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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Hey look over here, it's a new thread!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:48, 128 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Hey, Nakers.
Apparently people between the ages of 25-44 average six sexual partners and only 21% of males on average have more then 15 over the course of a lifetime.

So I haven't slept with half the female workers in my office because SCIENCE, OK?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:51, Reply)
well that depends on how many female workers there are in your office doesn't it Gaston?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:51, Reply)
Dunno, there's tons. Way more than 15, chief.
I'm practically a virgin, swear down.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:53, Reply)
That's what OG told me already
She something about a "terrified dying fish"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:54, Reply)
Sort of a suffocating guppy thing, yeah? Can't argue, really.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:56, Reply)
don't forget the damp thrashing and smell

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:57, Reply)
Thrashing is a little unfair.
It's really more of a limp, helpless flopping.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:58, Reply)
lack of core muscle strength eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:58, Reply)
Too much high end gaming and not enough sit ups, I'm afraid.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:59, Reply)
Where?

(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:52, Reply)
see that seat where you mum was sitting?
See the damp patch she left behind? there
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:53, Reply)
Oo *sniffs*
Minty!
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:54, Reply)
i shoved a mint Cornetto up there earlier

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:55, Reply)
Which is why you will always be known as a gentleman, Sir.

(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:56, Reply)
how big do you reckon a 35mm button is?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:58, Reply)
Probably around a third of a centimetre, I'd say.
At a guess.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:59, Reply)
shall we write more chompette scenarios?
nowt else going on
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:01, Reply)
Sadly, I'm actually quite busy.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:04, Reply)
NO

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:06, Reply)
I heard his babies are born in pleather sacks that you have to cut them out off, letting the home brew amniotic fluid pour onto a bucket for later consumption

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:10, Reply)
this would imply that he knows how to have sex in the first place, in order to impregnate someone
you assume too much, ape. too. much.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:17, Reply)
I heard you taught him everything he knows
the West Ken steamer
Russet rimming
Locked door of doom
etcetc
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:18, Reply)
YOU HEARD WRONG

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:19, Reply)
I ent got spunky ears like chutters

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:22, Reply)
or three and a half
You terrible mathwrong
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:01, Reply)
:-O

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:02, Reply)
Well, I can divide 20 by 2, but aside from that I'm not great.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:04, Reply)
I got told a very amusing Cornetto story of once.
Internetting gets no better than this ^
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:24, Reply)
Aw I don't like new threads
Lets go back to the good old days, when threads were threads and weren't shy to let you know it
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:57, Reply)
So is that whisky named after you, or what?

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 16:58, Reply)
It's named after The O'Ban, the ancient Irish warrior and poet, threw all the English out in 1187
Tall as a dog and as loud as three pigs was he.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:02, Reply)
yeah a chiwahwah and B*witched

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:03, Reply)
Ancestor of yours, was he?

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:03, Reply)
i saw a pic of your car the other day, i like them in black

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:05, Reply)

black a skip
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:05, Reply)
That's nice.
Mine's blue.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:07, Reply)
dark blue?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:09, Reply)
Schwarzblau, according to the sticker.
Means blackblue, but it's really more of a navy.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:10, Reply)
same colour as the dishwasher when it fucks up
AM I RITE LADS!!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:11, Reply)
TOP BANTS
Where did you see a picture of my car, have you been Facebook stalking me, you grotty little man?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:12, Reply)
uh huh

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:13, Reply)
I feel dirty.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:14, Reply)
not as dirty as I did when I was finished photoshopping your face onto gay donkey porn

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:15, Reply)
just to clarify, your face went on teh donkeys

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:17, Reply)
also I thought of you when I found this article, but you weren't here
jalopnik.com/alfa-romeo-almost-built-this-mid-engined-group-b-amazem-1443118686
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:06, Reply)
I have a boner.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:08, Reply)
it's fucking awesome ent it

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:08, Reply)
I like an Alfasud.
I was pretty close to buying an old Alfa, but I'd have to learn to weld.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:11, Reply)
Down with this sort of thing

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:09, Reply)
what sort of thing?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:11, Reply)
Sailors' trousers, if I know Batts AND I THINK I DO

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:12, Reply)
Thanks for that

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:14, Reply)
WHERE'S MY DINNER?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:19, Reply)
In the oven! I TRY SO HARD MONCE AND YOU CAN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO COME HOME ON TIME
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:20, Reply)
I'M LEAVING AF'ER THISH PINT I SWEAR
*hic*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:25, Reply)
I love this:
This is a story about a man. His wife has told him that if he ever comes home drunk she will leave him.

Nonetheless he goes out. He drinks a lot and throws up all over himself. He turns to his friend and asks what he can do. His friend is helpful.

“Go home,” he says. “Tell your wife someone threw up on you. And put a twenty pound note inside your jacket pocket. Show her the money and tell her the other man gave it to you for the dry cleaning bill.”

So this he does. His wife is at first angry. But he explains. He tells her about the drunk man who threw up on him. He shows her the twenty pounds.

She looks. “But why have you got two £20 notes?” she asks.

