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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

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Well finally some good news.
Depressing Paddy and Beowulf-ruiner Seamus Heaney is dead.

What was the last goods news you heard (apart from this obv)?

Alt: the last bad news?
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:34, 171 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
When I was a kid we had to study his dreary shit so I wrote a Parody of his "The Early Purges"
called "The Early Portions" where Dan Taggart anally raped him. When I saw my old english teacher 15 years later he told me he had found a copy in the back of my english book and thought it was so good he uses it as an example of parody in his GCSE English classes. I'm quite proud of that to be honest.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:38, Reply)
that's fucking excellent

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:49, Reply)
When I heard yesterday that my ex had agreed to me having micro all weekend, every other weekend, in addition to the contact I have during the week.
Alt: a good friend is having relationship shit.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:42, Reply)
The wife told me she's ordered some sexy underwear
alt. to wear for Battered to cheer him up.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:46, Reply)
Ha!

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:48, Reply)
You know between your moobs, the bit that connects them like a B that faces down, well, the bit that connects them on me no longer folds down onto my belly, so i've probably lost a bit of weight.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:48, Reply)
No
Because I don't have moobs
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:49, Reply)
^ this ^

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:51, Reply)
You are a strong beutiful powerful indvidual, there is no need to continue to have diggs at me to boost your ego.
You have achieved enough in life to validate yourself through your own merit rather than dismerit of others.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:05, Reply)
Your wife is missing out, moobs are perfectly natural.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:52, Reply)
My wife hates anyone with bigger tits than hers

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:53, Reply)
She shouldn't feel threatened by big boobies, she should embrace them for the beuty they are. First the left one, then the right one, and then that little bit in the middle that folds over.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:58, Reply)
Is this related to the book throwing? You know, hates anything that's a bigger cunt than she's got.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:06, Reply)
You know what
I'm not even sure the book throwing thing really happened. Do books have cunts? I'm not sure I get this, maybe I'm being a spastic again.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:09, Reply)
She hates you for being a massive cunt.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:12, Reply)
I'll have you know that I am wonderfull
and if you keep that up I won't be bringing you any Hogs Pudding.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:14, Reply)
So sorry. A thousand apologies. Really. Most genuinely. Honest.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:15, Reply)
She won't dress up for you in the sexy underwear either

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:19, Reply)
If its a choice between that and the hogs pudding...
I'd like the pudding. Thanks.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:25, Reply)
You would choose hogs pudding over my wife in Sexy Undies?
Gayer than GeordieJay right here!
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:29, Reply)
It's more a comment on how much I miss Hogs Pudding.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:36, Reply)
We had to study him at school.
Depressing shit poems about potato's.
My friend Sarah wished death on a grey haired bushy eyebrowed Irishman.

The day after father Ted died.

Today, she repents.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:48, Reply)
Lucky you, we got Wilfred Owen, fucking depressing it was too.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:51, Reply)
Me too. Siegfried Sassoon as well.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:52, Reply)
Vidal's hatefully jealous sibling.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:53, Reply)
*sniggers*

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:54, Reply)
I had him too.
It's a wonder I didn't kill myself

Strikethrough tragedy, yeah yeah, whatever.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:53, Reply)
I quite liked one of his poems.
Can't remember which one though.
Something about a funeral or summat?
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:49, Reply)
It was this one:
www.poemhunter.com/poem/mid-term-break/
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:09, Reply)
Not related but
WANT
www.classiccarsforsale.co.uk/car-advert/daimler/sovereign/1973/205290/
ALSO WANT
www.classiccarsforsale.co.uk/car-advert/jensen/interceptor/1972/211572/
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:51, Reply)
Jensons are funny to drive you feel the front end going up

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:54, Reply)
That exciting, huh?

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:56, Reply)
That happens with quite a lot of high horsepower, front engined, rear wheel drive cars.
Easier to cope with than torque steer from too much power to a front wheel drive. Anything over 220bhp through the front wheels is a nightmare without a decent diff.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:57, Reply)
I still like the idea of a Volvo P1800
I know it's a bit of a plodder but I love the looks
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:09, Reply)
If you want a classic car
surely THIS is better suited to someone with your stature?
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:55, Reply)
Not clicking that, might be a bubble car.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:58, Reply)
not a bubble car

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:00, Reply)

www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/size/smallest-roadworthy-car
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:02, Reply)
Oh hilarious.
Actually hilarious tired meme.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:05, Reply)
all memes are tired

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:08, Reply)
Racist

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:15, Reply)
Jensen Interceptor...want
a good one is bloody dear though, the Daimler should be cheaper?
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:58, Reply)
I want both.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:02, Reply)
What the fuck is good news?

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:51, Reply)


(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:58, Reply)
And I thought they were all rabidly homophobic.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:58, Reply)
Only the gay ones are.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:12, Reply)
Again @skool.
My favourite O Level author was Laurie Lee, Cider with Rosie. Brilliant stuff.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:57, Reply)
Good news: We're having curry not my Mum's cooking when I visit for dinner tomorrow night.
Bad news: I have to visit my parents for dinner tomorrow night.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 13:58, Reply)
It's Scarpe!
Alright? Liking your photography on FB btw.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:03, Reply)
Most kind, sir.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:08, Reply)
How are things?

