Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Evening prick thread.So, it seems to get a more than lacklustre response on here it has to descend into sniping.
Should the internet and real life be two separate entities, as when the two combine on here it gets personal.
Alt. Anything coming up in your life that you're excited about?
The other half has a play on at the Contact theatre next month.
altalt. Evening food woes.
I'm cooking a bolognese. Making my own sauce though. The only jar sauce I love is Lloyd Grossman's
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:08,
198 replies,
latest was 11 years ago)
Or I suppose you just don't fuck them...(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:12,
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You're saying that if you pulled back some curtainsI'd be a bearded bloke with a smoke machine and a megaphone?
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:17,
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I'll stick with this one And suggest that you have an on and off line persona. For better or worse. This is escapism, real life is ...well, real.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:15,
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plus, doing it that way makes it funnier when people make things up about you because they don't have a clue, and that makes them look like even bigger idiots
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The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:33,
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yes.alt: no
altalt: I had chips, so woe there
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:15,
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Hi! Froggy here, great question, thanks for asking.....Yeah separate is better, especially here. I'm much more of a cunt in real life.
Alt: after three days of NO MEAT I might have MEAT tomorrow, I might not. I haven't decided but I'm excited about the opportunity.
Altalt: I'm having a big bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes. Kellogg's donchaknow.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:19,
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given enough milkI could eat a whole box full I reckon.
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:21,
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Do you think anyone actually does the thingwhere you put milk in the inner plastc bag and eat it out the box?
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:23,
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noit would be all wobbly and they would be soggy once you got to the bottom
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:24,
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and a spoonand not having just eaten a load of chips
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:25,
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They're like a meal and a dessert in one.Or a breakfast for those 'conventional' types
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:26,
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You're a cunt on here..?MMMMMMM. Meat.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:21,
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I suppose it's for you to decide if I'm a cunt on here, which some already have...(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:24,
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I just haven't been on the receiving end, froggy.fnaaaaaaar
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:26,
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Liar.Kelloggs don't make cereal for anyone else. And I have some.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:21,
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Own brands don't cut it in the cereal game.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:25,
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All of a certain large retailers cereals are made by nestleBut, they are different to the branded stuff
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:39,
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It can be a bit sniping here,but that's generally if you give out personal info. I have, and sad cunts will take advantage of that.Fuck it, it's only the internets. But if you don't volunteer anything personal, why bother? Two edged sword really.
Alt, yeah, new business gets going around back end of Crimbo, really looking forward to that. Also got a photo exhibition at the same time, again should be good. Contact in Manchester? Cool, what play?I like that place, does a lot of good shit.
Altalt, not woes, nice bread olives and pickles, I'm crashing out soon, got an early start. Couple of pints can be forced down :)
(, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:21, Reply)
It's called 'Bobby'On for a couple of nights next month.
I've seen it before but this is a rewrite. Im not biased when I say it was great :)
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:22,
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Is the play about a fat cunt warhammer virgin in Wales?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:38,
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C'MON TIM!There is football on this evening.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:33,
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I'm glad I'm home where I don't have to pretend to care.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:34,
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Well with that attitude I'm pleased I'm going to the pub.(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:36,
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I am pleased for you, you work hard, you deserve it.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:38,
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Is it important?By which I mean will my impending sleep be disturbed by my neighbour shouting?
