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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Local News Link!
www.falmouthpacket.co.uk/news/10434718.Man_chops_off_own_penis_on_Penryn_street/

This is near where I work. "It is thought the man may suffer from a mental health issue." No fucking shit!

Do you have any mental health issues?

Alt Oh I dunno lunch or something
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:13, 161 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
SP

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:14, Reply)
I didn't know Enzyme was from Cornwall.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:14, Reply)
SP

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:15, Reply)
PS, SP

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:15, Reply)
alright.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:14, Reply)
WTF is wrong with you lot?
www.falmouthpacket.co.uk/news/4763999.Sex_slurry_pervert_is_at_it_again/?ref=ar
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:16, Reply)
Oh him, yeh he's nuts but thats a really old story it just gets shared online a lot so is always in most shared

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:20, Reply)
I like that the tone of your reply implies both that you know him, and that what he does isn't that shockingn

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:32, Reply)
There's only so many times that a man jerks off in cow shit half a mile up the road from you before you get desensitised
He brings his own tissues, so its not so bad
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:39, Reply)
that happened in a restaurant in London a while back as well didn't it?
I get quite paranoid sometimes. It got so bad at one point when I was younger I would get properly physically sick at the thought I'd upset someone.
I'm ok now though.

Alt: JAM SANDWICHES!
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:16, Reply)
paranoid someone might cut their dick off in front of you?

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:17, Reply)
no.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:20, Reply)
i'm worried about it now

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:21, Reply)
why?
There seems to have been 2 cases of this in the last 5 years or so. Do people you see regularly strike you as the sort to have that sort of extreme break down?
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:22, Reply)
maybe, I don't know anymore

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:24, Reply)
just keep an eye out for anyone carrying a knife and steer well clear of them

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:25, Reply)
You've upset me.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:23, Reply)
what did I do?

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:24, Reply)
If you don't know, then there's no point apologising!

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:25, Reply)
I wasn't going to apologise,
My plan was to keep doing it until you left. Or killed yourself, whichever came first.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:31, Reply)
it was in a Zizzi.
This is funny if you speak French.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:31, Reply)
I worked for a different restaurant chain under the same parent company when it happened.
It was a lol time.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:34, Reply)
Cool story bro.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:35, Reply)
thanks, I rather thought so

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:36, Reply)
Epilepsy.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:17, Reply)
I'm curious batter,
How often does it pose an issue in your life?
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:23, Reply)
put it this way
he wears a bicycle helmet at all times just in case
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:24, Reply)

bicycle helmet Zorb
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:38, Reply)
Serious answer; different aspects cause different issues.
Practical things; I have to review my driving license every three years (which makes hiring cars a problem) & I'm not allowed a bike license anymore. I have to take two lots of medication twice a day, which I remember to do 98% of the time. I have to have reviews at the hospital every three months - MRI scans etc. Life assurance costs me three times what it would cost you.

Physical impact; if I have a full on seizure (grand mal tonic clonic) I lose my memory & bladder control, tear muscles from the convulsions and it takes me about a week to fully recover. Luckily I haven't had one of these for about 4 years (hence why I have a driving license).

Sometimes I feel a seizure coming on (sudden aversion to heat, pins & needles down the right hand side of my face) so take an additional type of medication and lie down until it passes. Sometimes it can take hours for this to pass and it feels shit. This last happened to me a couple of months ago when I was in Poland.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:33, Reply)
so you can tell when it's about to happen? is that common, or are you lucky?

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:35, Reply)
Pretty common. It's known as an 'aura'. This can be many different things for different people - some people experience a certain smell, get headaches etc.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:37, Reply)
I used to get a soapy taste in my mouth

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:39, Reply)
Well look on the brightside, my mum is at least having a wash before you lick her out.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:46, Reply)
Woah, a mum joke suicide.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:47, Reply)
it's not really mental health though, is it?

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:36, Reply)
Well it's caused by problems with brain chemistry, so physical health of the brain.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:38, Reply)
yeah
Not mental health, though I appreciate that many mental health conditions are caused by chemical imbalances etc.

There's a guy here that suffers from Grand Mal, he doesn't get any aura or forewarning.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:43, Reply)
You are probably aware by now that an anecdote along the lines of
"so and so doesn't have that therefore it never happens" isn't an argument.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:44, Reply)
of course, I didn't mean that to sound like I was calling BS.
I suppose I should have added 'which is probably worse'.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:47, Reply)
yeah, definately more of an anal health issue

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:39, Reply)
I always get him and Darth mixed up, too.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:46, Reply)
YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:48, Reply)
This is a shit superpower

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:48, Reply)
slightly ironic title of the paper there
given the subject matter
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:18, Reply)
alright swipe?

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:18, Reply)
No.
Absolutely not.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:20, Reply)
been to sleep yet?

