Well last night had some 'special' threads ffs.
What's special in your lifeEither in the nice way, or the slightly retarded way?
Alt,today's news is fucking depressing, really downbeat stories. Upbeat news story please,
skateboarding duck or something like that. Probably find in the Metro.
Altalt, is there a defining moment in your life which you would return to if you could? Career change, education, relationship sort of thing? I was going to join the navy, but didn't, always wondered what
it would have been like. Probably ended up with interesting versions of the clap.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 7:19, 171 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Morning Pook
Well, I have no one thing that's 'special' at the moment, rather a collection of things which have made me a lot happier than I have been in a while. Yeah, gay, so what?
Alt: There's something about a blind chicken being saved from something, with a headline that probably says some pun on 'cock' which will be both heart warming, humorous and life affirming I'm sure, but I haven't read it yet.
Altalt: There are several things I wish I had done when it was easier to do so, more education, travel, touring the US of A with a DJ in my late teens who invited me to do warm up sets whilst promoting 'Drum'n'Bass' over there which I passed up, not getting shit tattoos.... but having said that I'm alright, and there's plenty of time in the future to do *some* of the things I wish I already had. I WOULD ALSO NOT HAVE EATEN SO MUCH MEATZA LAST NIGHT THAT I HAD TO LIE DOWN.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:00, Reply)

You would have turned in to a Matelot Cunt like the rest of them.

( Peej, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:10, Reply)

Yeah probably. The Falklands put me off a tad, I didn't mind shagging and drinking my way round the world getting a nice tan.
It was forreners dropping bombs on me that was the downside.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:19, Reply)

This is definitely what the navy is like ^

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:30, Reply)

he forgot to mention the bummings

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:34, Reply)

Don't think that bumming is compulsory anymore.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:37, Reply)

Plus they let girls in now so you have a choice.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:00, Reply)

Yeah, you can bum girls too now!

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:30, Reply)

\o/

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:34, Reply)

You've have ended up like a submarine
Full of seamen
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:29, Reply)

*sigh*
submarine YM
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:34, Reply)

upbeat? no.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:43, Reply)

Alright Morrisey.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:47, Reply)

Breakbeat? YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:49, Reply)

Special?
One thing that's making me a lot calmer and happier is the recognition I get in the new job. The money's nice too.
Alt: G/F's mum is going home today after recovering from a stroke AND a heart attack. Tough old bird, her mum*.
Altalt: Realising that, due to my rampant atheism and both my parents being dead, I and I alone was responsible for my actions. Quite liberating.

*thought I'd give the strikethrough fans an easy target this morning.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:48, Reply)

I and I?
Thought you said you were an atheist?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:57, Reply)

what does either your atheism or whether your parents are alive or dead
have to do, in the tiniest bit, with your responsibility for your actions?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:25, Reply)

Badly worded on my part.
I meant that there was no-one in a parent/advisory role to bounce ideas off (either through prayer* or asking Dad)

* Yeah, right!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:28, Reply)

Ah, right, I see your point.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:29, Reply)

Alt: I liked the welsh player grandfather bet story
I bet ladbrokes will be inundated with daft bet wankers today

Altalt: Life aint perfect right now but theres so much about it I wouldn't risk losing that I'm happy with my lot
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 8:54, Reply)

you'll be happier at the baysh 'Bill Clay'
is Mince still coming?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:33, Reply)

nah, there's only, like, 5 welsh kids under the age of 3
that don't have rickets. It was always a safe bet. I'm amazed he got odds that good.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:35, Reply)

MY MUM SAYS IM SPECIAL AND TO IGNORE ALL THE BIG BULLIES

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:00, Reply)

:((
that is all.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:00, Reply)

tl;dr

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:01, Reply)

(◉‿◉)
That is all.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:03, Reply)

Cheer up chubster :)

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:13, Reply)

I'm getting a tad bored of sportswoes so I could do with some "special"
I did have a "lol" at a video that turned up this morning called Shopping in Lidl, which is to the tune of Walking In Memphis

AltAlt:
Genuinely I'd return to Glastonbury in 2000 or V in 2001. I was pissed, stoned and fucked up for the entire time with a load of excellent friends. Possibly two of the best weekends of my life
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:02, Reply)

oh, i just remembered i wanted to do a 'name that song'. imma put it here

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:43, Reply)

       
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Little Little SIgn?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:51, Reply)

*sigh*
it just don't matter now
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:57, Reply)

The Buddy Holly song?
I think it's called It Doesn't Matter Anymore.
Don't see how your picture represents that though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:00, Reply)

sometimes tangs I just ask myself why you're really here?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:02, Reply)

If you find out, be sure to let me know

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:18, Reply)

Ah yes, that classic song Little Little Sign

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:58, Reply)

So I had a pint the the Cheshire Cheese yesterday but I didn't see any bayshers wearing balloon hats.
I did see some chubby ginger bird rolling around on the floor outside the Old Cock though
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:13, Reply)

OH YEAH?
thanks for the invite gr8 m8
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:33, Reply)

I thought you were in there most days

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:41, Reply)

i ent from the smoke tangs
ive grand plans for baysh day on the 26th but i don think it includes the cheese
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:45, Reply)

Where do you call home then Reggie?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)

utside n
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:36, Reply)

You'll find fuck all but racist bile and ignorant bullshit in the Metro
What with it being the Mail for people that don't want to pay for it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:23, Reply)

it's not really
Don't get me wrong it's a piece of shit, but it doesn't feel as hateful as the mail
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:28, Reply)

Yeah, it is.
It's just less shouty about it.

