altalt: massage is just someone rubbing you.
any "benefit" is purely psychosomatic. Fine if you're starved for human contact, rather pointless otherwise.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:35, 2 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

I'm prepared to accept the possibility I've just had shit masseuses

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:37, Reply)

I find the very idea of getting a massage appalling.
I do not want some wanker manhandling me. I think it's intrusive and unpleasant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:39, Reply)

I like the people who think they have some sort of healing powers at their fingertips
"Sounds like someone needs one of my massages! God, I can feel how stressed you are, you're so knotted"
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:42, Reply)

Yeah GET KNOTTED YOU FREAK, GERROFF ME

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:44, Reply)

Like YM.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:43, Reply)

That's right.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:45, Reply)

I think the whole 'massage' thing is just a front anyway.
If you're paying them, you could probably request that they skip straight to the sex bit.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:45, Reply)

i think a sports massage can be a good thing if you've got a stiff muscle like a cricked neck or something

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:58, Reply)

All massages are a waste of time
which is why it forms part of the training/regimen of every single professional athlete. Except for darts players.

You do talk shit sometimes.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:45, Reply)

Nothing says 'waste of time' like 'professional athlete'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:46, Reply)

I don't see them selling their residences.
"Wastes" of "space".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:47, Reply)

I could be (I really could be) living in a tent on the A1
drinking rainwater and eating nettles to stay alive and I would still be superior to some wog who can 'run really fast'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:49, Reply)

Not in any measurable way would you be better than a sprightly wog.
Please note your own opinion counts for nish.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:53, Reply)

I would have the respect of my fellow 'gentlemen of the road'.
Which is more than some 'fleeing sambo' could ever achieve.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:54, Reply)

Honour amongst tramps?
I concede the argument to the honourable hobo from Hackney.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:56, Reply)

Anyone over the age of 8 who is still impressed by the ability to 'jump really high' is mentally subnormal and should be gassed.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:48, Reply)

As should someone who cannot add up.
Earn £5, spend £10 = gassed.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:49, Reply)

Yeah! And Jews and all!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:50, Reply)

YEAH!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:52, Reply)

gassed given loads of lovely credit
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:50, Reply)

this doctor frog character doesn't like cheese
WHAT CAN WE DO WITH HIM?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:56, Reply)

He's a gay prick

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:56, Reply)

CHUCK HIM IN THE POOL!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:57, Reply)

wait a minute though
this does mean MOAR cheese for us. hmmmm.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:58, Reply)

I like your thinking, young lady

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 11:19, Reply)

There is enough of a cheesey smell about you already sunshine

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 11:21, Reply)

CANONBEAR

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 11:23, Reply)

I'm looking for a sponsorship deal, so instead of working for a living I can just go running every day and get shouted at by my dad for not running quickly enough.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:48, Reply)

Yeah. Who wants to get paid massive sums for their hobby.
What wankers.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:50, Reply)

It's like these pricks in their 30s, with wives and kids and jobs, still thinking that their band can 'make it'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:51, Reply)

You wouldn't want to get paid loads to play in your own band, would you.
Anyone over the age of 8 who is still impressed by the ability to pluck some strings, bang a drum, paint or draw is mentally subnormal and should be gassed.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:55, Reply)

^upset^

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:57, Reply)

^clueless

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:58, Reply)

add "play one record following on from another" to that list an' all.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 11:00, Reply)

HEY! you leave the poor superstar deejays alone!
brandon block insulted ronnie wood for our sins y'know
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 11:28, Reply)

Those darts players know their oats.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:46, Reply)

^ TCGI

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 10:53, Reply)

They do all sorts of bollocks of dubious usefulness though
about on a par with "lucky socks".
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 11:07, Reply)

Are you suggesting here that the majority of professional sportspeople are cretins?
Cretins who believe in medieval peasant style superstitions?

Because if you're not, I am.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 11:16, Reply)

*mobots*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 11:19, Reply)

You've obviously had one of them homeopathic massages
Where the person doing it once drank some water from a proper masseuse
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 11:16, Reply)