Frank stomp!
It's my third anniversary coming up which means leather gifts apparently. Do you follow traditional nonsense like that?

Alt: police now have the power to instantly penalise bad drivers, both th tail gating and middle lane dawdlers, good idea?

Altalt: grow old gracefully or disgracefully?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:30, 135 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

No
Alt: yes
Altalt: hahaha, yeah
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:31, Reply)

Naked Ape: bringing us last week's news TODAY

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:33, Reply)

I just wanted to stomp frank tbh

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:34, Reply)

Most understandable.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Depends on the occasion.
Alt: good idea.

AltAlt: a mixture of the two.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:33, Reply)

You should have bought that "Poof" at Morroco
that would have been the present sorted
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:36, Reply)

Yeah I know, but her friend bought it as an early bday pressie

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:42, Reply)

Eh? Eh? Bday.

A-walla-lie-day GWAN
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:45, Reply)

me and the missus
do the old Traditional anniversary gifts but set a really low budget (£20 ish) so it is just a bit of fun.

Leather means gimp mask and whip.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:37, Reply)

That sounds like a fun idea
until you start hitting silver and up.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:38, Reply)

The Lone Ranger will not be impressed

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:38, Reply)

That new movie looks fucking shit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:41, Reply)

I didn't even know they were doing one

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:55, Reply)

as long as you stick to the price range
you can always pick up some silly shite cheaply.

last one for us was Bronze/ Copper (something like that) and I got copper chocs
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:04, Reply)

How long should the whip be?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:38, Reply)

Its normally a 2 year post.
Polololololtics
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:05, Reply)

I've got some photos from your wife's gag ball modelling days
that show you what she looks like in leather.

Alt: I should be the one with the powers. Judge Dredd style powers.

Altalt: disgracefully everytime. Why would you want to do it any other way.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:38, Reply)

Ball gag?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:42, Reply)

ball bag?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Why did Lance Armstrong go on Oprah?
He thought he'd have a ball.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 11:04, Reply)

Your sig fits well with this.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Yeah, I don't see why not.
Gloves or a handbag or whatever. Then you could reciprocate. Doesn't have to be an overt "THIS IS A LEATHER WEDDING ANNIVERSARY PRESENT" thing, does it. Nice idea. I like themes.

Alt: Yeah, it's a good idea. Middle lane dawdling is one of the biggest causes of tailbacks. If people are forced to observe proper lane discipline, there shoudln't be quite as much tail gating as a result.

Altalt: Gracefully
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:43, Reply)

K-dog!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:45, Reply)

Nakers!

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:47, Reply)

This is exactly like a sex offender saying 'if women didn't have fannies, there wouldn't be half as much rape about'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:49, Reply)

What's your point?

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:50, Reply)

His point, AS YOU WELL KNOW, is 'FANNIES EH? PHWOAARRR, EH? RIGHT LADS?!!'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:55, Reply)

Sid James'
Swanny whistle noise
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:06, Reply)

Cunts blaming other cunts for their own cuntitude.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:56, Reply)

Still, fannies eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:58, Reply)

Nearly as good as tits.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:59, Reply)

'sexy kids'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:54, Reply)

'Sexy kids' you say?

b3ta.com/questions/spoilers/post1990389
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:56, Reply)

They don't post 'em like that any more

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:58, Reply)

Drivers get wound up by the stupidest things.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:45, Reply)

It's easy to judge from a position of no experience whatsoever.

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:47, Reply)

Waahh I'm breaking the speed limit and people won't get out of my way Waaah

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:50, Reply)

There are several very good reasons for traffic moving at different speeds.
Drivers speeding isn't one of them.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:51, Reply)

Whenever I've been on a motorway with someone moaning about middle laners
they were always going 80+
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:52, Reply)

go read
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:56, Reply)

FANNIES

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Traffic flows better when lanes are moving at different speeds.
There's a pretty simple practical requirement, too. Speedometers are not created equal. All a speedo tells you is that you're definitely going no faster than, say, 70mph. Each speedo could be under-reading by anything up to 10% which, at 70, is potentially a considerable difference in speed.

Traffic cameras account for this by applying a further 10% leeway before they go off, if they're even set to the actual speed limit and not, say, 10mph above. This means that traffic can be moving at anywhere from 63mph to 70mph whilst their speedo reports 70 and from 63mph to 77mph within the framework of enforceable law.

