There's more activity in B3th's barren womb than there is here.
Why are you all so shit at the Internet?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:17, 147 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Alright mateypops,
We're mocking the odd looking nerds on University Challenge. Just thinking about grub too.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:21, Reply)

I may have a hair of the dog in a moment. I haven't had a hangover as bad as this for several years.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:24, Reply)

Sounds horrific.
Did Boyce make it to work today?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:25, Reply)

I assume so.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:26, Reply)

You cooked for Monty didn't you? How'd that go?
l
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:26, Reply)

Alright I think. Don't think I poisoned him. It was an excellent afternoon/ evening, which was completed by Live and Let Die and large Cuban cigars.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:28, Reply)

Live and Let Die
Sounds like the last 24 hours for you.

All the fun, all the pain.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:29, Reply)

Fucking cigar has ruined me. As well as stinking my house out. Don't normally smoke indoors.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:30, Reply)

hahaha
Hope the ex has no reason to pop round.

Get a magic tree, that'll sort it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:32, Reply)

I don't let her in the house.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:32, Reply)

UC always makes me think of the episode of the Young Ones where scumbag college played the poshos.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:27, Reply)

That's about the only episode that still stands up these days.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:47, Reply)

Yep. Alright son?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:48, Reply)

Aye. Basking in the glorious glow
of receiving a cheque for £117.95 towards the dog's treatment. That's £117.95 out of a total cost to us of just under 500 quid.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:51, Reply)

What's up with it?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:53, Reply)

It's dead, that's what's up with it.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:54, Reply)

To summarise:
Nasty lump in mouth turned out to be a tumour that was removed. Within 10 days tumour grows back, dog has another 3 weeks or so of being spoiled before decision is taken to put her to sleep. Insurance claim goes in; turns out there's £115 excess on the policy and they don't cover for home visits or euthanasia, despite the policy being called 'Covered for Life'.

TL;DR read the fucking small print in future and don't bother with insurance, but instead put a sum of money away each month to avoid massive excess payments.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:57, Reply)

Sorry man.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:02, Reply)

Yeah I sAw Tourette's FB post about it. Shit innit.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:00, Reply)

Not entirely unexpected tbh.
Insurance companies: paying out for as little as possible since (insert date here.) Still, some helpful advice coming through on the thread so who knows?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:03, Reply)

or you should have read your policy

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:06, Reply)

The policy document is remarkably lacking in information.
And has been constantly marketed as 'all singing and dancing'. The fact it's called covered for life is a misnomer as well; it only covers for death through illness up until 8 years of age.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:10, Reply)

Berk's idea was a good one.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:06, Reply)

Something about your mum giving me a biscuit.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:25, Reply)

and a freebie.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:32, Reply)

It's a bit late for a hair of the dog. What time were you boozing till?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:52, Reply)

Not late. Had micro today so I don't drink and parent, so hence why I'm only having a beverage now.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:00, Reply)

What ho.
How's your life threatening injuries doing?
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:05, Reply)

we're all hoping he doesn't make it

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:07, Reply)

Terrible. I think it may be terminal.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:07, Reply)

I'll book you a plot.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:08, Reply)

Thanks, but I want to be buried at sea.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:12, Reply)

Well I'm not dancing on your grave.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:13, Reply)

Want to share a dhingy?
We can drift and cough/vomit near the scene.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)

Yer then the sea will remember our phlegm like in homeopathy and Batty
will be brought back to life.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)

+i
Airportlolz
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:18, Reply)

fingers crossed

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:09, Reply)

Found a new black tie with the label on recently at the back of a drawer.
Can't remember if I bought it when someone was quite poorly or what
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:12, Reply)

cool story bro

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:18, Reply)

I'm watching BBC2
It's really quite depressing. Yet oddly interesting.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:19, Reply)

Walker is a twat.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:24, Reply)

The doner kebab pizza looks like the sort of shit AA would enjoy.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)

They also sell chicken tikka lasagne. FFS.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:31, Reply)

It's like the North in retail form.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)

it works surprisingly well as a takeaway meal

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)

STAY ABOUT FROM MY BARREN WOMB!

Anyone watching that programme on shoplifters on Channel 5? Guaranteed to make people ANGRY on the INTERNET.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)

I was going to watch that on plus one.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:26, Reply)

Dry, I hear.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:28, Reply)

Na. Iceland is on BBC 2.

Sad.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:26, Reply)

I watched a thing about clockwork automata
it was ace
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:27, Reply)

Did it have Dr Who and Mme de Pompadour in it?
Because I think I saw that one.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:30, Reply)

No, it was like that
only real life
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:35, Reply)

Mmmmmmm, david Tennant.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:37, Reply)

yum yum yum
(he wasn't in this program it was some old guy who left too big a gap between bits of sentences, although not like shatner)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:41, Reply)

I think most things would be improved by the inclusion of Shatner.


With the exception of my barren womb, obviously.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:42, Reply)

something about where no man has gone before

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:43, Reply)

Hahahaha
^this.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)

You say automata....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)

you say tomato
...that wasn't a very good engineering project
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:37, Reply)

Not really, no

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:38, Reply)

are YOU watching the pikey robbers on Channel 5?
It's painting the North east in a surprisingly bad light.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)

Too stuck into work
:o(
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:06, Reply)

You should watch it later.
It's all 'gan' this, and 'gadjee' that...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:08, Reply)

watching The Naked Gun

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)

Because I, I, I have WORK to do.
:D
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:29, Reply)

Alright the LOVELY stuj?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:32, Reply)

Aye The LOVELIER Battered
you?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)

this^
:o(

I'm fucking bored of overtime now but we require a stair carpet
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:34, Reply)

Are you a weaver?

