Bit wanky to rely on, if it's not police standard.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-24021072
My gym uses fingerprint login, they're shite. Usually queues of people waiting to be waved through. What else is unreliable? Apart form YM, obvs.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:00, 195 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

I use the fingerprint login on my laptop - purely as it's quicker.
My ex is unreliable, as well as unstable and at times, deranged.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:02, Reply)

Fingerprint works ok then?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:07, Reply)

On a Lenovo it does. Rarely have a problem with it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:07, Reply)

did you not notice while you were courting?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:18, Reply)

She phoned me today to tell me she wasn't talking to me.
I pissed myself laughing.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:20, Reply)

Has she changed that much since you thought you'd propose and spend the rest of your life with her?
I am bemused
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:21, Reply)

Yes. She really has. A lot of our (mutual & separate friends) agree with me on this.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:22, Reply)

bitches be trippin
I blame the scotch in her as well
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:24, Reply)

she should phone you to tell you she found that 57K down the back of the sofa

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:22, Reply)

I found £25 in my suit the other day

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:25, Reply)

You're nearly as rich as Battered xx

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:26, Reply)

I won £5.00 on the lottery the other week.
I tend not to play it; it's a tax on the mathematically inept, but it was such a big jackpot a few weeks ago I couldn't resist.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:28, Reply)

i love a massive jackpot and it's only a quid or so ffs

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:30, Reply)

Free money as I call it. Always nice.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:29, Reply)

We have to both complete something called a Form E.
If the details aren't there then she'll be in a difficult situation legally.

TBH - I'm determined that Micro wants for nothing regardless.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:27, Reply)

yeah of course, but no matter what Kuwait was gonna pay she'd rather have her daddy than the "money"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:32, Reply)

I know. I just need to balance being with her with my career. Of course she is the most important thing in my life, but I have to do what is best long term as well as short term.
Re the long term, this may mean working away at times.

By my career of course I mean my income & earning ability, but also a job that interests me & has the potential progression I want. This may include some international work.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:35, Reply)

Balancing act innit, hence our move to the country and me commuting
shit commute for me, bigger house, garden, fresh air for all of us.

that's life innit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:37, Reply)

Alright Esther

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:00, Reply)

we clock in and out at work using a fingerprint sensor
I'm about the only one it detects reliably, even when I've got peroxide burns or dye stains on my fingers

we had manual punch cards before - frankly it's a step backwards
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:11, Reply)

do you work in a British Leyland factory?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:19, Reply)

a factory, yes
but with 22 permanent staff it's hardly British Leyland
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:22, Reply)

No, you have more employees

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:24, Reply)

This thread would have been improved by 3 other threads turning up at the same time.
Reliabilitylolz.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:41, Reply)

I'm thinking of starting a second thread as a control group to measure against the success of this one.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:42, Reply)

It would have to be double blind or it' s not significant. So everybody would have to not know what they're posting about and would have to do so under a false name.

Wait....
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:45, Reply)

Invariably it would descend into people droning on about their ex wives and dullard kids.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:46, Reply)

And salaries, weddings, property, drugs, lunch, dinner, polylolotics, darkies, ribs and fuckwits.
Never hear about washing up or clearing up the salad drawer in the fridge, though.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:50, Reply)

You make a fantastic point.
I missed a good opportunity to mention the postman left a parcel in my wheelie bin, which annoyed me. That would have been the stuff of legend.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:56, Reply)

He what?
Sure it was the postie rather than those Yodel fuckers?
This deserves more discussion, as do dangleberries and other autumn fruits.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:59, Reply)

Dangleberries are delicious with ice cream, or in a summer pudding.
It was a 'Hermes' cunt.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:01, Reply)

They're all cunts. Why would a delivery company dump a paper-wrapped parcel on a doorstep in the pouring rain?
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:04, Reply)

It hurts me to say it,
But I don't think they care.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:06, Reply)

*sobs*
Country's going to the dogs, donchaknow.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:10, Reply)

I fuckin love blackberries

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:01, Reply)

Phone chat is below, duchess.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:02, Reply)

It'll be a fucking nightmare if you're a bit squiffy and PayPal/ebay intregate it.... plus now iTunes/App Store would be a lot easier to buy content, so you don't even think about it.
I might get a Galaxy 4 or HTC One until the iPhone 6 comes along.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:51, Reply)

Are you telling me £709 isn't a reasonable price for a phone?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:54, Reply)

Not everyone's got your spends, bill gates.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:57, Reply)

you must have more disposable income than anyone here mr £200 mortgage

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:59, Reply)