If you then get some cunt sat in the middle lane whilst their speedometer registers 70mph (I'm doing the speed limit why would anybody need to overtake me?) and you get people trying to overtake (because undertaking's illegal under most circumstances) on a busy motorway you quickly get a long tailback for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:58, Reply)

LAWYERED

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Precisely this.
Plus also, if someone wants to tank down the outside lane at 90mph then that's up to them isn't it?

If they kill themselves then it's their own fault.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Sure, what they do on a road with other drivers on it is bound to have no affect on anyone else at all ever

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:02, Reply)

Precisely.
Up to them. The paramedics and hospitals and police and that have fuck all to do most days anyway, prolly glad of the exercise, and, like, informing families etc is well lol.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Driving at excessive speed is a bit like doing MDs, don't you think?
Potential dangers, but it's essentially your own choice.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Watch out Mon
He's cracked out the "this thing over here" is similar to "some other thing that relates to you" therefore I WIN argument. There's LITERALLY no difference between these things, hoist by your own picard etc
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

He's "driving" me mad here!!!!!!
Plus, "speed" can mean drugs as well as "going fast"!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:22, Reply)

You're on the 'road' to ruin Monters!

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:23, Reply)

If it hasn't been covered in a Chris Rea song I find driving opinions to be a bit dubious

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Is this how you manage to get off all your traffic convictions?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:01, Reply)

Knowledge is power, Harters, old chap.

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:04, Reply)

*takes notes*

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:08, Reply)

There are two types of men who 'need' to drive fast.
Racing drivers and the under-endowed.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:51, Reply)

Makes fuck all difference to travel time anyway.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:53, Reply)

This is true for the most part.

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:54, Reply)

So what you're saying is that if you drive from A to B at 80mph you get there at the same time as you would had you driven at 70mph?
Physics not your strong point Chompers old fruit?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:55, Reply)

You're not flying though are you?
Traffic and junctions are the main time drains. Why do you think Sat nav ETA's are so accurate even if you speed everywhere you can.

Physics isn't about ignoring every variable except the very very basic you spastic.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:59, Reply)

A spastic? Nice work there.
If I'm driving at 80mph instead of 70mph then I'm going to get to the junction earlier, aren't I? It then follows that I will get through it earlier, doesn't it?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:03, Reply)

Once again you're oversimplifying things.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:06, Reply)

Once again you're posting about stuff you know nothing about & have no direct experience of.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:08, Reply)

^driver getting wound up by stupid things.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:17, Reply)

^ non driver getting wound up about stuff that he doesn't understand

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:31, Reply)

^typical flid

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:08, Reply)

*Belms*

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Unless you're travelling a real distance, the amount of time you save
will usually be measured as minutes in the single digits.

That said, if somebody wants to speed, then it's up to them. It's up to the Police to police them and not some jumped up rules lawyer.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:09, Reply)

I prefer to travel made-up distances myself.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:14, Reply)

Time which can be totally wiped out by parking or traffic lights or whatever when you reach your destination.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Yes.
I'm not really sure what point you're making as the time saved when speeding over the entirety of a journey vs the traffic flow on a motorway arguments are not only independant of each other, but utterly unrelated.

Kind of straw-mannish, actually.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:25, Reply)

The relationship is the "I hate middle laners, they get in my way and slow me down" isn't more than a rounding error in journey time, so you drivers should chillax

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:26, Reply)

Middle laners are a far bigger problem than
"they're stopping me from getting to my girlfriend's ten minutes earlier", as I've been trying to explain.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Bearing in mind that we were talking about people hogging the middle lane
this tends to suggest motorway driving, i.e. significant distances, rather than nipping down the shop for a packet of fags FFS.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:26, Reply)

Assuming no traffic on the motorway, yes.
However in practice as those in the outside lane drive too close together, traffic slows approaching the junction, one brakes, all behind brake, and that lane comes to a halt.
Last time I drove up the M5/6 I used the inside lane as much as possible, avoided the outside lane dickheads, and it was a lot less stressful. At one point I passed a queue of cars at a junction, and it was way over half an hour before they caught up with me.