It would struggle not to be. It's owned by the Mail and most of the stories are taken from the Mail.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:30, Reply)

Americans like it for the pics apparently as.they're in colour.
I've flogged a few on e-bay to the little sweethearts.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:30, Reply)

?
and also

?

Erm, the US, like most countries these days, prints almost all of its newspapers in colour.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:32, Reply)

They just like the Metro and are prepared to pay for copies which have a big story.
Royal wedding one sold well and royal baby. Probs just big UK stories.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:35, Reply)

This is not doing anything to disprove my theory
that every single person that buys stuff off eBay is an utter retard.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:36, Reply)

I bought some T-Shirts off ebay. apparently American size 'M' is big enough to cover a fucking duvet with.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:56, Reply)

This is because "M" in US sizing is "Yo Momma"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:00, Reply)

It's funny because she is morbidly obese!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:01, Reply)

Actually, that wasn't meant to be an actual "YM" gag
despite how it seems. It was kind of a reworking of the "Yo Momma so fat .. " meme.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:03, Reply)

In which case...
It's not funny because 'Yo Mamma' jokes weren't even that good in 1994.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:05, Reply)

I didn't say it was funny, frogster
failure of US clothing manufacturers to make decent gags ain't my problem, is it?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:09, Reply)

Alright steady on, I lolled heartily. Better now precious?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:12, Reply)

i use it for stuff that you can't get anywhere else
books that are out of print, perfume they don't make any more.

oh, that's it. oh well.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:10, Reply)

That's not entirely true.
I love the metro, it's Page 3 has funny news stories of the day and their website constantly emulates BuzzFeed which is a rip-off of CollageHumour circa 2005.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)

In typically shallow fashion, I probably would stop struggling on with an ready broken relationship
So that I didn't have to turn down other people. I'm all about the notches, me.
( Kroney, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:36, Reply)

Notches win....crotches? Yeah that.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:38, Reply)

Every holes a goal

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:40, Reply)

pigs are practice.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Oh, I like this!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:43, Reply)

hahahahaha!
click
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:45, Reply)

OG is broken already?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Oh, the Altalt
Similarly, I was going to join the air force. But I didn't get a flying scholarship so I changed my mind*. Because 16 years service of potentially killing people wasn't important, but free money at Uni was.

Good job I didn't as I turned into a yoghurt-knitting peace-loving left wing cunt, eh, readers?

*I also failed the medical for fast jet crew as my legs are too long for an ejector seat. The small boy in me wanted PEW PEW LASERS RRAAAARGH so that put me off too.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:40, Reply)

What's your inside leg measurement?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:52, Reply)

Which side do you dress?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:56, Reply)

33", but It's not, specifically, leg length that matters. I was trying to avoid boring the board.
It's (or it was for Tornado pilots) the proportional length of your thigh bone, as that dictates whether the front, fixed part of the canopy removes your kneecaps during ejection. Mine is apparently 1/2" too long.

Or maybe I tested positive for hand-wringing and they were looking for an excuse, who knows?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:57, Reply)

"Mine is apparently 1/2" too long. "
bet you've never heard that before or since, though...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:04, Reply)

no, you're right, it's more "that'll never fit"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:10, Reply)

fit touch the sides

to save you the bother xx
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:10, Reply)

thank you.......

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:15, Reply)

too long
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:11, Reply)

*golf applause*
well played there. It was a tricky shot from the rough, but he's left it just a couple of feet from the pin, for an easy tap-in.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:13, Reply)

It could be an issue for jets
apparently the old Lightning was so cramped there was a real danger that a tall pilot using the ejector seat would have his legs amputated by the dashboard on the way out...
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:58, Reply)

I am too tall and heavy to ever realise my dream to be an F1 driver :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Let's not forget shit at driving.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)

I am an ace driver thank you very much
10 years no claims is testament to that
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:00, Reply)

yeah, that's definitely a selection criteria for F1 teams
"but why can't I drive? I've never hit a bollard in Tesco car park or ANYTHING"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:01, Reply)

well it's the only facts I have
aside from that you'll have to take my word for it, also i totally beat my mates at go karting once
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:03, Reply)

This is better, but your mates might be shit.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:03, Reply)

we'll have to have a kart off, I'll be near Hudderfield tomorrow, that's practically Scothland, LETS GE^T IT ON

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:05, Reply)

My mate wrote off his old dear's classic Triumph Dolomite in a supermarket car park when it was completely empty
It was dark and he ran straight into a trolley park. Much lolling.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:17, Reply)

...but have seen loads of accidents in my mirror...

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:04, Reply)

an F1 minnie
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)

I would totally destroy her.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:00, Reply)

I'd take that

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Hey Rory,The dad of some guy on /board has died if you fancy getting yourself banned today

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 10:02, Reply)