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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

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There's more activity in B3th's barren womb than there is here.
Why are you all so shit at the Internet?
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:17, 147 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Alright mateypops,
We're mocking the odd looking nerds on University Challenge. Just thinking about grub too.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:21, Reply)
I may have a hair of the dog in a moment. I haven't had a hangover as bad as this for several years.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:24, Reply)
Sounds horrific.
Did Boyce make it to work today?
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:25, Reply)
I assume so.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:26, Reply)
You cooked for Monty didn't you? How'd that go?
l
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:26, Reply)
Alright I think. Don't think I poisoned him. It was an excellent afternoon/ evening, which was completed by Live and Let Die and large Cuban cigars.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:28, Reply)
Live and Let Die
Sounds like the last 24 hours for you.

All the fun, all the pain.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:29, Reply)
Fucking cigar has ruined me. As well as stinking my house out. Don't normally smoke indoors.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:30, Reply)
hahaha
Hope the ex has no reason to pop round.

Get a magic tree, that'll sort it.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:32, Reply)
I don't let her in the house.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:32, Reply)
UC always makes me think of the episode of the Young Ones where scumbag college played the poshos.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:27, Reply)
That's about the only episode that still stands up these days.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:47, Reply)
Yep. Alright son?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:48, Reply)
Aye. Basking in the glorious glow
of receiving a cheque for £117.95 towards the dog's treatment. That's £117.95 out of a total cost to us of just under 500 quid.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:51, Reply)
What's up with it?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:53, Reply)
It's dead, that's what's up with it.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:54, Reply)
To summarise:
Nasty lump in mouth turned out to be a tumour that was removed. Within 10 days tumour grows back, dog has another 3 weeks or so of being spoiled before decision is taken to put her to sleep. Insurance claim goes in; turns out there's £115 excess on the policy and they don't cover for home visits or euthanasia, despite the policy being called 'Covered for Life'.

TL;DR read the fucking small print in future and don't bother with insurance, but instead put a sum of money away each month to avoid massive excess payments.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:57, Reply)
Sorry man.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:02, Reply)
Yeah I sAw Tourette's FB post about it. Shit innit.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:00, Reply)
Not entirely unexpected tbh.
Insurance companies: paying out for as little as possible since (insert date here.) Still, some helpful advice coming through on the thread so who knows?
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:03, Reply)
or you should have read your policy

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:06, Reply)
The policy document is remarkably lacking in information.
And has been constantly marketed as 'all singing and dancing'. The fact it's called covered for life is a misnomer as well; it only covers for death through illness up until 8 years of age.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:10, Reply)
Berk's idea was a good one.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:06, Reply)
Something about your mum giving me a biscuit.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:25, Reply)
and a freebie.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:32, Reply)
It's a bit late for a hair of the dog. What time were you boozing till?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:52, Reply)
Not late. Had micro today so I don't drink and parent, so hence why I'm only having a beverage now.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:00, Reply)
What ho.
How's your life threatening injuries doing?
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:05, Reply)
we're all hoping he doesn't make it

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:07, Reply)
Terrible. I think it may be terminal.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:07, Reply)
I'll book you a plot.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:08, Reply)
Thanks, but I want to be buried at sea.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:12, Reply)
Well I'm not dancing on your grave.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:13, Reply)

Want to share a dhingy?
We can drift and cough/vomit near the scene.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)
Yer then the sea will remember our phlegm like in homeopathy and Batty
will be brought back to life.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)
+i
Airportlolz
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:18, Reply)
fingers crossed

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:09, Reply)
Found a new black tie with the label on recently at the back of a drawer.
Can't remember if I bought it when someone was quite poorly or what
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:12, Reply)
cool story bro

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:18, Reply)
I'm watching BBC2
It's really quite depressing. Yet oddly interesting.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:19, Reply)
Walker is a twat.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:24, Reply)
The doner kebab pizza looks like the sort of shit AA would enjoy.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)
They also sell chicken tikka lasagne. FFS.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:31, Reply)
It's like the North in retail form.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)
it works surprisingly well as a takeaway meal

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)
STAY ABOUT FROM MY BARREN WOMB!