Yeah loads. Dunno what to do with it all, so just spend it on polo shirts and Oakley shades.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:00, Reply)

The iPhone matches up price wise with any of the other brand's heighest end phones.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:07, Reply)

I will never purchase an Apple product again.
Overpriced hardware & the software isn't exactly leading-edge any more.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:54, Reply)

at last, some sense

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:57, Reply)

I like my ipad, but I wouldn't bother with the phones.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:58, Reply)

I love my iPhone
Might get me one of those silver or gold ones next.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:04, Reply)

That 'champagne' one is well ming.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:10, Reply)

I haven't looked closely
But it sounds to me as if sales are dropping. Quick quick, wheel out some more colours...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:12, Reply)

... So that idiots will go, ooh I like that gold one...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:12, Reply)

Magpie.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:13, Reply)

Shinys

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:15, Reply)

I only got an Iphone the last time as it was free on an upgrade.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:58, Reply)

Have you played around with iOS7 ? I think it's fantastic once you get used to the change in styling.
And I way prefer OSX to Windows.... I'd say 75% of that is down to the trackpad. Plus the iPad is, in my opinion, better than the rivals.

But saying that, I fancy a bit of a change and i'm due an upgrade. Plus you can now get 'refresh' contracts so I can take one up now and then replace my phone with the #6 comes out alongside the iWatch. Rumours are already coming in with the #6 and if they introduce the 4.5" screen, i'd switch back.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:04, Reply)

I'm just not a fan of any pads.
Sort of a shitty inbetween licker of window, sister of a phone. Too retarded to become a laptop. Not good.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:08, Reply)

I can see why you think that, and you probably would think the same about a watch... but there are loads of scenarios where both are really good tech.
I'm thinking about getting both the next iPad and iPad Mini when they're announced next month... and sale my current one to make up some of the funds.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:15, Reply)

It's not a tekkiiephobe thing matey pops, I just dont like them. Sorry. Nothing logical and tangible, just don't.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:17, Reply)

Hah, fair 'nuff.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:25, Reply)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:54, Reply)

Evening

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:58, Reply)

Don't talk to him
He's like the special kid that picks its nose and shits itself
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:06, Reply)

I know. He's great!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:07, Reply)

Timm-eh

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:08, Reply)

get fucked you fat bitch

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:08, Reply)

CAHURLASSIC DOZER

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:11, Reply)

At least I can
And don't have to turn to rodents to get my rocks off
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:11, Reply)

It's this kerazee back and forth that makes you two such a *wonderful* couple.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:13, Reply)

I don't do Internet virgins (ever again)

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:14, Reply)

You mean to tell me you've never 'bought him a pizza'? Shame on you!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:16, Reply)

I do my bit for charity
But I have limits.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:18, Reply)

I've done charity work, I fucked a fat chick once.
Never again though, so you're well out of luck.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:19, Reply)

Do you two actually dislike each other?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:19, Reply)

Does an autist shit in the pope's hat?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:21, Reply)

Well I'm not choosing between you, I love you both.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:22, Reply)

You're adopted.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:23, Reply)

I'm going to find my real parents.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:24, Reply)

They're both dead.
They committed suicide shortly after your birth, they couldn't face the lifetime of shame.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:26, Reply)

Don't take it out on me because you're angry with 'Mum'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:26, Reply)

You'll never supplant the hamster in his affections
Because all normal straight men have a pet that is meant for an 8 year old girl
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:24, Reply)

From your past experience, you have no idea at all about 'normal straight men'.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:26, Reply)

I know that they don't have clown feet, wear turquoise and pink, have their closest relationship with a rodent and think that "chicks dig" them
So a damn sight more than you, in other words.

"HTH xx"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:29, Reply)

I don't wear pink except in accessories.
So soz, Swipola, incorrect again xx
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:30, Reply)

He has no idea what I look like
But is incapable of talking to women or "chicks" as he calls them in some desperate parody of a parody of Patrick Bateman, his favourite character, so comes out with this sort of garbage
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:21, Reply)

Um, Pat Bateman is not my favourite fictional character; neither is American Psycho my favourite novel.
Shows how much you know, you big nosed fat ginger bitch.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:22, Reply)

Coming from a balding pierced freak who looks like a smack head but with a double chin, that really hurts
Oh no, wait, the other one. Tickles.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:24, Reply)

I'm not balding and I don't have multiple chins, so sollee xx

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:25, Reply)

Oh dozer
You know you look like someone put charles Bronson's face on a space hopper
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:27, Reply)

You look like someone put Mr Bronson's head on a space hopper.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:27, Reply)

You can't just nick my insults
Put some effort into it.