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:21, Reply)
Got about 6 hours last night
And have the opportunity to drink myself into a coma tonight
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:30, Reply)
drunk sleep is not restful sleep

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:33, Reply)
Yeah but you know what's worse than drunk sleep?
NO FUCKING SLEEP AT ALL
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:33, Reply)
mayeb you should start eating meat again

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:34, Reply)
Something something blowjobs

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:40, Reply)
My increased flexibility leaves me with a dilemma in this respect

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:45, Reply)
PRINCE????

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:49, Reply)
Apart from vegetarianism and being a massive Susan.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:21, Reply)
I'm pescetarian ACTUALLY
How are you keeping?
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:30, Reply)
Very good thanks. Found a place to move to, got 3-4 hours of contact with micro everyday and much happier now I'm not arguing with my wife all the time.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:35, Reply)
Oh that's ace mate
Especially glad you're getting to see the nipper so much.

How long do you give it before the name "microbattered" is no longer physically accurate though?
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:38, Reply)
Well she's only 20 months old so I think I've got a while yet; at least a few more weeks.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:39, Reply)
I assume your username will change to mark her outgrowing you
Still in the Smoke? Just for my reference next time I have a meeting down there
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:40, Reply)
Yep. Still in London - only a five minute walk from where I was.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:45, Reply)
Cool, I'll shout you next time I'm down
I think Nakers is saying something below but he's gone way over the allotted limit which I'm prepared to give enough of a shit to read
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:48, Reply)
Good stuff.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:50, Reply)
he really is

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:51, Reply)
Jesus christ pay attention
he's got a great sized two bed new build on a reasonable 6 month lease allowing him to pop round the corner for his allotted 4hrs with micro. Eventually he'll be looking for a period house £550-£660k the location of which will depend on work
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:46, Reply)
Correct. Though I'll try to get somewhere just under £500k as the stamp duty % is lower.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:47, Reply)
stamp duty is a cunt

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:48, Reply)
Quite.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:48, Reply)
I have persue..purserve..perseveir..err, kept watching Battlestar Galactica
It has improved slightly. The last one was the one with John (worst father ever) Heard. What happened to Ensign Ro anyways? I really should pay more attention.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:28, Reply)
I can't tell you that can I
Spoilers

Unless of course you mean in Star Trek, in which case I still can't tell you, because I don't know
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:31, Reply)
I think she joined the Maquis in TNG

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:35, Reply)
I remember when she turned up in True Blood looking like a good guy
I immediately pointed out to the missus that she must be evil. Didn't tell her why. Got to spend the second series looking like Nostrafuckingdamus.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:39, Reply)
this is a great anecedote

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:40, Reply)
It's not as good as your face
I'll give you that
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:41, Reply)
*pays the fiddler*

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:50, Reply)
I might need a slide-rule to figure this one out
Alt: I have a few boring bits before i get to my tub of pickled beetroot. This is the part of my lunch (after the 1.5 bottles of Rioja obvs.)
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:24, Reply)
I really wish I understood this SP meme
Oh wait, no I don't.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:26, Reply)
i ve a vegetarian lunch, it's average

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:34, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1970915
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:37, Reply)
clearly, but the wife got two "innocent veg pots" for the price of one
it's jerk curry flavour
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:40, Reply)
Looks shit

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:44, Reply)
it was alright, quite fruity really, but needed something more
something I can't put my finger on
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:46, Reply)
The DOCTORS told me I had depression but I reckon I'm just lazy and melodramatic
Alt: Yeah go on then
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:40, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post1970831
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:42, Reply)
I replied to you back there
Like, forever ago, dude, yo.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:46, Reply)
oh yeah

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:47, Reply)
None
Alt: Lamb rogan josh.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:41, Reply)
YOU SHOULD BE EATING BREAD AND WATER BEFORE YOU END UP IN DEBTORS PRISON

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:49, Reply)
No mental health issues here.
Way too willing to trust people sometimes and wonder why I get stabbed in the back, but that hasn't happened in at least a few weeks.

AA's money woes made me lol.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:42, Reply)
Being French is a mental health issue where I come from

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:43, Reply)
You're from Cornwall
and are therefore ill-placed to disparagingly comment on the average rates of mental health problems in a country. Trot off to your local High St and chop your balls off outside a "surf shack", son.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:51, Reply)
My local high street doesn't have a surf shop
I don't live near the tourist traps, that would be worse than the fact that my wife has already chopped my balls off
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:58, Reply)
none whatosever
but i've dated guys with depression and anxiety. there may be a connection here.

lunch - artisan food fair outside work today. moroccan stand, lebanese wraps stand, thai curry stand, pulled chorizo stand, paella stand...
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:57, Reply)
deletion LOLS

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:59, Reply)
Oh yeah, just noticed that.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:59, Reply)
Did somebody point out some flaw in his opinion?
I've noticed that one tends to follow the other.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:01, Reply)
it was a fucking stupid comment though
what is the earthly use of an "average" in a city where £500k will buy you a shoebox in one part and a 4 bed house in another...
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:03, Reply)
Ouch!
No mental health issues, but when I finished working at a Sky call centre my doctor diagnosed me with depression and offered to put me on the sick and give me drugs after me doing a tick sheet for symptoms.
Scary how easy it was.

