HE'S DEAD JIM!
What are some of your favourite quotes by doctors?

Alt: Worst gig offenders. Who do you think deserves a special kind of punishment for their actions at a gig? Smoking in the middle of a huge crowd. Barging through to their mates at the front with four pints of pissweak lager spilling everywhere. Watching the entire gig through the window of their held-aloft phone. Anyone else?

Altalt: What do you think has no right calling itself a sandwich filling or something someone else likes in a sandwich like mashed potatoes or kippers?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:10, 118 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hello my name is Dr Greenthumb

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:15, Reply)

oh boy, another prostate exam!

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:17, Reply)

wait is that in answer to the sandwich filling question?

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 17:06, Reply)

"I'm afraid it's terminal"
Alt: Insistence of an encore. This has become the accepted norm now, rather than an occasional treat at the end of a gig that went well for both performer and crowd.

Altalt: Bread.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:23, Reply)

Most bands don't treat it as an encore so much as a chance to change their shirts and have a drink.
I like eels as E always treats it as a joke when he goes off and then comes back on. Then sometimes he waits until the house lights have been on for a few minutes and then comes out and does another one.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:25, Reply)

Most bands treat it as a pain in the arse which they have to plan for along with the rest of their set list.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:27, Reply)

How is it in any way shape or form a pain in teh arse. You have a list of sixteen songs you want to play.
So you play 13 of them, with number 13 being a pretty popular number. You then go and grab a beer, tell each other that you reckon this is going well and then head back on stage and play songs 14, 15 and 16.

I mean, unless there is something seriously defficient about you, this cannot present any kind of problem.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:30, Reply)

Take a look at some of your favourite bands.
Are you trying to tell me there isn't something seriously deficient about these people?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:33, Reply)

SHUT UP MONTY YOUR AN IDIOT!!!!

( Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:34, Reply)

god you really area miserable old bastard

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:26, Reply)

Yes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:27, Reply)

what instructions would you give to people coming to one of your gigs to ensure they behave in the appropriate manner?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:28, Reply)

I would encourage them not to bother coming as they are far too stupid to appreciate it fully.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:29, Reply)

i like this post

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:29, Reply)

Totally ignore them.
Or lob glasses of piss at thrm.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:30, Reply)

Fish finger butties are nom.
I see problems in my continuing my so far one day vegetarianism.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:29, Reply)

Some drop science, well I'm dropping English.
alt:People who camp out all day at the front of an outdoor summer sell out stadium show with no water and only booze. And then pass out/have a panic attack when the crowd lurches forward when the headline act starts.
(socynicalsohip, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:30, Reply)

those Take that come backs were carnage!!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:31, Reply)

...it's like you were there.
I also get wound up when festival goers piss in cups stood up in the crowd.
(socynicalsohip, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:36, Reply)

yeah I've done that...sometimes there is just no choice though

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:37, Reply)

I like to throw it over the crowd in front of me.

( Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:39, Reply)

it's the only answer really

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:40, Reply)

Alt: People who don't seem to understand simple mosh pit 'etiquette'
Someone falls down, you pick them up
Don't pull/push/drag in anyone who doesn't want to be in there.
What happens in there, stays in there (i.e. Don't attack someone after the gig.)
Don't wear spiked jewellry.
Don't aim to hurt someone in particular.

They're the main ones, anyway.

AltAlt: Egg mayo
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:37, Reply)

It does annoy me when you're trying to stay outside the pit but cunts keep trying to drag you in
or throw themselves really hard at you.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:40, Reply)

i hate it when some fat, sweaty man rubs up aginst you after "moshing"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:40, Reply)

m N +me off
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:49, Reply)

Also: no big cleaty boots, you inconsiderate wankers.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 17:51, Reply)

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
Dr. Seuss
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:53, Reply)

Y'know I'm not sure he's a real medical doctor.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:55, Reply)

Are we only allowed to quote medical Doctors?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:58, Reply)

Not at all, I was just thinking aloud.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 15:59, Reply)

Well this is going well

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:09, Reply)

Altalt: coronation chicken should be illegal

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:19, Reply)

Also see Egg Mayo.

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:22, Reply)

I've just calculated my holidays, I can now take every friday off until 1st September.
And still take a week off sometime in between.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:20, Reply)

I'm guessing you're all jelly brahs

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:21, Reply)

alright P-Dogg

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:23, Reply)

Not bad thanks,
thinking if I can get a part time job every friday... can't think if anything is cash in hand based.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:31, Reply)

window cleaner?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:40, Reply)

Hey Chomps did you check this out?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-23029507
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:21, Reply)

Same, I think

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:43, Reply)

alt: people skipping around in a circle at 'heavy metal' concerts.
In fairness I find it so funny I could watch it for hours AND I've never been to a 'heavy metal' concert so I've never seen it in person AND the footage which I have watched, tears rolling down my cheeks with laughter is actually from a nightclub about 25 years ago* but still.

Skipping. In a circle.