Also how's our bet coming along??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:31, Reply)

I didn't nick yours, I mean Mr Bronson off Grange Hill.
You know, 'tache, ginger hair, face like a smacked arse, the resemblance to you is uncanny.

And I think I'm very close to winning.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:32, Reply)

Well get on with it!!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:35, Reply)

Will you two just get a room and order pizza already?
Then we can spend the next three years discussing the inevitable crap sex and breakup repercussions.
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:33, Reply)

He's gay
You do it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:34, Reply)

Never stopped you before
You can discuss sartorial elegance together as well.
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:35, Reply)

Not with someone who has zero concept of it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:37, Reply)

You mean Battered?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:39, Reply)

Actually
Gok Wan featured a turquoise tracksuit and clown shoes combination on his show last week, so you're clearly out of step with current trends.
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:41, Reply)

She's SO uncool.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:42, Reply)

Zactly
Mind you, there's not much goes with ginger, that isn't green, and that's just not in right now.
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:43, Reply)

I'd suggest wearing black because it goes some way toward hiding the rolls of fat.
But then she'd look like a flattened duracell.

Flabulous!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:45, Reply)

Well she does go on and on

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:50, Reply)

alright fake HH

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:35, Reply)

alright bobo

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:36, Reply)

innit bruv

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:36, Reply)

yer

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:38, Reply)

no, you just have to plead with a trilby-sporting Paki to stay with you in spite of his rampant bumsexuality
You probably let him give you a chocolate funnel if only he'd stick around for one more night.

You desperate tubby bitch.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:13, Reply)

When did you last have sex with a consensual adult and living female?
1996?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:15, Reply)

When did you last have a fulfilling relationship with a heterosexual man, rather than a credit card?
Last night's little 'accident' was probably you attempting a dismal suicide to escape the crushing self imposed disappointment of your shallow life, but just like with your relationships with 'men' it was scuppered by those hilarious spare tyres of yours.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:18, Reply)

The last one ended a couple of weeks ago
Nice guy, but just no spark. So go on, stop diverting and answer the question.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:19, Reply)

2013.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:20, Reply)

Bollocks
You haven't got that shrivelled little cock wet since pussy was a kitten.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:21, Reply)

wotevs
You can believe what you want, no skin off my prepuce, eh?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:23, Reply)

Fuck, getting a bit nasty round here.
Feel the love chaps, feel the love.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:15, Reply)

Is tempura Batterered?
When did that happen? A short time ago I assume.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:10, Reply)

Yep.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:11, Reply)

Fuckin' should be.
Down wiv dwarves.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:16, Reply)

No offence, like.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:19, Reply)

None taken.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:20, Reply)

Breathing easily again.
Thanks, Doc!
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:24, Reply)

You're alright fella, you're alright.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:29, Reply)

Well this *has* been fun....

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:30, Reply)

the grand designs couple are bigger cunts than normal tonight

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:54, Reply)

I keep expecting to see you on there xx

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:55, Reply)

I fucking wish
I'd love to build my own house
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:56, Reply)

You won't get lego past the building regs

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:57, Reply)

Has to be Duplo now
Quick builds are the thing.
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:00, Reply)

Do they spend most of their time in the kitchen? I bet they do.
They always do.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:55, Reply)

Is it the usual
"we need seven en-suite bedrooms" despite there only being two of them?
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:57, Reply)

nah, 4 of them
tiny London plot, massive basement level £650k budget £950k spent
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:58, Reply)

bust of Lionel Ritchie?

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:59, Reply)

And a fucking 'snug'.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:58, Reply)

mater and pater have snug

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:59, Reply)

...and a spastic son

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:00, Reply)

DON'T YOU INSULT MY BROTHER YOU SCOTCH EGG CUNT

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:01, Reply)

I was talking about you.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:01, Reply)

Mater certainly does.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:01, Reply)

poor pater, always the bridesmaid

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:01, Reply)

I'm pleased my house is traditional Victorian

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:00, Reply)

You know, of all the posters to impersonate, why did you choose such an utter prick?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:59, Reply)

There's one that isn't?

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:01, Reply)

He's one of the worst of the lot.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:03, Reply)

Thing is, you're kind of restricted to the ones with easily substituted letters
Otherwise it's too obvious.
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:05, Reply)

Quite.
But why bother impersonating other users in the first place?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:06, Reply)

I'm crashing, been a long one.
To summarise, Swipes and Dozer are getting a room, there's a fake HH, Rory's still a bent closet with issues over daddy's special bathtimes, and Battered has changed his name?
Remind me tomorrow morning.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:01, Reply)