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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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this ship's sinking, there's only room for a small number of people on the lifeboat
why shouldn't you die?
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:29, 143 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Well, when you put it like that, I guess there is no reason.
I mean, it'd be sad for my wife and kids, I s'pose.
But in the longer term, I dunno...
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:31, Reply)
Marr reason more like.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:31, Reply)
right, we're chucking you in the atlantic

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:34, Reply)
As long as I have Windy with me.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:35, Reply)
we can stay warm by hugging.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:36, Reply)
gay

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:44, Reply)
there is no reason for me to be saved.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:31, Reply)
overboard you go

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:34, Reply)
'cos I'm the nice one, innit

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:31, Reply)
good enough reason for me, welcome to the lifeboat

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:34, Reply)
\o/
Have a cake
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:45, Reply)
Because between me and Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic
I think we could rebuild civilisation from its ashes.

However, I'll probably be refused entry because I don't have the right sort of boobs.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:31, Reply)
If you and SLVA can reproduce I will be mightily impressed.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:35, Reply)
Rebuild, not reproduce
READ THE WORDS
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:36, Reply)
he just wants to think about you and sv in a sweaty hairy bumclenching embrace

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:37, Reply)
Good luck rebuilding civilisation without knocking out a few kids.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:38, Reply)
this decision will be made strictly on boob bouyancy alone

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:36, Reply)
Oh :(
This does mean you'll have swipe in the lifeboat rather than somebody who's capable of resetting a clock for BST, but whatever.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:36, Reply)
:))
oh man

you totally ninja'd and now i look like i'm enabling your horrific bullying
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:37, Reply)
You need accurate timekeeping in order to navigate without GPS, you know.
Enjoy going around and around in circles.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:49, Reply)
isn't that what we do on here
EVERY DAY?
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:03, Reply)
Do you mean the lightvessel and star of the shipping forecast, or the chap on qotw?

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:41, Reply)
The chap on qotw
The actual shipping zone will probably be of limited use in reinventing the television.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:43, Reply)
because I know how to stop leaks in ships

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:33, Reply)
yeah, well it ain't helping, hope those swimming lessons paid off buddy

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:37, Reply)
I know how to make booze

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:34, Reply)
so does the internet, into the ocean with you

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:38, Reply)
Good luck finding internetz on a lifeboat

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:39, Reply)
As opposed to a vinyard?

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:40, Reply)
See this is why I should stay on the boat
Frenchy thinks you need a vinyard to make booze.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:42, Reply)
Pretty sure you need more than seawater.
Pretty sure any sort of fermentable crop would have trouble growing on seawater.

Pretty sure I wouldn't want to be drinking anything fermented from human waste.

So yeah. Vineyard.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:44, Reply)
You can make some booze with seaweed.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:46, Reply)
This one is quite nice, but needs more than seaweed
www.williamsbrosbrew.com/beerboard/bottles/kelpie
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:48, Reply)
fuck that

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:52, Reply)
A lot of ales have a bit of Irish Moss in them, that's a type of seaweed.
it's either that or Isenglass which is made from fish bladders used for clearing beers.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:58, Reply)
The vegan ones use carrageenan, also derived from seaweed.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:01, Reply)
Because I have a fully loaded SA80 in my hands

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:34, Reply)
not quite sure how an old computer is going to help, bon voyage bucko

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:39, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:46, Reply)
because i can swim

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:36, Reply)
I wouldn't attempt breaststroke with those knock-knees of yours

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:37, Reply)
Phil Collins latest ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:37, Reply)
is this your argument for not getting on the lifeboat?

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:40, Reply)
it was my answer as to why i wouldn't die
but i'd still prefer to be on the lifeboat. i can woman.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:43, Reply)

wo +o
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:02, Reply)
I'd rather get my death over with now, thank you
than die of sunstroke and starvation in the days and weeks to come
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:38, Reply)
the lifeboat has a minibar and an sos system
help is on its way, you have to die for insolence
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:43, Reply)
Because I have a set of gills that enable me to breathe underwater
thereby allowing me to deep-dive down to Old Earth to bring up mud to sell to Dennis Hopper?
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:39, Reply)
^ Fucking Frogs ^

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:40, Reply)
because I have a box with a single after eight mint and while everybody is distracted by desperately wanting but not taking the last mint
I will have taken the boat
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:40, Reply)
because I'm the best one here
/ac
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:40, Reply)
Can't we just chuck the fattest ones?

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:40, Reply)
not very far

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:42, Reply)
lash them together and use their clothes as sails

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:42, Reply)
they attract more sharks though

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:42, Reply)
Then catch the sharks and eat them?

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:43, Reply)
wait for the sharks to have coronaries then simply pick them out of the water

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:48, Reply)

They never sink
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:44, Reply)
Are you not one of the fattest ones?

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:51, Reply)
we could use his face to reflect the sun and attract ships

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:52, Reply)
Why is this making me laugh?

