job at Amazon. Lots of stock options during the .com bubble. Made a good amount from the stock and improved my CV. Much more enjoyable place to work too.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 8:51, Reply)

Mostly to do with "office politics" and people trying to fuck me over to save their own arse. I fight my corner rather well as I'm such a shy, retiring type. If I've done something wrong, I'll happily take a bollocking (in the non-Darth sense) but I'll go all Accord on you if you try and pin something on me that I've not done
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:13, Reply)

I've had to sit in on a couple of redundancy meetings before.
They were not fun.
I'll save telling you about my weekend plans for the next thread that asks.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:13, Reply)

by issuing the statement "They couldn't get rid of me. I'm indispensable" right in front of all the people drowning their sorrows
Well done pet
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:16, Reply)

Usually everyone is considerably happier once you get rid of them.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:18, Reply)

I was miserable in that job and it gave me the impetus to move on
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:15, Reply)

It was nothing really, it was almost mutual, they knew I was unhappy, my work was suffering etc etc.
is was a nonsense job, so no biggy
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:19, Reply)

because I appeared to not be taking it all very seriously, I was asked "Do you like this job?"
I responded by LOL'ing heartily, and saying "Is that a joke?"
I walked out a few days later.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:17, Reply)

Self-important little people that think that because you're working for 5p over the minimum wage, that somehow makes it the best job in the world.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:21, Reply)

What's that about, you top 1% earning prick?
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:27, Reply)

Whilst you were swanning around visiting all the top tourist spots, I was staring at a sandwich-shaped blank area on my desk.
Think about your actions, yeah?
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:31, Reply)

Is that so much to ask?
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:38, Reply)

always trampling over the honest workers.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Apparently making it clear in the tone of your voice that you think the person you're talking to is an incapable half-wit is undesirable in a customer-facing telephone support role. Who knew?
Also, during a similar experience in my first proper job I was told "now, I know working in a bowling alley isn't the be all and end all" I responded with "you've got to be joking. you might be happy wasting your life here, but I'm not". And that is how I lost my first ever job.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:26, Reply)

( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:29, Reply)

who seems to think that the best way of getting me onside is to copy in his boss and his boss's boss in the email which refers to his issue "directly impacting his candidate attraction for live vacancies". He would like me to inform him on the best way of getting it resolved.
I am having to take a bit of break before replying in the hopes it'll stop me saying "Please apply the following procedure 1: Climb down from the several feet you appear to be lodged up your own anus..."
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:36, Reply)

single user fault....not business critical. ..lower priority.....appreciate important to you but in the company scheme of things you are an insignificant twat.*
*This last phrase may need editing.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:43, Reply)

and tell him to try again in ten minutes with no further explanation.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:46, Reply)

My boss already knows I consider myself his intellectual superior.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:36, Reply)

you'd struggle not to be.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:38, Reply)

You owe him a level of respect for that.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:41, Reply)

I do respect him for the work he's put in but he is an administrator with no imagination or people skills, and an ill-mannered cretin, to boot. Plus, yid.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:43, Reply)

( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:44, Reply)

Otherwise I seem to have dodged a few bullets.
I've had to had out warnings a few times. I tried and failed to have one of my underlings sacked for gross misconduct when I was in industry but the head of HR pussied out so I quit instead. THAT SHOWED 'EM.
The company folded 6 months later. Mwahahahaha.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:35, Reply)

whilst I went for a piss, and searched through my files to look at my personal review objectives and that of others in my team. And then printed them off.
I think that's pretty top-level misconducnt. Guy was a paranoid idiot.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 10:48, Reply)

this is because I either don't fuck up or don't get caught and I have only rarely been in charge of others, it's not something I enjoy.
That said, it looks like we are interviewing for a Junior Dogsbody who will come, at least partially, under me. It will be quite nice to dump some of the more mundane work onto someone, but I cannot help but assume he'll fuck most of it up, on the basis of, you get what you pay fro and he's to be paid peanuts.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 9:49, Reply)

but hardly any of them come to light or matter. it's just unlucky this one did. they know you do a good job.
so fuck 'em.
( , Fri 1 Mar 2013, 10:00, Reply)
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