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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Salted peanuts.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:23, 126 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Better off making yer own nuts. More effort but well worth it.

Mixed nuts (bag of, from supermarket, ) gently fried with cummin, coriander, chilli, lime juice, salt and a little sugar. Let cool. Enjoy.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:41, Reply)
Make your own nuts.
Step 1. Go to the supermarket, buy nuts.

I lost interest then.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:50, Reply)

Yeah, but you're ill.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:53, Reply)
*there there*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:55, Reply)

Pervert
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:56, Reply)
I don't mind telling you,
I really don't like peanuts, salted or otherwise.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:43, Reply)
They do smell a bit... wrong.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:43, Reply)
they taste funny too.
Evening b3th.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:47, Reply)
Alright you.
How was the appalling child? Did you end up having to chuck it out?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:53, Reply)
nah, it was alright in the end,
The whole family got huffy and left when I rolled the big screen down for the Rugby.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:55, Reply)
Kids are bad enough when you're trying to have a quiet meal / drink.
Their attention span means they are truly horrendous when you're trying to watch a match / film.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:56, Reply)
also, the mother said "I wish someone had told me when we booked you didn't do high chairs"
I don't see why it's my responsibility to consider your child's needs.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:59, Reply)
Are you marketed as one of those frightful 'family pubs'?
If not, tell her to fuck off. What was she expecting? A playroom with a ball pit?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:00, Reply)
You'd love a ball pit.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:02, Reply)
I'd snuggle right down and let the movement lull me to sleep.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:03, Reply)

movement warm urine
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 23:18, Reply)
Fuck no.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:03, Reply)
I love the train of thought that obviously thinks
Pub, yeah, that's the place to take a child. They'll be willing to cater to my every need. And I'm sure all the other customers will be happy to see my spawn do his song and dance routine...
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:07, Reply)
You off to the pub quiz this evening?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:08, Reply)
Damn straight.
And I'm taking my dog. And I expect them to have a bowl of water for him. and The rest of the quizzers will be happy to hear him bark randomly.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:10, Reply)
What pub-snack of choice will the dog be going for this evening?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:11, Reply)
Pepperami.
He fucking inhales them. Just under two seconds is the record.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:17, Reply)
That dog of yours....
He's a bit of an animal.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:19, Reply)
Dogs > children.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:11, Reply)
totally.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:17, Reply)
I think the difference is that if I pet your dog, I wouldn't be called a dirty peado by a drunken racist.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 20:03, Reply)

Not as bad as those awful fishy things pubs used to sell. Made yer hands smell as if you'd been fingering the septic birth canal of a geriatric leper with a urine infection.

Fucked if I can remember what they were called, though.

(Not Fiona or Karin, though, I know that.)
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:52, Reply)
scampi fries.
I fucking love those.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:55, Reply)
this is because you have a soul
which is surprising.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:57, Reply)
even pigs go to heaven.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:57, Reply)
but how can it be heaven with no bacon?
or are you a canibal?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:03, Reply)
bacon isn't really made out of pigs at all.
It's all a carefully constructed Web of lies to keep you humans under our power.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:05, Reply)
gotcha.
BTW, did you know that canibals more or less didn't exist?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:27, Reply)
what?

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:36, Reply)
well
apparently it was largely made up, or exaggerated by the Spanish and Portuguese to justify oppressing primitive peoples and nicking their land.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:41, Reply)
well I never.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:47, Reply)

That's them.

I got accused of infidelity.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:57, Reply)
Wasn't there also the bacon flavoured fries as well?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:58, Reply)
yeah, very similar to frazzles.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:05, Reply)
But 30p a packet more expensive I shouldn't wonder.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:09, Reply)

Not much wonder, really. It's not cheap to filter out the prawn fannies and cod arses.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:16, Reply)
you better not be dissing
Scampi Fries
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:56, Reply)
Scampi Fry?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:57, Reply)
Ooh go on then. Twisted my arm.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:59, Reply)
I got well into Cheesey Moments last year 'till I found myself buying half a dozen packets and then looking sad as I finish my last one in my skiddies on the couch.
I had to stop myself.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 20:04, Reply)
On,y type of nuts I like. And then only as they are. Peanut butter, satte etc. can fuck the fuck right fucking off.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:00, Reply)
Nobby's Nuts.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:49, Reply)
The only thing worth nibbling.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:54, Reply)

Smelly Scrotums.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:54, Reply)
yes please.
I have yet to meat a nut I didn't like. :))

how are we all this fine evening?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:55, Reply)
Meat-head!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:55, Reply)
CQ.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:56, Reply)
Winders.
*nod*
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:03, Reply)
Devastated.
You dissed me in front of legless :'(
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:56, Reply)
Cheers.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:57, Reply)
Glad you saw that.
I do not dislike Legless.

there, I said it.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:08, Reply)
Time to adjust the headmeds matey.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:13, Reply)
he needs some of your anti-spastic headmeds

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:17, Reply)
Never had a problem with him
nor Spanky. they told entertaining stories, which I enjoyed and miss. Never cared if they were true or not. I grant he's dealt with the constant trolling poory, but that's about it. and so have I and so have you.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:18, Reply)
Legless is a self-centred, smug, humourless, self-important prick.
The polar opposite of Battered.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:24, Reply)
so you're saying you're Legless?