Anyone watching that programme on shoplifters on Channel 5? Guaranteed to make people ANGRY on the INTERNET.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)
I was going to watch that on plus one.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:26, Reply)

Dry, I hear.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:28, Reply)

Na. Iceland is on BBC 2.

Sad.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:26, Reply)
I watched a thing about clockwork automata
it was ace
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:27, Reply)
Did it have Dr Who and Mme de Pompadour in it?
Because I think I saw that one.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:30, Reply)
No, it was like that
only real life
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:35, Reply)
Mmmmmmm, david Tennant.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:37, Reply)
yum yum yum
(he wasn't in this program it was some old guy who left too big a gap between bits of sentences, although not like shatner)
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:41, Reply)
I think most things would be improved by the inclusion of Shatner.


With the exception of my barren womb, obviously.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:42, Reply)
something about where no man has gone before

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:43, Reply)
Hahahaha
^this.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)
You say automata....

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)
you say tomato
...that wasn't a very good engineering project
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:37, Reply)
Not really, no

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:38, Reply)
are YOU watching the pikey robbers on Channel 5?
It's painting the North east in a surprisingly bad light.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)
Too stuck into work
:o(
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:06, Reply)
You should watch it later.
It's all 'gan' this, and 'gadjee' that...
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:08, Reply)
watching The Naked Gun

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)
Because I, I, I have WORK to do.
:D
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:29, Reply)
Alright the LOVELY stuj?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:32, Reply)
Aye The LOVELIER Battered
you?
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)
this^
:o(

I'm fucking bored of overtime now but we require a stair carpet
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:34, Reply)
Are you a weaver?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:38, Reply)
of dreams
Dreams of a newly carpetted stair, instead of the blood red monstrousity we were left with when we moved in
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:39, Reply)
How manky.
No wonder you're overtimimg.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:45, Reply)
I can imagine the conversation with SportsCalf
What have I told you about leaving toys on the jam rag!

It's for Daddy to decide to put toys on the jam rag, not you.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)
Is this about shark week sex?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:02, Reply)
Have you got a room you use for 'best'?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:43, Reply)
This ain't even overtime.
Just normal SDA.
:(
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:49, Reply)
I thought you were in wales
how do you have work?
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)
^ On. The. Sniff! ^

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:37, Reply)
She's back on the market!

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:38, Reply)
Have you chanhe from a fiver?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:40, Reply)
it's hard to get hold of halfpennies now

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:42, Reply)
I've got one on my desk, oddly enough.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:43, Reply)
Maybe your hands are just bigger than when you were a child.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)
I got an 1803 one from when I dug a pond.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)
That's minimum wage in York.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)

w
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:49, Reply)
i did an archaeology dig
I got very excited when I found a coin. Until I realised it was a 1973 1p
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:49, Reply)
I hope you found it under Petra's statue

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:50, Reply)
I wouldn't have minded getting hold of Jill Halfpenny in her younger days.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)
I saw her in abigail's party
She walked on stage; the ex said: MILF.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:53, Reply)

MILF bud-bud-ding-ding!
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:54, Reply)
That made me laugh far too much for someone whose abs hurt from the gym :(

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:55, Reply)
Sorry.
Have you been given the all clear from impending death yet?
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:56, Reply)
Yeah
But still have to go for scans and blood tests. Doom!
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:00, Reply)
To be fair to the nasty little pervert, if you google it, the image of her in that green dress is kind of annoying

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:54, Reply)
I tried but I can't see further than her dressed in ladies sexy undergarments.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:58, Reply)
This is a super slutty green halter neck maxi dress
I was hissing like a cat for much of the performance
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:01, Reply)
Of course I have no idea what you're talking about.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:02, Reply)

www.google.co.uk/search?q=Jill+halfpenny+abigails+party&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en&client=safari
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)
Not clicking.....classic cars...etc....