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:11, Reply)
Not like the French to run towards a fight eh!

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:01, Reply)
Yeah the US is pushing them though.
Russia are just waiting for an excuse to buttfuck America.

it's like a playground.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:04, Reply)
WW3! I'm ready!

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:04, Reply)
Me too! This is the good news ivebeen waiting for.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:05, Reply)
Doesn't matter which side the us are on
the US kill our soldiers no matter what side they're on.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:07, Reply)
So what you saying is, regarding the matter of which side the us is on
Is that it doesn't matter which side the us are on the US kill our soldiers no matter what side they're on.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:11, Reply)
ariston and on and on

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:13, Reply)
I for one cannot wait for Armageddon.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:07, Reply)
No Michael Bay chat

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:07, Reply)
So qotw has all gone a bit 'sheds'
Is it going to last the week?
Why hasn't Nakers been stepped?
Who really cares?
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:12, Reply)
All this and more in next weeks episode of "Soap"
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSaNWYHmUvI
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:18, Reply)
The New American Dad dvd arrived today \O/
That's tonight sorted
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:16, Reply)
I will be enjoying the same level of amusement and laughter
By staring at a wall.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:17, Reply)
SAME FEELING I GOT READING THIS REPLY...
YEAH!!
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:20, Reply)
AWWWWWWW!!!!

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:22, Reply)
As you know, I'm not usually one to comment about the quality of threads.
However this one is horrendously dire.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:24, Reply)
Today's efforts have all been dire.
I like to think I have helped bring it down.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:26, Reply)
NOW YOU OWN IT

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:27, Reply)
LUFFA B. AT HIS USUAL SHITFUCKTARD BEST. ... FACTS, SMACTS. ... TIDE GOES IN, TIDE GOES SIDEWAYS, WHO KNOWS WHY !!!

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:30, Reply)
THEN THERE IS THE MATTER OF THE SHITFUCKTARDS IN IT. I THINK YOYU CAN TELL HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE PEOPLE HERE WHO INSULT BOTH OF OUR COUNTRIES.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:47, Reply)
Friday innit.
People are worn out after a weeks work.

Well, I am anyway.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:34, Reply)

or an
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:36, Reply)
Nakers you prick
I didn't find the Shitpants nugent thing funny at all until I knew where it came from but now I can't stop laughing and I'm at work!
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:32, Reply)
It's fucking great

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:33, Reply)
\o/

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:34, Reply)

WHAT
THE
FUCK
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:53, Reply)
If you google miketars1 he comments like that on anything and everything
https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=miketars&oq=miketars&aqs=chrome..69i57&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#q=miketars1
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:37, Reply)
Link fail. Remove the s from the http

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:54, Reply)
No

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:55, Reply)
Yeah well I didn't want to click on that link anyway.
*petulant*
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:58, Reply)
If people can't cut and paste then fuck them right in the fucking face

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:06, Reply)
can someone point me in the direction of where it came from?
Cos I'd like to share in the merriment, and frankly it's annoying the tits off me at the moment. And even Nakers doesn't usually do that.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:41, Reply)
This guy:
www.youtube.com/user/miketars1
I linked to an Amboy Dukes tune the other week and the best comment on there (in fact possibly the entire internet) came from him.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:44, Reply)
just
wow.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:48, Reply)
THE CEREAL IS GAY ???? HOW IS AN INANIMATE OBJECT GAY ??? SO LUFFA B., DRUGBO, AND EVERY IN THE CLOSET REPUBLICAN, DON'Y BUY THE CEREAL. WHO CARE

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:50, Reply)
My word.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:58, Reply)
Is he for real?
Hard to tell these days and America does breed amazing loons.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:59, Reply)
What's quite interesting is that I think (only think, mind you, there's a certain "lack of clarity")
that he's a left wing wingnut. That level of mental is usually the preserve of the right in the US.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:02, Reply)
same in every country isn't it?
Republican and Conservative
East and West
Labour and Tory
Protestant and Catholic
Everyone and Jews

Can't we all just hug it out and accept that different folk like different hings?
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:06, Reply)
apart from the Jews
they really are cunts.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:10, Reply)
Good grief
FUCK THIS REPUBLICAN SHITFUCKTARD. I
WOULD LIKE TO SEE ALL 85,000 PEOPLE IN HIS
DISTRICT VOTE AGAINST HIM AND THEN WE
COULD SEE HOW THAT 85,000 TO 0 LOSS
LOOKS TO HIM. THE LAST TIME I LOOKED GOD
IS NOT AN AMERICAN CITIZEN. AND IF YOU
WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIS SON JESUS CHRIST
HE WAS AND ISRAELI BORN OF AN ISRAELI
MOTHER AND HIS EARTHLY STAND IN FATHER
WAS ALSO AN ISRAELI. AS FAR AS I KNOW,
JESUS CHRIST, EVEN BEING GOD, WOULD NOT
BE ELIGIBLE TRO VOTE. RIGHT ????!!!!!!
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:02, Reply)
Fucks sake there's no pleasing some of these hippy pricks
This guy I know has been bleating on about emailing your MP and telling them not to go to war with Syria, the day after he gets what he fucking wanted he's complaining about it. Twat
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:01, Reply)
Release some sarin in his filing cabinet.
that should shut the fucker up.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:05, Reply)
Hippies defeat sarin with overpowering patchouli oil