I took them for a week just to see what happened.
Turns out, fuck all.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:02, Reply)
Pizza Express is definitely better than nice little family-run Italian restaurants
and if you disagree with me, I'm going to delete this thread :(((((
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:10, Reply)
what if i post that in response to everything you say?
i could make you delete yourself from the board permanently

"i have a dream..."
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:12, Reply)
WRONG ON THE INTERNET

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:12, Reply)
if swipe logs out to reply to any of my posts i delete them.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:15, Reply)
why?

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:18, Reply)
because I've got her on ignore for a reason.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:21, Reply)
Is it because she hasn't done this yet with a pug?

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:27, Reply)
because you and her had cringingly bad sex?

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:28, Reply)
because she's been unpleasant to me for a number of years.
Yeaaaaaarrrs dozer, it's fucking crazy.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:34, Reply)
no-one cares, Chocho.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:35, Reply)
I wish that was the case.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:37, Reply)
I don't care

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:41, Reply)
Excellent!

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:41, Reply)
It is the case, only you care. Everybody else only gives a shit because you keep deleting threads.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:41, Reply)
I love a bit of thread deletion.
Everyone gets so upset.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:54, Reply)
No, NOBODY CARES, especially not Kroney.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:55, Reply)
Nobody cares over your stupid little drama with swipe.
People, including me, care when you delete threads, you little prick.

Jesus. I can see why she likes you so much.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 14:00, Reply)
He says, upsetedly.
What I do is a response to her actions, why don't you take her out to a nice Italian and tell her to stop it?
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 14:03, Reply)
I'm annoyed over the thread deletions
because you're unilaterally deleting other peoples' reponses as well as hers.

You're being the cunt. Not her. It's easy to understand.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 14:06, Reply)
Cause -> Effect
If she left me alone, which she's failed to do for like four fucking years i wouldn't have to do anything. I'd love not to have to do anything, if you spent less time trying to justify this unhealthy obsession she has with me or trying to excuse her childish behaviour then maybe she'd be stop.
I don't want anything to do with her, I've ignored her, asked her to stop, told her to leave me alone, put her 2.0, don't reply to her posts, check to make sure I'm not posting above her if I do a new thread, and still she logs out and makes sarcy comments designed to annoy me. It's pathetic, and you white knighting her like this makes her think that her attitude and actions are acceptable, when they're not.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 14:22, Reply)
I don't give a shit about any of that.
I just want you to not take it upon yourself to delete other peoples' posts because you've got a spite erection on.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 14:27, Reply)
Pathetic.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:19, Reply)
Which you have to log out to see. Or you're using a different browser.
And then deleting the sub-thread out of sheer spite.

It's not a good look.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:21, Reply)
"a new low"

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:26, Reply)
I've been doing it since before ignore 2.0 she hasn't stopped replying.

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:29, Reply)
She's not replying directly to you, she's replying to other people who have replied to you.
Nobody aside from you thinks that she's the one being the prick in this scenario. Do yourself a favour and pack it in.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:33, Reply)
She only replied to say that I was wrong.
She could just keep logged in. If you've got a better way to get her to leave me alone I'm all ears.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:37, Reply)
so if i log out to see if someone has typed something
to deliberately upset myself, i get to delete it

fucking genius.

what is the point of putting someone on ignore and then logging out to read their posts? hahahahahaha.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:19, Reply)
Is it time to call the waaaaaaambulance?

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:24, Reply)
Terrible misuse of possessive pronoun here from 'yourself'

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:24, Reply)
i think he's quite obviously trolling
i'm no expert tho
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 14:13, Reply)
since when did that ever stop anyone from posting their V SERIOUS OPINIONZ ONLINE?

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 14:16, Reply)
i dunno i dunno what that means soz

(, Wed 22 May 2013, 14:43, Reply)
fancy preferring the above and making yourself look pathetic
rather than just saying, "you know what, i was a rude cunt and i'm sorry," and buying yourself eternal peace. weird.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 14:01, Reply)
They had to redefine "mental health" last year 'cus it turns out that everyone has something.
I can't remember the details, american something or other.

I reckon I got few wonky things with me head, don't mind them though. The weirdest one I get is Exploding Head Syndrome.
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:15, Reply)
sometimes the end of my nob falls off put i can put it back on and its fine for a few months
dunno if that counts
(, Wed 22 May 2013, 14:00, Reply)

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