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:06, Reply)
^ bent ^

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:08, Reply)
I left, of course.
See, us Welshos can always dig ourselves to work when we need to.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)
well done
us english came and took your jobs
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:49, Reply)
I'm IN That England RIGHT NOW!
In ur country. Stealing ur beefs.
:D
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:58, Reply)
yeah, well you should see how I fucked your sheep

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)
Meh.
As long as you STAY ABOUT FROM MY PENGUINS!
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:38, Reply)
Fuck it, phoning out for a kebab. Last meat before vegi Tuesday.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:38, Reply)
Go to Iceland and get a kebab pizza.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:40, Reply)
That's a bit far, isn't it?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)
Is there hotdog in the crust?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)
Depends really.
I'd say Katona is a dog, others might call her hot.

The confused might say she's a hotdog.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)
I would.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:48, Reply)
^NOT this^

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:50, Reply)
Hello Toadface. Net you wojld Mr McDesparate.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:54, Reply)
Please use English dear.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:56, Reply)
In the real ale game, Hobgoblin pisses all over Bombardier. I piss all over my shoes.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:45, Reply)
I'm using it to look up recipes for lamb at the moment
It's very confusing. There is a lot of choice.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:56, Reply)
You pick your favourite, fluffy little sheep and then KILL IT.
And then cook it.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:57, Reply)
I was thinking more of a yoghurt marinade with a kick...

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:01, Reply)
Isn't that the Angry Pirate?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:02, Reply)
Just in case you plead ignorance
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=angry%20pirate
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:02, Reply)
Hey, I don't know what you get up to in brizzle

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)
Arr!

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)
Not very vegetarian is it? Next you'll be saying you don't believe in the baby Jesus.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:58, Reply)
I find bible bashers creepy and annoying

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:59, Reply)
That negativity is just the Jesus shaped whole in your heart begging to be filled by his everlasting love.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:01, Reply)
You are never ever getting laid again, are you?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:02, Reply)
I just don't know. I'm trying to remain positive, but between you and me, I can't see it happening.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)

I just don't know. I'm trying to remain positive, but

't
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:06, Reply)
Steady on!

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:07, Reply)
Even in Folkestone the women must have standards, jeffster

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:08, Reply)
I'm having to branch out for my hounding trips these days.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:10, Reply)
One minute you're an impotent nullo, the next a ravenous flange hound
Which is it? We need consistency.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:11, Reply)
It's pretty simple. By day I pretend I'm miserable, dumped and impotent.
By night I'm usually pissed, and pretend I talk to women, the truth lies somewhere in between.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:13, Reply)
You're batman aren't you?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:15, Reply)
her vegetarianism is reference quality

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:15, Reply)
The bloke likes meat
I like the bloke

Therefore I cook him meat. I don't eat the nasty shit myself!
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:24, Reply)
So you're an impotent sex pest.
Scooby Doo is less confused than you.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:15, Reply)
I'm watching people in the North celebrate the fact they shoplift.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:08, Reply)
Are you ANGRY yet?

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:18, Reply)
Nope.
Being six foot and sober, I'm not sure I can do angry.

Not properly, anyway.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:19, Reply)
Do bent instead, then.
should be easy for you.

Also, did you see this story today?
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:24, Reply)
I can't believe they excluded the 'and if you're lucky, you might meet JeffTheDogFucker' line.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:26, Reply)
I've met him THREE TIMES!
I should probably go and buy a lottery ticket or something.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:29, Reply)
Based on that, I think you've used up all of your luck.

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:30, Reply)
Based on that assumption
the next time I go to Bristol, I'll end up meeting Battered.
(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:31, Reply)
Bye

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:17, Reply)
Hello :D

(, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:56, Reply)

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