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:28, Reply)
I am not humourless.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:34, Reply)
very occasionally this is true
it's your one saving grace.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:42, Reply)
I made you dun a lol last night.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:50, Reply)
yes, you did.
more like that please.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 20:14, Reply)
Serious answer: sad.
Not going to see my daughter for 19 days after tonight.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:59, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1892938
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:59, Reply)
you sad prick

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:59, Reply)
Remind me never to be honest on here ever again you unsympathetic cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:01, Reply)
You're a prick and you are, by your own admission, sad.
So you're a sad prick.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:06, Reply)
I am sad, however you are defining me as a prick, so I am factually not a sad prick, you stupid little wanker.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:10, Reply)
It's not just me that defines you as a prick.
HTH xx
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:11, Reply)
I'd be distressed at that.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:01, Reply)
Are you a Monty tribute act now?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:01, Reply)
Nah. I'm away with work and they're off to the states. Clash of diaries.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:02, Reply)
I remember you saying that last night.
I'm just teasing you.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:11, Reply)
why not?
Also, shouldn't you be with her and not us? Or is she already in bed?
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:02, Reply)
She is asleep.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:02, Reply)
are you away in Poland?
Or is your wife taking the child?
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:09, Reply)
Blit of both.
I go to Poland in the morning for a week. They go to Boston on Tuesday for two weeks (my sister in-laws 40th), I have to go back to Poland for the week running up to Easter. The dates overlap.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:11, Reply)
Any chance of them coming home via Poland or is that a bit much for the little 'un?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:12, Reply)
Too much and also too expensive.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:14, Reply)
At least with Skype and stuff, it's easier to stay in touch these days.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:18, Reply)
Yes. Better than it could be.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:27, Reply)
Doin' good thanks Prof.
Took Ma' to a resturant that I'm really fond of, that I ain't been to in a year or soo. I've discovered that it has a huge selection of burgers now and the one I had today was fucking awesome, in fact, the best burger I've had.

Had a real lovely time.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:14, Reply)
More importantly, did she enjoy it?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:15, Reply)
Deffo ! I got her a filter coffee machine too which she's really pleased about.
How did treating your misses on behalf of the lil'un go?
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:19, Reply)
My wife has had the shits all day.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:22, Reply)
sexy
Mrs Battered earlier

Edit: *sigh* NSFW, for all of you who couldn't guess and are still working at 7:30 on a Sunday.

Further edit: or may view this at work tomorrow, but frankly they deserve all they get if they are that desperate.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:25, Reply)
Might be a good idea to label that NSFW.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:26, Reply)
Classic.
I'm so pleased someone blurred out her vagina in order to not offend my sensibilities.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:32, Reply)
I thought so.
not been there in way to long.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:33, Reply)
Or may view this thread from work tomorrow.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:35, Reply)
I just don't understand.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:38, Reply)
what don't you understand?

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:43, Reply)
why.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:50, Reply)
it's an old as the hills shock site
like goatse or lemon party. people would use them in a similar way to the 'I love horses link'. while they are still undeniably gross, I view them with some measure of nostalgia.

oh, yeah NSFW, if you've not guessed
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 20:18, Reply)
I reckon I know what that one's about.
Mint tea and hot water bottles help.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:26, Reply)
Nah not blob week.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:27, Reply)
It's worth the brownie points anyway... which is probably a poor choice of words.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:43, Reply)
Well if you and your daughter had gone out for the day.....

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:27, Reply)
We have.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:27, Reply)
So she hadn't had 'the shits' all day then.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:29, Reply)
terrible bullying

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:33, Reply)
predictably
I prefer dry roasted.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:55, Reply)
alright Doze.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:57, Reply)
alright Winders
Did you listen to that Freeland mix?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:59, Reply)
yes mate.
It was good. I see where you're coming from, but I'll always be a live man.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:01, Reply)
I'm not trying to convert you, just sharing some love xx
My favourite bits in that mix are when Voices fully drops, and the Radioactive Man track at the end.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:05, Reply)
it really was a great mix.
Next time I go clubbing I'm going yo be dissapointed.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:10, Reply)
I have about half of those records.
You might like his 2003 Essential Mix, and Evil Nine's one too.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:12, Reply)

+to be dry+spit

come on people do I have to do everything.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:14, Reply)
Fuckin' amber weather warning and I'm almost out of lucazade
I don't think it gets much worse than this.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 18:59, Reply)
Is there?
I missed that. Do an online shop and get them to fetch you Lucozade and stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:02, Reply)
I might have to venture outside.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:03, Reply)

In your state of health? Surely not?
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:08, Reply)
Well, if I don't go, who will?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:10, Reply)
Isn't that what girlfriends are for?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:12, Reply)
The Doris is in Singapore at the moment.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:13, Reply)
That would be a good name for a busker, "Sing a poor", maybe, possibly, I donno.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:41, Reply)

I' ll get my jacket, hat and gloves and set off immediately.

See you soon.*

*sometime

I'm in Aberdeen.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:13, Reply)
Wear a jumper as well, we've got an amber weather warning.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:17, Reply)
Well this is good.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 19:53, Reply)
Yeah fuck this, I'm going to the pub.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 20:25, Reply)
Have fun.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 20:26, Reply)

Everybody's watching "Call The Midwife."
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sun 10 Mar 2013, 20:26, Reply)

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