“Oh,” he says. “The other one is from the man who shat in my pants.”
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:27, Reply)
heh yup it's a good'un alright

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:28, Reply)
Mr. B the Gentleman Ryhmer
has this set to music on his latest album. He attributes it to "Clement", so I'm assuming that it's a favourite of the late Mr. Freud?
(Twangy Rubber, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:39, Reply)
Yes it was his most famous joke I suppose
Hang on a second...who the shuddering fuck are you?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:45, Reply)
And like that...
He was gone
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:52, Reply)
Shit. Forgot to reschedule that. Sorry mate. I'll gaz you some dates for next week.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:20, Reply)
No sweat d00d

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:26, Reply)
Threads started by you

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:12, Reply)
YOU'LL MISS HIM NEXT WEEK WHEN HE'S BEING ALL SERIOUS AT HIS NEW JOB
and having lunch with me
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:16, Reply)
+ not

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:17, Reply)
you'll give in one day

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:20, Reply)
The swipe diet.
Having lunch with an orangutan so visually offensive it puts you off your food
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:18, Reply)
Are her pigtails actually stitched to your hands?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:19, Reply)
oh, i assumed he was talking about you

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:20, Reply)
i don't have pig tails, more of a sweeping quiff of amzingness

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:21, Reply)

i ee
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:27, Reply)
\o/

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:27, Reply)
I've worked like a female Asian today (RIP Noel).
I'm fucking knackered but I have a shitload of house sale paperwork to do. I think I may put it off, like a PUSSEH.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:24, Reply)
My God that's interesting, Monty. Do go on.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:27, Reply)
Well I enjoyed reading it.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:30, Reply)
Maybe I should add in some exciting lies to pep it up a bit.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:31, Reply)
Better to read that than the dreadful 'joke' you sent me yesterday.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:31, Reply)
It wasn't that dreadful Noddy Holder one, was it?
Fucking hell.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:32, Reply)
Top three jokes ever YOU PRICK

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:33, Reply)
No, Monty.
No.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:34, Reply)
Yes, Kroney.
Yes, YOU FUCKEN PRICK.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:37, Reply)
Calling me names won't change the fact that it's one of the worst jokes in history.
It's practically a crime.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:39, Reply)
+ to not love it

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:42, Reply)
Pea roast teh joke pls

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:34, Reply)
Seeing as you said pearoast, no.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:37, Reply)
Go on you hippo flange

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:40, Reply)
Uh oh!! B3taswears!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:42, Reply)
Did you see up ^ there somewhere, I said that someone once told me an amusing cornetto story?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:34, Reply)

worked like a female Asian today (RIP Noel).
I'm fucking knackered but I have a shitload of house sale paperwork to do. I think I may put it off, like a

fought and won six bareknuckle fights today, in a gyppo camp in Hertfordshire. I won three grand which I spent on sniff and booze, and I'm now flashing the cash in a West End boozer, and am up to my knees in
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:33, Reply)
Wellies?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:34, Reply)
Blankety Blank!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:34, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:34, Reply)
Slurry

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:34, Reply)
Supermatch Game!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:35, Reply)
Welli don't get any Of this

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:37, Reply)
Don't worry.
You'll still get a cheque book and pen.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:39, Reply)
This is old person humour isn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:39, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2121433
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:42, Reply)
SHIT THREAD M8 WELL DONE FUCK OFF

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:41, Reply)
YEAH WHAT A PRICK

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:42, Reply)
FUCKEN H8 THAT CUNT DUDE SRS

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:50, Reply)
I hope your train derails due to a musk ox on the track

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:55, Reply)
What YM is on the track? Dementia is setting in nicely eh? She gone for a little wander? Poor fat cow, she dunno what she's doing!

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:00, Reply)
Your face went on the men getting fucked by the Kroney/donkey hybrids

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:46, Reply)
Kronkeys

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:46, Reply)
Bus lols

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:48, Reply)
someone photoshop one of these right now!

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:50, Reply)
I shall call him Walter and he shall be my Kronkey

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:51, Reply)
I don't help myself, really.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:53, Reply)
I however am a great example of retaining information and divinity to prevent piss takeing

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:54, Reply)
Can you post/link Monty's joke please
Thanks in advance
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:56, Reply)
Off home now, sozzles.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:59, Reply)
Stay about from my handsome face

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 17:57, Reply)
Walter the Kronkey is the one drowning it in donkey spunk

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:00, Reply)
I bet the original joke, no doubt not by you, that you are referring to is much funnier than whatever you're trying to do here.
You make me sick, man, sick!
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:03, Reply)
It's from up there ^
No where else
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:05, Reply)
I dunno man, I just start down here and see what happens. Like my technique with the birds eh? #LAD

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:09, Reply)
Fuck you train fucking cunt face arsehole

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:16, Reply)
i love it when it's so friendly in here

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:16, Reply)
I'm fucking lovely ask anyone

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:18, Reply)
ANYONE

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:46, Reply)
Just so you know, if you stop posting when you start your new job as chief cock checker or whatever, I will have full penetrative sex with ALL your stuff. Nothing will be spared.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:20, Reply)
Starch with my collection of pencil sharpeners yeah?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:25, Reply)
NOTHING WILL BE SPARED

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:27, Reply)
*glues razor blades to inside of toilet roll*

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:35, Reply)
I stopped working for a peek at this shit.
I feel you owe me BIG TIME. Aye.

Just you watch...
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:37, Reply)
I ent watching mate, I don't care what the toilet wall says

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:45, Reply)
I WILL SLASH YOU FROM NAPE TO CHOPS!

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 18:47, Reply)

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