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:06, Reply)
dungeons and dragons - cheesecloth and terrorism edition.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:10, Reply)
someone tell me about something properly nice
before I go off and behead someone or something
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:11, Reply)
I have my daughter all weekend, including her first overnight stay at my place. \o/.
Will that do?
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:13, Reply)
DON'T LET HER MESS UP YOUR £2K SOFA

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:15, Reply)
She's already got crumbs on it.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:17, Reply)
FUCKING SHIT PaNTS BITCH

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:17, Reply)
they do seem to drop more crumbs than Hansel and/or Gretel

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:17, Reply)
Innit. They seem to acquire them out of thin air.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:18, Reply)
eh

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:18, Reply)
Split from wife in April.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:19, Reply)
oh
I'd feel bad for you but you are often mean
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:20, Reply)
Nothing to feel bad about. My life is much improved.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:21, Reply)
ITS A GOOD THING THAT STUPID BITCH IS OUT OF HIS LIFE IT WAS ALWAYS HER FAULT FOR EVERYTHING THE STUPID CLOTH EARED DOUBLE BLACK EYED BINT BECAUSE I TOLD HER TWICE ALREADY

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:22, Reply)
NOW SHE OWN HALF IT, SHITPANTS

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:26, Reply)
FUCKING SHIT PANTS PND MISERABLE WHORE

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:28, Reply)
fluffeh kittums

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:13, Reply)
close

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:18, Reply)
I'm not working tomorrow.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:13, Reply)
good for you

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:18, Reply)
You said 'properly nice'. This is for me.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:25, Reply)
baby puffins are called pufflings.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:13, Reply)
SQueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I MEAN...

FUCK SHITPANTS PUFFINS
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:14, Reply)
SHITPANTS PUFFINS
is clearly a good band name.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:20, Reply)
cuntpuffin
is an excellent swear
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:20, Reply)
WEE WEE TAPIR!!!!!!!

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:26, Reply)
this one's tiny
www.kare11.com/images/640/360/2/assetpool/images/130723112250_Baby%20Tapir%20Minnesota%20Zoo%203%201280.jpg
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:28, Reply)
This is teh kind of thing that makes me wish I worked in a safari park

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:31, Reply)
THIS IS THE KIND OF THING
crisis averted
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:18, Reply)
I have terminal AIDS

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:14, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post2066177
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:14, Reply)
YES. FINALLY SOME GOOD NEWS.
*dances*
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:16, Reply)
Turn the Bragg down, 'comrade', there's a dear.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:27, Reply)
also this
how long must the world put up with you, or is the bad news that they can keep you hanging on for years?
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:19, Reply)
A group of flamingos is called a flamboyance.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:17, Reply)

flamingos Geordiejays
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:18, Reply)
slag

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:19, Reply)
Xx

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:22, Reply)
this is also excellent

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:19, Reply)
also, gays.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:19, Reply)

Once your brain realizes that you’re dying, it releases DMT, one of the most powerful known psychedelics. This dilates your perception of time and allowing you to live inside your own mind for hours or even days.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:19, Reply)
oh man
I could have been dying for the last week, then?
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:21, Reply)
You might only be *here* in you own mind.

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:22, Reply)
i wish I had a better imagination

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:26, Reply)
The opportunity to live inside your own mind, and you come here.
Maybe you are dying
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:28, Reply)
We're all dying cavy, some of us (stunned, Gonz) are dying faster than others

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:24, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2064583
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:23, Reply)
Clever boy!
*pats head*
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:24, Reply)
*wags tail*

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:26, Reply)
Tell me about it bruv
I have never in all my born days been even 1% as high as I have been on a hefty dose of DMT. Not even close.
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:26, Reply)
Glowing endorsement from the resident gurning madman

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:35, Reply)
Quite the opposite.
I am a fucking expert. No gurning, no acting like a twat...
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:51, Reply)
Musée des Beaux-Arts?

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:25, Reply)
galleries are cool I suppse
although googling, it seems to be a poem, too. I am uncultured
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:31, Reply)
This may help
www.timeout.com/nice/search/?tag_id=4242
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:32, Reply)
oh!
Nice, nice

i went there once, it was....OK
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:34, Reply)
Did you go to the buscuit factory?

(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:36, Reply)
I was there about 12 hours or something
I remember sitting on a beach, buying a birthday card for me mum, then I think we got on a train to somewhere else
(, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 15:37, Reply)

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