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:38, Reply)

of dreams
Dreams of a newly carpetted stair, instead of the blood red monstrousity we were left with when we moved in
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:39, Reply)

How manky.
No wonder you're overtimimg.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:45, Reply)

I can imagine the conversation with SportsCalf
What have I told you about leaving toys on the jam rag!

It's for Daddy to decide to put toys on the jam rag, not you.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)

Is this about shark week sex?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:02, Reply)

Have you got a room you use for 'best'?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:43, Reply)

This ain't even overtime.
Just normal SDA.
:(
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:49, Reply)

I thought you were in wales
how do you have work?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)

^ On. The. Sniff! ^

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:37, Reply)

She's back on the market!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:38, Reply)

Have you chanhe from a fiver?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:40, Reply)

it's hard to get hold of halfpennies now

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:42, Reply)

I've got one on my desk, oddly enough.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:43, Reply)

Maybe your hands are just bigger than when you were a child.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)

I got an 1803 one from when I dug a pond.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)

That's minimum wage in York.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)

w
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:49, Reply)

i did an archaeology dig
I got very excited when I found a coin. Until I realised it was a 1973 1p
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:49, Reply)

I hope you found it under Petra's statue

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:50, Reply)

I wouldn't have minded getting hold of Jill Halfpenny in her younger days.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)

I saw her in abigail's party
She walked on stage; the ex said: MILF.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:53, Reply)

MILF bud-bud-ding-ding!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:54, Reply)

That made me laugh far too much for someone whose abs hurt from the gym :(

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:55, Reply)

Sorry.
Have you been given the all clear from impending death yet?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:56, Reply)

Yeah
But still have to go for scans and blood tests. Doom!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:00, Reply)

To be fair to the nasty little pervert, if you google it, the image of her in that green dress is kind of annoying

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:54, Reply)

I tried but I can't see further than her dressed in ladies sexy undergarments.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:58, Reply)

This is a super slutty green halter neck maxi dress
I was hissing like a cat for much of the performance
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:01, Reply)

Of course I have no idea what you're talking about.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:02, Reply)

www.google.co.uk/search?q=Jill+halfpenny+abigails+party&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en&client=safari
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)

Not clicking.....classic cars...etc....

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:06, Reply)

^ bent ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:08, Reply)

I left, of course.
See, us Welshos can always dig ourselves to work when we need to.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)

well done
us english came and took your jobs
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:49, Reply)

I'm IN That England RIGHT NOW!
In ur country. Stealing ur beefs.
:D
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:58, Reply)

yeah, well you should see how I fucked your sheep

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)

Meh.
As long as you STAY ABOUT FROM MY PENGUINS!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:38, Reply)

Fuck it, phoning out for a kebab. Last meat before vegi Tuesday.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:38, Reply)

Go to Iceland and get a kebab pizza.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:40, Reply)

That's a bit far, isn't it?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)

Is there hotdog in the crust?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)

Depends really.
I'd say Katona is a dog, others might call her hot.

The confused might say she's a hotdog.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)

I would.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:48, Reply)

^NOT this^

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:50, Reply)

Hello Toadface. Net you wojld Mr McDesparate.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:54, Reply)

Please use English dear.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:56, Reply)

In the real ale game, Hobgoblin pisses all over Bombardier. I piss all over my shoes.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:45, Reply)

I'm using it to look up recipes for lamb at the moment
It's very confusing. There is a lot of choice.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:56, Reply)

You pick your favourite, fluffy little sheep and then KILL IT.
And then cook it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:57, Reply)

I was thinking more of a yoghurt marinade with a kick...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:01, Reply)

Isn't that the Angry Pirate?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:02, Reply)

Just in case you plead ignorance
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=angry%20pirate
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:02, Reply)

Hey, I don't know what you get up to in brizzle

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)

Arr!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)

Not very vegetarian is it? Next you'll be saying you don't believe in the baby Jesus.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:58, Reply)

I find bible bashers creepy and annoying

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:59, Reply)

That negativity is just the Jesus shaped whole in your heart begging to be filled by his everlasting love.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:01, Reply)

You are never ever getting laid again, are you?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:02, Reply)

I just don't know. I'm trying to remain positive, but between you and me, I can't see it happening.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)

I just don't know. I'm trying to remain positive, but

't
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:06, Reply)

Steady on!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:07, Reply)

Even in Folkestone the women must have standards, jeffster

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:08, Reply)

I'm having to branch out for my hounding trips these days.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:10, Reply)

One minute you're an impotent nullo, the next a ravenous flange hound
Which is it? We need consistency.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:11, Reply)

It's pretty simple. By day I pretend I'm miserable, dumped and impotent.
By night I'm usually pissed, and pretend I talk to women, the truth lies somewhere in between.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:13, Reply)

You're batman aren't you?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:15, Reply)

her vegetarianism is reference quality

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:15, Reply)

The bloke likes meat
I like the bloke

Therefore I cook him meat. I don't eat the nasty shit myself!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:24, Reply)

So you're an impotent sex pest.
Scooby Doo is less confused than you.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:15, Reply)

I'm watching people in the North celebrate the fact they shoplift.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:08, Reply)

Are you ANGRY yet?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:18, Reply)

Nope.
Being six foot and sober, I'm not sure I can do angry.

Not properly, anyway.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:19, Reply)

Do bent instead, then.
should be easy for you.

Also, did you see this story today?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:24, Reply)

I can't believe they excluded the 'and if you're lucky, you might meet JeffTheDogFucker' line.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:26, Reply)

I've met him THREE TIMES!
I should probably go and buy a lottery ticket or something.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:29, Reply)

Based on that, I think you've used up all of your luck.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:30, Reply)

Based on that assumption
the next time I go to Bristol, I'll end up meeting Battered.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:31, Reply)

Bye

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:17, Reply)

Hello :D

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:56, Reply)