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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So, in what way are you a mental?
and don't go trying to claim sanity.

Alt: Old fashioned thing you secretly with would make a comeback so you could get away with it? I'd go for gentlemen carrying swords.

***POST YOUR REPLIES IN THIS WILF-PROOF THREAD***
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:41, 197 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Yeah, I can't see anything wrong with men carrying swords at all.
Why don't we all just carry guns, instead?
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)
works in Texas

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:43, Reply)
GUNS KILL YOU PRICK

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:43, Reply)
Guns don't kill people HH, PEOPLE kill people.


well that's that all wrapped up
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)
BEST LET THEM ALL CARRY SHARPENED STEEL KILLING STICKS

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)
YES \o/

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:45, Reply)
I wan't a pair of swords strapped to my back

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:46, Reply)
What you want is your fucking apostrophe key removing from your keyboar'd.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:50, Reply)
I challenge you to a dual

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:53, Reply)
Let's not get carried away here.
Why don't we just have a single?
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:55, Reply)
NO WHISKEY CHAT

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:57, Reply)
He should shove his apostrophe key up his cock end and shit out Lynne Truss

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:54, Reply)
fucking people have put in meetinsg over lunch AND after the end of the day
CUNTS
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)
I do lunch time meetings in the pub, last few of them I have paid and been driving though :(

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)
Tell them to fuck off
and walk out Placid-style. If you can drop a mic to the floor first, all the better.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:45, Reply)
alt: Slavery

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:47, Reply)
Alt: Droit du seigneur

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:49, Reply)
What even on b3th's wedding night?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:51, Reply)
That would be drop de senior?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:24, Reply)
alt: Prima Nocte

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:50, Reply)
alt, strapping wimmin to railway lines.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:51, Reply)
Haha
I'll bet the Reynolds Girls would reply to the Alt with...

No golden oldies, Rollin' Stones. We don't want ya back.

Because They'd rather Jack.

Than Fleetwood Mac.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:51, Reply)
this is all french to me

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:52, Reply)
Ace dance moves.
They sadly had a reunion thing.
The video is on youtube and quite hilarious/tragic
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:12, Reply)
look, can you clear something up I think everyone is just too embarrassed to ask

is it pronounced boy-c or boys
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:52, Reply)
it's pronounced "boyce"

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:52, Reply)
Who is this guy?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:54, Reply)
I believe that he is the best one here

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:55, Reply)
I thought that was me :(

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:01, Reply)
Oh ho! I get it – trying to trick me into revealing my secrets eh? I don’t think so, pal!

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:54, Reply)
Actually it's pronounced 'bwah', coming as it does from the Norman French 'Bois'

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:57, Reply)
"Monty Bwah" sounds like a really shit Jamaican rapper.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:02, Reply)

like a really Jamaican rapper
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:04, Reply)
It's like TwoFace.
When he's been on the coke and is going down on a transexual with a Health Check from 2010, he's Boyce. And when he's a loving father who would do anything for his child, he's Boyce.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:58, Reply)

Face hats
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:02, Reply)
I say it like Boycie off Only Fools
MARLEEEEEEEN
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:13, Reply)
Self-loathing, mild OCD, fear of the floor collapsing underneath me and a barely controllable urge to throw things through windows
Alt: Seventies chicks. The ones in movies from the 70's don't look like girls today. And I want one.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:59, Reply)
Alt: Didn't they come in twos?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:05, Reply)
Hey, I'll take two

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:06, Reply)
ah the 70's porn bush

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:08, Reply)
I donno man, got so many nurances and all that, I think dyslexia is my worst.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 12:59, Reply)
The fact that I now believe beans, cheese and bacon to be a better topping for a jacket potato than chilli and cheese
Alt: Politeness.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)
alt: Fuck off you broke prick

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:05, Reply)
Alt: Spangles. But white dog-shit flavour.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:05, Reply)
I'm really not actually mental in any way, soz.
Alt: using my closed-down creepy funfair as a base from which to run a criminal enterprise, making use of a local legend of a ghost (perhaps an old sea captain or similar) to scare people away.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:06, Reply)


(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:07, Reply)
Fred was a right bender wasn't he?
I mean seriously, the 'Tony Hart' look just ain't right, yo.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:08, Reply)
Wasn't he boffing Daphne?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:09, Reply)
If not, he was definitely bent.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:10, Reply)
Nah, I was.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:10, Reply)
Nahhh Velma was working her bean

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:11, Reply)
haha

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:10, Reply)
Alt YMs

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:06, Reply)
Bonne anniversaire, Battered

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:56, Reply)
Raiding villages and monasteries, with the sole intention of murder, rape and loot
Life was so much better in 1939
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:13, Reply)
Alt
I would bring back people being on time for things rather than just using their mobile to say they are running late
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:15, Reply)
Im really not mental. No meds or nuffink.
I reckon a good plague wold do us the world of good. And none of this pansy Cancer/AIDS bollocks, proper black death, pus filled carnage.