*Nottingham Rock City in an Arena doc on 'heavy metal', if you care. It's well worth hunting down.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:21, Reply)

They used to hold some wicked bank holiday all dayers during the 80's
One of the best DJ's was simple called Johnathan
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:25, Reply)

Did you skip in a circle at them?
Were the BBC filming at any of them?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:25, Reply)

This was Hip hop, rare groove, soul and funk all dayers
Not some bent skipping in a circle rock night
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:27, Reply)

I'm going to ask you again.
I don't mind if you did - it's the lying that hurts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:29, Reply)

Look.....I never........I mean........errrrmmmmmm
FUCK OFF
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:30, Reply)

^ CIRCLE SKIPPER^

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:31, Reply)

:o

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:31, Reply)

SKIPPING IN A CIRCLE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:25, Reply)

I prefer to skip in an octogon
It's more fanciful.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:28, Reply)

^ drunk skipping ^

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:29, Reply)

drunk metal plate in one leg
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:30, Reply)

Not drunk
Just...refreshed.

I bought another guitar today, dubble Aitch!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:30, Reply)

I caught it in an earlier thread
By then everyone had fucked off to this thread




When I say everyone.......I mean almost no one
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:31, Reply)

If there's something this place is full of, it's 'No Ones'

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:32, Reply)

:(

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:33, Reply)

Hey, you know I loves ya Porgie

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:35, Reply)

what guitar did you get, Tee Aitsche?
EDIT and how's the lap steel coming along?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:36, Reply)

A '61 Reissue SG
www.themusiczoo.com/images/7-31-12/13903_SG_61_Worn_Brown_TMN_107421572_1.jpg

Yeah, the lapsteel's loads of fun...I need a couple more bits for it though. A decent tone bar would be a start. I'm just using my guitar slide at the moment, and it's a bit light.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:42, Reply)

I have this:
www.richardsguitars.co.uk/acatalog/Epiphone_SG_Custom_Ivory_3_Pickups.html
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:44, Reply)

Oh nice
I've got an Epi G400 SG, and it's brilliant. They're really good value for money, the Epiphones.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:48, Reply)

What's the pickup selector on that guitar? 3 way or 5 way?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:49, Reply)

3
It plays great - the thin neck suits me hands better than my Tele, but there are a couple of buzzy frets: it needs setting up but I have no funds to get it done.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:50, Reply)

Ah, I could do it for you
If I lived nearer, that is.

I wonder if you could upgrade it and put in a 5 way. That's what I'd do, anyway.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:51, Reply)

If I'm honest I'm a fucking moron when it comes to tech stuff.
I just crank the reverb up and noodle away in a surf/garage style most of the time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:56, Reply)

I'm a moron when it comes to everything
but I do know my way around a guitar.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:57, Reply)

That makes you 4.6% less of a moron than me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:58, Reply)

You're just saying that
As soon as windy pig turn turns up


You would drop me like b3th's chest when she takes her bra off
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:36, Reply)

haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:37, Reply)

did you check this out?
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1998452


spooky or what
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:41, Reply)

'what'
I smell marketing bullshit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:45, Reply)

Maybe maybe the base is just not flat and it is the footfall
I would like to think it's a haunted shy statue
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:47, Reply)

As would I but seeing as Scooby-Doo isn't a documentary I fear it's not.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:51, Reply)

Ohhhhh Monts, I forgot you was away last week
Look what I got for Fathers day

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Razor-backed_musk_turtle
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:56, Reply)

I got a handmade card, which was fantastic.
Are you a turtle fan, then? It's quite a unique gift.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 17:02, Reply)

No I have no idea how I have come to be the owner of a Turtle
He's cute as fuck had him going mad in his tank yesterday chasing live prawns, still haven't named him though
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 17:04, Reply)

Touche Turtle OF COURSE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 17:08, Reply)

Thought of that then I remembered I hated Touche Turtle
Some good suggestion were, Kroney's excellent "Polly" and Mighty Badgers "Ghengis FuckShell".

My suggestion of Terrence Fucknuts was not looked at kindly by the wife
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 17:13, Reply)

look wot I dun for my kid's treasure hunt:


Pretty good I reckon
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 17:28, Reply)

YAARRRRRR!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 17:39, Reply)

alright Loco

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 17:44, Reply)

Now that's just not true

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:41, Reply)

I'm bored Twoey and I'm stuck here till 5.30pm all this week

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:42, Reply)

Harsh
I've got fucking shingles, so I'm in quarantine. The downside to being able to work from home is that being sick is no longer an excuse :(
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:48, Reply)

That's one thing I miss about my old job working from home
You could sit there in your pants, drinking beer and working away
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:50, Reply)

I've taken great joy in telling my co-workers that I've worked in the nude before
Then all they can do is wonder if they've ever spoken to me on the phone while I'm in the nip.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:52, Reply)

hahaha
You should have also told them that your getting a new office chair for home and ask if anyone wants your old one.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:55, Reply)

Haha....lovely

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:56, Reply)

And that there's a streak of 'coffee' on the seat but other than that it's fine

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:56, Reply)

And make up some excuse about tippex stains

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:57, Reply)

I'm a dodecahedron nigga myself.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:29, Reply)

Show off

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:30, Reply)

^ jelly tot^

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:36, Reply)

Bloody D&Ders

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 16:31, Reply)

people who moan that i'm stood in front of them.
fuck you guy, you presumably know you're short so get to the gig earlier if this is a problem
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 17:05, Reply)

yeah fuck dem bitches.
I had some prick tell me off for talking at a hip hop show once.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 17:10, Reply)

to be fair you probably shouldn't be making noise that distracts from what people have paid to see

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 18:11, Reply)

Folkies don'T like it when you talk whilst they're singing.
About fucking milkmaids.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 17:55, Reply)

Fucking hell, Nadal just got pwned big style.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 18:06, Reply)

Did you just use the 'word' pwned?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Jun 2013, 19:01, Reply)