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:40,
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If you live next door to thick uneducated fools, then yes.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:42,
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My next door neighbour is a professor in post-mortem and apparently a world renowned specialist He's also a West Brom and England fan and gets a bit shouty.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:48,
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My neighbour is a paramedic (irrelevant), and shouts both at football, and which I don't wish to know but do, upon reaching ejaculation.Our 120 year old party walls aren't man enough to smother his He-Man like roars of ecstasy.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:52,
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We've got good wallsHe runs into the garden and shouts.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:55,
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Yes.Win this evening and they qualify for the world cup.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:42,
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We didn't get an early finish :(I suppose I watch the England matches when it's the world cup.Not any of these qualifiers, or whatever is happening.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:37,
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I had to google it to find out it *was* a World Cup thing.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:39,
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Fuck, I'd forgotten about that!Better find a decent streamer so I can watch the Jockland match.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:46,
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You could save yourself 90 minutes and just down a bottle of Buckfast(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:54,
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Oh, I'm doing that anyway.I've got SOME national pride.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:55,
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How are you feeling after this morning?Same thing happened to. A girl at work and she had to go home and took another day off from shock. But she was a bird and therefore weak
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:40,
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Did Frog break a nail or something? (
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:43,
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Fine thanks. It was pretty grim obviously, but my immediate thought was 'you don't want to see any more of this' and I made my escape.Didn't like it though, I haven't even seen a dead body up close, so seeing a body get 'exploded' wasn't on my 'to do' list.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:44,
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Nah it's fine mate, tube suicide/horrible accident....I'm not adverse to extreme dark humour!(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:46,
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They probably saw your face and thought death was better than seeing you again. (
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:47,
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Wouldn't be the first time, I am fucking hideous.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:48,
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I know! I had to use the Victoria line instead and get off ten whole minutes walk away from work. I was livid.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:54,
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What happened?I'm not trawling through all the shite to find out.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:51,
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Just someone fell/jumped In front of a train, and I saw enough to see 'bits' separate.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:55,
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I have two mates who are train drivers One has had three under, and also was sent to mop up a mess. I worry about him.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:58,
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There was a telly programme about the tube, and had a bit about the suicide clean up, must be fucking horrific.That's why I ran away like a girl!
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:04,
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Most drivers can never get back after twoOne of the things that our railways are good at is understanding what it means to the driver.
Those involved usually get office jobs.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:18,
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It shouldn't be a problem, as long as the other site users aren't trolls or cunts.Which explains why it's not such a good idea here.
Alt: weekend shopping trip with the girls at the end of next month. And my birthday, obviously.
AltAlt: chavtastic tea tonight. Chicken dippers, chips and beans. Might even have a sherbert dip dab later.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:52,
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you should have tinned peaches and evap(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:54,
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People need thicker skinsThis site is all about taking the piss. I couldn't give a fuck what anyone says about me, either on her or IRL
I have nothing at all coming up at the moment so its a case of plodding on
I now have red wine and the footy
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:56,
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you just have to hope lurkers don't decideto take everything you say on here as truefact
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 19:58,
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Now I completely 'get it' here, after only joining in a short while, I don't get how people get so wound up by the likes of me ol' mate Rory etc.I don't care that I sort of accidentally gave myself the 'depressed, dumped, miserable cunt' thing cos I'm not *really* like that.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:02,
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As our resident paki I agree(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:07,
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It'll get skewed occasionallyYou'll get some nasty little Yorkers.
I've just realised that it is a bit like cricket. You know who will deliver the predictable ball and if you learn to deflect the obvious deliveries you're laughing.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:27,
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A good combination of real life and made up internet nonsense makes for better bullying, I think.We all know what the deal is if we share something on here and shouldn't cry when it's used in evidence against us.
Alt: Yes, exciting band stuff for 2014/15.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:10,
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Im not bothered about cruel or nastyIt just needs to be funny
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:19,
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Sometimes they go hand in hand(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:27,
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I thought you were mean, until recently. Now I understand what being tangles is all about I quite like all the horrible bullying you serve me.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:34,
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Nah, too late for thatand if you're genuinely hurt by stuff then you should engage the valuable life skill of 'self protection' and not go places where it might happen.
Alt: yeah down to London a couple of times in the near future. Should be fun.
Altalt: I had pate on toast for dinner and I have a Muller yoghurt for later.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:13,
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Yeah, but no one would mess with you, you're nails.Alright Amberl
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:26,
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I'm sorry, I was looking for 'the other'as usual lol.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:40,
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Alright tangled, how you doing?And yeah, hard as nails that's me.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:42,
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I'm cooking lime, honey & chili chicken. One of my favourites.Alt: we have agreed that Micro will spend this Christmas with me, then alternate years. I am absolutely astounded that my ex has agreed to this.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:26,
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excellent work on both parts(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:27,
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Christmas Eve & Christmas Day until 6.30pm. Then she'll go to Edinburgh until New Year. Not only is this a massive result, she suggested it.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:29,
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That seems reasonableNext year you can have Boxing Day with her and call it 2nd Christmas
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:33,
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Ta. I just hope she doesn't change her mind. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:29,
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She's two.I bet she changes her mind every five minutes.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:33,
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Jesus, I hope your Santa impression improves before xmas.(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:39,
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well he only comes once a year now(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:43,
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That would be an improvement.If I don't break my drought soon Geldof will be arranging another benefit concert.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:44,
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"Give us your fucking!""I'm sorry, Sir Bob. Don't you mean 'give us your fucking MONEY'?"