That would separate the wheat from the chavs, eh
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:20, Reply)
alt: abusing Eddie Kidd

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:22, Reply)
You complete spastic

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:24, Reply)
I'm well mad me!!! LOL
Honestly I should be locked up, the crazy things I do!!!
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:25, Reply)
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Peter Sutcliffe

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:28, Reply)
I can't see the Yorkshire Ripper living in a yurt, can you?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:31, Reply)
The Yurtshire Ripper

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:32, Reply)
Carves your organs out with an organic corn on the cob.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:35, Reply)
Instead of murdering prossies
he opens a drop-in centre for them and makes them attend tribal drum therapy groups to help them work through their problems in a safe environment.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:36, Reply)
Haha

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:40, Reply)
indeed

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:56, Reply)
I once got my socks mixed up and had one Beaker sock and one Fozzie Bear sock on
I was at work as well. Oh man.

Alt: Big ole talced-up wigs
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:36, Reply)
i'm not even wearing socks today!

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:50, Reply)
*shoots the glass*

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:52, Reply)
eh?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:53, Reply)
Film, innit

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:55, Reply)
which one?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:56, Reply)
Die Hard

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:56, Reply)
i have shoes on, just no socks
glass holds no fear for me
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:58, Reply)
unless it's a mirror

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:03, Reply)
scum

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:16, Reply)
Maybe you should have let the original Wilf thread run its course.
Deleting is too good for this lot.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:42, Reply)
I tried on a hat shaped like a roast chicken once
If anything, it was a bit too waki.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:44, Reply)
Can something be too waki, though?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:48, Reply)
You be the judge....

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:49, Reply)
he could process his own bankruptcy then

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:55, Reply)

Face obscured to protect the innocent
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:48, Reply)
I think I've lost weight since that was taken, you know

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:49, Reply)
Would.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:50, Reply)
Might

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:52, Reply)
Ok well....it appears that yes, there *is* such a thing as 'too waki' after all.
Who knew?
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:51, Reply)
I can't stop thinking about beating up Eddie Kidd.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:52, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:52, Reply)
It was in a fancy dress shop
Why would you need that hat? Unless you were going to a party dressed as a sunday roast, perhaps.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:52, Reply)
The Balloon hat b4sh is back on

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:58, Reply)
This is the last thing I wanted to happen
the LAST
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:04, Reply)
They gave a similar hat away as a WKD promotion a few Christmasses ago.
It covered your whole head. You were the chicken.

Awful.

I never had one, I was just working in bars at the time
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:04, Reply)
Jesus

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:06, Reply)
alt: cheeky street urchins, instead of the chavs of today

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:54, Reply)
Where do you stand on loveable rogues?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:55, Reply)
i'm for them

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:56, Reply)
You know what? Me too

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:57, Reply)
Me too!
They're just so loveable, aren't they?
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:00, Reply)
Haha, they ARE aren't they!

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:05, Reply)
+ clause does-a no exist-a
Alt: Ketchips from the 80s. I think I've mentioned this before.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:54, Reply)
I completely forgot they existed
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEP8xd2uAsY
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:56, Reply)
There's a possibility my memories of them could be a bit rose-tinted

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:57, Reply)
I think that's probably true

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 13:59, Reply)
holy fuck
they look vile
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:17, Reply)
The ink flids are out numbering us almost 3-1
b3ta.com/calendar/event/25080

You really need to promote this a bit more Boyce
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:05, Reply)
I thought eveyone here would get on board right away but no.
It seems expecting the support of my SO-CALLED FRIENDS was in fact misguided.

THANKS A LOT, CUNTS.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:17, Reply)
Maybe I should hand out some flyers outside FAQs?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:17, Reply)
Those FAQ guys are far too cool to even acknowledge you.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:18, Reply)
Bunch of fucking wee wee tapirs

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:20, Reply)
I've just had a very, very exciting email that has made my week!
And now I'm going to be a tedious cunt and leave it at that, without details, as I'm too scared to jinx it.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:08, Reply)
I guess the bit about being scared to jinx it answers the main question though.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:08, Reply)
Was it from the clinic?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:09, Reply)
Unfortunately not.
Apparently that was all my own fault and they've asked me not to bother them again.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:10, Reply)
You medieval oaf, jinxing? FFS, why not observe the flights of birds to decide whether to post it, you...you fucking augur spastic?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:12, Reply)
I love you.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:12, Reply)
No-one could blame you.
I'm one of those 'loveable rogues' everyone's going mad about these days.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:13, Reply)
Haha run along you little scamp!

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:17, Reply)
The Yurtsmiths have acutally got the Mumford and Sons support slot haven't they - just like in my dream!!!

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:14, Reply)
I WISH!!!
Those Mumfords are soooo cool.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:16, Reply)
Everyone loves the 'Trust Fund Wurzels'

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:17, Reply)
You've finally taken delivery of your "Home Pubic Dreadlock Kit", haven't you.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:26, Reply)
Hey these dreadlocks are natural, man.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:27, Reply)
I had a fucking deranged dream last night featuring a new mint sweet called 'Ixnae'
There was a song advertising it that went 'Ixnae with the Ixnae' to the tune of 'In with the in crowd'.