Speed itself isn't the issue, it's people driving too close together and not reading the road ahead of them. If you have to use the brakes on a motorway other than to stop as you come off the slip road then you're not anticipating enough and/or driving too close, a lift of the throttle should be all you ever need, unless some other driver has done something really stupid.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

people driving too close together and not reading the road ahead of them. If you have to use the brakes on a motorway other than to stop as you come off the slip road then you're not anticipating enough and/or driving too close, a lift of the throttle should be all you ever need, unless some other driver has done something really stupid unregulated immigration and asylum seekers clogging up our roads in their Dacias and Trabants.

And yet there's only one person with the bottle to talk about these isses. Only one REAL alternative to those Brussells sprouts - that's right, that Nigel Lawson chap.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:17, Reply)

Driving in London enforces a lot of cultural stereotypes.
One of which is that most of the aggressive tail-gating cunts on the road are white.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:21, Reply)

Rubbish.
It's like fucking downtown Abuja where I live.

Coming over here. Playing with the white man's magic.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:24, Reply)

...and those in a bit of a hurry?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Probably due to the fact that they're so busy being angry about having small willies that they've lost their keys or sutin.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:55, Reply)

From this outburst I have determined that you drive a W-reg Fiat 126 with a maximum speed of 62mph.
And have a slightly smaller than average todger.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:58, Reply)

126's were so backward. even had a starter lever & a manual choke.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Located in between the front seats on the floor, too.
Two of you could easily pick the front of one up, and the handbrake was crap, much hilarious repositioning would ensue.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:22, Reply)

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. Which I thought was a lot.
Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:55, Reply)

oh HO!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 9:56, Reply)

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:06, Reply)

Try the veal.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:06, Reply)

Here's one for you Piotr
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:11, Reply)

Ha ha. I like this.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

*takes your wife*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:09, Reply)

Alright, Monkhouse

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:10, Reply)

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:14, Reply)

* shakes head in pity *

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:15, Reply)

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.
Nothing.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:16, Reply)

What?! Mine is £350!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:49, Reply)

Clearly your pipes are too long.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:50, Reply)

Me and Mrs Hats made up our own
For instance, our 2nd anniversary was 'Robot', so we bought each other toy robots. One year was 'Giraffe', with a similar outcome. We haven't decided what this year is yet. I will consider any suggestions from my online peers.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:09, Reply)

Something shepherdy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:09, Reply)

I won't lie, I could use a new crook

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Where's barryfromeastenders when you need him?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

tee hee
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

Under Stunned's patio. Duh.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:14, Reply)

I don't understand this reference :(

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:15, Reply)

Previous poster caught knicking stuff IRL from another B3tan.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:16, Reply)

Woah!
Classy. I did hear about a /talker that secretly took photos of female b3tan's feet at a b4sh, then posted them on his foot-fetish blog. The girls in question were, understandably, quite cross about this.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:17, Reply)

HE JUST HAD A KEEN INTEREST IN WOMEN'S FASHION.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:21, Reply)

Which poster was it?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:23, Reply)

The bitch with the dirty feet.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:24, Reply)

I don't remember, sorry
Someone else will remember, I dare say.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:29, Reply)

It certainly wasn't Webclam, AKA Dangermouse. He just had an interest in women's fashion.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:32, Reply)

Haahahah, ohh malc, you crazy midget pervert.
His ex wife was TERRIFYING in a "she could hold off an army of Vikings" way. And the new one was just as bad in a Red Pokerdots kind of way.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 11:09, Reply)

I will answer for Chompy
Owls
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

This is a good idea actually
A big fucking screech owl in a too-small cage.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:14, Reply)

I like those little owls you know the ones, Little Owls

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:46, Reply)

I thought you liked the Teat ones

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:50, Reply)

LTI

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:52, Reply)

Yeah, they're awesome
I wonder if they do a big little owl?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:52, Reply)

Well Mr Twin Peaks
I would suggest that this years anniversary is the Porn anniversary,
Its a gift that keeps on giving
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 11:14, Reply)

Haha yeah

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:44, Reply)

Don't you fucking start as well.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:46, Reply)

Laugh dubs right we hahahahahaAAAA parrot giro

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:47, Reply)

So the other day I said you and Lighty could do a Breaking Bad tribute act and you had no idea what I was talking about.
I was talking about this
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:52, Reply)

This still doesn't make sense.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:53, Reply)

It's a television show in which you and Lighty
have a passing resemblance to two of the main characters.
( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:54, Reply)

However neither of us have even a slight resemblance you French prick.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:55, Reply)

You in particular look like the chap in the show.

( Kroney, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:56, Reply)