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:47,
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I think its the flies that put them off(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:05,
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I shall keep stuff crossed for you, you bitter old cunt.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:33,
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Had to put that in for fear of being 'nice'. Sorry.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:38,
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That's a bit good.Plus, as the child of a broken home, micro will get two christmases each year, and her parents will try to outdo each other with the extravagance of their gifts.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:33,
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I don't spoil her, that would be shit parenting. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:36,
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Wait until little Paris gets an ipad aged 4Then say that
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:38,
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Micro can already use mine, well enough to unlock it, fire up Netflix Kids, select what she wants to watch and get it playing.She's nearly 26 months.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not bigging her up - it seems all her peers can do the same.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:43,
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My two kidnap my phone and tablet all the time(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:58,
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As much as I hate to admit it, I know you wouldn't be that small and petty.But you can bet your arse her grandfather will.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:38,
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To be fair to the prick, he knows that if he acts inappropriately with things like that he'll be in the shit if I ever need to get the courts involved re contact.Apparently they strongly resent overly-indulgent grandparents.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:41,
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Scotchland have scored a 'try', or something.Last match of the group qualifiers, and they suddenly remember how to play. Typical scotch twats.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 20:37,
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I don't eat jarsbut I'd probably go for brown sauce on them, nothing jar specific
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:06,
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Jars are for coming in and having 15 mins to cook before the kids go nutsThey have a place
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:21,
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I have never even come in a jar, let alone then fed it to children.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:23,
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Honestly, its for the lols(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:32,
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I dont have kids of my own, and there's still quite a taboo about feeding kids semen, who aren't yours. Maybe one day eh?(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:35,
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not if you're subtlewww.amazon.co.uk/Natural-Harvest-collection-semen-based-recipes/dp/1481227041
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:36,
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Although I imagine it requires a lot of 'milking'to make the recipes
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:39,
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I found a recipe the other day for 'ice cream cake'.It sounded bizarre.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:44,
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wait, where is feeding your own kids semen not taboo?(not that I'm interested like, just want to know so that I can avoid it... yeah, avoid it)
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The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:37,
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A FRIEND of mine got in, err, a bit of, you know, erm, police bother for, er, spunking in kids. No wait, that sounds bad.....in their food, yeah, a FRIEND. (
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:39,
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I think he's getting jars confused with mooncups.(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:33,
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You cunts are going to have to get more interesting.This is just depressing.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:31,
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Go and wipe your husband's arse.AGAIN.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:32,
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You're obsessed with my husband's arse.What is the matter with you?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:34,
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Good job someone is, given how you leave him alone, weeping in his 'special chair' whilst you sell tat online. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:37,
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i dunno why but I always imagine your ex wife to be like the russian bird Alan Partridge dates(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:40,
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i dunno, i just always imagine you two like that(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:51,
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Well, this has been *okay*, but frankly it isn't the ANUS chat I had hoped for, and as such I am forced to retire.L8rs chumps.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:51,
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there's a forum I post on with a word filter that changes "thread", "Twitter", "London" and several other words to "anus"maybe you'd like it better there?
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The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:54,
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on here it used to change cunt to cranberry, Hug to molest, fuck to watermelon and wanker to hairy baby orangutan
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 21:56,
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I remember that, it stopped not long after I signed upthe best bit was when "huge" became "moleste"
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The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 22:08,
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Hello GJ and everyone.Lots of sniping on here but this board tends to have fewer casualties from it than other boards.
IMHO we all do what we need to do and if we are so repressed that we have to be shtum IRL then the internet is a good place to express our real needs anonymously. It's a bit obvious that some of the personae on here couldn't exist IRL without being put on Smackindagob 2.0. but when the worst sanction is a stepping it's a pretty safe place.
Having posted all this smug, pretentious bollocks I wouldn't post here if I didn't love you all dearly.
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 22:01,
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Not met anyone from this site butmet some testing characters elsewhere.
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edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 15 Oct 2013, 22:45,
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I can't wait until you're back from Never Landso I can enjoy these TOTALLY NEW MATERIAL retorts on a real-time basis.
I dunno which one you are though, soz.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 22:55,
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