I think this is my answer to the 'are you mental' q
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:19, Reply)
I understand nearly all of the words in this post
and yet I still don't know what you're banging on about.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:25, Reply)
That's the whole point. I'm more than a little perturbed, myself.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:27, Reply)
Have you been on the 'flu medication?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:30, Reply)
*does drinky hand*

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:33, Reply)
The one he found it on the floor of the bogs in the pub?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:33, Reply)
That was weird shit.
It fucking hurt my nose.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:33, Reply)
Well I, for one, am astounded that the random, unknown drugs you found
left on the floor of a pub toilet, when drug-users are so famously careless with their gear, could possibly be a little odd.

Astounded.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:36, Reply)
You are right to be astounded.
It's astounding.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:46, Reply)
Time is fleeting

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:54, Reply)
I did have a little go on the old 'smelling salts' when I got in last night.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:33, Reply)
What I don't get right is yeah, if snorting coke is the best to have coke, then how comes there aren't any legal drugs that you should snort.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:35, Reply)
This ain't an anti-coke thing.
I just mean, woudln't it be better to take it how normal drugs are taken?
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:36, Reply)
Rectally?
Not really easy to do on an average night out.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:37, Reply)
I don't know, you've been out with Monty and Stunned haven't you?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:40, Reply)
Can't say I've noticed them bending each other over pub tables
in order to insert cocaine suppositories into each other, no.

This isn't to say it hasn't happened, though. Just that I haven't witnessed it.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:42, Reply)
they both wear coke filled dildo pants
for continuous dosage
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:44, Reply)
hahahah
'coke-filled dildo pants' is fucking hilarious
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:46, Reply)
You want a pair dont you

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:53, Reply)
Yes

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:54, Reply)
*French Joke*

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:59, Reply)
its just the quickest way to get it into the blood stream
where as with normal drugs you would want to have a slow release hence oral or anal insertion so they dissolve in the stomach. By inhaling it dissolves into the nasal membrane and is straight into the blood.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:40, Reply)
^ this precisely
The nose is a super-fast delivery system, but it's sensitive. Cocaine's anaesthetic qualities mean that it doesn't hurt to snort it.

Snorting ecstasy is highly effective but it's like setting fire to your face. It's fucking agony. Plus, ecstasy is well bent.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:45, Reply)
Ah those early teenage years with a g of pink champaign
Trying to pretend it didn't sting like fuck.,
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:47, Reply)
'happy' days eh

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:49, Reply)
Yeah I used to be able to spell Champagne back then

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:53, Reply)
Before you went to the Eddie Kidd School of English

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:57, Reply)
Go on, 'it 'im!

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:59, Reply)

go come
i
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:06, Reply)
Could you mix the E with an anesthetic?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:59, Reply)
You sure could

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:03, Reply)
But what if you want super quick into the blood system like you're about to have a heart attack or something?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:58, Reply)
Then they tend to use
hyper dermic needles,
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:59, Reply)
Could you do coke like that?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:02, Reply)
Yeah people inject coke.
It's rare though. I imagine people who also poke smack would be likely candidates. As I understand it, some people get addicted to the ritual of injection as well as the drug itself.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:04, Reply)
Cool, yeah', that "Hurt" johnny cash song talks about the poking bit.
I use EMLA cream.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:07, Reply)
I think it's a 'Face Book' reference.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:08, Reply)
I dont think mainlining coke directly into the heart is worthwhile.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:05, Reply)
Also speedballs are famously pretty much entirely risk-free, which is good news.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:07, Reply)
Whatso ne of 'em?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:07, Reply)
cocaine and heroin cocktail, injected.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:08, Reply)
Hardcore.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:09, Reply)
Don't they counter each other? Isn't one an upper and the other a downer?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:10, Reply)
As i understand it it, they're extremely enjoyable.
Not really sure of the details thank God.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:17, Reply)
is that like bombing it?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:08, Reply)
It really isn't, no.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:08, Reply)
NO BOMBING

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:09, Reply)
NO RUNNING

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:09, Reply)
Heavy petting?
I'll bring my own pet.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:10, Reply)
NO PETTING

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:09, Reply)
Spoilsport

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:10, Reply)
AND NO PISSING IN THE POOL

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:11, Reply)
my plan for tomorrow is to punch everyone shorter than around 5'9"
Just in case battered is there.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:43, Reply)
You're going to Lilliput?

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 14:44, Reply)
=(
I'm 5 ft 5 inches AND A HALF.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:06, Reply)
that makes you shorter than battered
and Dozer
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:13, Reply)
OMg, Andy Bates just did a wicked thai scotch egg, using red curry paste in the meat and coating in panko then re-coating in peanuts.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:06, Reply)
He has a stall by my flat on Saturdays
They do haggis ones too, which are well nom.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:07, Reply)
I'd fucking love a good food market up by me.
The market in Enf Town is great for veg, but the food-stalls there are shit.
(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:09, Reply)
I will really miss mine. It's literally one minute's walk from my door.

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:16, Reply)
NEW FRED

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:08, Reply)
But there's some great Class A drug chat going on here!

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:09, Reply)
I'm sure we can carry that on in DA NU FRED

(, Fri 5 Jul 2013, 15:10, Reply)

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