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:52, Reply)
No, I ate an apple today.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:52, Reply)
Was it attached to a roast suckling pig and you forgot to stop once all the flesh was gone

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:53, Reply)
haha

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:54, Reply)
You're making me hungry.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:56, Reply)
I'm hoping to slip by unnoticed in a
vertically striped mumu.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:52, Reply)
Justified

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:53, Reply)
And ancient.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:54, Reply)
Burns 1 million pounds








Regrets years later when popularity has faded
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:01, Reply)
you're not fat
just really really ugly
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:04, Reply)
Not true!
At least two people haev said I'm "alright looking".
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:10, Reply)
your mum and your right hand with a lipstick mouth drawn on it don't count

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:11, Reply)
YES THEY DO SHUT UP

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:12, Reply)
NOR DOES YOUR LEFT HAND OR YOUR GOB FOLLOWING A RIB REMOVAL

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:13, Reply)
i've just had a lean, hardcore couple of weeks and lost another half a stone
so i think we should all have to post our BMI's.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:13, Reply)
Because I have boobs.
And if help doesn't show, you could always eat me.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 15:58, Reply)
Hi B3th

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:00, Reply)
Alright Nakers.
I saw a carpenters in Weston today called Badman & Badman. Made me think of you.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:07, Reply)
then what happened?

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:12, Reply)
Then I wondered why it wasn't called 'Badman & Dukaz'
Then I wondered who would employ a carpenter called 'Badman'
Then I stopped thinking about it.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:15, Reply)
i'm not hungry

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:26, Reply)
I totally should die
I'm not terribly fit, I know very few practical survival techniques, I have a massive appetite, and I don't do well in the heat. I'd be a burden. You're better off killing me and eating my remains.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:02, Reply)
b ut your from Pomey, the sea is in your blood!

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:03, Reply)
Nah, island mentality innit
Not only do we never leave Portsea, we don't like it when people turn up. It was fine when it was just sailors...all they wanted was booze and women.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:05, Reply)
Portsmouth, Southsea, Portsea, Gosport
You people really lack imagination.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:06, Reply)
Landport, Portchester, Hilsea

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:07, Reply)
And everything's got a fucking boat all drawn on it.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:08, Reply)
Well, a lot of things are
But then it is the birthplace of the Royal Navy. You sort of expect it.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:10, Reply)
It gets boring after a while.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:11, Reply)
i had a big dispute over a shop in portsmouth once
it sold dirty videos. nice.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:12, Reply)
Were you angry that they didn't have
Fisting Analbusters 6 in?
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:13, Reply)
i signed your copy of that for you

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:13, Reply)
Is that unusual?
I imagine most cities have shops that sell pornography.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:14, Reply)
i think it was unusual that portsmouth still had one
most of them went bust when the internet came out
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:15, Reply)
Have you been struggling to find glory holes to frequent?

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:22, Reply)
Most naming of places is unimaginative and based on the local topography.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:09, Reply)
And how are things in Hemping Yurterton?

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:10, Reply)
It's a beautiful and deeply spiritual place.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:22, Reply)
Bet Monty'll love this
UK map with real place names
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:14, Reply)
Bagsy one of your hats

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:03, Reply)
You can have them both mate
I won't need them where I'm going.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:04, Reply)
YES
I shall sit upon the lifeboat like a Colossus on a throne made of hats!
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:04, Reply)
I only wish I could have been alive to see it

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:05, Reply)
this is the sort of selfless attitude we need, get on the boat

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:25, Reply)
I can go the longest without wanking so you'll have to put up with less masturbations in the life raft.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:06, Reply)
I bet you're wanking right now.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:08, Reply)
+ into a smarties tube

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:11, Reply)
I'm perpetually wanking therefore nullifying the metrics.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:37, Reply)
I suppose they could use you as an outboard motor

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:38, Reply)
less masturbation, more effluent

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:09, Reply)
I don't know what wealth has to do with anything

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:14, Reply)
he could pay our passage with fishermen from Singapore

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:20, Reply)
Man I *love* Elvis Presley

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:21, Reply)
i think that generally masturbation would be encouraged

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:25, Reply)
because I'm a racist

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:09, Reply)
the passengers will need segregating at some point

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:11, Reply)
Three Drachma for the boat, Costas, alright?
Now beetle off and find me some retsina.
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:11, Reply)
I thought I was supposed to be the racist one?

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:14, Reply)
back of the lifeboat boy

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:19, Reply)

boat

Man I love soap
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:22, Reply)
you've already drowned

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:20, Reply)
wait....but......i've............mmm
fuck
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:21, Reply)
it was a racist post.

(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:26, Reply)
Hahaha
Lefty hand wringers strike again

metro.co.uk/2013/07/02/tesco-apologises-for-selling-horror-movie-colouring-book-to-children-3865540/
(, Tue 2 Jul 2013, 16:32, Reply)

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